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Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021)
Not a Paranormal Activity movie
This has nothing to do with the others movies, but despite that it might have been my favorite. The acting isn't great and it's the same tired formula from the past 6 movies, but it's a massive jump up from The Ghost Dimension (although just about anything would have been) and I hope they continue this style going forward. Plus it was nice to see some of the characters survive without them being possessed. There are still flaws, but if this series goes anthology like this one did, only keeping the found footage and paranormal aspects like a feature length V/H/S short, then I suspect this series could find a nice revival in the near future.
StarMetro Storybook (2014)
A Masterpiece
In all my years of watching movies, I have been disappointed. Never in all my time have I ever felt that I found a movie worth even a second of my attention, much less my money. Well today I found a movie, nay a masterpiece on YouTube worth every single microsecond that I devoted to it. This masterpiece has revitalized my faith in art and even my faith in God, this will forever be the greatest thing ever made.
This doesn't just set an impossible bar for infomercials, but for everything made before and since in every medium. Even water is not as vital as this godsend of a commercial. If I ever have kids, they will not be asking Santa mere toys for Christmas, they will be begging me to put this on, and on I shall put it. This should be shown to every person on earth and translated to every language, even the dead ones. No one person should go without seeing this, and if they do I will make it my personal duty to make sure they do not miss out on perfection.
Cats (2019)
Not as bad as what critics said.
Much like Venom last year, Cats is a "worst movie of the year" that isn't all that bad. The movie has its fair share of flaws, but the bright spots are very bright.
The CGI isn't as eye bleed worthy as I thought it would be, the comedy was missplaced in some parts but in others made me chuckle, the singing was inconsistent, however, mostly good, as was the acting, and overall look of the film was decent. By far my biggest complaint is the lack of a compiling naritive. The film was unclear in what its plot was until fairly far in, and even when it did lay out its master plan I felt it was far too simple for a movie as long and as costly as this one was.
What saves the movie is beautiful singing from Jennifer Hudson among others, and musical set pieces that are a joy to watch. I don't think I will re-watch this anytime soon, but I kinda glad I did at least once.
Vampire in Brooklyn (1995)
Just Delightful
Trying to explain why a 90s blaxploitation vampire movie staring Eddie Murphy is great late night fun is really hard. But if you can get past the cheese, it's not half-bad.
My Fair Lady (1964)
It's just ok
Good things: Beautiful sets, decent songs, ok performances, Higgins is fairly funny, and an easy to follow story.
Bad things: WAY too long, useless songs especially from the dad, Audrey Hepburn has one of the worst voices of all time in the fist half of the movie (I know this is on purpose, but my god), and Higgins is a huge ass.
My biggest and worst complaint about this fine movie, is that the run time is bloated with useless musical numbers, this is a 1hr 50min movie tops, but because of Bollywood type musical numbers it (like a Bollywood movie) is bloated to 2hrs 50mins. I think it's perfectly fine, but with heavy flaws.
The Week Of (2018)
Not as bad as you would think.
I had a surprisingly good time watching this movie, while it did have some slow moments and those crappy Adam Sandler isms. This still made me laugh a heck of a lot more than most of his other movies.
I could sit here and tell you that this is another one of his god awful movies that you get suckered into watching and your night is ruined, but if I am being honest, I laughed often and hard.
If you have some booze and a night to kill, there are worse movies to watch over The Week Of.
Charlotte (2017)
You can do so much better!
Instead of using my time on this earth explaining why this movie should be skipped, I will oped in for telling you things, that you as a person can do in the same amount of time.
Cooking is a good trade to have, if you can make a good meal it will impress most guests you have over for the evening; one such dish that will woo people is ratatouille. This dish takes about one and one half hour to make, 45 minutes to prepare and 45 minutes to cook in the oven. If pulled off correctly, this is a meal that can turn even the most hardened of souls to an old softy.
Spending one hour and 30 minutes deep cleaning your house can and will feel gratifying. Not only because you now will live in a nice clean house, but because you will only have to spend just twenty minutes a week keeping it clean after its first deep clean.
Finally, watch two episodes of your favorite show, it will make you feel infinitely better about yourself than watching this movie.
It (2017)
Pretty good
I didn't see this movie in a normal theater, so that might have an effect on my score. I saw It in a Dolby theater and It sounded amazing. With that said, here is my review that no one will see or care about.
This movie is the opposite of most movies in the since that the kids were great and the adults acted like a paycheck was gonna be given no matter how bad they were, except for one. Bill Skarsgård.
Skarsgård has said he wanted his own Pennywise and didn't want to emanate Tim Curry, while I don't think Skarsgård is Oscar worthy, he does a damn good job as Pennywise.
All of the kids are good in their own right, but Jaeden Lieberher as Bill is fantastic. He never broke character, I thought his stutter was very realistic, and of all the kids I think he has the best chance of having a career. But non of this would work if the movie looked and sounded bad.
It doesn't, like I saw this movie in a Dolby theater, so that might be why It sounded so damn good and loud, but cinematography is really good.
I really am trying my best to not spoil this movie and I am coming off like I can't review a movie, but trust me when I say. If the adults were better, this would be an 8.4 out of 10. So do yourself a favor and go see it.