Eddy Hertens Reviews

Strippers: Cars for Cash (2012–2013)

Obnoxious and Pointless

[2/10 · 18 May 2024]

The two main characters do their best to reinforce every preconceived notion we have about used car salesmen.

They are arrogant, ignorant, loud, obnoxious, full of themselves and sometimes even a bit aggressive.

Personally I would never buy anything from them as I simply do not trust them as far as I could throw them.

I just hope they are acting the part as I pity their family if they behave in a similar way off camera. They are the perfect example of everything that is wrong with unadulterated capitalism. This program will only be liked by financial traders, real estate vendors, colleagues doing a similar job, bailiffs and tax collectors, commonly known together as 'unholy mouthbreathers'

Fish Tank Kings (2012– )

Dumb, dumber and even dumbest...with fish

[2/10 · 11 May 2024]

Ok. First of all I would NOT want to work at this place because, although I am a diver and I love sea life and aquariums the people working at this enterprise are not only annoying -with the exception of the big boss-they are truly obnoxious.

They seem to be unable to agree on anything, are terribly opinionated and all think they are extremely smart and are always right.

The resident fish specialist in particular, who seems to have swallowed a Latin Encyclopaedia is particularly annoying because not only does he want the last word in any discussion, his facial expressions mostly resemble a rabid ferret. If these guys ever held a team building experience their would be a lot of tears, gnashing of teach and maybe even some fatalities. Personally, given the choice of working in this shop or being thrown in jail in an African or South American country, I would need to have a long moment to decide. Not recommended.

CSI: Miami: Kill Clause (2009) Season 8, Episode 9

Script writers should check their facts

[4/10 · 17 April 2024]

Someone dies after falling into a fish tank filled with poisonous jellyfish and dies almost instantly. Afterwards, while doing an autopsy the coroner states :"his body is covered with "subdural haematoma's" : these lesions can only be found inside the skull, so how can the coroner know this when he has at that point only done an external examination? To me this immediately dispels any belief in the series, which specifically centers around forensic procedures and exact scientific descriptions of factual examinations. .(subdural refers to the exact location of a bleeding around the brain, inside the skull)

Zombie House Flipping (2016– )

Unrealistic, sometimes outright dangerous moronic behaviour

[3/10 · 16 April 2024]

Every episode starts with a walkthrough of the house, filmed in blue-grey tones to increase the feeling of it being dilapidated, during which the 4 over entitled spoiled morons, accompanied by a cute dog (who made the appreciation go up 2 stars btw) give annoying comments that only show these people have never been inside real slums or any African or Asian 'run of the mill' houses.

After this the 'demo' starts : armed with the most inappropriate and overly destructive tools (collateral damage is a must!) all 4 main 'rebuilders go medieval on the house. Keith especially has a penchant for pointless destruction and swings the hammer or baseball like an English soccer hooligan on crank. Having done some demo myself I can honestly say neither I, nor any of my other 'demo-ers' have EVER felt the need to swing a huge hammer or use my feet to remove something: it only leads to wanton unnecessary destruction and costs you more in the end. ( I tend to use screwdrivers, a small battery-powered drill and saw AFTER studying the building plans (if available) AND after disconnecting main water and electricity as this saves you a lot of PANIC afterwards!

After the demo, the reconstruction begins and here someone -as a rule- tends to go 100% against previously made and democratically discussed plans and just does whatever the hell he thinks is right (hello Duke!) Keith and Duke both are still very immature and really should be replaced. Ashlee and especially Justin try to make the best of it and seem honestly invested in what they are doing.

Vintage Voltage (2020–2022)

The horror...the humanity (?): stop ruining and violating cars!

[2/10 · 11 January 2024]

I HATE this show: idiots turning classic cars into Frankenstein-like abominations for absurd amounts of money while at the same time shouting this saves money and the environment is frankly ridiculous.

According to 'Moggy' combustion engines, clutches and gear boxes are ugly, stinking and obsolete expressions of yesterday's technology.

Personally I love the smell of petrol, oil and other smelly paraphernalia typically found in a garage.

Moggy likes the Sound of Silence while I love the slow gurgling and the roar of a well tuned V8.

Some of these things can be considered a matter of taste and personal preference BUT where the show goes too far is to insist that if you remove/change the engine, the clutch, the gear box, the fuel supply (tank/battery box), the position of these components (eg position of the engine), the weight distribution, the total weight, physical appearance (anyone see the motorbike?),etc, you still have a 'classic car'!

SORRY BUT NO; What remains is a sad, ridiculous facsimile of what one was a fine car,but which has been reduced to a characterless violated heap of muted muck.

War of the Worlds: Episode #1.5 (2019) Season 1, Episode 5

So slow, and full of stupid behaviour.

[5/10 · 4 January 2024]

Imagine you are a soldier approaching a crashed spacecraft: would not you scan for EM-radiation? Not one of the soldiers gets out a Geiger counter (modern ones are the size of a small smartphone btw: I bought one for about 150 euros to visit Tsjernobyl). So far I have not seen anyone take out one of the 'robodogs' (cyber dogs?) with a sniper rifle; everybody just shoots blindly as if they have all the ammo in the world. No one tries to use radio communications (HAM radio or better?) No one stays on a lookout but just hopes the 'dogs' have no IR or thermal imaging (or even improved 'zoom' vision.

Etc, etc If European soldiers are all this stupid (but I really hope they are not btw) I start learning Chinese or Russian tomorrow.

The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon (2023– )

Keep it small!

[9/10 · 12 December 2023]

Impressed by the new spinoff. Seeing Daryl wake up on the beach reminded me of Rick waking up in his hospital bed after the World had (almost) ended.

The French actors fortunately speak French and are very convincing and quite fascinating.

Two caveats however: do not make it a megaproduction with thousands of nameless instantly forgotten extra's AND do not introduce a new NEGAN, as he ruined the series for me.

Third remark maybe: do not turn it into another The Last of Us as this would be pointless, boring and unimaginative.

As several people have already remarked this new series looks a lot like the beginning of the original series: fresh, scary, emotional and surprising.

Wheeler Dealers (2003– )

Rating would be 9/10 if Mike hit the road...permanently

[6/10 · 8 September 2023]

Love all the 3 mechanics: they all seem to know their job and are entertaining and informative ( although my namesake Edd is the most charismatic and likeable. This of course makes the contrast with the mediocre miserly Mike even bigger. Knowing a vendor of one of the cars personally I know for a fact that Mike has at least once bamboozled the viewers. Is it really believable he always gets a lower price? The production's fixers sometimes supplement the 'official' price that has been agreed just to make Mr Brewer look larger than life. Furthermore, Mike often really annoys me, being a one-trick pony whenever he runs his 'spiel'. Another couple of things that at times are irritating are Mike's strange colour preferences (and even more his dislikes: eg the mini Moke with the white interior and his dislike of the colour yellow) and Mike's inability to speak a second language (English is my third language BTW) (eg the Renault Alpine from 'la douche France'). I really hope this series still has a future, but preferably one without a certain presenter with a limited vocabulary ("cheeky". "lumpy", "blower")

Bull (2021)

Bull...Sh.t

[2/10 · 26 August 2023]

A completely pointless movie for lovers of torture and pain.

If you like this movie, you should probably seek psychiatric help.

In our world, where you can see terrible things just about every day on the news, (shootings in the USA, the wars in Ukraine, Syria and various African Nations, terrorist attacks in Europe, 'simple' murders and atrocities on our streets, the list goes on, and on, and on) why would you waste your time (and a small part of your life) on this utter crap.

It has no redeeming qualities as far as I can see: the characters are one-dimensional caricatures played by 'actors' who could use some acting lessons, the cinematography is cheap and has no artistic value, the soundtrack (?) is just plain boring, the editing is extremely linear and unsurprising and the story has absolutely no surprises (the final 3-5 minutes could be guessed from the first act). To be avoided at all costs. Your mental health will thank you for it!

Outback Opal Hunters (2018– )

Losers United

[3/10 · 9 April 2023]

Sad to see all these people spend their life doing ...nothing.

Although they produce quite a lot of blood (sometimes), sweat (buckets) and tears (at the end of the day) most of them never get any richer, either physically, metaphorically, intellectually or morally.

Unfortunately an image of scurrying rodents comes to mind when I see them digging in the dirt, breaking every Little Rock into even smaller pieces. Makes you wonder how many of these people commit suicide, become alcoholics or get addicted to drugs.

Like with all similar setups, the real money is made by the dealers and buyers of the Opal, who pay the diggers a pittance and sell the stuff for a fortune. Having lived in Sierra Leone almost thirty years ago and having seen what so-called 'blood diamond' does to a society I am truly appalled by this series.

Lockwood & Co. (2023)

Overrated,gloomy and depressing.

[6/10 · 28 January 2023]

After the excellent Wednesday, I was looking forward to diving in another fantasy world of wonder and excitement...oh boy, have I been disappointed. Everything looks very gloomy, morose, dark and devoid of life. The main ingredient missing here is humour; none of the characters have an ounce of believability and all seem to be on neuroleptic or sedative drugs. After 4 episodes I needed a break from the gloom and decided some lighter fare was needed: The Original Ghostbusters movie provided the perfect antidote. I did ultimately finish the season, but now I wished I had not bothered. It reminded me of '1900',without the crazy plot twists and of the last two Harry Potter films, but without everything that makes HP so great: amazing characters, great acting, fabulous set design, surprises around every corner,etc. The one thing I did like was the soundtrack (e.g. The Cure fit perfectly)

Agatha Raisin (2014– )

THAT Woman gets on my nerves!

[4/10 · 19 September 2022]

Generally Ridiculous, annoying, boring AND unbelievable.

Furthermore most characters are not at all likeable.

Really wish the writers would adopt a "Walking Dead" or "Game of Thrones" approach, so at least the gruesome deaths of some of the main protagonists would provide a singular moment of relief and fun.

Having seen about six episodes (partner responsible for this torture) I can only hope this series will soon be cancelled.

A lot of people seem to be comparing this dross to Midsomer Murders and insist on stating AR is a comedy: to me Midsomer Murders outclasses AR immensely: if MM is a wonderful Waygu steak, AR tastes more like rotten tofu!

Midsomer Murders: Midsomer Rhapsody (2005) Season 8, Episode 8

Disgusting behaviour!

[6/10 · 15 September 2021]

The episode was mediocre at best, but the behaviour and disrespect of a police officier handling a recently (<1 minute!) deceased body shocked me thoroughly.

I am of course talking about the (spoiler!) handling of the decapitated head with his foot! Anybody witnessing this would no doubt be disgusted.

Being an M. D., and an atheist I assume the dead person most likely would not care but this shows gross and total disrespect for the dead.

Fortunately, the reprehensible, anachronistic,rude and sometimes outright criminal DS Scott went the way of the dodo after this episode. (Just being a "pretty boy" does not make you a good police officer)

The I-Land (2019)

After 3 episodes....I started watching LOST again!

[4/10 · 15 September 2019]

Really glad I came to my senses. The people in this series could certainly use some lessons from Bear Grylls. What starts out as a Lost-inspired survival series quickly degenerates into really bad Temptation Island. Was hoping for some more Walking Dead or GoT-direction: aka kill them one by one. Permanently!

Story of a Girl (2017 TV Movie)

Unintentionally Funny...sadly

[3/10 · 19 July 2019]

Having just seen this "real life" movie together with mostly Syrian, Palestinian and Iraqi refugees in an asylum center for refugees, I can only marvel at how superficial some people's lives have become. The subject matter was ridiculous, unbelievable and extremely egocentric ,the acting was below par and at no time did the main characters solicit any emotion, except ridicule and disbelief. Surrounded by people whose life really was changed drastically, by war, famine, civil unrest etc. my only conclusion can be: a pathetic movie about First World Problems, made for people with Very Boring Lives who are addicted to antisocial media.

The Walking Dead: Last Day on Earth (2016) Season 6, Episode 16

Rubbish. Made me lose all interest in the show

[2/10 · 8 April 2016]

This series started out pretty great, had some amazing moments,...but seems to be going downhill at breakneck speed. Although a series about zombies can hardly be called realistic, at least in the first couple of seasons whatever happened, however cruel and gruesome it might be, seemed believable and mostly made sense. The final episode of the sixth season however did not pull a rabbit out of a hat, it tried to conjure up a hundred foot dinosaur and failed

Possible Spoiler!

All of a sudden a large, well-organized, well-trained, well-equipped group of villains appear out of nowhere, led by a master villain who immediately falls into character by giving an overlong boring monologue, emphasizing his own 'superior' intellect.

This episode has ruined the suspension of disbelief for me completely. I am going to assume everybody has died and next year I'll watch something that does not insult my intelligence....probably of British, German or Scandinavian origin.

The Musketeers (2014–2016)

Nice eye candy, shame about the plot, characters and believability

[4/10 · 15 January 2016]

It seems more money was spent on hairdressers than on plot writers,...or indeed decent directors. This ultra-light interpretation of the classic A. Dumas tale could be great: it has good production values, some quality actors and the BBC knowhow behind it,.... but so far it has been heartless, unbelievable pantomime NOT worthy of the BBC. The main roles are unfortunately portrayed by fashion models, not actors, trying to deliver at least a believable performance. Definitely a product for a generation that prefers looks over substance. It is possible for the Beeb to make a series that treats drama in a humorous, over the top and yet believable and enjoyable way (Atlantis, Doctor Who, ...) but here it should decide whether to make a serious period drama... or go full panto and hire Mr. Atkinson. (Blackadder returns?...)

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

A Glorious Humongous Piece of ....Crap

[5/10 · 26 November 2015]

Seeing most people either give this movie either a 1 or a 10 rating, I decided to give a more nuanced view. There is fun to be had with this movie, even if you are an adult spectator, providing.... 1) You watch this movie with some friends on a "silly" booze-filled night, preferably after ingesting some "recreational" mind-numbing, critical- thought impairing and illegal chemicals. 2) You want to show off your huge home theater setup, and feel the need to create a seismic event. 3) You have just watched a marathon of movies by Lars Von Trier, Darren AronovskyIngmar Bergman or the Dardenne brothers (I am Belgian)

Bottom line: this is a dumb movie with over the top action, wooden acting (sorry Charlize!), one-dimensional characters and zero importance, unworthy of being called a Mad Max movie.

Marco Polo (2014–2016)

Beautiful empty shell

[5/10 · 14 December 2014]

Nice production values, but main characters are lifeless, emotionless automatons. Furthermore, hearing the Asians speak 'American' is initially awkward, then becomes grating and ultimately too much to tolerate. By the end of the third episode I could not stand this fake construct any more and proceeded to watch the 1982 original, which is vastly superior in almost every aspect (except for the CGI, which did not exist then). Comparing this in quality to a gem like the Tudors is in my opinion absurd, bordering on the ridiculous. Another example of Hollywood kitsch , not Art

On the plus side, I really liked the Costumes, Set design, Lighting and Score