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Reviews
Campfire Stories (2001)
Throw This Into The Fire
There were 2 American tragedies in 2001: the first being 9/11 the other being the release of this film. A harbinger of this film was while renting it, the women at the register couldn't get the security seal off. Buster Poindexter, I mean David Johansen, is the story teller of these three tales from the crypt, sorry , tales from the crap. I'll go as far as saying it's the best, no, only, anamorphic widescreen film ever made! There are many life lessons learned in this film however: 1. Don't ever get high off a Indian's bong, especially after you just killed him and are using his trailer. 2. Don't pretend to have a "broken" arm when its clear your "acting" and if your going to enlist the help of your friends to kill a mentally retarded handyman, don't have your weapons of choice be a croquet mallet, lacrosse stick, and a hockey stick. Your going to go kill a man, not the country club. Also, make sure they clear time in their schedule so they don't have to squeeze this in before their orthodontists appointment/ band practice. 3. Don't fake a lesbian kiss.4. Don't pick up people a mile away from their car and you never saw one. They are probably lying. Other than that, I found this movie quite enjoyable. Honest to God, I liked it more then Schindler's List, Titanic, and Saving Private Ryan combined. Those films ain't got sh*t on Campire "motherfu****'" Stories!
Robot Monster (1953)
Sh*t...told the untamed way!!! In intriguing 2-D!!!
Needless to say, if you are reading these(comments that is), your already know, that this film is 1)an unredeemable piece of crap, and 2) its one of the most entertaining 62 films minutes ever made in a span of four days at Bronson Canyon. The acting, to put it nicely, is hu-man trash. Killer nautical gorillas, wooden TVs, unexpected moral dilemmas, and a guest appearance by a "stageHAND", all add up to make a Golden Turkey award winning masterpiece. This is atomic age cinematic art at its low budget"$16,000" finest. To call this film suicidal is no stretch, just ask Phil Tucker. But despite its poor reception, this film has grossed one million dollars, a 62,500 % profit. I'd like to see Spiderman 3 do that domestically.
I hope somewhere that people are still watching this film the way it was intended to be seen, in 3-D, not that there is anything wrong watching it in (intriguing) 2-D. Get prepared for tragic death, the end of the world, ro-rape, a ro-ape, and one risqué topless wedding! Don't be a "pooped out pin-wheel" give this glorious 2 out of 10 film a Chance.