2/10
Throw This Into The Fire
16 December 2006
Warning: Spoilers
There were 2 American tragedies in 2001: the first being 9/11 the other being the release of this film. A harbinger of this film was while renting it, the women at the register couldn't get the security seal off. Buster Poindexter, I mean David Johansen, is the story teller of these three tales from the crypt, sorry , tales from the crap. I'll go as far as saying it's the best, no, only, anamorphic widescreen film ever made! There are many life lessons learned in this film however: 1. Don't ever get high off a Indian's bong, especially after you just killed him and are using his trailer. 2. Don't pretend to have a "broken" arm when its clear your "acting" and if your going to enlist the help of your friends to kill a mentally retarded handyman, don't have your weapons of choice be a croquet mallet, lacrosse stick, and a hockey stick. Your going to go kill a man, not the country club. Also, make sure they clear time in their schedule so they don't have to squeeze this in before their orthodontists appointment/ band practice. 3. Don't fake a lesbian kiss.4. Don't pick up people a mile away from their car and you never saw one. They are probably lying. Other than that, I found this movie quite enjoyable. Honest to God, I liked it more then Schindler's List, Titanic, and Saving Private Ryan combined. Those films ain't got sh*t on Campire "motherfu****'" Stories!
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