noah-65732 Reviews

Spun (2002)

Considering Meth? Watch this First!

[8/10 · 21 April 2024]

Spun is one of the most realistic drug movies I've seen. I actually tried Speed a few times in the 90s and the drug FX are accurate. This is one of those films that will at the very least make think twice about trying Meth. I had it been out in the 90s, I never would have tried it. The story is both funny and depressing; the acting and the cast are wonderful; and the soundtrack is fun and memorable! While this film is often compared to Requiem for a Dream, I personally think Spun is the better of the 2. Movies like this are really only for a certain crowd so if you like drug movies see it, if not then don't.

Brightburn (2019)

Evil Superman

[8/10 · 19 December 2023]

Have you ever wanted to see Superman kill people? Did you play Mortal Kombat vs DC and wish they'd given Superman some Fatalities? If Yes, Brightburn is a flick you'll enjoy. It's a dark slasher that answers the question: What if Superman was Evil? When an infertile couple finds a baby at the crash site of an unknown spacecraft, they spend the next 12 years as a loving family. It's around that time that young Brandon starts to realize his powers and quickly begins taking people out. The kills are cool, the FX are well done and the ending is unsettling. It basically plays out the opposite of how your typical superhero story unfolds. If you like slashers or are a superhero fan that's tired of the same old stuff check this one out.

I give Brightburn a solid 89%!

Maximum Overdrive (1986)

King and Estevez should have ZERO regrets! This movie absolutely rocks!!

[10/10 · 21 November 2023]

Maximum Overdrive is one of my favorite movies of all times! One of only a handful of films that I have nearly memorized. Stephen King wrote and directed this film and unlike the author himself, I absolutely love it! Honestly, don't believe the bad reviews or the regrets of washed up actors or writers whose best days are far behind them. Everything from the far out story to the goofy characters to the gory kills to the all AC/DC soundtrack make this the perfect 80s horror flick if you can watch it for what it is and look past the cheese.

It's a story of a comet that passes Earth and causes every machine in the world to come to life and kill people. While all machines are affected, it's the trucks that dominate the story and trap a group of people in a truck stop in North Carolina.

The gore FX are well done, the premise is unique and the characters are likeable. As much as I love this movie, I cannot deny that it's cheesy and that the acting is bad but that's what makes it great! It's not for everyone but if you like 80s horror and hard rock and can handle what I described above, I think you'll be able to enjoy this flick and have a lot of fun rocking out to the soundtrack.

I give Maximum Overdrive a Nostalgia fueled 100%!

Silver Bullet (1985)

How about a Werewolf?

[10/10 · 21 November 2023]

Silver Bullet is my personal favorite in the Werewolf Genre. Not to discount American Werewolf in London or The Howling in any way, I've just really enjoyed this one since I was young.

It's a story about a paraplegic boy named Marty, his sister Jane and his drunk uncle Red who live in a small town that is being terrorized by a werewolf. As the body count gets higher, Marty soon discovers that the culprit is the local Reverend. Marty then strives to convince his sister and uncle that his findings are true in a gradual build up to a final fight with the wolf.

The story is entertaining and the acting is decent with strong performances by Gary Busey and Corey Haim. There are some pretty decent gore FX, cool kills and well timed scares. The Werewolf is pretty good though it is a bit bear-like. Stephen King wrote the screenplay as it was based off his novella Cycle of the Werewolf.

Check out Silver Bullet if you enjoy werewolves, Stephen King or 80s horror.

I rate Silver Bullet at 100% though Nostalgia is a factor for me personally.

The Sadness (2021)

Disturbing Taiwanese Zombie Flick

[9/10 · 20 November 2023]

The Sadness is a whole new take on the Zombie Genre that adds some rather unsettling elements to the typical Zombie Apocalypse formula. Instead of coming back as mindless flesh eaters, the infected become fully competent psychopaths..... horny psychopaths. These zombies can talk and explain in full detail their killer intentions which get down right crude at times. Some might say these aren't zombies but I'm not going to be technical about it. They're zombies in my book.

This movie is chock-full of bloody, gory and disturbing kills including: someone jumping off a building and landing face first, a train full of stabbings with gushing blood, a lady getting her eye socket humped and MANY more. Some of the violence is so relentless that you might laugh without it actually being funny, just shocking.

The story follows a couple who leave for work in the morning and how each of their days play out during the fast spreading infection. Everything gets really bloody really fast and just keeps getting more and more disturbing and hopeless until the very end.

This movie just doesn't let up and is probably the most disturbing zombie movie I've seen so far (I've seen over 150). If you're a fan of the zombie genre or just disturbing horror, you have got to check this one out.

I give The Sadness a 98%

Terrifier 2 (2022)

Pulls No Punches!!

[9/10 · 19 November 2023]

Terrifier 2 ups the Ante big time in terms of gore, scares and most importantly, storyline! While the first film was simply a really gory slasher, part 2 takes a deep dive into the story of Art and the 2 main characters Sienna and Jonathan.

Over the top doesn't even begin to describe the kills in this movie. Art takes people out in the most gruesome ways possible including bashing a dude's skull open to eat his brain, splitting a girl's chest open to eat her heart, Tommy gunning several people in one room and slicing a woman apart then pouring salt and bleach in her wounds. There's even a classic Savini style shotgun to the head scene. The gore scenes are absolutely top notch 80s style practical FX.

While Art remains creepy, his sidekick Pale Girl is what nightmares are made of. She is so scary in every scene she's in.

The story follows Sienna and Jonathan as they randomly encounter Art and Pale Girl all the way up to an all out battle with the killer clown. They're also still reeling from the loss of their father who may or may not actually be Art. There is a lot of potential story explored but not answered including Pale Girl's origin and many supernatural elements that hint toward being revealed in Part 3.

Any Slasher fan or Gore Hound simply MUST see Terrifier 2. It's the goriest slasher in years! Simply a balls out, pull no punches, Grindhouse style flick that is sorely lacking these days.

I give Terrifier 2 a 93%

Terrifier (2016)

Art is the Best New Killer!

[9/10 · 19 November 2023]

Terrifier is a low budget gory slasher that will not disappoint in the FX department. The killer, Art the Clown is a new horror icon right up there with Leatherface, Michael, Jason, Freddy and Ghostface. Art is completely mute which makes him scarier and funnier at the same time. He'll laugh at his victims without making any noise and do silly clown things in the creepiest way possble.

On Halloween night 2 drunk friends encounter Art the Clown and immediately dismiss him. Since they're too drunk to drive, they go for pizza and see Art again being even more creepy but dismiss him again. They return to the car to find their tires slashed which is right about when the extreme kill scenes get started.

The kills are downright brutal including multiple stabs to a guy's face, bashing a dude's head in, skinning a crazy woman and sawing a naked lady from her privates to her skull. The gore FX are really amazing but are definitely not for the faint of heart.

I strongly recommend Terrifier to Slasher fans and Gore Hounds.

I give Terrifier a 92%!

It (1990)

You'll Float Too!

[10/10 · 19 November 2023]

IT is one of the scariest movies I've ever seen, plain and simple. The story is about a group of 7 kids in the town of Derry, Maine where children are being murdered one by one. "The Lucky 7" discover that the killer is really a monster that knows and exploits their worst fears and appears in the form of a Clown named Pennywise. There are two halves to this film.; the first half is about all 7 characters' experiences with IT when they were kids and the second half has them meet up 30 years later when IT comes back. It really is amazing how great IT turned out to be considering it's a made for TV movie. I saw IT when it first aired on ABC-TV and have seen it many times since then and I can honestly say that IT still scares the hell out of me because there are so many parts where that evil clown just pops out of nowhere with a whole new mind blow. While not graphically violent, the story is extremely scary and the cast is just wonderful including the late John Ritter and a young Seth Green. I strongly recommend IT to anyone that enjoys suspenseful psychological thrillers.

The Hangover Part II (2011)

Many would call my rating too high

[8/10 · 18 November 2023]

The Hangover 2 is pretty much what you expect it to be. However, it is not what many critics describe as simply a rehash of the first film. Sure it tells a similar story about the Wolfpack getting wasted beyond recognition, striving to remember the previous night's events and finding a lost friend but for the most part it's original enough to stand on its own. This time around the Wolfpack is in Thailand where Stu is set to get married to a beautiful Thai woman. After an awkward rehearsal dinner the Wolfpack invites the bride's brother Teddy to have a drink with them on the beach only to black out and wake up in a trashy hotel room in a seedy part of Bangkok. There are a lot of hilarious jokes throughout the film on subjects ranging from drug dealing monkeys to bar brawls to transvestite strippers. If you enjoyed the first film you'll enjoy the second.

Alien vs. Ninja (2010)

Better than many think

[9/10 · 18 November 2023]

I got a lot of flack for my high rating of this film but I stick to it. It's mindless action and that's it! When a fire ball crashes into a small village, a ninja clan discovers everyone dead and in pieces. They soon find themselves in a bloody, gory battle for survival against a clan of dolphin looking aliens that have super reflexes and fighting skills. AvN has some of the best sword fights I've ever seen on film as well as some decent hand-to-hand combat, grappling and other random weapon battles. The fight choreography is so intense and fast paced that it's like watching live action anime. The gore effects are well done, the storyline isn't too complicated and the humor is well played. The dubbing was kind of bad but that doesn't ruin anything; the jokes are still funny and the dialogue is still clever. Overall, this is essentially a Japanese version of Predator with Ninjas instead of soldiers. If you like bloody, action packed Ninja films and/or Japanese Horror; you'll enjoy Alien vs. Ninja.

Léon: The Professional (1994)

Not bad, just overrated

[6/10 · 18 November 2023]

I had higher expectations for Leon: The Professional and felt somewhat let down. The story follows Leon, who is a hitman and is good at what he does. When the family in the apartment next to his is killed by corrupt DEA agents, Leon takes their 12 year old daughter under his wing. This wasn't exactly a bad movie, it's just that the characters were not very likable and there wasn't enough action. A lot of parts in this film didn't make sense. First, if Leon was really such a professional he wouldn't have taken in a 12 year old girl and tried to teach her the how to pull off mobster style hits. Second, Mathilda, played by a young Natalie Portman, was annoying as hell and became nothing more than a horrible burden on Leon. Third, the NYPD was unrealistically inept. There were some interesting training scenarios, some cool action scenes and Gary Oldman was great as the villain but the friendship between Leon and Mathilda ended up being extremely annoying and at times inappropriate. Perhaps, I'm missing the bigger picture of the story but it just wasn't a very impressive film in my opinion.

Dead Clowns (2004)

Clown Zombies

[4/10 · 18 November 2023]

Don't expect much from this film except for a few good moments. It's about a train that derailed during a hurricane in the 1950s and a circus clown car that completely disappeared and was never found. Years later when another hurricane hits the area, the rotted corpses of the clowns rise out of the bottom of the ocean for revenge. The clown zombies are well-done, there are a few wince inducing gore scenes and a few suspenseful parts as well. However, Dead Clowns pretty much fails on every other front; the camerawork is amateur at best, the plot is nonexistent and the acting is beyond horrible. Another problem is that this film takes too long to get going, when you're dealing with bad acting at this level, over a half hour of dialect is enough to ruin a film, which it does. Though Dead Clowns is far from being the worst zombie movie, it offers nothing new or creative to the genre. I only recommend this to hardcore zombie movie fans.

Christine (1983)

Unique

[7/10 · 18 November 2023]

Christine is about a nerd named Arnie who purchases a 1958 Plymoth Fury which the previous owner named Chrstine. As he fixes up the old hunk of junk, Arnie gets less nerdy, starts dating the hottest girl in school and becomes obsessed with Christine. After a group of bullies trash Christine, she comes to life, fixes herself and takes the bullies out one by one. The acting and the story are well done and it's pretty cool to see how many different ways the car gets destroyed and fixes itself up automatically. Christine isn't Stephen King's scariest story nor is it John Carpenter's scariest film. With such talent working together the film should have been darker and gorier. They could have done a better job at showing how attached Arnie became to Christine and made the kill scenes more violent to up the scare factor. The 50s soundtrack is enjoyable and the shop keeper Mr. Darnell is an awkwardly funny character who livens things up a little despite the rest of the film being almost too serious. See Christine if you like Stephen King stories or John Carpenter films, just don't set your expectations too high. 3.5/5 Stars.

Deep Red (1975)

Classic Argento

[8/10 · 18 November 2023]

Deep Red is both a Murder Mystery and a masterpiece of Italian Giallo Horror. It tells the story of a Piano teacher named Marcus in Rome who witnesses a brutal murder then becomes a target of the murderer once he starts to investigate with the help of a female reporter named Gianna. These kind of films take a certain amount of patience to enjoy but are well worth it once the plot really starts to get going. Director Dario Argento does a great job at keeping viewers in suspense and leaves the audience guessing until the bloody end. The sound track as well as the camera angles add to the suspenseful atmosphere slowly leading to the next murder scene. The kills are very well done for 1975 and the acting isn't half bad. The DVD has an English version of the film which is really half English and half Italian but is still easier to watch then the full on Italian version. Watch Deep Red if you're into old Italian Horror films or even a good old fashioned murder mystery.

The Shining (1980)

I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in.

[10/10 · 18 November 2023]

The Shining is a story about Jack Torrance who takes a job as the winter caretaker for the Overlook Hotel which gets snowed in every winter. Before Jack takes the job the hiring manager explains that the previous caretaker went insane, killed his family with an ax and shot himself. Jack still takes the job and brings his wife Wendy and his son Danny along for the winter. Early in the story it is revealed that Danny has the gift of telepathy (aka The Shining) and is being haunted by what at first appears to be frightening hallucinations. When the same visions of terror start hitting Jack and Wendy the truth behind these images is slowly revealed. This is not a particularly gory or violent film but what it lacks in splatter it makes up for in sheer terror and slow building suspense. Director Stanley Kubrick does an excellent job at portraying Jack's depleting sanity and when he finally snaps and goes batshit crazy, Jack Nicholson shines as one of the most well portrayed psychos in cinema history. Additionally, little Danny is almost equally creepy because he's simply too young to understand his gift and in-turn creates an alter ego named Tony to help warn his mother of how dangerous his father has become. Although there has been a TV remake of this film that follows the book exactly, I personally think this version is vastly superior. If you like scary mind bending horror or the work of Stephen King I strongly recommend seeing this film. REDRUM REDUM REDRUM!!

The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)

Not Scary, Not Funny, Not Gory

[4/10 · 18 November 2023]

With a title like The Fearless Vampire Killers I was expecting a good old fashioned vampire bloodbath. However, the title is very misleading because the "vampire killers" are just a couple of British pussies that don't even kill a single vamp. This is supposed to be a Dracula comedy but I didn't laugh even once because it simply isn't funny. Perhaps this may have been funny in 1967 in England but not by today's standards. The story is dragged out way too long and lacks any action, suspense or gore. The acting is downright painful at times and the characters are forgettable at best. There are some well shot scenes, the vampires look cool and the ending is alright but that's about all that's good about this failure of a vampire comedy. I like old vampire movies, even old horror comedies but this one misses the mark in my opinion. Skip it.

Ginger Snaps (2000)

Not Terrible but Nothing Special

[6/10 · 18 November 2023]

Ginger Snaps is about two high school goth sisters Brigitte and Ginger who are outcasts trying to fit in. When Ginger gets attacked by a werewolf her behavior changes dramatically as she slowly manifests into a werewolf. This film is fairly redundant of the typical horror movie formula. There are some scary parts but overall the story is too dragged out, the characters are unlikeable and the subject matter is only relatable from a woman's point of view. Not that I couldn't understand the girls' problems, it's just that I can't related to periods, cramps and menstrual cycles. The gore effects are well done, the werewolf effects are alright and the acting is passable. Though somewhat enjoyable, Ginger Snaps is nothing special in terms of the Werewolf/Horror genre. For better Werewolf movies check out An American Werewolf in London, Silver Bullet or the remake of the Wolfman.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Top Notch Martial Arts Flick

[10/10 · 18 November 2023]

Not to discount Halloween, They Live or the Thing by any means, but I personally like Big Trouble in Little China more than any other John Carpenter film. This flick succeeds where many martial arts films fail in that it actually has a great plot, likable characters, excellent special effects and amazing fight choreography. Kurt Russell is really at his best as Jack Burton, a trucker who decides to help out his friend Wang Chi after his fiancé is kidnapped. Jack and his friends battle gangs, sorcerers, a guy who can generate thunder throughout his body and some really ugly monsters. It's surprising to see how many ideas originating from this movie were later used in Mortal Kombat, for instance the two main villains look almost exactly like Shang Tsung and Raiden and the fights have the jump attack style used in the earlier games. If you haven't seen this film I strongly recommend watching it. It may just be one of the best martial arts movies ever made.

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

Decent Conclusion

[8/10 · 17 November 2023]

The Matrix Trilogy tells the story of Mr. Anderson (aka Neo) who discovers that the world he knows is nothing more than a computer program that most of the human race is plugged into in order to blind them from the grim reality that human beings are nothing more than fuel for a race of machines that have taken over the world. Zion, the last human city is now the machines' target and only Neo can stop them. All three films have amazing special effects, hardcore fight choreography and decent acting.

The Matrix Revolutions is better than Reloaded in that most of the fighting takes place outside of the Matrix in the last human city of Zion and being in reality makes the heroes much more vulnerable. Since the core of the story has already developed you can just sit back and enjoy the exciting conclusion. The most notable part of this film is when the machines invade Zion and soldiers armed with giant mecha-tech suits fight them off. Almost everything about this movie is visually stunning, the sound effects stand out more than most other films and it even has some very well done gore effects like a general's face getting torn up, Neo having his eyes melted and one person dying from impalement with multiple metal bars. The ending is a bit weak but it still wraps up the story well and even leaves room for more films in the future, though I personally wish they stopped at 3. That new one was awful.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Amazing Actions Scenes Dragged Down by Cheese

[7/10 · 17 November 2023]

The Matrix Trilogy tells the story of Mr. Anderson (aka Neo) who discovers that the world he knows is nothing more than a computer program that most of the human race is plugged into in order to blind them from the grim reality that human beings are nothing more than fuel for a race of machines that have taken over the world. Zion, the last human city is now the machines' target and only Neo can stop them. All three films have amazing special effects, hardcore fight choreography and decent acting.

The Matrix Reloaded is the weakest of the original trilogy (Resurrections sucks) despite some amazing fight and action scenes. The thing that ruins it for me is the storyline when they're out of the Matrix. Not that it's a bad story but it's just overdone and extremely cheesy. In fact I disliked the story so much that I would have ranked this lower if it weren't for three scenes; the fight with multiple Agent Smiths, the fight with the Albino Rastas and of course the most amazing highway chase scene I've ever seen. In fact I recommend skipping through the dialogue and just watching the action scenes because they're visually stunning, if you do this you'll still be caught up on everything in the next installment.

The Matrix (1999)

I can dodge bullets?

[10/10 · 17 November 2023]

The Matrix Trilogy tells the story of Mr. Anderson (aka Neo) who discovers that the world he knows is nothing more than a computer program that most of the human race is plugged into in order to blind them from the grim reality that human beings are nothing more than fuel for a race of machines that have taken over the world. Zion, the last human city is now the machines' target and only Neo can stop them. All three films have amazing special effects, hardcore fight choreography and decent acting.

The Matrix is the ultimate Martial Arts/Sci-Fi/Action film. Despite some major technological advances since 1999, The Matrix still holds up as one of the best action flicks of my generation. This movie is the strongest in the trilogy because it really gets everything started and doesn't go overboard on the sci-fi fantasy aspects like its successors. It's the ideas that are more amazing than anything. I remember seeing this and wishing that I could learn any martial art at the push of a button or run across walls or punch faster than the human psyche can comprehend. For about a year after the release of this film a lot of people took it literally and were actually convinced that they were in the Matrix, sure they were on psychedelic drugs but that's how strong the cultural impact of this film actually was. Several camera shots and action sequences have been ripped off by scores of other films including Resident Evil, Versus and several Jet Li films to name a few. If you love films with intense martial arts action, a strong philosophical message and some really unique ideas, check out The Matrix if you haven't done so already.

Stake Land (2010)

Amazing Low Budget Vampire Apocalypse Movie

[8/10 · 17 November 2023]

Stake Land is a low profile Vampire Apocalypse movie that follows the foot steps of the zombie genre but uses vampires instead. A few human survivors are fighting off hordes of Vampires and the government has fallen to religious fundamentalists who are now trying to take control of all the remaining survivors. The special effects are well done; there are some nasty looking vamps as well as several extremely bloody and gory kill scenes. The story takes a serious approach but what really sets this film aside from other end of the world flicks is how sad and hopeless everything slowly becomes. The militant style of the main character known only as Mister, is reminiscent of the Punisher and he trains a young man named Martin in a manner reminiscent of old kung-fu films. Mister and Martin venture through what is left of the United States fighting with and against other survivors in a world ruled by the Undead. The only real problem with this movie is that the editing gets sloppy in a few parts and parts of the story seem unapologetically "borrowed" from various zombie films. Bottom line though, if you enjoy gory Zombie films, scary Vampire movies or horror in general you'll really enjoy Stake Land.

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

The Old In & Out

[10/10 · 17 November 2023]

A Clockwork Orange is a cult classic and despite its age it holds up extremely well by today's standards. The story follows Alex and his life of gratuitous and ruthless crimes against innocent people. Alex and his Droogs get their nightly kicks through random acts of violence; they gang rape a woman while her crippled husband watches, they beat a bum within an inch of his life and even smash a lady's head with a giant penis sculpture. These hideous acts do not ruin the movie because they don't show the actual kill/rape and they're pretty much only part of the first half of the film. The second half follows Alex's rehabilitation where he is conditioned to become sick whenever tempted with sex or violence. This rehabilitation only backfires on Alex when he runs into his past victims and cannot fight back. Despite my above description this really is an amazing film; the acting is great, the cinematography is awesome and the story is very well told. While this is not a horror movie it will suit any horror fan very well. I strongly recommend this film to anyone that can handle the subject matter.

The Dark Half (1993)

King & Romero? Should have been better

[6/10 · 17 November 2023]

What is it about a movie based on a Stephen King book and directed by a master of horror like George Romero that falls short? Perhaps, it sets the bar a little too high or perhaps it's based on a book that's not all that great. I have not read the Dark Half and this movie did not really make me want to read it. The story is about an author named Thad Beaumont who has become very successful under his pseudonym George Stark. Not long after Thad admits to the public that he is indeed George Stark, someone starts murdering people who have wronged Thad in the past. With more and more evidence piling up against him, Thad slowly discovers that Stark is more than just a figment of his imagination. The acting is good, the camera work is good and the gore effects are realistic. However, the film falls short on excitement, suspense and believability. I say believability because there is no way that Thad wouldn't have been taken to jail after they found his fingerprints at the scene of the first two murders, there's just no way in hell he'd still be a free man. While this review seems to give away the ending of the story it does not, so if you're interested see it for yourself just don't expect great cinema. This is a film for Romero and/or King completists because there are several other films based on Stephen King books or directed by George Romero that are a hell of a lot better than the Dark Half.

Dick Tracy (1990)

Not as good as I remembered

[6/10 · 17 November 2023]

Here's a film that just hasn't held up well when compared to today's standard for comic book movies. The story follows detective Dick Tracy in his pursuit of crime boss Alphonse "Big Boy" Caprice and his strange looking gang of cronies. Along the way Tracy takes a homeless child known only as Kid under his wing and becomes semi-romantic with a singer named Breathless Mahoney, despite already being in a committed relationship. When a mysterious character with no face starts to sabotage the police and Big Boy's gang, a show down ensues that isn't all that exciting. The acting is decent (except for Madonna), the cinematography is excellent and the use of color is surreal. However, the action and the story line seem to fall short. The plot is dull, never seems to climax (giggity) and the level of excitement never changes. Despite the star studded cast, most of the characters are forgettable and the strange faced mobsters just look plain stupid. While Dick Tracy isn't exactly a bad film, I would recommend checking out Sin City or Darkman instead.