PsychoKlown Reviews

Dark Floors (2008)

Awesome!

[10/10 · 26 April 2009]

I'm a big fan of Finnish metal band Lordi & when i saw the trailer on youtube i was excited to see it.

The movie's start up reminded me of silent hill with the troubled little girl possibly the cause of the things happening. The characters are in a hospital & soon find themselves all alone (trapped in some-kind of limbo), they explore in search of any others but instead encounter 5 demons (the 1st being a banshee which is downright creepy).

As the film goes on each demon is introduced with real suspense & unrelenting attacks, keep an eye out for the "egyptian sandman" demon as he in my opinion is the nastiest 1 of them all.

The characters are likable enough so you kind of want them to survive (with the exception of a cowardly businessman who i couldn't wait to see killed), the story develops mainly through the little girl & it all builds to a great climax with the leader demon.

It was great to see Lordi play as the demons as they are awesome in their music videos, i recommend this movie to their other fans & general horror fans alike.

Bring on the sequel!

Feast III: The Happy Finish (2009 Video)

Great addition to the trilogy

[9/10 · 26 April 2009]

The feast films are a breath of fresh air to the genre & after seeing the 1st 2 installments i was excited to see the third, i wasn't disappointed either.

The film picks up right after the 2nd film with the survivors still trying to escape the town & monsters but introduces some new characters as well as giving more screen time to some of the biker girls.

The comedy comes as thick & fast as the gore & special effects, on the subject of the gore the monsters are still amazing & you see quite a lot of them here & there are some memorable deaths, 1 in particular where 1 unlucky survivor performs oral sex (unwillingly) on a monster which has even worse results lol.

Overall the film is really entertaining & because it has a fast pace, the monsters are cool & the characters are interesting it seemed to be over too quickly in my opinion i wanted more! Especially with how the movie ends (which i won't go into) but i totally didn't see this "twist" coming & after seeing this it suggests that the makers have a 4th installment up their sleeves.

Breathing Room (I) (2008)

It's a Cube clone but still good

[9/10 · 26 April 2009]

this was in my recommendations on amazon.co.uk & upon reading the synopsis it sounded like the cube trilogy & when i watched this movie i found that it is basically cube set in 1 big room minus the traps.

at the start a woman emerges in a room with 13 strangers who tell her they have all been selected to take place in a unique game where there can be only 1 winner...yes you guessed it, they have to kill each other to survive, although they don't all start attacking each other right away, the paranoia kicks in with everyone. This is made worse when their "host" informs them that there are 3 criminals among them a paedophile, a rapist & a murderer.

the films pace is slow but the characters interact as you would expect if you were in the situation & builds up to a great climax where the true reasons for the game are revealed & the films twist.

Some may hate this film but if you enjoyed the cube films you will probably like this too.

Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys (2004 TV Movie)

A big let down!

[1/10 · 28 January 2009]

I was eager to see this movie after i saw the puppet master series & the terrible but hilarious demonic toys, but i was disappointed very early on. Firstly there is no gore what so ever & the toys have been made over to look totally stupid & far from demonic, the puppets too are given an "upgrade" in the movie but they just look pathetic! blade's new hook & knife are so plastic i swear i could see "made in Taiwan". Moving on the acting would be bad in a porn movie with the exception of Vanessa Angel who plays the film's main villain. The special effects are also rubbish, in fact the very first Puppet Master movie has better effects even though it was made years ago! If you are a fan of either film series & haven't seen this yet DON'T!!

Rita, Sue and Bob Too (1987)

We're having a gang bang!!

[8/10 · 26 August 2005]

Where do i start? I brought my fiancé this DVD because he picked it out and i have to admit i was dreading watching it because i thought it would be sh*t, but i stand corrected it's totally funny i couldn't stop laughing. The story is a married man called Bob seduces the babysitters Ria and Sue in his car when parked out on the moors resulting in a hilarious sex scene. The three continue their relationship of casual sex and good times even though they know the truth will eventually be known.

As i said comedy is a big part of this film which is mainly from the common accents and swearing from practically the whole cast (especially Kevin, Sue's racist, drunkard dad). Other comedy moments are the old nosey neighbour (Hosepipe Harry) who spends the whole film watering his garden and the dance scene where Bob and the two girls are dancing to a song called "We're having a gang bang!" which is funny just for Rita's dancing (best moment in the film!) although a friend of Bob's wife (Fat F*ckin' Mavis) sees them and tells her leading to a full scale argument with the girls families and the married couple, which has more swearing in the 5 minute scene then a whole series of the Osbournes.

This is a great British film and anyone with a sense of humour will enjoy it!

The Haunted (1991 TV Movie)

Creepy!!!

[9/10 · 11 August 2005]

I'm a horror movie buff (if you've read my other comments you'll know) and since i watch a lot of these i find it increasing harder to get scared which is why i welcomed this little beauty because it seriously sh*t me up! This is because the movie doesn't just give you a CGI ghost and tell you what it wants and why, instead it plays on the unknown which is the scariest thing. The low budget means the effects are no match to Hollywood blockbusters but just the shadow of black fire appearing in kitchen makes up for this because after all the simple things can have a better impact. Another scary factor is that even after the family have the ghosts exorcised and move house the shadow STILL follows them where-ever they go and considering this was based on a true story it's frightening to think this could happen to you!!! The most of the actors do an OK job playing the terrified family with the exception of the dad, he doesn't look bothered about what's going on even after he's been raped by the demon! This will interest people who love the supernatural but sceptics will obviously say it's crap.

But i think it's a great film and everyone should see it, but not on your own in the dark on Halloween like i did ha! ha!

The Haunted Mansion (2003)

Not as bad as everyone says!

[7/10 · 11 August 2005]

When this movie came out critics and audiences were saying how rubbish it was and it was a waste of time and money, but as i have a keen interest in the paranormal i still wanted to see it anyway and i glad i did! This is a family film but there are elements of adult horror here such as suicides, murder and even zombies! The story is of a typical workaholic dad who neglects his family and decides to take them away to make up for this, but when he receives a call asking him to sell a mansion he can't refuse so off he and his family go.

Once there they meet the creepy butler Ramsley and the owner Mr Gracy who are obviously ghosts, and from then on all the supernatural events follow one-another from zombie reflections to levitating around a psychic in a crystal ball called Madame Leota. And i thought she was the best character in the film, not just because i'm a Jennifer Tilly fan but because she is very funny and has a strong personality for just a head.

The effects are as amazing as the sets with the green glow of Madame Leota, the zombies and more even the people who didn't like this film can't deny that the effects are excellent. As i said the sets are also some of the best i've seen the mansion is absolutely breathtaking.

The only thing that i think is bad with this movie is the child actors, they just look bored going round the mansion with straight faces even though they follow ghostly orbs into unknown places. But apart from this the rest of the film is great fun for kids and for the adults who aren't afraid to turn their brain off for 90mins. WATCH IT!!!!

The Devil's Rejects (2005)

Tutti-F*ckin'-Fruity!

[10/10 · 10 August 2005]

Since i saw the trailer for this film i couldn't wait to see it but i admit i was a little worried because most sequels don't even come close to their predecessors, but i was wrong and the worry was for nothing as this is better than the first in every way! The film is about the Firefly family being hunted down by a Sheriff whose brother was killed by them in the first film. The Characters all return Captain Spaulding, Baby, Otis, Mother Firefly and Tiny are all here (some are played by different actors) although Tiny's screen time is limited and Mother Firefly spends most of the film behind bars. But this doesn't mean that the film isn't fun because the remaining killers are the best of the bunch which is why i think Director Rob Zombie gave them the leads.

The film is a mix of 3 genres horror, western and comedy. And believe me the comedy is totally hilarious from Baby's little songs (Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these!) to chicken sex (you'll see what i mean). Meanwhile the horror is really brutal and sometimes uncomfortable to watch even for the most hardened horror fan like myself. People get shot, stabbed and beaten to death and this may seem like the same old deaths in every horror film but the cheery music that accompanies these scenes have a strong effect which i can't describe.

Finally the ending i'm not going to spoil it for you but when the Sheriff catches the three runaways i couldn't help but feel sorry for them! Which is weird considering all the things they've done like an hour ago!!! This is a great film, i can't recommend it enough. BRING ON THE DVD!!!

Dark Water (2005)

Rubbish!!!

[1/10 · 28 July 2005]

This film is absolute crap! The film lasts about 95mins and in this time the supernatural activity has a total of 5mins and that's after a boring 90min build up. The story is this....Dahlia is going through a messy divorce and must find a cheap place for her and her daughter to live even if it means living in a small flat with a black ceiling dripping ooze. Her daughter predictably starts talking to the ghost of the little girl and is thought to be crazy, adding to her mother's distress. A long while of boring talk later is the climax which only lasts for 5mins and is unsatisfying anyway. This remake was a waste of time and money and i strongly urge everyone NOT to see it! See The Descent or The Devil's Rejects instead.

Pep Squad (1998)

Really funny

[7/10 · 28 July 2005]

I have given this movie 7/10 purely for the character Cherry. She is a complete psycho who beats down everyone she meets and that's BEFORE she doesn't make the nominations for prom queen! At that moment all hell breaks loose and she throws an innocent guy across the gymnasium then proceeds to kick the headmaster in the face (which i couldn't stop laughing at!) She then decides that if she can't be prom queen no-one can so she starts killing them off. There are others characters but when Cherry isn't on screen you find yourself missing her and unable to care about that part of the film. Watch this for Cherry and you WILL enjoy it!

The Descent (2005)

They never learn!

[7/10 · 5 July 2005]

The Descent is a good addition to the horror genre and is directed by the same guy who directed Dog Soldiers.

The story is a group of woman go exploring dark caverns with one just recovering from a mental breakdown following the loss of her husband and daughter. But this still has some of the oldest horror clichés such as the cast (all women) delve deeper into the unknown caverns they are exploring instead of retreating (but this is just an excuse to get some victims for the movie), because of this it's great when they meet the creatures lurking in the darkness. The gore is great and the creatures fascinated me.

This wasn't scary but it's a good way to pass 90 mins and most horror fans will love it.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Jason at his best!

[10/10 · 4 July 2005]

Jason is back yet again in this 8th outing. With the exception of Jason X and Freddy Vs Jason this is Jason's best killing spree. He is brought back to life (as usual)and it isn't long before he's on board a teenage filled cruise ship with one thing in mind....MURDER!

The body-count and gore is completely satisfying, there are some of the best deaths by normal means here from Jason punching an annoying character's head off to the old wrench in the head demise. So if you like gore this is for you.

A lot of people will tell you that the Friday 13th series has gone downhill since the first but i disagree, the older films took quite a while to get to the death scenes and Jason had limited screen time but this is perfect, Jason's presence is forced upon you regularly which will please other Jason fans.

It's the best slasher from its time.

(ki-ki-ki-ha-ha-ha)

It (1990)

Don't you wanna balloon?

[10/10 · 1 July 2005]

As you can probably tell by my ID i have a passion for demonic/killer clowns and this is one of the best evil clown movies EVER! The story goes that a group of youngsters are terrorised by a persuasive and fiendish clown called Pennywise but the film doesn't just focus on them as children, instead years after they think they have killed Pennywise he returns to their adult lives to wreak more havoc.

Pennywise (played by Tim Curry) is the driving force behind this movie, his comedic taunts are hilarious and creepy at the same time which fits in perfectly with the theme and the scenes where Pennywise claims a child victim are pretty disturbing but because this is horror its great! The children i have to say are much better actors than the adults and personally i missed their presence during the second half of the movie. The ending is great with a surprise i and most people i know didn't see coming and all horror fans won't be disappointed.

I strongly recommend that everyone see this masterpiece and witness one of cinemas creepiest villains ever in action. BEEP! BEEP!

Jason X (2001)

In space....Jason will make you scream!

[10/10 · 1 July 2005]

Anyone who's anyone will know exactly who Jason is. A horror icon as famous as the dream demon Freddy Krueger. This movie is about Jason on the rampage in space which might sound like the bosses at New Line Cinema are running out of ideas but this is a great film. Because this is set in the future, technology has become more advanced making for some creative and gruesome death scenes which is more than satisfying. There is also a lot of (intentional) humour here with the characters saying the most idiotic things, for example the characters are in a room with Jason outside Rowan: "i think he's still out there!" Ganessa: "Why don't you stick your head out and have a peek?" This is easily the best film in the Jason franchise (with the exception of Freddy Vs Jason) and everyone should see it...already seen it? see it again!!

Final Stab (2001 Video)

Run of the mill slasher

[4/10 · 28 June 2005]

Final Scream is a low budget inferior take on the modern day classic Scream. It takes all the ingredients that made Scream such a success and doesn't do the right things with them. For example a horror mad person who could be used for some comic relief has a straight face throughout the movie.

The story is just a poor excuse to get enough people involved so the film can have a good bodycount, and this is the films only saviour because the acting is so bad and the characters are so annoying that you will smile gleefully as they are stabbed and strangled to death. This won't scare the biggest coward on Earth but i suppose this is good enough to kill 90 mins for any horror buff like myself.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Freddy rules all!!

[10/10 · 24 June 2005]

Many people will already know of Mr Krueger because he is a household name and it is this movie which made him a star and the ultimate horror icon. This movie is a true classic and many consider it to be the scariest of all time, with the fact that Freddy attacks you in your dreams which we all have and can't resist sleeping so his victims all all doomed (which makes for good watching!). Some of the special effects in this movie are know dated such as the extending arm effect but others such as the scene where Freddy looms out of the wall are still impressive and will make many people afraid to sleep. The gore is brilliant with the first death being my personal favourite in horror history for reasons you will see for yourself. If you haven't already seen it, you must this is one of the greatest movie of all time with the greatest killer of all time. See it and love it.

1,2 Freddy's coming for you.....

Little Devils: The Birth (1993)

They're so cute (& evil)!

[8/10 · 24 June 2005]

I loved this movie i thought it was great. As you might know if you read my comment on demonic toys, i really like low budget horror movies that have virtually no plot and is all about the gore. The devils are great they run around with flamethrowers laughing there demon heads off as they mercilessly burn their victims. The victims are a typical bunch of losers from the mad scientist to the sex maniac land-lady the latter by the way you will be glad when she gets it. I have to say though i found the devils to be cute & funny with their glowing red eyes and their mischievous laugh, this could just be my twisted sense of humour but still. Anyway i recommend this to other fans of low budget horrors you WILL enjoy it!

Seed of Chucky (2004)

Funny but...

[7/10 · 22 June 2005]

I am a very big fan of Chucky and like all the films in the Child's Play series yet i have to say i was disappointed with this latest outing. The jokes come thick and fast just as they did in the superior Bride of Chucky but that hardly compensates for the lack of deaths and gore that horror movies should be full of. The best death in the film is when Tiffany disembowels the irritating and big headed Redman (YEAH!). The idea of making Chucky and Tiffany's offspring a "good guy" was genius fuelling many arguments between the demented parents. Overall this was good but could have been better by including more deaths, but it will still be included in my DVD collection. If your a die-hard Chucky fan see it and love it!

Demonic Toys (1992 Video)

It's great!!

[10/10 · 20 June 2005]

Demonic toys is the best horror movie with killer toys, even better than puppet master. It is low budget but that means that the toys are more believable because they are actually there and not some rubbish computer image. The gore is brilliant the toys chew faces off brutally which will satisfy any horror fan.The humour is extremely hilarious from the clowns psychotic laugh to baby oopsie's cruel one liners. The villain is this films only let down but seeing as every thing else ticks the right boxes this is well worth a rent if not purchase. I strongly recommend this to other bloodthirsty individuals. Enjoy. THEY WANT TO PLAY....WITH YOU!