24540647 Reviews

Don't Blink (2014)

A totally stupid and pointless movie

[3/10 · 22 March 2023]

A group of people arrive at a lodge in the mountains. All of them have driven their cars until they're empty of fuel, seems no-one thought of filling up or carrying spare.

All the expected residents and staff are missing and one by one the new group begin to disappear as well, often while in a group but not in line-of-sight of anyone.

Interesting premise if somewhat cliched, however it sets up an interesting third act.

(SPOILER) unfortunately there is no third act, the movie finishes with not a shred of explanation as to what caused the disappearances, where they went or how anything in the plot happened!

A truly pointless movie with a stupid ending. If the writer couldn't think of a way to complete it then why make it in the first place?

Thunderbirds Are Go (2015–2020)

Fun, but not a patch on the 60's original.

[6/10 · 14 May 2022]

The new series looks pretty but the stories aren't anywhere near as interesting or exciting add the original 60's version. Far too many episodes revolve around the Hood and/or the Mechanic who are mere shadows of the old, evil Hood.

The biggest annoyance though is what I call the "K9 effect" because, like Doctor Who's old companion, whenever IR have a problem Brains has "coincidentally" just crafted/ installed/ tested exactly what they need for the mission.

Another problem is the Tracy brothers. Several act like spoilt children most of the time. You wouldn't trust them with the TV remote, let alone a Thunderbird vehicle!

Overall a fun watch for under 10's but if you have the originals, let them watch those instead.

Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

The most interesting part of the movie was...

[5/10 · 7 October 2017]

...the return of the giant Atari sign from the original Blade Runner.

OK, quick story synopsis. Bones found of a Replicant who's given birth. How was it possible and where is the child (now adult)?

I'm sorry, but having waited 35 years for this movie it just didn't press any buttons for me. It's an hour too long, the story-line is weak to non-existent and doesn't get answered, the theory of Deckard's origin is again teased at but not answered (even though there really is very little in the original to point to him being a repilicant).

This is another SFX over substance movie. Looks good, although very dark in the 3D version, but there just doesn't seem to be the energy and edginess of the original. It all seems too NICE.

Having seen the original movie over 30 times, I'm not sure I'll bother returning to this new story. I have to agree with Rutger Hauer about trying to add to a perfect movie.

Land of the Lost (2009)

How did this film ever get made?

[1/10 · 24 July 2009]

Storyline: Will Ferrell as Dr. Rick Marshall designs a machine to take him through time and space and he uses it to travel, with a female love-interest and a trailer trash sidekick, to a world with dinosaurs, giant bugs and monkey-people. They lose the machine and have to find it in order to return home.

That's the premise, but this film is truly, truly awful. There are NO laughs, NO smiles. It seems that every character has lines spoken to Ferrell telling him how wonderful he is, and the whole thing is one huge ego trip.

Under no circumstances should ANYONE pay to see this film. It's not even worth a DVD rental.

To be honest, it's not even worth the time to download it from the internet! Yes, it really is that bad.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

Better than expected, but only if you've read the book.

[7/10 · 14 July 2007]

In this, the fifth instalment of the series, we find a very different Harry from before. Here, he is beset by insecurity and anger at the fact that he feels people and events are passing him by without his input. Is this normal teen angst or possibly is it Voldermort affecting his thoughts? Dumbledore has resurrected the Order of the Phoenix, a fighting force of wizards against Voldermort, but without much success.

No one believes Harry about He Who Cannot Be Named returning, and the Ministry of Magic is out to cast doubt on Dumbledore and Harry. To this end they place a teacher of their own in to Hogwarts. Delores Umbridge starts a series of events designed to promote the Ministry and discredit any other view. Harry starts fighting back with a secret series of training sessions in Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Throughout this time, Harry keeps getting visions which he thinks are due to his connection with Voldemort, and these lead to a spectacular ending involving a fight between the Order and Voldermorts Death Eaters inside the Ministry itself.

Now to the actual film. The beginning is so disjointed, with jumps from scene to scene without any follow-up that at times it becomes difficult to follow. Many story lines are shown as annoying spinning headlines from the Daily Prophet newspaper, and so much of the book is cut from the first half that several people sitting around us in the theatre complained that they had lost the plot within the first 45 minutes.

Fortunately, the last half of the film is more stable but there are so many changes, scene swaps, plot losses and more that as a stand alone film without having read the book, I'm afraid it just doesn't make the grade.

Far better than the Goblet of Fire and a good attempt to fit an 800+ page book into under 2 1/2 hours, but because there are so many things happening in the books that don't appear in the films, I'm concerned that book 7 might throw some spanners in the works as to the things that have been skipped.

Bridge to Terabithia (2007)

"My Girl" with fairies...

[5/10 · 29 April 2007]

OK, firstly this film is not what you expect after they point out it's from the makers of Narnia.

There are very few scenes involving any fantasy element. The story is basically: Loner kid meets new girl in class and become friends. They're both outcasts from the rest of the pupils and create a fantasy world in the woods called Terabithia.

This is basically a boy meets girl, overcome personal and family problems, make new friends, tragedy and family comes together afterwards type movie. However, it does it quite well and some of the scenes are quite touching. Strong role as the father from Robert Patrick showing a side of his acting that hasn't been seen before.

Well worth seeing, but don't go in thinking you're going to see anything other than a remake of "My Girl"

Fracture (2007)

Guessed how it was done within 15 minutes. Disappointing.

[6/10 · 28 April 2007]

Anthony Hopkins shoots his cheating wife and surrenders to the police. The rest of the film centrers around Ryan Gosling's character trying to prove the crime after various things happen to collapse the case.

This could have been a very good movie. Unfortunately, the weapon HOW? is guessable as soon as it comes into the story, but you have to wait till the end of the movie for it to be explained. When Hopkins "pulls the plug" you just know how the film will end.

This film is well acted, if you forgive Hopkins accent moving from American to British to Irish with a touch of Scottish thrown in now and again. Never quite sure what nationality he's supposed to be. Some strong supporting cast make this a film worth getting on DVD, but not worth the cost of the cinema.

Torchwood (2006–2011)

Started out bad, but...

[4/10 · 21 November 2006]

...has since got a whole lot worse! This is a spin-off from Doctor Who, supposedly an adult themed series based on the Torchwood Institute that first appeared in DW's series one. They protect the earth from threats both terrestrial and alien terrors that seem to gather in and around the "rift" that goes through Cardiff in Wales. So what's it like? OK, the first episode was slow. Nothing really happened and you could guess the join-the-team plot line within the first 2 minutes, but Hey! It's gonna get better, isn't it? Unfortunately not. From the weak start the story lines just got even more silly and unbelievable until... Episode 5 which showed real promise for the future. Unfortunately Episode 6 was the absolute pits and it's doubtful that I'll bother with the rest of the series even though I'm a die hard Dr. Who fan.

The reasons are quite simple. The characters are mind numbingly boring. Eve Myles (Gwen Cooper), Burn Gorman (Owen Harper) and Gareth David-Lloyd (Ianto Jones) couldn't act if the fate of the world really did depend on it. There is no chemistry there, although lots of over-the-top shouting and running about. The scary thing is that these are supposed to be top people in their fields, but make the sort of mistakes that the Scream series of movies enjoys lampooning.

The only way this series is going to work is to replace everyone but John Barrowman with real actors capable of displaying real emotions and draft in scriptwriters who don't have wet dreams over lesbian sex scenes every other episode. Otherwise, it's a bust.

Disappointing after such pre-series hype.

Poseidon (2006)

A good film for all the wrong reasons

[4/10 · 12 June 2006]

We came out of the cinema in high spirits after watching this film. Unfortunately, we were laughing about just how bad it was.

For those of you living in a bubble for the past 30 years, the story is about a group of passengers trying to escape a luxury cruise liner after it's hit by a wave that tips it upside down.

In the original, there were tense moments, and some great acting. In this version, they seem to be trying to keep the tension going all the time, with threat following threat, and the end result is that there are *no* tension-filled moments at all. There is a scene involving an emergency shut-off button that actually had people laughing out loud in what should have been the most gripping moment of the film.

A scene were Kurt Russell administers CPR is hilarious! Just watch his wrist collapse each time he tries a compression. Not to mention grunting like Jimmy Conner serving. :-) As we follow the small band through the ship, we have no real interest after a while as to whether they escape or die. All we're interested in the amusing way they do it.

Go see this film. It will make you laugh, and there is no thinking required. Except when a scene has an entryway with suction powerful enough to hold a gas tank solid in place, but doesn't snap a character's spine when he gets caught.

Yet another Hollywood remake that just fails totally in what it sets out to do. How about trying something new rather than the ream of remakes we're getting lately.

Deadlocked (2000 TV Movie)

An enjoyable TV movie

[7/10 · 4 April 2006]

A young man is accused of rape and murder and sentenced to death. During the sentencing, the boys father takes the jury hostage convinced of his son's innocence.

The boys defender has 14 hours to find evidence to disprove the verdict, or the jury dies.

It's a good movie, well filmed and keeps it taut throughout. The only problem I have with it is that the defender finds so much overlooked evidence so quickly. Also, the ending could have been better, instead of it finishing with the gun totting morons of the SWAT team.

If you get the chance, it's well worth watching next time it's on TV.

Firewall (2006)

Never thought to see Harrison Ford in such a Stinker!

[5/10 · 3 April 2006]

OK, the basic premise of the film is: Harrison Ford plays a computer security specialist for a bank. People want to steal money from his bank, but can't get past his fiendish security so they hold his family (wife, daughter, son) hostage until he does what they want to help them get their money.

Apart from the fact that this sort of thing has been done soooo many times before, "Hostage" being the latest that springs to mind, Firewall isn't even done very well. The first hour is mainly spent with Ford wandering around the bank or his house, while his family are either sleeping or attempting wildly stupid escapes. All the time at the bank, Ford is wired for sound and vision. Even his PC is taped by the bad guys. Sorry, but in his high-tech world, has he forgotten how to use a pen and paper to write a note of what's happening? Apart from the initial tension, there is really nothing at all in this film that keeps you interested. Even the final thirty minutes, where things start going wrong for the kidnappers, isn't enough to rekindle enthusiasm for a plot that died long before.

Unless you're a huge Harrison Ford fan, don't bother going to see this at the cinema. It's worth a rental when it's released on DVD but unfortunately it's slow, boring, full of ridiculous escape attempts and even when Cox (Paul Bettany) tries at being a bad guy it just doesn't come through as realistic. All in all a sad film throughout, and a story that has been done so many times before and so much better.

V for Vendetta (2005)

An astounding film.

[9/10 · 20 March 2006]

Having never read the graphic novel I went in to the theatre without to much idea of the film. All I can say is that it is a stunning piece of work, and certainly the best film I've seen in the past several months.

Hugo Weaving plays the V character to perfection. Verbose upon first appearing, his quotes from Shakespeare always seem relevant. V is an unknown, we end up knowing barely more at the end of the film than we did at the beginning. He is a fighter for what he sees as justice, but understands that his actions are based on hate and revenge. It's what makes the ending so good (keep a good eye on the screen during the final shots!) Into his life comes Evey, a girl with a past who is just trying to make her way in the totalitarian state that is Britain in around 2040. She helps him see his feelings clearly for the first time through a series of meetings and actions that keep the film running smoothly.

This is not an "action" film but a curious type of love story that grows using the backdrop of overcoming a fascist government. Well acted and scripted, I was glued to the screen throughout.

Special mention must surely go to Stephen Fry, who's character, like the man himself, seems outwardly happy and sure but hides a soft and easily hurt interior. John Hurt as the megalomaniac bible bashing dictator also makes it one of his best parts for many years.

All in all, I would recommend this film to anyone who wants to kick back and enjoy.

King Kong (2005)

From Genius to Tedious

[6/10 · 17 December 2005]

Sorry to disagree with so many reviews here, but I found this a three hour film that was easily an hour too long. I loved LOTR and recognise Peter Jackson as a genius on the back of the trilogy. However, in this he has merely created a tedious, overlong film that keeps you looking at your watch to discover how much longer there is to watch.

The basic storyline of gathering together the team, actors and crew for the film, and escaping New York just steps ahead of the police is quite well done. From there, the voyage and filming isn't too bad as we're introduced to a bit more character depth, and the first inkling of feelings growing between characters.

However, once they reach Skull Island, things start going badly wrong with this version of King Kong. There are some really dodgy CGI moments with the ship and water, and even worse obvious blue screen effects in the monster effects. Many of the Ann Darrow in Kongs hand scenes look even worse than the original stop motion. We are "treated" to 20 minute scenes that have no bearing or point to the film and are merely there to show off CGI effects. Long, intimate stares between Ann Darrow and Kong that are supposed to show the growing empathy but are used far too many times and eventually start forcing the feelings down the viewers throat. Slo-Mo sections, there to build suspense and add to the action simply don't work in most instances.

The end scenes on the Island, and the capture of Kong, again just don't feel real. Unfortunately, by this time you just don't care as your legs are going to sleep and most of the audience in the theatre were carrying on their own conversations. Peter Jackson has lost the audience and isn't going to get them back.

Once back in New York, the film faithfully recreates the original in that Kong is put on display in a theatre, goes berserk and escapes to find Ann Darrow. The ending on the Empire State Building is touching, and you really do feel for "the beast" as the planes attack and Darrow attempts to stop them. This is not enough however, and most of the audience were already preparing to leave during the final scene.

Take out a lot of the Island section, trim the beginning and ship scenes, and you could make this into a lean, mean film worthy of the Jackson mark.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

Very good, but better editing could have made it much better.

[7/10 · 23 November 2005]

A superb 4th movie here. Darker and more scary than the previous three, but it could have been so much better.

There are several places throughout the film where comments are made that seem to make no sense, obviously because a preceeding scene has been cut. Hopefully this will be sorted in the DVD release.

So much of the book has been cut though, and several things that occur in future books have been overlooked (How are they going to blackmail Reeter Skeeter in the next film, when in this one her secret isn't revealed?) In future, and especially The Order of the Phoenix, they MUST do it in 2 films to preserve the great story, rather than cutting half the book as they do in this one.

Overall though, another good film, worth the wait.

The Cave (2005)

An enjoyable adventure, well shot.

[6/10 · 28 August 2005]

Despite many of the reviews here for this film, we decided to go see it, and I'm glad we did.

This is an enjoyable adventure, starting with a group of potholers getting stuck 30 years ago. Now, today, a top group of spelunkers go to investigate the cave system, only to start getting picked off by something living down there.

The cave system is stunning and the visuals, especially the underwater scenes, are well done. The storyline, whilst it has a few plot holes, is pretty well put together. The cast is, in the main, watchable and well played. The "things" are well done with both skinsuits and CGI, and several parts will make you jump.

All in all, an enjoyable evening out without loads of guts on show.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

All the feelings of a wet handshake

[6/10 · 22 May 2005]

After the "first" two films, I admit I wasn't expecting too much, but the hype had me hoping. Unfortunately, I was right to not expect anything above the others.

The two main problems with this film are that, firstly, none of the characters have any sort of life in them. They are such mediocre people with no warmth at all. Even the love scenes are cold and distant. The second problem is the script. It's awful. Some of the lines that the characters say are so corny and cringe-worthy that you can't believe they were written by the same person that wrote the original trilogy.

The SFX are, as always, stunning. The fight sequences are well worth watching. Unfortunately neither of these can make up for the rest of this disappointing film.

Go to see it, just to complete the series, but don't go in expecting anything as engaging as the originals.

Thunderbirds (2004)

Possibly the worst film ever!

[1/10 · 21 May 2005]

Forget the rest, all those turkeys you've seen throughout the years.

This beats them into a cocked hat.

I didn't think it was possible to take a well established, interesting series like Thunderbirds and make such a complete pigs ear of it. Good old Hollywood! The Hood attacks T5 to draw the Tracey family to it's rescue, only to be trapped. This leaves only Alan (the youngest, still at school) to join with TinTin and Brain's Son to rescue the family and thwart The Hood.

Reasonable storyline that is so badly acted it's unbelievable. The old Supermarionation puppets had more feeling. The script is dire, and so clichéd as to have you cringing half way through.

You really don't care about ANY of the characters. In fact, we were hoping T5 would blow up and the rest of the cast would freeze to death in their freezer prison just to finish the film early.

Thunderbirds has nothing at all to recommend it and plenty to make you not bother even renting the DVD. It's terrible and I only hope that any idea of making a follow up are shelved immediately.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

Great if you've seen / heard it elsewhere...

[6/10 · 1 May 2005]

I have to admit that I went to the cinema with trepidation. Having read and enjoyed the books, and owning the BBC version, I was concerned about what Hollywood would do to "Americanize" it.

Unfortunately, I was right to be worried. If you've seen or heard any other version, then the film makes sense (mainly), however, if you haven't then you are likely to walk out the cinema with a sense of "WTF?" There is no explanation of why Ford is on Earth, no feeling of the sheer frustration of Arthur as many of the things that happen to him throughout other incarnations simply don't happen, and Zaphod is a pathetic ghost of the arrogant self obsessed character he should be.

Instead we had a pasteurised love interest between Arthur and Trillian which doesn't work very well, a Marvin android with most of it's funny lines taken out and a script that seems to jump more than a flea with itching powder.

A disappointing big screen version that could have been so much better if they had simply taken the time to explain more of the plot, and made more use of the HHG book voice-overs that are the central laughter makers of previous versions.

Take time out to read the books, or watch the BBC version. Then watch the movie so you'll understand more of the in-jokes that are scattered around.

Freeze Frame (2004)

Visually Stunning.

[8/10 · 6 April 2005]

Firstly, I have to say Lee Evans is without doubt stunning in this film. We can only hope that he gets further meaty roles on the back of this performance.

A triple murder suspect has his case thrown out of court due to police incompetence. Vowing his innocence, he becomes a paranoid who tapes himself "24/7/52" and keeps the tapes in a special vault. Just before the 10th anniversary of the murders, he is again arrested on suspicion of murder, and when he tries to produce the relevant tapes they are missing.

The only downside to this superbly edited, visually stunning film is the lack of suspects as there are only half a dozen characters throughout. Other than that, it's well worth watching. Unlike most people here, I even enjoyed the ending (especially Evans last words!)

Reach for the Sky (1956)

One of the best.

[9/10 · 24 March 2005]

Along with 633 Squadron and The Dambusters, this film is probably the best war film ever made.

It's not surprising that all these films are British made, without the Hollywood "hero" spin.

The film tells of the indominable spirit of Douglas Bader, and his rise back to health and active service after losing both legs in an air crash.

Semi-autobiographical, it runs pretty close to the true story of a man who inspired many, both during the Second World War and after.

If you've not seen it, don't be put off by the black & white, or the lack of CGI. Simply go and buy or hire it and sit back and enjoy.

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Alien3 is a masterpiece compared to AVP...

[3/10 · 22 October 2004]

Bad script, bad acting, characters who you don't care if they live or die, enough plot holes to sink the Titanic in, and extreme boredom until the last 10 minutes.

If these are the type of things you like in a movie, go watch AVP. It is truly awful. How this ever got past the test screenings I'll never know.

None of the characters in this film have anything approaching the type of on-screen pull that the original Alien crew did, or even the original Predator cast. You just don't care enough about them to be bothered when they're killed. The Aliens are their usual killing selves, but even the Queen seems a bit of a wuss compared to the one in Aliens. The predators aren't as mean as the originals either.

If you want AVP, go read the comics. Don't waste 2 hours of your life sitting through this. Get the DVD on rental, cause you sure as hell won't want to buy it!

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)

An indifferent film made worse by the CGI

[5/10 · 18 October 2003]

From the previews I was expecting a great film, and went away from the cinema thinking how badly a great opportunity had been missed.

The story is loose at best. The characters are two dimensional and hold no real interest in the viewer as to if they win or lose.

The CGI is awful, with Dr. Hyde looking like an Action Man (G.I. Joe) with foam padding, and the Nautilus looking far to much like animation to be taken seriously.

The whole story seems to have little 'goal' to it, with things seemingly just happening to move the limited plot. For instance, how does Tom Sawyer know how to drive the automobile? How does Dorian Grey know how to pilot, let alone launch, the mini sub?

A bad film with a great cast. Just shows what can go wrong when a crap script and a basic storyline are thrown loads of money.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

One of the best films in ages.

[9/10 · 16 August 2003]

From the opening scenes, I realised that this film was going to be something special. Having been disappointed by such films as T3 and Bruce Almighty, it made a change for a film to live up to it's billing.

The special effects are stupendous, and used to move the film along, rather than carry a poor script. The end fight sequence moving between the shafts of light is superb.

There are many laugh out loud scenes, and at no time does the film slow down. Well paced and well written, I can only hope that any future sequel is as good.

Recommended for all the family, this is a definite 9 out of 10.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)

Oh dear, What can the matter be...?

[3/10 · 26 July 2003]

This is a perfect example of big stars, big budget and big explosions not being able to deflect attention from an absolutely terrible script.

Two rings are stolen which, when put together, show all the relocated people in the Witness Protection Plan. The Angels job is to get them back before the information is sold to an underworld organization.

The plot sounds quite good, but from the opening with the ridiculous helicopter stunt the film goes downhill fast. The absence of Bill Murrey isn't explained at all, simply that his 'brother' is there to take over, and he is seriously missed, as his replacement seems to be merely a black stereotype stooge.

It's a shame to see Demi Moore come out of 'retirement' as she is one of these people that, with the possible exception of Ghost, hasn't been able to act in any movie she's made. And this is no exception.

The script is lame, and the amusing one-liners few and far between. Many more just don't work. The amount of 'incredible' stunts the Angels pull off (like the grinding of the ship hawsers on planks) are just too unbelievable to be taken seriously, and there is far too much use of the 'Matrix' type camera work.

As for plot lines, the 'surprise' of Dylan not being Dylan, but a witness on the program just really stinks. There is no sense of urgency. Whenever a problem crops up, someone immediately has an answer.

I rated the first film as a 7, but this one barely scrapped a 4, and that's mainly due to Drew, Lucy and Cameron's looks and acting ability.

Wait till video if you have to pay at the cinema and save some money.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

You either LOVE it or HATE it...

[10/10 · 8 July 2003]

and personally I LOVE IT!

This has a massive cult following for obvious reasons. It's satirical, funny and sexy all at the same time. Having said that, I can understand why some people would dislike it as well. It takes a certain warped (Time Warped??) sense of humour to appreciate fully.

Although to say it mentally scarred you for life is going a BIT far!

Richard O'Brien was truly inspired when he wrote this, and to watch Barry Bostock (Brad Majors) in Spin City nowadays just brings a smile to my face.

If you enjoy Fawlty Towers, Monty Python or any other wacky humour, this is for you. If you've had a sense-of-humour bypass, then don't bother.