Kick-Ass (2010)
Aaron Taylor-Johnson: Dave Lizewski, Kick-Ass
Photos
Quotes
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Katie Deauxma : Dave? What the fuck are you doing? Why are you dressed as Kick-Ass?
Dave Lizewski : Because I AM Kick-Ass!
Katie Deauxma : What are you talking about?
Dave Lizewski : I'm also not gay!
Katie Deauxma : Fuck!
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Dave Lizewski : [voiceover] The world I lived in, heroes only existed in comic books, and I guess that would have been okay -- if bad guys were make-believe, too... but they're not.
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Dave Lizewski : With no power comes no responsibility -- except... that wasn't true.
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Dave Lizewski : Fuck you, Mr. Bitey!
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[first lines]
Dave Lizewski : I always wondered why nobody did it before me. I mean, all those comic books, movies, TV shows. You think that one eccentric loner would've made himself a costume. I mean, is everyday life really so exciting? Are schools and offices so thrilling that I'm the only one who fantasized about this? Come on, be honest with yourself. At some point in our lives, we all wanna be a superhero.
Dave Lizewski : [a winged avenger dives to his death] That's not me, by the way. That's some Armenia guy with a history of mental health problems.
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Diner Fight Guy 1 : The fuck is wrong with you, man? You'd rather die for some piece of shit that you don't even fucking know?
Dave Lizewski : Than three assholes laying into one guy while everybody else watches? And you wanna know what's wrong with me? Yeah, I'd rather die... so bring it on!
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Dave Lizewski : How do I get a hold of you?
Hit-Girl : You just contact the mayor's office. He has a special signal he shines in the sky. It's in the shape of a giant cock.
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Dave Lizewski : [voi e-over] Who am I? I'm Kick-Ass!
[six months earlier]
Dave Lizewski : That's me, back before any of this crazy shit happened. I guess I was the last person you'd expect to become a superhero. I'm not saying there was anything wrong with me, but there's nothing special, either. I wasn't into sports, I wasn't a mathlete or a hardcore gamer. I didn't have a piercing, or an eating disorder, or 3000 friends on MySpace. My only superpower was being invisible to girls -- and, out of my friends, man, I wasn't even the funny one. Like most people my age, I just existed.
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Dave Lizewski : What's the difference between Spider-Man and Peter Parker? Spider-Man gets the girl.
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[last lines]
Dave Lizewski : [voiceover] Kick-Ass was gone but not forgotten, and my world was much safer with all the new superheroes. They said I was their inspiration, but all I did was make a door into a world I dreamed about since I was a little kid.
[cut to Chris/Red Mist in his father's office]
Chris D'Amico : A world full of superheroes, huh?
[Chris turns around, showing his revamped Red Mist costume, and dons a new, decidedly more 'supervillain' mask]
Chris D'Amico : As a great man once said... "Wait'll they get a load of me."
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Dave Lizewski : This is awesome! I look like frickin' Wolverine!
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Dave Lizewski : If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead.
Hit-Girl : And if it wasn't for you... my dad wouldn't be.
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Dave Lizewski : [voice-over] Even with my metal plates and my fucked up nerve endings, I gotta tell ya, that... hurt -- but not half as much as the idea of leaving everything behind: Katie, my dad, Todd and Marty, and all the things I'd never do, like... learn to drive, or see what me and Katie's kids would look like, or find out what happened on "Lost." And, if you're reassuring yourself that I'm gonna make it through this since I'm talkin' to you now, quit being such a smart-ass. Hell, dude, you never seen "Sin City?" "Sunset Boulevard?" "American Beauty?"
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Dave Lizewski : Jesus, guys, does it not bug you? Like, thousand of people wanna be Paris Hilton and nobody wants to be Spider-Man.
Marty : Yeah, what's with that? She has, like, no tits at all.
Todd : Maybe it's a porn tape, He doesn't have a porn tape.
Marty : You guys never saw "One Night In Spider-Man?"
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Todd : Out of Kick-Ass and Red Mist, who do you think would win in a fight?
Marty : Why are they fighting? That seems stupid.
Todd : [to Katie] What do you think?
Katie Deauxma : I don't know, but I think Kick-Ass is cuter.
Dave Lizewski : [laughs] Really?
Katie Deauxma : Mm-hm. I for one would definitely fuck his brains out if I got the chance.
Dave Lizewski : You would?
Katie Deauxma : Definitely.
Dave Lizewski : You, uhh... you like checkin' out that new Kate Hudson movie where she's, like, a shoe designer, can't get a guy? I think we can make the next showing maybe...
Katie Deauxma : Hell, yeah.
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Dave Lizewski : Like every serial killer already knew: eventually fantasizing just doesn't do it for you anymore.
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Hit-Girl : [after Hit Girl and Kick-Ass land on the roof of Mindy's building with the jet-pack] Thanks, Kick-Ass. My daddy... he would have been proud of both of us.
Dave Lizewski : [removes his mask] Dave.
[extends his hand]
Dave Lizewski : Dave Lizewski.
Hit-Girl : [smiles] I know that, dumbass.
[chuckles, then removes her own wig and mask]
Hit-Girl : Mindy... Mindy Macready.
[she extends her own hand and they shake as both a formal introduction and recognition of their new partnership]
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Dave Lizewski : I'll be honest. There wasn't a whole lot of crime-fighting in those first few weeks, but even so, my new vocation kept me plenty busy. I called it preparation, but if you called it fantasizing, it would have been hard to argue. All I knew was... I never felt so good about myself.
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Dave Lizewski : [as Frank D'Amico is about to shoot Hit Girl] Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your OWN size?
[points a bazooka at Frank and fires]
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[Dave sees Hit Girl studying security cam footage]
Dave Lizewski : Is this Frank D'Amico's place? All that security? Are you crazy?
Hit-Girl : My mom already died for nothing, so I'm sure as hell not gonna let my dad die for nothing too.
Dave Lizewski : You can't do this on your own.
Hit-Girl : Exactly. You wanna deal with owing my dad? Then shut the hell up and pick your weapon.
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[montage: practicing his superhero lines in front of a mirror while in costume]
Dave Lizewski : Oh, no, I'm just standing around, you know.
[whips out his sticks]
Dave Lizewski : No, I'm not! Yah!
Dave Lizewski : [voice-over] It is what it is.
Dave Lizewski : [waves the sticks wildly] How 'bout that, huh?
[takes out his sticks again]
Dave Lizewski : Oh yeah! Didn't see that, did ya? Think it's best if you just walk away. Well maybe you shouldn't do that. What? Huh? You looking at me? Well, this IS my business.
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Dave Lizewski : Sure, a lot of what got me through the average school day was making deposits in the whack-off warehouse for later; though, to be honest, it didn't take much to set me off. I swear, when my hormones balance out, shares in Kleenex are gonna take a dive, man.
