girardi_is_god Reviews

Batman Begins (2005)

Christopher Nolan Revives Batman

[8/10 · 17 June 2005]

The last two Batman movies were a tremendous disapointmen. So, when I heard that Christopher Nolan (MEMENTO, THE FOLLOWING) was signed on to direct the new Batman movie, I thought things might change. Then I saw a cast list that included Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy, Liam Neeson, Ken Watanabe, and Christian Bale as Batman, I felt like we could finally have a good Batman movie.

This was a terrific movie. It had an interesting take on the Batman saga, showing you not only his rebirth as Batman, but how he learned all his fighting skill. It portrays Bruce Wayne as a man who was lost, never able to shake his responsibility for his parent's death. He finds redemption in his training, and an image to strike fear into those who would hurt the innocent. Katie Holmes is unimpressive in her performance, but everyone else is fantastic.Worth the price of admission. In fact, I'd see it again.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

This Movie Sucked, and it's George Lucas' Fault

[1/10 · 1 June 2005]

The first two movies were poorly written, poorly acted, and it was entirely obvious that all of the two years it took to make them both went into it's irritating and unnecessary special effects. I was told that this one was different. I was told that this was the film that redeemed all of that nonsense. By the end of watching that crime of a film, I felt as though George Lucas had reached into my pocket and stolen my eight dollars, not to mentioned reached into my soul and taken a big piece.

Christiansen and Portman are again awful. Samuel L. Jackson was equally bad, but neither of them were as irritating as the CGI bad guy. Wookies make an unexplainable appearance, perhaps because of the loyalty that the "true fans" (the wierdos who stood in line next to you dressed as Obi Wan Kinobi) just like C3Po and R2D2. R2D2, by the way, is able to move around and fight a bit, which is stomach turning. In the original movies, he was little more than a walking file cabinet. Yoda's backwards manner of speech (which I guess Lucas forgot did not always manifest itself in the original movies) is much more irritating when he speaks in long sentences as opposed to "Your father, he is."

Darth Vader becomes evil because he is afraid of Natalie Portman dying? What!! Stupid. He is evil because he is jealous. He is evil because he has a cold black heart. For Christ sake, he slaughters children in this movie. You don't do that to protect your girlfriend. The birth scene is crappy, especially when she just casually throws out names for them with no thought, even as she was dying from "losing the will to live" (I'm not making this up) because of Anikan's turning to the Dark Side.They did a few little things half-assed just to say they explained something that needed explaining. The Emperor was mangled by Samuel Jackson (presumably on Marcellus Wallace's order) just so they can explain why he looks so much more decrepit in what I will now refer to as the three Star Wars movies. Jimmy Smits tells the captain to whom the droids are entrusted to "have the interpretor's memory wiped" explaining why he doesn't remember Kinobi, which still doesn't explain why Kinobi doesn't remember them.

The battle scenes are gain populated by somersaults and unreasonable leaping ability. The three or four fight scenes in the Star Wars movies mostly just have two guys sword fighting realistically.

The Hell with This Movie and ALL Who Like It George Lucas should burn in hell forever I now know that Indiana Jones 4 with the late Harrison Ford will suck beyond words just as I suspected.

Carnivàle (2003–2005)

Baptize Me!!!!

[24 April 2005]

CARNIVALE is another great show from the people at HBO. First, there was OZ, then there was THE WIRE, now there is this visually stunning piece of art.

You have the world of the traveling carnival, and the world of a preacher who feels he has been touched and chosen to lead. The two world are connected, as we come to find out, not just by Nick Stahl and his seemingly God-given gifts, but by the bloodlines of some of it's key players. The story is one of good and evil set in the wastelands of the Midwest during the Great Depression. It can be emotionally uplifting and spirit crushing at the same time. It's still up in the air whether or not HBO will pick it up for another season, and I hope they ignore the rating and concentrate on the worth of the material. Ten out of Ten. If you haven't seen it, rent the first season on DVD. You'll love it.

Rocky IV (1985)

If He Dies, He Dies

[4 July 2004]

Let's set things straight here. Yes, this film is laughable. Yes, this film is a shadow in comparison to the original. But this film is one of the most thoroughly entertaining movies in history.

Rocky not only battles the memory of the now dead Apollo Creed, he also has to do battle which his pain in the ass wife Adrian, who has been telling him since Rocky II that he should hang it up. And he must deal with the steroid-pumping Russian giant Ivan Drago.

My favorite moment of hilarity involves Rocky winning over the Russian crowd and single-handedly bringing about an end to communism in Europe. It's no coincidence that all that Glasnost stuff started the same year Rocky said "If I can change, and you can change, everybody can change". Gorbacev was no doubt a big fan.

You Got Served (2004)

Damn this movie to hell

[1/10 · 27 February 2004]

Simply put, this movie scares me. Any movie involving a cast of guys with names like J-Boog and Lil' Fizz and Raz B should give you a clue. It's rare these days that anyone makes a film about African-Americans that doesn't reinforce the negative stereotypes people have about them. You don't often see films about successful real black people with real problems. Just a 90-minute display of ebonics and street dancing. Is that the sum of who they are. I don't think so. And I'd like to see real actors playing really interesting characters, not wannabe rappers playing themselves with a different name.Boyz in the Hood was violent and filled with slang, but it had a real story about people you come to care about, not a film with some white guy with crazy hair that says "You suckas got served.

Damn this movie and all who promote it. It is an excuse to sell a rap-laiden soundtrack, not a real film.

The French Connection (1971)

A Classic

[3 December 2003]

THE FRENCH CONNECTION is the story of a hard-drinking mess of a cop named Popeye Doyle, who tries to stop a massive shipment of pure heroin from being delivered to local dealers by way of France. Neither Doyle or his partner Cloudy Russo (played by Roy Scheider) are perfect, but both men are likable and dedicated. Hackman and Scheider are both terrific in this movie. The famed car chase is one of the most revolutionary sequences in recent film history. And the story is full of suspense and drama. William Friedkin (THE EXORCIST) directs an absolute masterpiece. If you haven't seen it, run out and buy it. You won't be disappointed.

Real Genius (1985)

Terrific '80's Film

[8/10 · 1 December 2003]

I've noticed that some people who've commented on REAL GENIUS do not appear impressed. This must be either because they lack a sense of humor or simply don't know a good movie when they see one. Val Kilmer is hysterical, the script is filled with clever one-liners. William Atherton is THE ego-meniacle bad guy. And Chris Knight and Mitch Taylor have a guy named Lazlow living in their closet. Come on, this film is terrific. I could watch this film every day. It's that good.

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

Can't Compare to Original, but . . .

[12 November 2003]

The original MATRIX was a thoughtful film as much about society as it was an action film. When I heard they would be making these two sequels, I immediately wondered how they could tackle that aspect in a second film. The answer, they can't. The first film is about Neo discovering himself, and a freedom from restraint and rules. It was about living independently of 'the system' and not being a cog in the machine. These two films deal simply from an action point of view most of the time, and the focus is on freeing humans and ending the war with the machines.

In REVOLUTIONS, Neo must travel to the machine city to face the enemy, while the others try to fend off the coming attack. Admittedly, more efficient story telling and elimination of some meaningless scenes and overly long special effect sequences could have broken these last two films down into one final chapter, but I guess there's less money in that.

Still, despite some wooden emotional sequences, this film is entertaining. I like the ending, and I don't think the film could have ended differently. Neo had to go off to face the Machines, even if it meant almost certain death. And, given the parallels drawn between "the one" and Christ, the end of the film is inevitable. Some of those on the site didn't like the end, but I don't see how it could have ended.

Bottom line: MATRIX was an untouchable 10 out of 10. REVOLUTIONS and RELOADED are probably somewhere between 6 and 7 out of ten. Good, not amazing. But how could it be otherwise.

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! (1987 Video Game)

I miss this game

[3 November 2003]

I was eight when this game came out, and I was obsessed with it at 10 years old. My friends and I would spend entire days playing this game. I beat Tyson only once, and it was the single greatest moment of my young life at the time. I remember you had to wait until he moved his hands to hit you, and strike quickly to hit him. I also know if he hit you, you hit the canvas. I can remember pounding on the A button, yelling "GET UP" after old Mike knocked me down. One thing I never got was how Glass Joe ever moved up in the rankings. You fight him first, then you see him again later at the higher levels. Maybe this is the game makers example of corruption in boxing.

I loved this game, and i wish I still had it.

School Ties (1992)

Great movie, important message

[29 September 2003]

America calls itself the greatest nation in the world. And yet the attitudes of the characters in this film demonstrate just how cruel and intolerant we can be and have been over our history. We've parlayed 400 years of slavery and oppression of black people into a cool racial divide in which still has not healed, partially because there are all to many Americans who still embrace that hateful nonsense. Jews have also faced persecution and biggotry simply because they are different from the "godly" christians who run this and many other countries. This movie shows those attitudes among the boys who would be our future leaders, coming from teh best schools and having all the right connections to make it far in life and take their hatred, even if it remains silent, into the future and spread it to their own children.

The one character who provides hope is Cole Hauser. He, unlike the rest of them, realizes eventually that he is wrong in what he believes. He admits that he hates jews. But he adds: "David Greene's the first one I ever met. A good guy. A guy who wouldn't cheat." Fraser's deception has allowed him to get to know a jewish boy in a way he never could have or would have before. And he recognizes that they are like anyone else. Sure, there will be some you don't like. But he liked David. And as Martin Luther King once dreamed, maybe one day we will all learn to judge on the content of character rather than racial or ethnic stereotypes.

The Wire (2002–2008)

Still Incredible

[15 September 2003]

I have to admit, I was a bit worried that Season 2 of THE WIRE would not live up to Season 1. But the second season is definitely as good as it's incredible debut. The same cops, the same drug dealers, and a new angle in the dock workers. I feel for them the same way I feel for the cops and the dealers. Even though Frank, Nick, and Ziggy all get involved in some crooked stuff, they all have their reasons and are all likable guys. Frank's doing the dirt for his union. Nick needs to provide for his young family, but doesn't get enough shifts on the docks to cover a decent apartment. And Ziggy, while he is a screw up and an idiot, is really just trying to get out from under his father's shadow. The case is as complex and involving as the first season, and the end as compelling. I understand they have been picked up for another season, and that's great to hear. Even though a lot of people are not haven't discovered THE WIRE, those of us who have were spellbound. 10 out of 10.

Poolhall Junkies (2002)

It's like ROUNDERS with pool cues

[10 September 2003]

Maybe it's because ROUNDERS is one of my favorite films, but I loved this film. The dialogue is crisp and clever. The acting is solid (Walken in particular does a terrific job in a supporting role). I loved the ending. Johnny walking into that pool hall to challenge Rich Schroeder and his old mentor reminds me of Damon walking back into KGB's to save both his and Worm's collective asses. This film is great even if you lack an obsession with pool, a must see for all.

L.A. Confidential (1997)

A fantastic detective story

[25 April 2003]

L.A. CONFIDENTIAL is an old fashioned noir detective story. It's got twists and turns and an engrossing plot all connected to a shooting in a coffee shop. Russell Crowe and Guy Pearce (relative unkowns in the states at the time) are both fantastic. And I always get a kick out of seeing an actor do their thing before they make it big, like these two aussies in this film or Colin Farrell in TIGERLAND. Kim 'Basinger gives a great performance as the Veronica Lake look-alike hooker. This is noteworthy because she is capable of being really bad at times, like her mysterious southern accent and over the top theatrics in 8 MILE. Kevin Spacey is also terrific as Jack Vincennes, a celebrity L.A. cop who's become a bit of a scumbag, but tries to atone for his actions and solve the mystery alongside Pearce, who's own ambition causes him to take misteps for which he must atone.

The rest of the cast is rounded out by a tremendous ensemble, including David Strathairn, James Cromwell, and Danny DeVito. If you haven't seen this movie, run out and buy it now. Don't rent it, buy it. Because once you see it, you won't want to return it. 10 out of 10.

Superman II (1980)

Better than Original

[25 April 2003]

I think this film is much better than SUPERMAN, even though SUPERMAN is not a bad movie. I know the special effects seem a bit hokie now, but I don't care. What I care about is that, for the first time, we see Superman without the protection of his super-human powers. He spent the entire first film doing the right thing, because that's what good guys do. In this film, he gave up all that hero stuff so he could be selfish and have a life for himself. And the result almost enslaved humanity. This film shows Superman in a much more sympathetic light because we can see him struggle for the first time. He got his ass kicked in that diner, and he actually bled. He had to walk back to his Fortress of Solitude, which is in a crappy location if you have to walk. And that's what makes this film better than the original. It's no BATMAN, but that's another story.

The Shield (2002–2008)

Equally incredible

[3 April 2003]

I was skeptical as to whether or not THE SHIELD would ever be able to live up to its phenomenal first season. But season two was also amazing.

I was riveted, first by the Armadillo plot line. The guys took on Armadillo, and Ronnie (the guy who had no plot line) gets badly hurt because Vic tortured Armadillo. Even though I know it's wrong, I jumped and cheered when Armadillo was stabbed in the holding cell, saving Vic from the possibility of jail time.

I was equally riveted by the change in character relations. Aceveda gets along with and conspires with Mackey. Claudette despising Mackey and trying to bring them all down. Danny's career coming apart, partially because of Vic's boys. And Julien finally being outed and then beaten by his fired former co-workers.

In the end, the money train seemed like the wrong choice. I was incredibly moved by the last sequence, especially the end when the boys are all standing around the pile of money they stole from the Armenians, and Vic comes in with a smile. The rest of hem are staring at each other, emotionally drained and unfulfilled. Eve Shane, who's usually so immature, saw the wrong in what they did. All the bad they had done before had been for a greater good. This was for themselves. This was theft. They were dirty. And Shane, who already was dirty for helping to cover up Terry Crowley's murder, realizes during the season that he must be responsible for the lives of his teammates. They all could have died, and for what.

Incredible. Emotional. Without a doubt unforgettable. 10 out of 10. I can't wait until Season 3.

Tigerland (2000)

Incredible

[28 March 2003]

I was reading some of the comments on this movie, and I'm glad to see that most of you liked this film. Those who didn't ,, I think missed the point. TIGERLAND is an anti-war movie, and as such I can understand why some of you crazy veterans out there don't like it. One man, from Texas, complains on this site that Bozz is poison for the unit, and I disagree. He was acting in the best interest of his unit, getting two guys out of the war who had no business going. And in the end, he goes to war in place of his friend Jim, who's injuries (inflicted on purpose by Bozz) have allowed him a discharge. The men respect him because he cares whether they live or die, and there is nothing wrong with that. And when it comes down to it, he will fight if he has to. But he doesn't quite see the point of killing other innocent pawns who are as much the tools of their government as our GI's in war.

As for Schumacher, he's done some good films in the past. THE LOST BOYS is just one example of that. But after BATMAN AND ROBIN I thought he might just slit his wrists in his bathtub or something. What a comeback.

Farrell is fantastic in this movie, and it got him the role in MINORITY REPORT which no doubt helped him get PHONE BOOTH, which I hear is excellent. He's a draw because the ladies like him. But like Cruise (Not MI:2 Cruise,A FEW GOOD MEN or VANILLA SKY Cruise) and Brad Pitt, he' not just a pretty boy. He can flat out act.

Tigerland may be the best Vietnam movie I've ever seen, even better than FULL METAL JACKET or PLATOON.

Weekend at Bernie's (1989)

This movie is really funny

[18 March 2003]

This movie killed McCarthy's career, but I don't know why. He was great as the slick, wise-cracking Larry Wilson, and Silverman works really well as his more grounded parter. One lives with his parents, and one lives in his own apartment, but it has "wall-to-wall cockroaches".

Bernie steals the movie as the dead guy, because kids, dead people, and occasionally animals, always steal movies. But this movie is a classic. If you haven't seen it, see it.

The Manchurian Candidate (1962)

Why don't you play a nice game of solitaire?

[10/10 · 13 March 2003]

What a great movie this was. I don't think it ever got it's just due until it's re-release in 1988. It was a victim of bad timing, having been released less than a year before the assassination of President Kennedy. Oddly enough, the asssasin in the film is played by Lawrence Harvey, L. Harvey. That's kind of eerie.

Sinatra was terrific in this film, and so was Harvey in the role of the detestable Raymond Shaw, who Sinatra and the audience come to understand and feel sorry for. Sure, he's a jerk. But his spy of a mother (played by what's her name from MURDER SHE WROTE) not only broke up the only thing in the world that brought him happiness (his love of Jocelyn) but is also a Russian spy who built an assasin out of her own traumatized son.

I always feel bad when I watch the movie and Sinatra gives his little speech in the end about the courage of Raymond Shaw. It still holds up today as an outstanding thriller complete with a smirking humor about the Red Scare and satire that may have been overlooked by audiences in 1962. One of Frankenheimer's best. Try to remember him for this and not REINDEER GAMES.

Eight Men Out (1988)

How can anyone not love this movie?

[10/10 · 8 March 2003]

I've read a few of the comments on this movie, and I can't understand why anyone doesn't love this movie. The acting is fantastic, particularly that of D.B. Sweeney and John Cusack. The film captures the feel of 1919 America and old time baseball. The scenes involving actual game play are simply the best I've seen. Some of you have suggested that the film gets too complicated, and that it gets in it's own way because of that. But I don't see that at all. The film involves a lot of characters, and many of them have a role in the scandal, so of course you will have a complicated conspiracy. But I didn't find it hard to follow, and I thought (contrary to at least one of those who didn't care for this film) that the story flowed quite effectively. This is the best baseball movie I've ever seen. If you don't like it, that's your business. But don't blame Sayles if you can't follow it or hate baseball, or simply don't like Cusack or Charlie Sheen. Those of us who know better love it.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

Kill me now

[7 March 2003]

Let me say that I am all for independant films. Some of the best films, like DONNIE DARKO or A BETTER PLACE have come from humble production budgets and original thinkers. However, Nia Vardalos is killing me with this film. The entire film is based around two running jokes: A large smothering family that is irritating as hell, and 500 "put Windex on that" jokes. I don't see why this movie got all this buzz and made $200 million while DARKO remains a critical and cult favorite but never gained the national recognition (or dare I say, Academy recognition) it deserved. I was going to give this film 1 out of ten, just because the guy from THE VISITOR is in it. But after seeing that Nia has also produced a television series based on the same concept, I give it a -10 out 10, the first film since MONEY TRAIN to score in negative double digits. Have fun with the millions you made entertaining idiots, Ms. Vardalos. But stop torturing me, please.

Minority Report (2002)

Just a few thoughts

[4 March 2003]

First off, I loved this film. The premise is fantastic. It raises interesting questions about imprisoning people who haven't technically done anyting (particularly relevant today what with the unlawful and unjustifiable imprisonment of thousands of accused conspirators in Campl X-Ray). The acting was fantastic.

Other than that, I just have comments about some of the people who write comments here. There are those who call solid and great performances "adequate", as if they themselves could act as well as a Tom Cruise (good Cruise not MI 2 Cruise) or Colin Ferrell.

and as a final note, I hate every one of you who begins or ends a comment with SPOILER. What the hell is that supposed to mean. It's stupid. And most of those of yo that do it have no idea what you are talking about.

Driven (2001)

If you like this movie, seek help

[28 February 2003]

Sylvester Stallone wrote "Rocky" a long time ago, and it was fantastic. He even got a best actor nomination. That was then. Since that meteoric rise to fame, he has consistently created films that are as bad as he is an actor.

"Driven" just may be the worst of the bunch. It's the story of a few race drivers who's lives interconnect. All I had to know is the movie's tagline, which reads "Welcome to the Human Race". Stallone is his usual terrible self. Burt Reynolds manages to put forth another lousy performance as a former race driver crippled in an accident. He has his "oscar" scene towards the end where he laments his chair, and still says he'd do it all over again. It was supposed to be dramatic, but I just thought it was funny, maybe the two worst prolific actors of our time in Reynolds and Sly on the screne in the ultimate s***ty drama scene. Young Jimmy Bly, played by some other poor soul, has a crisis of confidence, just like Cruise in "Days of Thunder", not to mention a fued that develops between him and Robert Sean Leonard, who has fallen from "Dead Poet's Society" 14 years ago to working alongside Stallone, Reynolds, and the guy who played Bly.

Fortunately, it all works out in the end. Stallone and some foreign guy get the girls. Jimmy wins it all, and I've collapsed on the floor from a seizure. All in all, it's fun to watch just to see how lousy it is. I give it -10 out of 10. Keep trying Sly. Some day your bound to stumble on your next "Rocky".

Sliders (1995–2000)

Once a pretty good show

[21 February 2003]

I think most people familiar with the show would say that it started off as a really original and interesting show. The 'what if" concept really worked for it. But as time went on, the show became something worse than repetitive. It abandoned the original premise of the show. They stopped being mainly concerned with getting home and started being more concerned with these Kromag things. That's about where the original cast started to fall away one by one. They still show re-runs on the sci-fi channel, and I catch the early ones when I can. That's when the show was enjoyable. In the last half of the shows six seasons, it was unwatchable.

The X-Files (1993–2018)

First couple of seasons incredible

[19 February 2003]

The first few seasons of this show ere incredible. It was an interesting sci-fi drama which revolved around an obsessed FBI agent who wants to uncover the alien conspiracy but more than anything wants to find his lost sister. But somewhere along the way, the show got lost. There was this big conspiracy to cover up the existence of alien life, and the idea was to find out who was behind it and why. But after the first three or four seasons, the show seemed to me as if creator Chris Carter either jus couldn't figure out how to end it, or simply dragged the show out another four years for the money. In the beginning, Mulder was obsessed with finding his sister, so much so that he is incapable of a meaningful relationship with a woman, resorting to porn for his stimulation. But they just dropped that angle around season 5 and killed her off around season 7. She was just dead. That flies in the face of everything the show was supposed to be about. He was supposed to find her, and then the show would end. And no f782ing way should he and Scully have ever gotten together. It's rediculous. The whole dynamic of their relationship is that they were never going to be able to act on their feelings, both for professional reasons and for Mulder's disconnected emotional state. Down the stretch, this show got corny and stupid. That Reyes chick annoyed me. Robert Patrick was really good, but his character had no place on this show. And Scully's sudden switch from "That's impossible, Mulder" to becoming the shows resident Mulder after Duchovny bailed was just stupid. Thsi show was great at one time, even garnering Emmy considerations in it's first few years. But it gradually became dull, repeditive, and a waste of time. Damn you, Carter. Damn you!!!

Oz (1997–2003)

The most underrated show on tv

[13 February 2003]

On HBO, all the Emmy's for hard core drama go to THE SOPRANOS, and I dont' think that's bad. It is a great show. But Oz is better. It might well be the best thing on television. It doesn't get the press of the Sopranos. And the other people who watch HBO (those who don't like all the violence) whould much rather watch Ferris Beuller's wife in SEX AND THE CITY, which I will NEVER watch. Oz is amazing because almost every charachter in it's sea of people is in some way a terrible human being. But the magic of this show is that these terrible people become understandable. They do terrible things, but they are not all bad. Ryan O'Rielly, for example, is a cold-blooded killer. But when it comes to his brother and doctor Nathan, and more recently the priest he befriended, he is a warm and caring person who's pain you empathize with. Oz takes murderers, rapists, thieves, and even a rich lawyer who ran down a young girl in a drunken stuper, and makes them likeable and forgivable. That's incredible. And this show is incredible. It goes off the air soon for good, and I wish it had gotten the respect it deserved.