arturo-45 Reviews

The Devil's Tomb (2009)

Comgratulations

[2/10 · 15 June 2009]

It's really been a long time since I last saw a movie that bad. It didn't take more than 5 minutes before I realized my big mistake and it came when I saw the "elite" soldiers - some of them with very long hair and make up on, then I realized I was in for 1½ hours gruelling stupidity and nauseatingly bad acting. Whoever paid for this crap - and what convinced otherwise fine actors to participate in this horrible creation? What convinced Cuba that he absolutely had to be in this movie? was it the money - or is he no longer able to get decent offers?

If I didn't know better - I would have thought that the movie were made by Uwe böll or the asylum - a director and a production company - both incapable of coming up with a single plausible or worthwhile movie.

Questions: If you are in a special forces unit on a mission and you are sitting in a bunker where some horrible things have happened and a naked chick suddenly appears - what do you do?

Clue: No - you don't start flirting with her

Can't really be bothered anymore - don't watch this foul crap.

Dead Snow (2009)

Absolutely bloody great

[10/10 · 2 June 2009]

What a great surprise - and from Norway?? Well this movie surely kicks some serious ass. Even included long time sought after zombie movie daylight scenes. It is an absolutely hilarious movie and the actors are convincing and not over the top hysterical as we usually see in American zombie flicks. It's a crying shame this movie has not seen more attention - as it is in my opinion easily the best zombie movie I have seen in a very long time. I was rather surprised to see how much they had put into the movie - costumes and makeup was as close to realistic - as you can come in these kinds of film. And the amount of nazi soldiers was actually way more than I had anticipated. Even the violence and the dismemberment was right as we all want it - in abundance. Several times I thought to myself - how weird it was to see a gore movie where I was not irritated about acting performances or exaggerated special effects. I sure hope we have more in store from the director of this fine movie.

Antichrist (2009)

When movies become art

[10/10 · 18 May 2009]

Antichrist is an excellent and not often seen chance to see a magnificent piece of art. The director Lars Von Trier has always attempted to go beyond the limits of what could be shown in a movie without compromising his artistic vision. And in antichrist he succeeds. A sometimes hard and gruelling movie to watch - I am at this point, a mere 1½ hour after exciting the movie theater, still deeply affected by the fantastic imagery and the cruel nauseating violence and self molestation. This is definitely a must see movie - if not for anything else, then at least for the splendid acting performances and the absolutely genius photographing. Von Trier has succeeded in creating a movie that is going to shock and must likely offend - but also assure movie buffs like myself - that there are still movie directors about that knows how to create masterpieces in a time where mainstream seems to be all there is.

Meteor (2009)

Awful movie

[1/10 · 17 March 2009]

Always a sucker for movies about catastrophes - this meteor movie was a natural choice. It was however a pain to watch - I literally curled my toes at least 60 times. There's no end to the idiotic features of this movie. How come we had to see the same stills of the approaching meteor time and time again. And how come when we see the meteor from space, you can it aligning perfectly to a direct hit on USA, but when the different smaller meteors hit they all came in from the horizon. You could in fact in several scenes see the meteors coming in from different angles, in the same exact scenery - I may not be a scientist, but come on; that is just plain stupid.

Funny goof: When the very unconvincing female scientist on her never ending way to the army headquarters got a rifle from an old woman. Did anyone notice what the rifle looked like. Try to freeze frame when rifle end is in sight, and you will notice that it's a toy gun.

The Vanguard (2008)

Perfection of crappiness

[2/10 · 31 December 2008]

In the course of a year I watch app. 600-700 movies - and compared to most movies "The Vanguard" sucks big time. I really struggled to find a reason for why this movie was even made. I really wish all movie directors would spend more time thinking about what they want to say with their movies - instead of just collecting 90 minutes of worthless film and call it a movie.

There's no plot - and the settings/scenery are unconvincing and the actors should really consider a career change, maybe somewhere in the fastfood or cleaning business - as they have no talent for anything, as this foul crap of a movie clearly shows.

10,000 BC (2008)

Bad movie

[1/10 · 14 March 2008]

There is really nothing good to say about this movie. I was thoroughly disappointed. And give me a break with the clichés. 1. movie starts and we begin with a "whos got the biggest penis contest" 2. The cute girl gets abducted by evil men - and rest of movie are spend on a moron trying to get her back. 3. We are treated with a completely unbelievable scenery - from snowy mountain through a dense jungle to a desert in seconds. Give me a break. 4. When the end is near we see the people that are in control of the land - and they all look like buddha monks - anyone else noticed that?

Storyline idiotic and the acting barely acceptable for a b-movie.

You would be better of taking a 10 dollar bill and wiping your ass with it, than actually watching this crap.