jakebd Reviews

Justice League of America (1997 TV Movie)

Remember that time when the Superfriends and the Power Rangers got really drunk and had an illegitimate child?

[3/10 · 3 April 2006]

As a comic book fan... you know what? Forget as a comic book fan. As a person who enjoys watching television, this thing is absolutely ridiculous. Seriously, this is implausible to a person who has spent their entire life being raised on television and comic books.

Let's start out with costume talk. These things look like costumes my mother made for my brother and me when we were twelve and eight and wanted to be DC superheroes (Technically, he was a villain, but Slade Wilson was always such a cool character, you know?). What is that thing that the Atom is wearing? It's like the costume designer just said, "How much Styrofoam can I fit into this costume? I need more." And what's up with putting green paint under Fire's eyes? It just looked stupid.

The writing is god-awful. Let me get this straight on the whole "I'm not Fire" thing. Leaving alone the fact that this woman looks exactly the same in and out of costume in front of the Martin guy, there's just the fact that when she's rejecting him, she's still wearing his earrings. This just threw me for a loop, man. If a guy gets you a present, telling you he spent a ton of money on it, and then you reject him? You give the present back. Especially if you're rejecting him within a minute of getting the present. The earrings thing should never have been a problem, cause the fact that she was wearing the earrings was ridiculous.

Plus, I love that ending, man. Everything winds up happy, right? Barry gets a job, Lantern gets his girl back, Martin gets a girlfriend, and Ice and Atom seem to have a beautiful relationship starting. Plus, there's the last shot of the League walking forward, each of them moving so stiffly that I think it might be a group superpower.

And don't get me started on the J'onn J'onzz thing. I know that David Ogden Stiers is a good actor, and I don't mean to be a purist or anything, but when I think about words to describe the Martian Manhunter, obese doesn't come to mind.

I watched this movie for free, and for shear camp value and maybe a laugh, it's good for about half an hour. (Not the first half hour, that's the slowest damn beginning I've ever seen.) But a half hour somewhere in the middle, if you're really bored, watch it on You Tube. But if you like the Justice League you should be willing to watch cartoons. Just go for JLU and enjoy yourself for 22 minutes.

Brick (2005)

Good formula, TERRIBLE WRITING

[2/10 · 3 February 2005]

Brick uses a pretty classic form that actually works pretty well. Following in the tradition of movies like Chinatown, Brick follows a relatively strait forward crime story. The lead becomes curious about something, wants to go off and find that thing, and spends the rest of the movie trying to determine what happened and why, all the while finding himself deeper in and deeper in the underworld. However, Brick lands us in a world we have no idea about. This is a version of High School that none of us have encountered, and the movie does little to give us grounding in it. But far worse, far far worse than the world (some people may even find themselves attracted to this world, enjoying the new environment) is the dialog. Everyone is speaking in this oh so trying to be clever pretentious quick dialog. Throughout the entire film, we can't focus on the story because we're just trying to figure out what the devil everyone's saying. The dialog thing just isn't really something you can get past. It's really annoying and for me, it made me not care about anyone in the film and just want it to end.

Scrubs (2001–2010)

Not actually a sitcom...

[12 December 2004]

Let me start off by saying that I adore this show. Really, I'm absolutely enthralled by it. Here's the thing, it's not really a sitcom. If you're a fan of straight zannyness and a brand new plot with each episode, this isn't really the show for you.

Sitcom, or situation comedy, is comedy of the moment. It is to say that nothing that has happened previously in the series is the reason for what's happening now. Scrubs, on the other hand, involves a rather strong continuing plot line and character arcs that encompass a season. The characters change and grow over time.

For me, since, as I said, I am devoted to the show, this is fantastic. I watch it every week and I get a bit more of the story to file away in my head thing. However, if you're just tuning in for the first time, you might not like the show quite so much. All I can say is, give it time. Let it grow on you a bit before you cast judgment. Because really, the show is good. But tuning in for one episode won't really tell you that.

The Passion of the Christ (2004)

Mel missed out on a great actor

[12 September 2004]

Am I the only one who's upset that Mel didn't go for Keanu? I mean, the guy's been getting himself groomed for the part for his entire career. He's already played two messiahs in five movies! I mean look at it. There's Neo of course. And he did it well once. But there's no way that you can't see Neo as messianic. And then there's Ted. Ah yes, good old Ted. If there's anything that the Bill and Ted movies were about, it was the arrival of a messianic garage band. And really, isn't that what it's all about? Rock and roll as the key to harmony in the universe? Who couldn't believe in that? As the profits say, "God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to everyone." Ah, the ecstasy of it.

I'm scared of anyone who says they have all the answers.