MarcMV12 Reviews

Blade: Trinity (2004)

A Blade too far

[6 February 2005]

Oh dear, The first Blade Film was great, Odo Keir and Stephen Dorff as the bad guys were fantastic, the action was non - stop and the story with Blades mother was great. Then there was Blade II which also had a great bad guy, good action and funny quips from the new characters led by Ron Pearlman, in a role infinitely superior to Hellboy. Then we come to Blade Trinity.

The story is ridiculous, the new characters are like the brat-pack, and Ryan Reynolds Character is abhorrent. The weapons are ridiculous,and look like toys not guns, and the Lazer Bow style weapon is just ludicrous. The dialogue is terrible, and the only thing that saves the film from complete disaster is Grimwood, played brilliantly by Triple H. In wrestling terms I have never liked "The Game", but if it hadn't have been for him, this film would have been utter garbage.

My advice would be to avoid like the plague, my only fear being that they will inevitably market the series as "The Blade Trilogy", which means like "The Godfather Trilogy" "The Scary Movie Trilogy" and "The Rambo Trilogy" we will have to endure a terrible 3rd installment even if we don't want it.

Truly, Truly awful film.

Elektra (2005)

Elektra-fyingly Awful

[2 February 2005]

Garbage, drivel, dross, rubbish. All words too good for this latest Comic Book trash offering. When will they realise that if they keep producing rubbish films based on rubbish Marvel characters, soon the very term "based on characters appearing in Marvel comics" will become synonymous with drivel.

A quick glance through the "future releases" section will reveal that there is more Marvel related garbage to come. I cannot fathom why producers would want to bring so many nothing characters to the big-screen, when no one except Comic book fans know who they are!

Probably better than the truly atrocious "Hulk" but please stop! Stick to the tried and trusted characters like The X-men and Spiderman.

Shameless (2004–2013)

The Best Drama on TV in years.

[10/10 · 2 January 2005]

I think the only thing that can be said about Shameless is that it is simply THE best Drama that has been on TV in years. America has produced TV shows which have bowled over audiences for years, such as The Sopranos, Oz and Homicide whilst we have to put up with year upon year of rubbish, with the odd classic such as Robbie Coltrane's Cracker to relieve the banality. From the first episode of Shameless I was hooked. The Characters, humour, acting, stories, script and dialogue are fantastic, and I cannot understand how anyone can slag this excellent show. I was so looking forward to the Christmas special, and whilst there was a serious tone with Ian's plight, I think there was always a serious undertone to the whole 1st series, and that is what makes good comedy drama, rather than just comedy.

I personally cannot wait for series 2 which starts Tuesday 4th January 2005 @ 10:00pm on Channel 4, and judging from the trailers I don't think I will be disappointed.

Marc.

WWE SmackDown! vs. RAW (2004 Video Game)

The Best Title in the series

[23 December 2004]

The last installment, HCTP was dire. They changed the grapple system to an annoying double button pressing style that had ruined older WWE Titles such as Attitude (PS1) and Warzone (PS1). This game has the same grapple system, yet is infinitely better. The weight detection system mean't smaller guys couldn't lift bigger guys, which sounds good. Unfortunately it wasn't applied correctly and Shawn Michaels couldn't lift Kane, even for a suplex or power-slam. For an addictive, quick fix of WWE action, this is definitely a fantastic game. What a welcome addition the Challenge mode is. I suggest expanding this part of the game, and having up to 100 - 150 challenges to play. It definitely helps prolong the fun of the game. Also the create a PPV is a welcome return. I always was a fan of this option, and craved for its reintroduction since it disappeared after Smackdown 2.

The only complaint is, as ever, the roster. We all know todays WWE has an ever changing roster of talent, but the games always seem to throw up some mysterious questions over the roster. Chuck Palumbo and the A-Train, whilst they were drafted to RAW a few weeks before the roster cut-off point, had not featured on TV, and therefore shouldn't have been in the game. Others who were on TV for a few months before the cut - off, such as Eugene, Luther Reigns, Tyson Tomko, Kenzo Suzuki, even Mr. Ass (Billy Gunn) could have been included. I also think the tag team belts should have been included, as it gives a bit more realism to the story mode. A build up throughout the year winning first tag team gold, then IC Gold/US Title Gold then finally your brands gold should be the way story mode is done. Plus there is always the old option of losing the belts due to your tag partner, then turning it into a feud. La Resistance should also have been included, even thought the characters would have been pretty generic.

I always think the way to ensure longevity is to include lots of different characters to play as, rather than allowing loads of create a wrestler places. I would suggest releasing an add on around march time for around £9.99, allowing you the option of using up space on your memory card to upload new characters from the WWE into the game. That way, Gene Snitsky, and any of the others who are playing a big part in proceedings could be added to your game.

If the developers keep the same mould, and ditch the poorly applied online play in favour of more game-play options, I believe 2005's installment should be great. Also, if the game wants to include true WWE Legends, give us who we want - Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Ultimate Warrior, British Bulldog, Mr. Perfect, Jake "the Snake" Roberts, The demolition, The Natural Disasters and Razor Ramon. I appreciate the legal wrangles with guys currently under contract to other organisations/currently active wrestlers in the business, but for the sake of the game, could the developers/Vince not make an exception (if the price is right) to get them in the game.

Other than the usual few grumbles, a great game!

The Beach (I) (2000)

Hedonistic, Hippy Dross

[7 December 2004]

The Beach is a film about the last sanctuary known to man, untouched by Capitalism, pollution, politics, domestic banality, constraint etc. Or at least it is until Leo DiCaprio (Richard) arrives.

Basically the story is that Daffy founded this pure paradise based on the age old quest for living life to the max and having fun. Somewhere down the line, like every Utopian fantasy, the dream became a nightmare. Richard appears to be the one who sees the beauty of The Beach, but gets warped by the usual human emotions of lust, greed, jealousy, hate, pride - the seven deadly sins really. He lusts after Francoise, is greedy when he also sleeps with Sal, becomes absorbed in self importance when he defeats the shark, and claims to be the master of the island. Ultimately, however, it is the old cliché that nature is beautiful and pure, and it is man and human emotion that corrupts that is sickening in this film. Its like "The Beach" is one great metaphor for The Garden of Eaden, where Richard is tempted (and falls) for not one, but two spoken for women. He lies his way through the film in order to keep what he sees as his hedonistic right, before seeing the community for the hypocrites they are and wanting to have nothing to do with it. On top of that, the choice of DiCaprio was obviously to appeal to the female audience, and its a very bad miscast for the role he is playing. His shouting makes him sound like a pathetic petulant child, and his swearing just does not suit him. it is clever that people from all corners of the globe reside at the Beach, but it is just another layer of "what are they getting at by this" on top of other complexities.

The problem remains that there are two many metaphors, twists, unanswered questions, and confusing moments to make this film matter. I think Trainspotting by Danny Boyle is one of the best films ever made, but this is just a mish mash of hedonistic, hippy dross.

I would not recommend this, unless you are a philosopher who like spending hours upon end deciphering films.

Marc.

The A-Team (1983–1987)

I love it when a plan comes together!

[17 October 2004]

Having just received the Season 1 Box Set, I reminded myself of just how good this show was. Hannibal oozed smugness, and was an ego-maniac (which when done right is inspiring), B.A. was randomly aggressive, but was idolised by Kids and adults alike. Face was suave, and a hit with the Ladies, while Murdock's antics would put Adam Sandler to shame. All I can think off as we hear more rumours of a film, is please make it an all action film with laughs like Lethal Weapon or Die Hard, and not a campy joke like Starsky and Hutch. I would love to see Harrison Ford as Hannibal, Ving Rhames as B.A., Pierce Brosnan as Face and the absolute essential Jim Carrey as Howlin Mad. I have heard rumours of George Clooney as Hannibal and Mike Tyson as BA, but I think we need someone with a little bit more Charisma than Clooney and a whole lot more acting ability than Tyson in such an important cult remake.

Roll on the casting process!!

The Football Factory (2004)

Is it Worth Watching? Course it is, love it!!

[17 October 2004]

A Fantastic Movie from start to finish, with brilliant acting, script, dialogue, poignancy and laughs. Danny Dyer proves that there is more to young British Actors that Jude "Pretty Boy" Law and Orlando "acts with his eyes" Bloom with a stirring performance as Tommy Johnston. The social critique is as prominent in the film as the football hooliganism, and the bathos that runs throughout is definitely a strong point. The Film is similar to Trainspotting in its feel and story-telling style, and the soundtrack expertly tries to give you the buzz the guys are feeling as they are marching towards a ruck. Scenes to look out for are the Junior Football Match, the 3rd Round Draw, and Rod Meeting his girlfriend's parents. Ultimately the film asks more questions about the society that breeds the need for arranged violence than the actual link to football, and ultimately leaves you on a high note after many lows during the film.

I would recommend this to anyone, not just football fans, but anyone who wishes to see a film out heterosexual male relationships, and the state of the British Male mindset in the year 2004.

Love It!!

The Punisher (2004)

Please don't Punish us with a sequel!!

[17 October 2004]

When I first watched this film, I was pleasantly surprised. Having seen the original with Dolph Lundgren, it is fair to say that it was more of an action film which just happened to borrow the name, and background of the comic character as a basis for a shoot - em - up film. This remake was fairly accurate to the comic, and had a decent cast, especially Jane and Travolta. The trouble is that on reflection, I had to ask "Why?"

The film is OK, with some good action and killings, but isn't the cliché of a mob boss killing a family member/whole family of a cop/army guy played to death in Hollywood movies? Whilst Spiderman and the X-men are slightly plausible (in a camp-comic book sort of a way) running around America,this guy was ex CIA, and now runs around in what looks like a Stone Cold Steve Austin WWE T-Shirt. When his son handed the T-shirt over, I thought it was shameless promotion of the film's merchandise, it was so corny. I can understand the need for Spiderman, the X-Men, Fantastic Four, and even the Hulk (despite how shockingly woeful the film effort was) to be made into films. I can even extend to Iron Man and the Avengers, but for The Punisher it is a Shameless re-make for no reason. If you like the Character, the original suffices, and in my opinion is a more gritty reflection of the guy. However, if you prefer to see 3 Oddball nothing Characters goofing around in a kitchen while Wrestler Kevin Nash trashes the "hero" in a performance better than all his in-ring performances put together, maybe the re-make is the one for you. I on the other-hand will be reaching for the original version, which sits pristine in my collection alongside the TV Version of the Incredible Hulk, which reminds me that, much like the Punisher, the originals are usually the best.

Super Size Me (2004)

A McHeart Attack waiting to happen

[17 October 2004]

Super Size Me is one of the greatest Documentaries I have ever seen. It is only recently that we have the chance to see documentaries on the big screen through the emergence of these Docu-films. It was fantastic, especially the facts a figures about how many Fast Food Outlets there are in every square mile in America. What was also fascinating was that McDonald's point blank refused to provide a spokesperson to answer Morgan's questions. I think their silence spoke volumes in admitting their guilt. The comparison of how the sizing's of Fries and cokes have increased over the years was particularly worrying, and when Morgan actually showed the sizes of the fries cartons and coke cups on screen, I was shocked that a Super Size USA Fries and Coke is nearly twice the size of a Super Size UK Fries and coke.

The fact that McDonald's have ditched their Super Size option, partly due to the court case and this film I think is great, as it shows democracy on such a grand scale can change even one of the biggest capitalist Companies. The only trouble watching this film is that it puts you in the mood for a McDonalds. I went out the very next day and had a large McChicken Sandwich Meal!! As the movie highlights, McDonalds do not drag people in and force feed them their food. The stuff is cheap and cheerful, and if eaten in moderation, is fine. With the amount of scare stories in the press surrounding so many foods, it is refreshing to see that this film does not say NEVER eat McDonalds, but rather be aware of what it could do to your system if eaten on a regular basis.

I would Definitely give this film a Super Size McTen out of Ten!!

Daredevil (2003)

A poor Mans Batman - Superhero Movie overload??

[15 May 2004]

Daredevil has often been described as Marvel's version of DC's Batman, but he lacks a lot of the appeal of The Caped Crusader. I was instantly concerned when it was announced that Ben Affleck was bursting to play The hero of hells kitchen. A bad casting call was also made with Michael Clarke-Duncan as The Kingpin. The kingpin in the comics was a bulky fat cigar smoking mafioso, someone in the mould of Fred Elliot from Coronation Street!, not a tall well built black crime boss. However, the most irritating, woeful performance in this film is Colin 'Feckin' Farrell's version of Bullseye. He actually acts the whole film like he is trying to best Meg Ryan's famous orgasm scene. Every movement is mincey, slurping and lustful, as if he is getting turned on by just prancing about. The whole thing just makes him come across as a sleazy slime-ball.

The action scenes are clunky, with the first brawl in the club an epileptic fit inducing strobe lighted fiasco. His skit with Electra in the playground is cringeful, and the final battle with The Kingpin is disappointing. Not the worst superhero movie (that 'award' goes to the disgusting Hulk), but you get the feeling that we are in danger of overloading on superhero movies. Both X-men films are legendary, the original Batman films are fantastic, and Spiderman was great, but the offerings since have been poor. Hopefully the pending Punisher re-make, Spiderman 2, and X-men 3 will revitalize this ailing genre.

Hulk (2003)

If giant green cabbages are your thing - watch this!

[15 May 2004]

Oh dear.

As a child of 7 or 8 years old, I used to sit engrossed on a Saturday afternoon to the Bill Bixby TV version of the Hulk. He got mad, the rage coursed through his body, starting at his eyes, and ending with his biceps tearing through his shirt. He stomped about, destroying things in a way every child wished he could do to his bedroom, then calmed down and turned back into the dazed and confused Dr Banner. So when they announced it was to be re-made on the Big Screen, like all fans of the TV show, and the comics, I was having it in a big way. Even when high - art, psycho - analytic director Ang Lee was placed at the helm, whilst it vexed me, it didn't wane my enthusiasm for the movie. And then the screen-shots appeared in the papers.

A disgusting blob of green mess, which had been so carefully kept under-wraps, and instantly I thought it should have stayed under-wraps. More and more shots of this 'thing' were leaked and every one looked even worse than the previous. I was starting to loathe the thought that such an iconic figure was getting ruined by this CGI abomination. Morbid curiousity took me to see the film, and my horror was complete. The first half hour was tedious and banal, the comic book style screens, whilst refreshingly unique, did not fit with the psychological journey Lee was trying to drag us through. The change from banner to hulk looked impressive the first time, but the minute the thing started to move it was excruciating to watch. Worse still, the scene where the beast skulked around outside Betsy's bedroom window like a predatory voyeur, hiding behind a CGI tree was pathetic. Hulks father / greatest foe / absorbing man sends CGI dogs to fight the CGI Hulk in a CGI forest and the results are a shambles to watch. If you wish to see a film like this, which is infinitely better, watch Roald Dahl's "The BFG", which is meant to be animated, as opposed to just looking like it is.

The TV series of 'The Incredible Hulk', whilst dated, has a feel-good nostalgia. This is an insult to the memory of it. Thank goodness And Lee dropped 'The Incredible' from the title, as the only thing 'incredible' about this version of the Hulk was the end credits. Please, please, please do not insult us with a sequel, which I think may be too much to bear.

Survivor Series (1997 TV Special)

Bret Hart is whining & complaining again? I find that hard to believe!

[15 May 2004]

It is now May 2004. This event took place in November 1997, Six and a half years ago. Even now Vince McMahon (owner of WWE) is trying to smooth things over with Bret, but Mr Hart will only return on the proviso that he can 'get revenge on Shawn Michaels or Vince McMahon' after what happened at this event. Three words Bret: GET OVER IT. It happened, its in the past, LET IT GO.

Every time I hear the term "The Montreal Screw-job" a shudder courses through my body. Bret Hart was leaving to go to WCW. He wanted the PPV match that people had payed good money to see, both in person & on Pay - Per - View from home to end in a massive brawl, and a double disqualification, then he wanted to ditch the WORLD Title the next night on TV and walk away. I'm sorry, but how would that have been better for anyone other than Bret himself, and his own fans? Neutrals will recall that titles in the WWF (as it was back then) were only ever surrendered due to injury, or other personal problems where the Wrestlers were left with no choice but to vacate their title. Even Shawn Michaels (who was fond of winning, but not very fond of losing his numerous titles) dropped the World Title to Stone-Cold Steve Austin at 'The Big One' Wrestlemania 14. What if he had refused? Austin winning his first World Title by being given it the next night on Raw wouldn't have had quite the same feel. Bret Hart's problem was that he couldn't handle not being the top dog anymore, and he wanted to spoil it for the fans by not doing the decent thing and letting Shawn win. A victory for Shawn after interference surely would have been a more acceptable way to end his tenure than what we got. Its just a pity that the owner was forced into doing something he didn't want to do by Bret's petulance.

Shawn Michaels was put in a precarious position. Whether he knew what was going to happen is fiercely debated even to this day, but even if he did, what was he meant to do? Refuse his chance at the World Title to show loyalty to someone who had dragged their feud into the schoolyard by saying his parents must be ashamed of their son Shawn? Why should he? The only person who screwed Bret Hart was Bret Hart, the minute he thought he was bigger than the Man and the company he was working for.

And on a side note, the only people that were really screwed that night were the fans, because controversial ending aside, the PPV was not memorable for anything else. The whole event had been built on the title match and it showed with a poor under-card. Normally any other Survivor Series (bar The woeful 6th Annual in 1992, which coincidently also had World Champion Bret Hart vs Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels for the World Title as the main event - which Bret won) would be recommendable, but not this one. Probably one of the hardest old events to get hold off, but unfortunately for all the wrong reasons.

Song for a Raggy Boy (2003)

Excellent, heart rending film, if a little too stereotyped.

[1 May 2004]

A film in a typical vein to such offerings as Angela's Ashes, Liam and The Leaving of Liverpool. Fantastic performances from an unknown cast of boys, with the stern influence of Ian glen & Marc Warren as the priests. Aidan Quinn is always fantastic, but here excels himself in a performance up there with that in Michael Collins. The film is tough to watch, with many scenes evoking actual rage at what is going on on the screen. The ritualistic violence, which the boys are forced to watch is particularly gruesome.

An emotional roller-coaster of a film is compounded with the bleak pen - pics of what happened to the characters after the film, the reading of which leaves a lump in the throat. One small criticism, would be the glaring stereotypes which, at times, threaten to undermine what is a great piece of cinema. Salivating Priests who skulk in the shadows waiting for the boys to do wrong, along with the old cliche of the one picked on boy overcoming all odds to persuade the teacher to stay, is a little bit too neatly packaged for a film that did not need to end on a high. Overall though, definitely worth a watch.

8MM (1999)

Shocking - but not even in an interesting sort of a way.

[1 May 2004]

An awful film to endure, let alone recommend to anyone else. Nicholas Cage, playing his usual sullen character is complimented by Peter Stormare who can only be described as ridiculous (if slightly funny), and a woefully sleazy disgusting scumbag in the form of Soprano's over - rated James Gandolfini. His turn from pleading wimp to aggressor by suddenly challenging Cage when he is in a precarious position is ludicrous. Has been mentioned in the same breath as Se7en, but isn't even in the same league. The scene where Cage tries to do right by the victims mother, but instead reduces her into a frenzy of anguish is actually horrible to watch. Some films are disturbing, but in an engrossing sort of a way, such as the great Se7en, Silence of the Lambs or Red Dragon, but this is simply disturbing, period. It does not have the twists of Se7en, nor the characters or plot development of The Lecter films, and always seems like a poor attempt at a psycological thriller. You are left with an abhorance to the film at the end, rather than that itching curiosity to view it again, that comes with the countless other films of this type which are are significantly better than this.