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jona100
Reviews
Friday the 13th (1980)
Entertaining Rubbish
A genre defining movie to be sure, but still inferior to some of its sequels, to be fair like all slasher movies, it does not try and be "Citizen Cane", it is made for an audience who want to see gory murders and nubile campers.
The movie has dated terribly, and tom savini's makeup FX look a bit cheesy (Kevin Bacons neck in the infamous "arrow through the throat scene", looks like a giraffe!). But it has inspired a mirid of good and bad rip off's (even though this movie was a rip off of "Halloween").
The movie that gave the world the trick trivial persuit question "who was the killer in Friday the 13th" and everyone gets it wrong by saying "Jason" but he didn't turn up until part 2.
Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
One of the worst Movies of all time
As a major Halloween film fan, it was very unlikely I was going to hate this movie, considering how I can enjoy a couple of the really bad early sequels although I am fully aware they a just "movies". But this movie is so bad even I cannot like it.
Never has a movie productions company's financial motivation for the movie production been so glaringly obvious! Horrendous acting, an utter lack of respect for the most important character of the series by killing her off so quickly. The whole explanation of Michael Myers survival after H20 will have have you crying with laughter at its glaring unstated translation and who is actually saying it "the last movie mad far more money than we expected, and we want to make more money as easy and quick as possible"
The camera work and lighting are terrible, the Michael mask abysmal, and a subtle as sledgehammer in the testicles attempt to be perceived as a "modern" movie by thrusting hand held PDA's time-after-time DA into the camera.
The movie is like a parody of earlier 80's slasher movies (I kid you not, but a character finds a working chainsaw in the cupboard of an abandoned house!!!!!!!) if the film makers had an ounce of care about this movie they would never include such a horror parody in the movie, and would at all costs avoid including a chainsaw in the movie at all HALLOWEEN MOVIES DO NOT HAVE CHAINSAWS IN.
I must have groaned at least 30 times watching this film.
If you have not seen this film, no matter how much a Halloween or slasher movie fan you are I absolutely 100% guarantee you are going to hate this film. It is that bad. Avoid like you would do Leprosy.
Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
Appalling Jason movie even worse than part 9!
I am a major jason fan, but this movie is absolutely awful!, terrible acting (the movie was non-union, another reason to go union when hiring actors!) the characters do absolutely nothing in the entire movie but wait hang around waiting to die....
This movie was part of the 82-83 3D craze (Jaws 3D) and the movie makers do not let up sticking poles, eye balls towards the screen; this would be ok if the FX were good, but they are worse than the acting (that snake scene with the clearly visable wire had me and my friend in tears of laughter!!!!!)
Usually the Jason movies are pretty dire as "movies", but Jason fans enjoy them for the movie in questions "Jason"; Part 3 has the most nonchalant Jason to date, the scene when he kills the dope smoking hippy was camper than caberet. Even worse was the scene were Jason harpoons the girl in the lake, after he kills her he limply "lets go" of the harpoon gun, then looks at the house where the rest of the characters are, and does not even look like he can be bothered to go in and kill them. This Jason has absolutely nothing in common with the terrific pissed off "meat terminator" Kane Hodder Jason of part 7.
Avoid.
Lo squartatore di New York (1982)
The worst film ever!
A misogynist piece of crap. Made for weirdo's get off on watching women getting tortured. I have seen just about every gorefest film ever made, but not one of them has made me seethe with rage as this film did.
You get the impression the makers probably watch porno, beat their wives and tell "nigga" jokes. Only the real dregs of society would make a product that is supposed to entertain that includes a genital slashing of women. Apologists state that the victims are women because the killer is supposed to be a misogynist, if the story is of any importance the end titles would not have come up immediately (and I mean immediately) after the killer was been killed. This just makes it completely clear the film is made for people to enjoy watching women getting graphically killed.
Avoid, no matter how much you enjoy splatter gorefests, this is dreadful on every level and you will feel you need a bath afterwards.
Jason X (2001)
At last a decent Jason Sequel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After the terrible part 8 and 9, Jason X is more than welcome, daft logic, no continuity, and instant unrealistic deaths. Friday the 13th movies are a true "movie" definition, made to entertain the audience with a capital 'E', take them away from boring reality of bills, work and relationships for 90 minutes and give them exactly what they want ENTERTAINMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
Jason X looks cool, has decent enough acting, (none of the 40s movie acting that makes the acting in Casablanca look good, that some of the earlier films had).
Jason looks as cool as he did in Part 7, Kane Hodder does the whole "breathing" thing, that shows just how p***ed off ol' Jason is.
The FX are amazing (especially when the soldier gets sliced in two!)
Despite some of the negative comments on this site (obviously not F13 fans), Jason movies are the "Raiders of the lost ark" of Horror film, ENTERTAINMENT not boring pathos and subtle political points that could bore anyone to sleep.
Go see, I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
Cradle of Fear (2001)
Poverty Budget Crap!!!
Home video filmed (with what looks like they only had one camera to film with) crap. Truly appaling CG effects that are not going to convince anybody. 4 stories linked by a stupid looking goth murdering people for no apparent reason other than doing a favor for a jailed psycho.
Remember those dreadful american daytime soap opera with the worst acting ever?, well this makes them look like Oscar hopefuls. The gore is over the top but as mentioned in another posting, this film is so amateur, they are not going to be offended by it, and require cuts.
The back cover of the DVD, list the FX done by the team that did the FX for 'Black Hawk Down', well it must of been the runner who was the link, as there is no way in hell anybody involved in this peace of crap will ever have a any professional work on a "real" movie.
Avoid like the plague.
Hannibal (2001)
A Satire of the lambs
Hannibal makes the same mistakes as the `Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2' in that rather than attempting to better its predecessor, it simply sends it up.
This is not the only similarity both films have; apart from being based on the real life Ed Gein serial killer, the film also lifts practically shot for shot the dinner table scene from Chainsaw 1 (i.e. a long table with a restrained female `good guy' at one end with the bad guy bashing (or in Hannibal `cutting') the brains from a secondary male character.
The closeness of the above scene as well as not so subtle joke of a copy of a `Vegetarian Cooking' book in a scene, and the complete lack of logic (how the hell did one of the FBI's 10 most wanted travel from Italy to the US without being spotted!, makes it clear were in parody mode here. You half expect Hannibal to make James Bond style jokes after dispatching a victim.
The film looks awful, all silver and grey colours surrounded by beautiful scenery for that stylish car ad look.
The main problem is its predictability, ********SPOILER**********, there cannot be a person who watched this film who did not guess he chopped his own hand off at the end, not starlings.
On the good side, the acting is good, Anthony Hopkins obviously is having fun, and just seems to be taking the whole thing as one big laugh, and over acts appropriately. Julianne Moore is good (a lot better than the weak little girl portrayal by Jodie Foster in Silence). The only bad part of the acting was Gary Oldmans accent, which must rate up there with Michael Caine, Bob Hoskins and Dick Van Dyke as the most lousy foreign accent in movie history. You do not have to be American to hear an unconvincing American accent.
A big disappointment.