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The Djinn (2021)
3 wishes
1. I wish that they didn't just SAY this was in the 1980s and they actually had put effort into making it look and sound like it was. Nothing was remotely reminiscent of that era.
2. I wish this was just a short and not full length feature. Man, it just wouldn't end!
3. I wish I had a pizza
Watched this after a rewatch of Wishmaster and Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies because the sequel was such a let down I thought I'd jump over to another lane for a genie horror. Should've stayed in my own lane I think. Give a wide berth.
Frágiles (2005)
Pretty standard fare
Pretty standard fare from a director that can do better. Jaume Balagueró, one of the pair behind the REC series, brings us a standard ghost story with average results. Some misfires include casting Calista Flockheart, the overly melodramatic score, and the running time of around 2 hours. Trim about 30 minutes off and you'd have a better paced movie. It's not a complete failure, just one that won't be resonating with me for much longer after typing this review.
Kate (2021)
Some earnest performances...
Some earnest performances, capable direction, captivating cinematography, and wonderful score: all let down by some incredibly terrible dialogue. What a shame... though it still earned 5 stars for the good stuff.
Antebellum (2020)
Lacking depth among other things
Visually this movie is wonderfully shot but is let down by poor writing and direction. Scenes needlessly go on forever and do nothing to create tension but rather seem to just pad the running time. I can't help but feel this would have been a fantastic short film given a stronger writing team depth of direction. A shame really because the subject matter should have been so much more poignant and relatable.
The Predator (2018)
All downs and no ups
When you ride a roller coaster there's all that build up of anticipation as you ride slowly up towards the big drop and then, when finally do start the plummet, all that energy is released and your whim has been sated. This Predator movie is no build up, only the big drop. There is no tension. There is only the volume cranked up to 10 and the constant "big drop" and the terrible one liners that fake real dialogue between the many characters that all have the same personality. Shane Black's The Predator suffers from many things but the worst is not having any build up or time to reflect on what is happening. There is no time to care or feel any excitement. There is only time for disappointment as you plunge into this awful feeling that you've watched a wet dream of some out of touch Hollywood producers. And, while this film probably doesn't deserve the one star rating I'm giving it, it most certainly doesn't deserve any rating over a 4 and all the 10's propping it up to a 6
L'immortel (2010)
The Immortal never really lived
Pretty much a run of the mill revenge story but without the strength of believable characters. Jean Reno does what he can with his role but fails to convince me he was ever a gangster leader in any sense. Where this movie really shines is in it's visuals. Marsielle is alive and pulsating with richness that, despite these gangsters, makes me wish I were there
Rupture (2016)
A competent student film...
... that turned into a full-length feature that somehow managed to snag a few high profile actors. Whoever decided to bankroll this production should've put their money into understanding scripts seeing as this barely had one. Poor direction overall, from the acting, to setting up scenes and pacing. The only thing that got me to finish watching was the mystery of it all which wasn't anything complex or special.
If this had been a 20-30 minute student film or fully realized Twilight Zone episode, then sure, I can roll with that. Long story short (like the movie should have been), don't waste your time.
The Visit (2015)
Good idea. Wrong Director/Writer
Another interesting idea wasted on and poorly executed by Shyamalamadingdong. I thought I would never watch another movie from him after The Happening (Spoiler: nothing happens) but, after seeing high reviews for this, I thought I'd give him one last chance. Well, I won't be suckered again.
Terribly unbelievable dialogue and direction makes what would make a great episode of the Twilight Zone into an hour and a half of wasted energy. M. Night Shyamalan needs to go undercover and relearn how humans speak, especially teenagers.
I can't waste anymore energy on reviewing this garbage.
Mogura no uta: Sennyû sôsakan Reiji (2013)
Let's all sing the mole song!
Just one of the "hundreds" of Miike Takashi films, Mole Song is based on the manga series Mogura no Uta. Not knowing this before watching the movie, I was quite surprised. Most anime/manga adaptations I've watched lack any creative maturity, either in acting, script or direction.
Mole Song tells the tale of an inept policeman who gets fired and is "promoted" to become an undercover mole and infiltrate a yakuza clan. From the opening scene though, this clearly is more than just a generic yakuza action movie. A balanced mix of comedy, action, and even the slightest touch of romance, Miike brings me back to the time of Happiness of the Katakuris but with a bit more flair and adequate pacing that some of his other films seem to lack (though I can't say I've seen more than 10% of them... there's so many!)
Ninja Assassin (2009)
Ninja KickAssassin!
I had no expectations going into this movie except for a crap load of blood and guts and pure cheese. It delivered that and more. I think I expected a bit of a throwback to the classic 80s ninja movies but it really took it beyond that realm and made into something new and awesome.
Director James McTeigue (V For Vendetta) took a simple script and created a serious take on a laughable genre, providing great action scenes that made me actually clap out loud with the rest of the audience - an amazing feat if you consider the lack of any recognizable actors.
Tôkyô zankoku keisatsu (2008)
Love it and hate it at the same time... and that's a good thing
Awful and wonderful at the same time. Over the top gore: buckets of spurting blood, self mutilation, things being bitten off :O, and nameless others. Deplorable and enticing at the same time. Cheesy story line that is overshadowed by action, blood, and the strange impulse to see it through until the end. Tasteless and awesome at the same time. It was like driving by an accident, the most hideous accident you'd never want to encounter, and stopping the car, taking the time to find your video camera, calling all your friends to come see, and filming a heinous act of violence and gore that you'd probably never watch again but store in your closet just as a testament to the fact that YOU WERE THERE to witness it.
I hope there's a sequel.
Terminator Salvation (2009)
Terminator: Satisfactory
Salvation was a satisfactory addition to the Terminator series... yup, you heard it: Satisfactory. We really don't see anything to new or exciting in this sequel. I really feel that Christian Bale fell short of his usual acting prowess that is easily seen in his other films while the real star, Sam Worthington, outshines in his role. not to be left out is Anton Yelchin, who performs Kyle Reese to a tee.
The real letdown is the lack of the true battle and battlefield that we've only got a glimpse of in the previous installments. The resistance survivors seem clueless and destined for picking off from the machines as they bunker down ABOVE ground for easy targeting.
When it all comes down to it, the direction isn't the problem. McG surely does his best and goes the extra mile to make the movie look and sound as good as it does, but the script seems a weekend splurge between two drunken Hollywood hopefuls that are just out to get a paycheck.
Don't get me wrong though, I've spent money on worse and I'm not regretting putting down the dough to see this on the big screen, but I definitely won't go back for a second helping.
Bangkok Dangerous (2008)
John Who? The Pang Brothers, that's who!
What is this? Could it be? Yes! Finally, a movie worthy of comparison to the classic John Woo masterpiece, Hard Boiled.
Why am I so surprised to like this movie you ask? Nicholas Cage, that's why. Nick Cage's movie roster has been receding about as much as his hairline and, I've got to say, I haven't enjoyed any of his movies since John Woo's Face/Off. He really doesn't bring much to this film either but the Pang Brothers really pull it off with a combination of their brilliant story telling and their knack for colourful action scenes.
Bangkok is teeming with life and adventure as the Pang Brothers use classic film making to explode the screen with excitement.
The downside is you have to bear Nicholas Cage's inability to blink at anything and the absurdity of his role as a true action star at such a late age.
The plus side is: BOOM! BANG! KAPOW! SPLAT! Look for the action not for the plot
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008)
The Chronicles of me falling asleep to this drab mess
Oh god, it's stealing my youth from me! I make it sound exciting by adding an exclamation mark at the end of a sentence but, honestly, it's quite drab to say the least.
Prince Caspian, the follow up to the just as drab The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, takes us back to that amazing fantasy world of fauns, minotaurs, and terrible child acting of Narnia. Hey look! It's a talking badger! Let's all act like there nothing bizarre about it. Hey look! I'm 10 years old! Let's pretend I'm in my twenties and suped up on Ritalin and I'm falling in love with a dwarf in his 50s. There is nothing wrong with this at all! Let's pretend I like the movie... no wait, I can't. I really can't.
I think the problem with this and the first is that they were trying to compete with Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter by placing the feel of the story somewhere in between. This story and the rest of the books by C.S. Lewis have nothing to do with being a serious journey into fantasy nor as a teen-angst riddled journey into revenge. The books of Narnia were always meant to take you away into a fun childhood's imagination of fantastical adventure.
The movie fails terribly and makes my stomach queasy. Where's my Pepto Bismol?! Exclamation!
Max Payne (2008)
strongly urging you NOT to see this film
"I don't believe in angels, but I believe in pain..." Those opening lines of the movie can only mean one thing, trite bull****. I don't know what the people over at Fox Studios were doing when the subject of making a movie out of one of the best shoot 'em up, film noir inspired, and heart racing video game franchises came up for discussion. It certainly wasn't "Hey, we should play the game to see what this thing is all about." Nope. It was more like "Hey! This game made a lot of money. Someone quickly tell me what the back of the box says about the game and we'll write a crappy screenplay around it and miscast the whole thing." Mark Wahlberg plays Max Payne, the brutal, no holds barred and out for revenge cop from the video game of the same name... but wait! They rewrote nearly the whole character. He couldn't seem to give a rats ass about his murdered wife and child except for a few bland flashbacks. The acting is so misplaced and frozen in this movie and adding the likes of Mila Kunis, Chris O'Donnell, Ludicrous (holy crap what were they thinking?), and Beau Bridges didn't really give them much of a leg to stand on.
To sum it all up, I felt like falling asleep during the film (a feat not so easily accomplished for me). This was an action movie turned into a long boring drama with a few shooting sequences.
Don't waste your money. Rent 'Shoot Em Up' instead