thomasellery Reviews

Friday the 13th (1980)

Ki ki ki ma ma marvelous

[9/10 · 29 March 2024]

First lesson at summer camp - context. Of course it looks a bit cheap it was made on a very low budget, of course it seems generic, it's the template that got copied. If you haven't got that information in your backpack then you need to head back to the city.

Okay for the rest of you as keen as Annie to get going let's review this flick.

Firstly I need to get my retro crush out the way, as I really like the look of this pic. There is something about that darker with just a tiny hint of grain film that adds to the mood of these things. It brings out a faded deepness in the colours and shades I guess and the location, (which in itself is nice to look at), really brings this look out. Mix this in with 80's fashion, some actually really beautiful shots and you have a little nugget of early 80's.

I think I saw somewhere most of the cast were rounded up from New York, which I think helps as they seem less Hollywood and more kids (lets suspend our disbelief on their ages) next-door. Nobody has been glammed up and although they're the pretty ones, they're still slobbing out and relaxed about it all.

Nobody does a bad job at acting either, (except maybe that waitress in the Diner, is she meant to come across a bit weird?). I mean they're not given emotionally meaty material to work with, but they make what they've got believable and they do seem like a gang that would hang out.

The show stealer of course is Betsy. This is one, "Karen", you don't want to cross. Her wholesome cookie has just cracked craziness is awesome and she launches herself like a cage fighter into those wrestling moments.

As part of Generation X, I had heard the hype but pre internet life didn't ruin the twist, so even though I caught this in the mid 90's, I got my ohhh moment, and as far as slasher films go, its a pretty good ohh and still a fairly unique killer, especially when you are really expecting it to be the star of the franchise - and lets just say on my first viewing, I nearly peed my pants when they showed up in this one. I had no idea that was coming.

The kills and the gore are fake, but good fake. Nobody actually looks like an axe is impailed in their head, but it's good enough to get the, "ohhhh they just got it" going and they're defiantly way better than most low budget kills.

Our final girl isn't just a wet fish either. She's done with her strip poker, flirting with the boss and smoking her pot and is pretty sensible and resourceful. I mean she starts with wanting to call the police and just getting the hell out of there and when that fails she ups the Girl Scout by using anything she has around her.

Of course the music is the final touch and is so set in pop culture stone it's now iconic. Like the Halloween it copied, without the music it probably wouldn't work.

Watching today, well it was old when I first caught it, now it's even older, I guess it's in the horror history category. I like to think of it as the one that started the trash in the slash.

Horror / slasher fans who come to the genre and don't mind old school production values will enjoy this, a majority of them are there for old school vibe anyway. Casual modern viewers may find it a bit lame, but if you compare it to some of the slashers churned out decades later, it's really not that bad, it does have a bit of substance.

For me its one of those films that's now become like a music album, where I can bung it on as background noise, but will still stop to watch a few moments, or I can sit and watch the whole thing through and still enjoy it.

So I guess my review is a bit biased as its become one of those flicks that kind of attaches and weaves into your life and gets played every couple of months or so. Then again that seems to be the case for this film and franchise across all generations, for a lot of people, so that says a lot about its longevity.

When Time Ran Out... (1980)

When ideas ran out

[3/10 · 8 March 2024]

Let's face it, this flick is the disaster movie genre's walk of shame. They've had their fun throughout the 70's, now it's time to stumble back home looking like a complete mess and falling flat on their face.

It's a shame that such an ensemble of actors only got a daytime tv drama loosely following The Poseidon Adventure to work with. The two that were actually in The Poseidon Adventure, must have been thinking they'd been here before.

What a waste of those two as well, what a waste of everybody. You have the leading man already known to heroically swoop people from a burning skyscraper, give him more than a wooden bridge to step up to as a challenge , for Inferno's sake!

Talking of that bridge, it feels like it takes them half the movie to cross it and they've only just spent what felt like half the movie again shuffling across a ledge, so yeah it drags even in the, "exciting bits".

The effects are cheap and fake looking, even for the time and I swear the proximity of the volcano changes throughout the film, it's like it's slowly sneaking up on the hotel.

There's not even a campiness or iconic character in there to at least allow it the dignity of being a so bad it's good cult movie and this is coming from someone who watches The Swarm every few years for entertainment.

Disaster movie completists only for this one I think, (I'm one of them), basically it's the scraps of its predecessors pressed together and hoping for the best. The most entertaining bit about it is spotting the bits borrowed from other films.

The Golden Child (1986)

Mid 80's video store shelf filler

[5/10 · 5 March 2024]

I always remember seeing Eddy Murphy's smile beaming at me from the cover of this movie, for a few years, in the local video rental joint and that's where this movie perfectly sits, in a 1985 VHS

Outside of that, I guess it works as a little time capsule example of when movies were churned out with the production values of the A-Team, with your vigilante hero, wandering about the oh so Hollywood backstreets of either New York or Los Angeles. Just add some carefully, curated, graffiti and some hard rock music in the background and boom we are in the, "tough ghetto".

Seriously though, what is it with that music? They use it everywhere in this movie. They really thought that the kind of track that you would have in a cop chase works for the Tibetan monks. Half the time it doesn't even match the pace. It's just used to indicate everything is a bit gritty and it doesn't work.

Eddie is just on instructions here to play it like Beverly Hills cop, whilst they add a bit of supernatural and special effects, which in their defence aren't actually too bad.

Its the 80s though, so, despite this being a mishmash of comedy and investigative case, there still needs to be a few punches a bit of excessive violence and some carefully choreographed fight scenes.

Overall, it plods along okay and it's more a movie that you would have on in the background than really focus on. I wouldn't go out of my way to watch it unless you are Eddie Murphy completist The are better films of this type out there, but there's also a ton of movies that are exactly like this out there so if this is your thing I guess you'll like it. But it's all a bit too generic studio production, mid 80s rental fodder for my liking.

Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)

Colonial respectability collapses under nature's mysteries

[9/10 · 14 February 2024]

A classical twist to the Ozploitation fad of the 70's, this film has had me mesmerised since I first caught it on TV 20 years ago.

Like a romanticised Victorian chocolate box cover come to life. This film oozes a hazy dreamy style of virginal giggles and stunning outback scenery. Perfectly fitting for a Valentine's picnic.

However like the heart shaped cake, we have a lot of layers to cut through, under that icing thin veneer of Victorian respectability.

This is where the film has fascinated and slightly haunted me all these years. For some this film will seem to go nowhere, without conclusion. For me the myriad of possibilities, social critiques and subliminal supernatural blend into a conclusion for a viewer, but always a mystery to its characters.

Watching the rigid structure and pomp of the British, (mainly), class structure, slowly flake away, as it clashes with the wild outback where nature has its own rules, is a pleasure as its symbolically served up.

Add the hauntingly clashing synth type soundtrack to up our supernatural unnerving, whilst watches stop and people recall bright lights above them for our next layer.

Cutting through to lesbian and gay undertones, which Ive never seen as queer coded, but obviously there, hidden by the characters themselves to avoid social shame.

And finally notions of fate and destiny which contradict or have yet to be connected to scientific and mathematical thought as our philosophical last taste.

All this wrapped in the sad tale of Sarah. Trapped in the walls of the school where she is not wanted or belongs and Mrs Appleyard's hatred of all she represents giving us a, "smashing", ending.

Its the oddities of what really happened to the girls dotted amongst a baffled cast whose time period could barely comprehend where they would have gone that gives me romanticised chills, its the queer secrets and social critique that keeps me interested and its the gorgeously lit lace trimmed look that keeps me visually happy.

This film isn't going to be for everyone, there are a lot of paths, a lot of themes and a lot of symbolic hidden clues as to what's going on, but as our cast never get a definite answer so will some of its viewers - one for people who like a good deconstruction.

Ulysse 31 (1981–1982)

Annoying blue thing in retro cool Ancient Greece sci-fi mash up

[8/10 · 3 February 2024]

As this was always squeezed between the likes of Scooby Doo and Bugs Bunny on tv when I was a kid, this cartoon seemed kind of serious, dark and I hate to say a bit boring to my pre pubescent brain.

However it was one of those shows I distinctly remembered decades later, could still sing the theme tune to and never did find out what happened in the end.

A retro restoration geek, YouTube and plenty of lockdown spare time all combined for a complete revisit from episode one to the unknown end and boy it was a complete blessing to quarantined life and I still watch it now.

It was mainly the style and design that kept me watching, it's oozing those Daft Punk animated music video vibes! When something retro looks exactly like or even better than those trying to mimic it decades later, you know you have a design classic.

For its visuals, think animee made for westerners with a Buck Roger's meets Star Wars idea of space future, oddly imaginative details and darkly arty style for the ancient gods twist. Yes there's that much going on!

It's actually more watchable as an adult, yes there's obvious kid bits and that blue thing always screeching, " my brother", is really annoying, but it sticks with being plot based rather than slapstick and the mythology it's based on, has some pretty grown up themes and philosophy. This probably explains why as kid I didn't quite get it.

Basically this is perfect for a manchild mood. Where you want to relive that sneaking downstairs early on a Saturday morning to watch cartoons feeling, but can justify it with something a little more grown up and use the excuse that it's a design classic. (Personally I've woken up really early on a Saturday, had a little 420 and put it on for beautiful background visuals / noise, whilst I do things like write this and have little moments of being a kid again).

Oh and I did find out what happened in the end, this is no Dungeon's and Dragons, it actually has one! Also I find Ulysses kinda hot, which weirds me out a bit.

The Cassandra Crossing (1976)

The longest build up to three minutes of disaster.

[6/10 · 28 January 2024]

Take a handful of old Hollywood greats and squeeze them in with as many actors as you can on some mode of transport and have them hurtling towards twisted metal change, a staple in the 70's disaster movie boom.

This time it's a European train's turn to hurl its passengers about, as they fight off bubonic plague, drug addicted hostage takers and government orders to kill them all. Yes this one is as over the top as it sounds and stopping at every dramatic station it can think off.

The thing is, for a disaster movie, we don't get any disaster until the train pulls up (or plummets in this case) at the last stop. Even then it's a brief few minutes of cheap effects, even by 70's standards.

Until then we are riding a soap opera of twist and turns, with soft focus close ups on ageing stars and sub plots to give all our characters some melodramatic lines.

Yet it's still entertaining enough. Think day time soap opera, held hostage by arm guards with an impending sense of 70's disaster movie doom.

It's refreshing to have a European back drop on one of these things, even if a majority of the cast are American and the let's crash the train to create a government cover up gives it a unique angle from your usual shake em about job.

Yet it's also so hammy, cheesy and "Hollywood" that it's doesn't seem this could happen or these people would exist anywhere outside of a movie.

The music is good, The Swiss doctor has a great cardigan and the dog lives! It's no Towering Inferno but it's not as bad as When Time Ran Out.

70's disaster movie fans only on this one I think - everything about it is 70's disaster movie but just made cheesy.

The Covenant (2006)

Shirtless swimmers in supernatural shizzle

[2/10 · 13 January 2024]

Look it's basically like a David Dakota movie given an actual plot and budget. Well I say plot, more storyline, but you get the gist.

I'm pretty sure we are tapping into that little shirtless supernatural phase that put Dante's Cove on TV for they gay guys, but this time its queer coded so they can market the teenage girl audience with it.

It's a lame early morning teen channel movie, given some Abercrombie and Fitch muscle, its aesthetic cast is its selling point and it knows it, the rest is just padding.

Go watch The Craft instead. Go watch a David Dakota movie (can you really call them that?) instead! Both are better than combining the two.

Graduation Day (1981)

One for the 420 n slasher chillers

[7/10 · 29 December 2023]

Look this one is getting a fairly high score from me as it ticks all the retro slasher geek boxes for a lazy n hazy watch. It's a niche score for a niche group of viewers.

Let's just check that list -

Definitely in the 1980's Small town America retro streets n shops Based around a holiday / event Loose revenge plot for the killer Flash of boobs The clothes still definitely making sure it's 80's Guys in short shorts Sexual harassment just seen as everyday life Novel signature killing habit The ending after the ending that's just a dream The off screened to death death No matter how you're killed you will bleed out your mouth

Yup it's all there.

On top that we have the funkiest opening song in horror, an outrageous bit of slapstick to finish off our killer and gays you're gonna loooove the girls giggling around the piano.

The editing is all over the place, but in a good way, if you love a montage and they throw in some weird shots, so a visual mess, but great if you've had a little "smoke" before hand.

Overall it's one of the better ones of the worse ones from the slasher boom. There's a few actual good bits, it's away from your usual slumber party / summer camp and the bad bits are what makes it good.

Salem's Lot (1979)

70's Lot do old school vampires.

[6/10 · 14 November 2023]

Let's face it, even if you have a nostalgic bias or are just a fan of retro pop culture, we all know if this was released today, it would be pretty laughable.

Firstly this film just ooozes 1970's, so for me it's just fun to watch the cars, outfits and decor of the time. David Soul's flared jeans never felt so at home.

The plot does keep you engaged with story and it's not that, that is slow paced. It's the length of each scene, they really drag out every clip and maybe it's just me but everyone seems to be speaking really slowly with it.

The horror level is almost at zero, but things like spooky kids scratching at the window still hit an iconic creepy note and our main vampire is a nice retro throwback to black and white blood suckers.

James Mason is superb. His delivery of polite sarcasm is wonderfully dry. His look of sophisticated disapproval alone, makes me believe he can barely tolerate these people.

There's is however, either a bit to much going on with the subplots or they did a bad job fitting it all together, I'm not sure which, but either way it can also seem a bit, well bitty.

If you're in the mood for cheesy at it's best and can appreciate old school effects for what they are you're not going to have to bad a time. You can also easily watch this whilst doing something else and just pause for the cool bits.

The Stepford Wives (1975)

Camp cult classic with spotless chills

[8/10 · 14 November 2023]

Etched into pop culture, the term Stepford Wife is still thrown around today, for those who seek magazine spread domestic perfection and the original film is a firm favourite of any camp classic cult movie fan.

However this one stands out a little from your average cheesy 70's horror thriller and its premise of something so sinister hiding in suburbia, is a little bit creepy.

Although I find them slightly comedic, I just adore the wives when they are in full 50's housewife mode, "I'll just die if I don't get this recipe" and "Joanna how could you do a thing like that", being firm favourite quotes for any gay movie geek.

I think it's the contrast with this and Joanna actually playing it terrified straight, that makes the film both oddly unsettling and a little bit hammy (in a good way)

The plot is actually pretty good and although its a slower paced build up, I kinda like how that reflects the sleepy nature of the town, I also like that this horror takes the unusual step of things mainly taking place in daylight, (I use the term horror loosely, but it just about fits into that category).

The ending always leaves me feeling a little bit sad, but is also wonderfully iconic and the music that plays us out is really haunting and very 70's.

Paula and Katherine and wonderful, who wouldn't want Bobby as a neighbour?! And it's the contrast of their great performance of characters, well full of character, turning into a deadpan joke of the perfect housewife by retro advertising standards that really pulls this movie off.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

420: A Space Odyssey more like

[8/10 · 9 November 2023]

I'll confess I have never seen this film unless I have had a little smoke before hand, but it's so slow paced, feeling far longer than it's actual run time, I don't think I could make it to the end without it!

Don't get me wrong I love this movie it's like being on the edge of fascination and boredom at the same time, but so hypnotic that I love the ride.

You can space out on the visuals, have a little think about the themes, look for the correct predictions of the future, (try not to freak yourself out wondering if AI is going to go all HAL on us), and if it's your thing the guys look pretty good running around in short shorts.

There is still very much a retro feel to this film, even though it defiantly pulls off the futuristic, the flight attendants and video home calls are smothered in the late 1960's idea of midcentury modern in space, but I love that.

The metaphors are easy to spot and interpret and the, "life questioning", themes are nothing you haven't discussed sat on your mates beanbag when you were 17 , but what's wrong with making answers we can never really know and questions we can only ask a bit simple, so we can sit back and soak up the style?

That intermission is there to go smoke another one, I highly suggest it to enjoy the light show after.

Fire in the Sky (1993)

The aliens are abducted from most of the film

[2/10 · 5 November 2023]

I thought I was going to be watching something a little Mulder and Scully, but a good 3/4 of this film is nothing more than lumberjack, "bros", under stress and small-town melodrama.

It's basically a generic Hollywood representation of a bunch of male manual workers, so the emotional depth here is reduced to just shouting lines at each other and everything becoming almost a fist fight.

This gets tiresome real quick, especially as the entire cast replace acting with loudness and the script offers little more than someone screaming something to say they either don't know where he is, they are not lying or that they are in this together (bro).

Even the, "return", mainly ignores the main point of the film and focuses more on going right back to normal, including a wholesome small town welcome back party, where nobody seems interested in the main guest at all and he is free to wonder off and crawl under a table without anyone noticing for a while.

This is where we get the jarring flashback scene, that's unlike any of the rest of the movie, and a taster of exactly the type of thing you thought you'd be watching, but its to little to late and is left as an isolated scene, as we go right back to out abductee sorting out his life and friendship, ( also was I the only one thinking there's some secret gay love affair tension going on).

One star for the table torture scene, the only sci-fi scary five minuets on offer and one for the location, (I like tree filled mountains) - other than that there's nothing other than guitar twangs, (the sound track is awful), a bunch of guys bulging in their jeans and something about an alien abduction, maybe.

Curse of the Pink Panther (1983)

This retro reboot isn't that bad

[6/10 · 4 November 2023]

My review is probably softer than most, as I haven't seen a Pink Panther film in a few years now, so I'm not here to play the comparison game with Peter.

Obviously even my casual viewing of the previous films can see they are trying to copy a lot of the elements of the original formula, bringing back an ensemble of the old casts, with basically an American version of Clouseau, but at least it's got a story that flows well enough and ties up the, "where did he go" loose ends.

Maybe I was just in the right mood for watching this or maybe there is just enough bits and bobs holding this together to make this pleasant, (not great, just pleasant), viewing.

Great locations / backdrops, a cast of British national treasures, retro early 80's vibes and I even liked that Sleigh wasn't a complete carbon copy and a has little bit of intelligence about him.

There's not much in the way of laughs, more smirks, although I did actually find the blow up woman segment really funny, (I may have had a little 420 before viewing to help there!)

Appreciate it for a little miss mash of effort it is, I mean at least they tried, there's Roger in his Bond era still, some pretty nifty stunts in the down hill car chase and some of the sets are lovely.

Ted Wass is fine as your poor mans Chevy Chase, a little on the handsome side as well, he just had to live in the shadow of Peter, so was always going to fail in comparison.

Treat it as a little stand alone film and watch as a mild background distraction and you'll see it's not that bad really.

Videodrome (1983)

Cult art house retro future gore with no soul

[5/10 · 28 October 2023]

The idea of it and for lots of us, even the memory of watching it once years ago, will have you thinking that this ticks every box on the great cult classic list.

On a 20 year gap rewatch, it turns out it doesn't.

Sure there's your weird iconic moments, like getting it on with a pulsating TV, multi layered conspiracy theories, a pop culture legend in a rare film appearance and body v technology gore.

BUT there's also a sole-less monotone level of acting across the board and somehow, despite the unique plot and bizarre events it just seems to drag a little bit longer after each twist.

It's one of those films that will endure, because the debate around it is bigger and more interesting than film itself.

It offers a lot for the art house buffs to discuss; at which point did Videodrome kick in, was Nikki ever real, does it represent the paranoia of the aids crisis, do right wingers manipulate us hiding in plain site? The list of debatable ideas mixed up in this movie is endless, particularly now we can ask has this predicted our present and future?

Yet step outside this dinner party conversation mindset and you're left with characters you don't particularly care about and film that's not really going anywhere that interesting.

Obsessive dark human cravings, for constantly increasing stimulating gratification, is something our main character gets, but the audience doesn't.

I wanted to like it more, but everything I did like could be squeezed into a, "best bits", YouTube clip with a run time of ten minutes.

Overall a bit of 420 is recommended before viewing! Enjoy the weird bits, even enjoy the afterthoughts of what it all means and even though you'll probably stick around to the end, you'll probably won't really enjoy the entire journey.

Bonus star added for Blondie goes brunette once she's been droned and needs you to come to Nikki - not sure if that's just because it's Blondie or she oozes presence in those scenes, but I like it.

April Fool's Day (1986)

Sunday afternoon / sleepover "slasher"

[7/10 · 26 October 2023]

Okay horror fans, let's get this clear, we are not on Jason and Michael levels here, think more Agatha Christie meets teen drama, having a little fun playing with the slasher genre.

If you're expecting gore and chase scenes, switch off now and go stream something more, "summer camp". If you like your horror at all levels, even at the very mild end, carry on.

There is something about this film, that has me back for a rewatch every couple of years or so and aside from the nostalgia it brings, I still find its a nice little enjoyable watch each time.

The cast are clearly having a lot of fun and theres obviously a lot of friendly chemistry going on with the group, which I think is one of the key things that holds this film together, I don't doubt that these people would hang out on a weekend together.

Aside from the title aiding it to pop up on horror seasonal "to watch" lists, the plot is still original and well thought out enough to have an audience decades later.

The whodunnit, disappearing one by one, with little PG 13 slasher nods to keep it competitive in the 80's teen market, works like a charm. Just don't overthink things or a few well timed coincidences and little plot holes is going to spoil your fun. (Also let's try and ignore the fact, that some of the more personal tricks are kinda to nasty for someone to then go on and help M/Buffy pull this off)

The final act still has your twist ending, (12 year old me didn't figure out so I'm glad I got the "ohhh" moment), you even have your final jump scare, "killers back" at the end, but for a slasher with a body count of 0 and ends, rather than starts, with everyone partying in the cabin, getting drunk and having a good time, its a cute little ride.

On a side note as there are no boobs or nudity it's okay to say we have an attractive cast here right? Horror has a massive gay audience, pretty boys always helps!

Infini (2015)

The film infected itself halfway through

[4/10 · 8 October 2023]

This film actually starts out ok and its lower budget still pulls off a space station, but even though it has a good plot premise and story idea to run with, they don't. Half maybe even 3/4 of the film just flips about fight scenes.

Basically we have a rescue crew beamed to a remote space station, infected with a parasite that will drive you into a murdering self harming frenzy. Our surviving hero is readily waiting as he fights off infection with thoughts of family and love, (yeah it's that kinda movie) and a handy unknown fellow survivor waiting to attack to infect them all.

You'd think they would go down the Alien or The Thing route and have them picked off one by one and just when it looks like it might go this way, boom infect a whole bunch of them in one go and just let the rest of the movie be a bunch of bloody duals between the lot of them.

That's really all there is to it and I can assure you, the chopping the fight scenes up so there are ten or so seconds missing between each cut to indicate they are "crazy" gets old real quick and when this is used to pad out the movie for way to long in some scenes it just become down right boring.

The acting is okay for what they had to work with (shouting one liners at each other), and the fighting itself is both a bit ridiculous and very staged.

Skip this one, it's not sci-fi or horror and basically in the group infection scene, the film was also infected and the parasite ate its own plot and pace.

If I am honest I only made it to the end because the guys are attractive and in tight shirts.

Jason X (2001)

Jason's Sci-Fi Channel horror spoof

[6/10 · 7 October 2023]

For me this is a mixed bag of a movie. The Friday the 13th fan in me loves the self awareness, but overall it looks cheap without much substance.

Jason has come back so many times by now, that thawing him out on a space ship way in the future, is something I can get on board with in this universe. Besides it gives Friday a chance to join that weird horror niche of having a sequel in space.

Thankfully there are no leprauchauns running around this ship and although we are not cruising towards Manhattan, there is a class full of teens on board.

Isolated future teens premise established, time to thaw out Jason and past final girl for an uber upgrade and stepping up to be Sigourney switch.

Space machete in hand, the kills are a mixed bag. Some are iconic, looking at you smashed frozen head. Some are pop culture's wet dream, thank you virtual reality 1980's girls, but most feel like Jason really just wants to take the day off and isn't putting the effort in.

Some of the acting and script is pretty bad, even by Friday's standards, but then you have some really good performances, (I got total android with human touch vibes), and funny, self aware one liners. It's like this movie wants to prove the theory, that for every positive action there is an opposite negative reaction.

Overall, for me this is one of those movies that I'll half watch as either part of a Friday-athon or October Halloween movie countdown, but wouldn't watch anywhere outside of this, so probably really only one for the fans.

If the movie was as great as the best bits that I YouTube every now and then, then this would be a firm favourite of the franchise, but most of it, is just to, "meh", to make it much good.

Most Haunted (2002–2019)

Late night tv for stoners

[5/10 · 3 July 2023]

You know what, I'm giving five stars purely for the fact that Yvette and co really milked an idea and made it a complete success, despite most of its audience finding it a hysterical farce.

I can remember watching it back in the day, usually a little tipsy after a night of partying and ripping it to bits with my housemates, so when it popped up on Prime's freeview I thought I'd revisit for the memories.

I might be a little more middle aged than my first viewing, but I'm still gonna say a little 420 is probably needed to watch this - and I'm certainly glad I did.

Blue Peter presenter turned goth ghost Hunter and Derek's scouse accent splitting out random dates and names he's managed to remember, from the guide book of the castle he's stumbling around, what's not to enjoy mocking here?

I completely forgot about Derek's random possessions and boy am I glad I had some 420 for that, they're comedy gold.

The rest is just padding from various crew members, "feeling a chill" , Yvette asking everyone repeatedly, "did you hear that" and dust particles labelled as "light anomalies" floating about.

Yet despite all this, they got the look, design and overall vibe of a ghost Hunter tv show bang on. This is the liquid gold of paranormal reality tv.

Those who want to believe will lap this up, those who find it funny, won't be able to spot the difference between this and the French and Saunders parody (seriously you could splice that clip into the show and you wouldn't notice!)

Basically this show is either for complete ghost believing fanatics or old time stoners like me that like a bit of cult retro that's so bad it's awesome every now and then.

The Poseidon Adventure (1972)

Soap Opera at sea turned upside down

[8/10 · 1 July 2023]

This film was retro when I watched it as a kid in the 80's. Four decades on from that and it's now entering movie history territory.

Pre cgi it's practical effects are sometimes triumphant over todays technological witchcraft, I mean they're actually flooding a ballroom full of people, how more real do you want it? Yet model boats and a bit to "film setty" parts fall a little flat for 21st century viewing.

There's a touch of day time soap opera characterisation to the cast, but that's part of its charm. There's no ex navy submariner that just happens to be on board, (I'm looking at you remake), or action hero muscle man to lead the way, (that's a nod to you Sylvester "Daylight" Stallone), it's a bunch of quirky, mouthy and sometimes comedic average folk, spurred on by a priest asking them to push through and fight their way out.

Yes sometimes it's a bit old school scripted, but in reality, personalities wouldn't just switch off, humour is used as a way to cope and everyone here has a "I can't do it" moment. They're thrown upside down, thrown together and bicker and squabble their way up each level, yet fiercely stick together to survive. Personally although still a little "Hollywood" I find them more realistic than most disaster movie ensembles.

The plot has enough introduction so we get to know our cast, but doesn't take so long that you find yourself waiting for the tipping moment. After that it's a good pace, helped by each deck of the ship climbed, becoming another "level" of the story and where it stands out from other disaster movies is that it does start killing off characters you've started to like, ones you would normally expect to survive til the end credits.

Overall you're never gonna stop me watching this every New Year's Eve. Shelly and Stella will forever remain the gay icons of the disaster movie, (this film is still a cult favourite for the gays), I'm still impressed they got these actors to be physically swept along corridors full of water and every single time I see it, I still want that man to just hang on in there and not plummet into the chandelier.

Movies are getting old, don't judge it solely on todays production values, in a couple of decades they're gonna mock just how over the top and unrealistic some of todays cgi is (they already do for 90's films), it's the ones with something more about them than effects that still get watched and talked about and this is one of them. (Plus let's not forget this one is the template for all disaster flicks that followed)

Coma (1978)

Stylised chase scenes / Soap opera love story

[7/10 · 18 June 2023]

Very minor spoilers.

I like this film, I own this film, I rewatch it every couple of years or so, but only as a "background movie", it's half hour or so to long on a rewatch, but in its defence, on a first watch, for some, that half hour really helps build up the tension.

The conspiracy theory idea, is actually quite clever, certainly something that "could be taking place" today still and pretty unique in its premise.

For me there's a period between about 1978 - 1982 where the garishness of both decades is missing from films and everything has a fairly sleek, sophisticated, "retro future", look. So a major factor for my personal liking of this film, is the look of the Jefferson Institute; the Bond lair of hospitals.

Elizabeth Ashley's performance as the robotic Stepford Nurse / harsh organ trader, is also another soft spot I have. Anyone who likes a camp cult classic villainess type character will love her!

As this was made around the peek of women's lib, there's a little to much of this pushed, but on the whole it's effective, does highlight patriarchal structure well, it's just the "love story" side of it that's a bit forced in, but the love story side seems that in itself anyways.

Over all it's a good thriller, with a nice little plot unravelling, it draws out and doesn't do well on the relationship side, but the chase scenes although long, look so cool and I really like the general idea and premises of the story.

Not sure if this one is for everyone, you've gotta like a slightly more retro style of filmmaking, appreciate cinematography a little and be willing to take your time to watch the clues get solved to get it I think.

In the Shadow of the Moon (2019)

Wish I could time travel to tell myself not to watch this.

[3/10 · 22 January 2023]

Everything about this movie was generic, which is ironic as it could have been a fairly original idea.

Guessed the twist at the end of the first act, it's a pretty easy one if you've seen any movie remotely like this. Even guessed the guy would have a disheveled beard by act three. I've see. Enough films to see all the usual formulaic blah, to coast right through all of this film with nothing original jumping out at me.

The trailer promised me a twisty intelligent blade runner meets terminator type adventure. I actually got your usual cop story running a little backwards and an ending that just sort of fizzled out with a quick hallmark movie type chat and a quick shoves Of the "here's the moral of the film".

They could have shown the time ripple of each death, they could have been more in depth and used their "moral" to darken things, they could have had a detective who kept it together. Then again he was the only successful metaphor, the more he fell apart the more the film did.

Also stop having every single police station talk like some overdramatic cop show, nobody talks like that.

Scrooge: A Christmas Carol (2022)

Not all bah humbug

[7/10 · 12 December 2022]

Firstly I need to clarify that the muppets own this story in celluloid format, doesn't mean there can't be others, but if you can still make a film annually rewatchable, despite Michael Cain's lame performance, then that's pure magic.

Back to this film, I'm doing this from an adult perspective and let's just say I'm glad I relaxed into this one with a little 420 - there's enough colour and sparkle to keep you a little transfixed.

The animation itself at times really annoyed me, mainly due to its consistency, when everything full throttle, time cracking and neon blazing it all works really well. When it's Victorian London goes broadway not so much.

I'm not sure if it was my eyes, but the style seemed to constantly change from almost classic cartoon like to early morning kids tv show cgi and only really hitting it when it was perfectly between the two.

Personally once we'd moved onto Christmas present and future the visuals got better and so did the colourful imagination. I thought the transitions from one time to another and all the detailed quirks of each ghost's universe were all really well thought out and entertaining.

Throughout the motion, colours, framing are all on top form, again it's only the cgi that distracts you from this at times.

I'm not a fan of these types of songs, but they seemed to belt them out pretty well and it's the singing numbers that go all out on the crazy so I was happy to watch.

Overall it's not going to be a film on my go to Christmas countdown watch list, but I'd happily watch it again if I had some time to kill or needed a "in the background movie"and it popped up somewhere around the holiday season.

Nope (2022)

Would I watch this again - nope!

[3/10 · 27 November 2022]

The concept good, the execution bad.

We have one sedated, depressed, slow paced brother and one hyperactive over the top sister, who pretty much mirror the plot's pace. Unfortunately it's the brother's overdosed dosed on Valium speed that carries most of this film and boy does it make the whole thing seem loooooooong.

Unnecessary side plots of of killer TV show chimps, hinting at a supernatural connection via one shoe, but this will go nowhere and means nothing.

Side characters of the one dimensional kind either there to add some sort of unnecessary comedic spin or turn up near the last act just to fill sometime.

And don't even get me started on an entire theme park of people vanishing with only a little bit of flimsy police tape and one news clip, as any hint of an on going investigation or public interest.

The first 'attack' our victim is left straddled on their horse, when throughout the rest of the film we know this definitely would not have been the case.

Nothing makes sense, nothing is particularly that interesting and by the time anything happens it contradicts anything else that has happened so far so much you only find yourself wishing for the end credits.

Waking Life (2001)

YouTube philosophy on cheap acid

[1/10 · 5 November 2022]

Ughhh, basically it's to naive to even realise it's not deep enough to be anywhere near as pretentious as it thinks it is.

Just imagine that they gave a bunch of YouTubers some really strong weed and took a clip of each of their best rants, on the meaning of life, got some broke undergraduate art student to cover over it with some cheap cartoon effects and you have this movie.

The trippy cartoon effects also get tiresome veeeeeery quickly, it basically looks like a combo of Bevis and Butthead and some not so good phone app adding some jazzy effects on a loop.

The errrr 'philosophy' isn't backed up or justified with any credibility. It's at the level a really stoned 16 year old me may have pondered in their head, and I'd probably have loved this film then, but if you anywhere remotely past your baby steps into philosophy or self discovery, you'll soon realise this is a bunch of empty gestures to any answers you seek.

And that's basically whose gonna like this film, stoned teenagers and yes by all means watch this, but watch a load of other stuff on this area as well, this is introductory low level stuff, there's better ideas in way more entertaining ways out there.

Anyone older than that avoid. Dawson's Creek's heavy conversations, (that nobody quite understood), were more philosophical than this movie. It's not remotely entertaining and it just reeks of not knowing anything here isn't original and presents it like the fresh ideas it thinks it is.

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

Dull dull dull and ughhh that kid

[3/10 · 16 October 2022]

It feels like both Keanu and the plot have both been given a heavy dose of valium, stretching out the viewing 'pleasure' to something that feels way more than it's actual run time.

A mish mash of miscast actors guide us well away from any scenes of world wide panic and destruction, opting to have us mainly following our alien fugitive barely chased by anybody and mostly at walking pace, as he decides if he'll save us all or not.

Realistically the most annoying kid in sci-fi would have helped him speed up mankind's demise, but the films heavily laden maternal bonding metaphor, becomes more than a subplot as it's shoved down your throat instead of any entertaining sci-fi action.

The only reason this got any stars at all was for the giant power sucking robot who got one shining scene at the start and pretty much switched off for the rest of the film.

There was no universal realisation of man's effect on the world, there was no sense of impending dread, fear, panic, no moral awakening, no decent city destruction effects, there's not even any likeable characters.

In short avoid if you can, the kid didn't ruin it, the film was already ruined, but boy you're gonna remember him as the worst thing about the flick.