mdnrules Reviews

The Gay Shoe Clerk (1903)

Hilarious for its time

[12 July 2001]

For some reason or another, I happened to catch this little flick somewhere not too long ago.

It is basically a shoe salesman that is seduced by a women customer's good looks (who, by today's standards, really doesn't look that great at all) and proceeds to help her try on shoes. Part of the woman's dress slips and shows a third of her leg, which then the camera cuts to the man's face showing a really goofy suprised look on his face. Then the manager comes around and smacks him with an umbrella. Ouch!

Judging by the fact it was mildly amusing to watch this one minute video today, I'm sure it was absolutely hilarious about 100 years ago. Pretty decent camera work considering that no one back then was really a professional "cameraman." The whole thing seems pretty Chaplin-ish. Your typical short goofy comedy. Consider it a decent camera experiment, as that's all it really is. Nothing wrong with that, I guess.

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

incoherent even by Kubrick standards (spoilers)

[13 August 2000]

After seeing 2001, Clockwork Orange, Full Metal Jacket, and The Shining, I had to see this. The previews and hype a year ago made this seem like a porn film to suck in viewers. Even after you've rented the film, the film still tries to decieve you by putting the nudity scenes in the beginning. Halfway through the film, thoughts and questions quickly come up:

"Wow, there's not much nudity after the beginning, and the beginning is where all the footage for the previews came from. That was no accident."

"What did the I-love-you-house-call scene have to do with anything?"

"There's not much sense of direction here."

"Am I missing something?"

"What's going on here? Will someone please tell me?"

And then, after the film is over, more questions:

"What was the costume ballet thing all about? Who were they? Was that all a set up for Harford?"

"So a hooker Harford never had sex with was diagnosed with HIV. So what? It's a hooker!"

"About a third of those scenes should've ended up on the cutting room floor. A lot of scenes pop up that have no signifigance later in the movie."

I'm sure you'll find many more questions about the movie that will never be answered. Maybe Kubrick knew he was going to die and just wanted to make a confusing movie with unanswered questions just to drive us crazy.

Mortal Kombat Trilogy (1996 Video Game)

It finally happened

[4 August 2000]

In 1992, the original Mortal Kombat game exploded in arcades everywhere. It was bloody, violent, fun, had a pointless plot Ed Boon didn't even care about, and by 1992 standards, had very realistic graphics. The much-wanted sequel introduced more characters and a new boss. Mortal Kombat 3 introduced even more characters and the popularity still proved the MK idea fresh.

With the release of Mortal Kombat Trilogy, I think people finally got sick of more of the same. It finally happened. Ed Boon anticipated this, so he made one last attempt at this now-stale crap: MK4. What's different? It's 3-D, but by then the 10-year-old-boy public was moving on to bigger, better, and fresher things like Tekken 3.

Rewind back to THIS game: Mortal Kombat Trilogy. If you don't own a MK game by now, just move on to something else, UNLESS you've been living under a rock for 8 years. Still, this game is the best icon of the MK era, if released a little late.

It's MK1, 2, and 3 all crammed into one CD. The magic and challenge of the MKs have somehow been lost, and it doesn't have anything new in it.

BOTTOM LINE: Four years ago, I would have recommended this game IF you didn't already have a MK game at the time (like me). Now...just forget it. If you haven't heard of Mortal Kombat by now, you will never understand the magic this series of games once had.

Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)

Fun while you see it, but dumb afterwards

[28 June 2000]

I'm into cars A LOT, so I liked the awesome intro to this movie and the neat car chase at the end. In the middle, though, there's a couple things about this movie I have to say....

1. GOOD: Robert Duvall was put to pretty good use in this movie. 2. BAD: I don't if you guys noticed this, but I'm getting sick of Nicholas Cage's "pseudo-ebonics." Example:

Here's an actual piece of dialogue from the movie:

"What do ya do, pay the pit crew with Oreos and gummie bears?" "Bro, I folded. You know that." Why does Nicholas Cage have to talk that way? Couldn't he talk like a normal white guy and have just said, "Hey, remember, I don't steal cars anymore. You should know that." His psuedo-ebonics is so fake. He's been doing that ever since the second half of Face/Off. I had to watch "Gone in Sixty Seconds" twice just to weed out all of the white ebonics and translate it into normal-guy English.

3. BAD: Jolie's character, like the love scene she's in, never seems to go anywhere. 4. BAD: For a movie that makes it look like it was made by car nuts in the previews, they should have shown a lot more of the cars.

5. GOOD: The little black guy was funny. "Ghetto Smurf", he called once.

Well, what can I say? This film just smacks of summer-movie dumbness; go ahead and watch it, just be aware of what I've told you and you'll be better prepared by not setting your expectations too high.

Vegas Vacation (1997)

I'm here to bring you the middle ground

[10/10 · 19 June 2000]

Okay--You've probably seen reviews on here that say, "Vegas is the best Vacation ever!", and then "Vegas is the worst Vacation ever!". Now, that doesn't help a person who hasn't seen the movie for himself yet. Here's the middle ground:

This isn't as good as the first--sequels rarely are. There isn't as much humor potential as in "Christmas Vacation", either. But for god sakes, people, this is MUCH better than the "European Vacation" movie, which has misfire gags left and right (you can check out my review on THAT by clicking on "mdnrules").

Vegas Vacation has as much "Cousin Eddie" humor as in the Christmas Vacation movie which seems to make up for the "diaster" humor Vegas is lacking. This movie seems to have the happiest ending of all of them.

Based on many opinions, here is the order of the Vacations, starting with the best and ending with the worst:

1. a tie between "Vacation" and "Christmas Vacation" 2. Vegas Vacation being a fair third, and 3. European Vacation being a very distant fourth.

Hope this helps, all.

National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985)

AWFUL!!!!!!!

[13 June 2000]

This is NOWHERE near the quality of the first one. I have been to London, Germany, Italy, and France in one tour just like the Griswalds myself, so I thought this would be funny since I could relate. Here's just some of the problems with this movie:

1. The Audrey from the first "Vacation" was a cute little girl whose character was subtle. The Audrey on "European" has lost all of the cuteness, is pudgy, is annoying, unfunny, and brings an unpleasant akwardness to the already bad film by whining about her boyfriend and talking about being a virgin. Her character alone was enough to ruin the film.

2. The mom. Yes, it's played by the same woman, but the down-to-earth mother from the first has changed into a mousy, superfical cartoonish mom that fails to deliver the laughs.

3. The brand of comedy was different, inexcusable in a comedy sequel.

4. The whole thing is just dim-witted. The first one showed a sense of genius by putting "Aunt Edna" in the picture.

5. The misfortunes in the first one were still kept light. The "European" movie is really dark in the ending.

6. All in all, this movie was trying to copycat a different type of comedy and bombed. I'm sorry I ever saw this movie.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE: The Griswald's comedy was revived in "Christmas Vacation". Yes!

The Meaning of Life (1983)

My intro to Monty Python

[11 March 2000]

Yes, this is the first Monty Python movie I've seen. No, I didn't see this movie so unfunny as to never rent other MP movie again. In fact, I LOVED it!!!! British humor is a bit different and takes a while getting used to, but it's well worth the reward.

I was so entertained by Monty Python humor in "The Meaning of Life" that I rented "The Life of Brian." To my amazement, I didn't find it NEARLY as funny as "The Meaning of Life." THAT'S what dissapointed me.

The Wild Angels (1966)

This is no "Easy Rider"

[10 March 2000]

The only reason I saw this movie was because we have an original record of the sound track, which is actually pretty good.

That's where the similarity ends. The audio-visual is unsynchronised, making it look like an old Karate film. Once again, I will say that this is no "Easy Rider."

Breakdown (I) (1997)

DON'T READ THE OTHER REVIEWS!!!

[10/10 · 2 March 2000]

Why not? Because I think that way too much of the story is being given away. I'm suprised that IMDB would allow these reviews to be posted, with so many of them spoiling the story.

Breakdown is easily the best action/suspence movie I've seen.

Here's ALL you need to know about the story, although you can just watch the movie without any info. and still have it make sense:

A couple is taking the scenic route. They notice some strange driving attitudes around the lonely road. They stop for gas and meet a suspicious man. Hmmm. Weird.

Well, they get in their nice Jeep. Uh-oh! It breaks down. Kurt Russell pulls it over the side of the road. What happens next?

You'll just have to see. I'm glad I didn't see the previews for this movie before I saw it, because it, too, gives way too much away. Great movie.

Born in East L.A. (1987)

Not the best, but still worth some laughs.

[31 December 1999]

This is the only Cheech movie I've seen so far, and if they're all like this, I don't know what to think.

The movie's basically Cheech losing his wallet and getting deported to Mexico. Usually, comedies throw in a plot for an excuse to do some gags, and this one is no different.

It's really not a great movie, but this one earns a few laughs. If you're in the mood for a light 80s comedy, this one will satisfy your mood if you're desparate, but I would really recommend something like Ruthless People, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, or National Lampoon's Vacation. Oh, well. Funny movie anyway.

The Matrix (1999)

Great sci-fi/action flick

[30 December 1999]

I finally saw this one, and I'm glad I did. Some people didn't like the acting, but I thought it was fine. The storyline seems to get in the way of the action at first, but if you take the time to watch this 3 or 4 times, the storyline ADDS a lot to the film and shows you that the awesome gun-flashing scenes had a reason to them.

Agent Smith was cool, the kung-fu action scene was cool, the guns were cool, and the special effects were great. I don't want to dissapoint anybody by giving them high expectations before they saw the movie, but this is a great movie. How can you resist the idea of being able to download ANYTHING you want to learn in an instant? 10 years of kung-fu experience downloaded into your brain in 7 seconds! The idea is as seductive as time travel, which made Back To The Future so popular. See this!!!!

This Boy's Life (1993)

The only Leonardo D. movie I like

[18 December 1999]

I'm not fond of Leonardo D., but I did like this film. The fact that this story is true makes everything seem more real, even if what we are seeing is actors on the screen. A top-notch cast and some memorable scenes makes this worthwhile.

It's the best drama I've seen.

Rebel Without a Cause (1955)

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!!!

[2 December 1999]

What are you talking about(this is to one of the commenters)? Kids are the same way today!! I watched a movie made in the 1970's about trouble teenagers and it was exactly the same type thing 20 years earlier in Rebel Without A Cause. On the 1970's movie called "Over The Edge" there were the same type of scenes in Rebel Without A Cause such as: kids shooting at police officers, kids getting into fights with weapons, kids doing drugs, kids talking back to their parents and getting slapped in the face, kids running away, kids not understanding that they will be able to look back when they are adults and say, "How stupid of me?" The same type of thing happens today such as shootings, but the only difference is that it's being reported more often. Don't think because you see something on the TV in the 1950's, doesn't mean it doesn't happen today. Did you know back in Aristotle's time(this was way before the birth of Christ) that said this, "Young people don't respect their elders anymore". Guess what? People say the SAME thing today-thousands of years later!!! Here's another bit of proof. Al Capone, a notorious gangster from the 1920's did more killings than any gang members today! The gangs in the past commited real haneous acts like they do today. The only differences are the clothing, goatees, the earrings and the measuring in terms of years. Like my mom says when telling me that people have acted the same way throughout history, "Same dance, just a different tune"

The World Is Not Enough (1999)

"Tomorrow Never Dies" still wins

[6/10 · 26 November 1999]

Tomorrow Never Dies still wins by a hair, in my opinion. Sure, in TWINE, the boat chases and ski shots were great, but nothing new, and the plot, which at first, seems simple, turns puzzely.

The lead song "The World Is Not Enough" was WEAK compared to the awesome "Tomorrow Never Dies" song, which I still remember by heart.

This movie had a lot of the Bond aspects of it, but it didn't FEEL fresh. When I see this on the shelves for DVD at the mall a year from now, I will pause, turn it over, shrug, and move on.

What About Bob? (1991)

Recipe for laughter

[13 September 1999]

2 cups Bill Murray 1 cup Richard Dreyfuss 4 gallons laughter

Mix Bill Murray with 1 tablespoon neurotic, mix Richard Dreyfuss with 1/2 cup stress and combine. Pour laughter on and just chill. I enjoy Richard Dreyfuss' work and I also like Bill Murray

(although I frown at his appearance in Space Jam). Murray seeks psychological help from Dreyfuss, but Dreyfuss is on vacation. Of course, that doesn't stop Murray from annoying him to the end. The rest is just fun watching this unravel. This will make time pass by.

Lethal Weapon 2 (1989)

Good action, good laughs-but 1st one's better

[7 September 1999]

This is a funny and entertaining follow-up to the first one.

As mentioned by another user, most sequels try to re-hash what made the first one so great. Thank god Lethal Weapon 2 built forward instead of pounding on the same nail. My favorite scene is Joe Pesci's whining about drive-thrus, and my favorite character is Vorsedt, the Adolph Hitler look-alike with the funny accent.

Despite all this, it still falls just a little short of the original on freshness, even though the series built forward with this film.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

Film plays like a "Goosebumps" tale...But fun

[29 August 1999]

I remember watching this in 5th grade. I thought it was a fun show. But, last night, I saw it again on TV for the first time in 5 years. Now that I'm older, I see that the "children's" movie has some devilish hints to it. Such quotes as "Candy is Dandy, but Liquor is Quicker" and "Well, the furnace only lights every other day, so they might survive"

made me wonder if Willy Wonka *really* liked kids.

Personally, I didn't like the Oompa Loompas either. THEIR basic message is that if children don't behave, they should be disposed of. Now, isn't that a bit mean-spirited for this kind of movie? What's going on here? Makes you wonder just what happened to all those children taken away by the Oompa Loompas. Maybe that's just Gene Wilder humor, but if it is, then he shouldn't have been cast for this innocent, child-loving role.

No matter. Despite all this, it's a fun movie and I liked the Grandpa.

The Sixth Sense (1999)

Unusual but good drama

[15 August 1999]

Actually, I saw this movie by "accident". What I mean by that is that the previews made this look like a ghostbusters III with Bruce Willis. When I saw this, I realized it was another ballpark altogether. That made me feel a little cheated, but I watched this anyways.

Bruce Willis was great as the child psychologist; Haley was terrific. Maybe it's me, but I think Haley looks like a small version of Edward Norton. Weird.

In one of the stupidest summers in FILM history, this stands alone. Drama lovers MUST see this.

Hint: Watch for subtle clues during the film.

The Faculty (1998)

decent "Scream"-ish horror movie

[7 August 1999]

This movie is the first movie I have seen with our new DVD player, so I'll try not to be biased about this movie just 'cause the picture and sound were cooler, OK?

To be honest, I liked "Scream" a little better, but this isn't a bad one at all. It was interesting to see how Elijah Wood looks as a teenager from his cute-kid "Radio Flyer" and "Forever Young" days. I could barely reconize him. Sharp script, too.

One question: What nitwit choose to have this released on Christmas? Wouldn't this have been a better summer slasher?

Stand by Me (1986)

Ignore the language

[4 August 1999]

I remember watching my brother record this on the HBO premiere in 1987, and we have watched the same copy since. I love this movie, although we need to get a NEW copy for ourselves.

The put-down of foul language is unfortunate. They say it was uncommon for 1950's boys to cuss THAT much.

Think about it. Were these four boys really common anyways? They laughed, cried, and had a good time like the rest of us, but these four weren't common. How many junior-highers-to-be set out on a 20-mile hike to look for a dead body? If it WAS so common to do that, they wouldn't have been so hyped up to have their picture in the paper. So I wouldn't compare their rate of cussing to other boys in that time period. The cussing adds a lot to the humor.

That's my view.

Deep Blue Sea (1999)

good thrills, bad music

[31 July 1999]

This film was pretty good, although "The Haunting" made me jump more. Still, it meets summer horror movie standards any day, and the suspense was genuine. LL Cool J adds a nice touch to the movie. Good movie.

Oh- only two gripes: 1. Samuel L. Jackson's "great vengance and furious anger" way of speaking came off sounding corny this time around, which is really sad. Also, I got tired of him asking, "Will someone PLEASE tell me what that is? Please." 2. Whoever wrote the music to this had little imagination. I could've written better music. Seriously.

Strangeland (1998)

BARFORAMA OF THE 1990'S

[28 July 1999]

This movie is one of the most grossest I have seen...and that's only the first 15 minutes of the movie I watched!!! I can't believe I spent $1.50 for this piece of crap movie! Avoid at doctor's orders! This movie just reminds of how dark the 1990's has been, and how happy I will be when it's over. I RARELY, and I mean rarely turn off a movie I have rented before it's over. This happens to be one of those movies.

Scream 2 (1997)

Breaking rules (good!)

[28 July 1999]

This movie breaks the unwritten rule about 80's (type) horror movies: "If the first movie was good, the following sequels must rot." Scream 2 did a decent job of keeping up the whatever-it-was that made the original "Scream" so good.

To be honest, however, I don't even remember the ending to this. A lot of people tell me the ending wasn't great, which makes sense with my not remembering it.

Primal Fear (1996)

Good Courtroom Drama

[27 July 1999]

I'll have to say that by the time 1996-1997 came, people were a little sick of courtroom dramas with big stars (YOU know what I'm talking about: A Time to Kill, The Rainmaker, The Devil's Advocate, Liar Liar, etc.), but this one's pretty good.

Was it not a stroke of genius to cast Edward Norton for his part?

This one also had a sprinkle of humor to it that added a nice touch.

Stick around for the ending...

The Haunting (1999)

scary (but L O N G...)

[26 July 1999]

This movie has a simple plot that movies today are missing. There's no corporate businessman that steals a nuclear weapon from the US Air Force that sets a diversion from the blah-blah war, just a handful of people in a scary house.

Watching the first half of this made me feel like I was watching a movie version of "Resident Evil" (no, I'm not a video game freak). Some scenes had me jumping out of my seat (really).

However, after the first half, I found myself staring at my watch and looking around.

Bottom line: If this was a 30-minute "Tales From the Crypt" episode, it would've been AWESOME, but stretching this to a 2-hour movie was WAY over the line.