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paladinmtk
Reviews
Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey (2014)
My bladder is full; after 3 months it's time to relieve myself.
Should have been called "scientist as hero" instead of Cosmos, as only about 25% of this show was about space. One of the episodes was almost entirely about some guy who complained about the hazards of leaded gasoline. Who cares? As the cosmos is everything, one could argue a show about baseball could be called Cosmos. That's what happened here.
Instead, this was about scientists, geology, history, etc. Tardigrades on a raindrop. Whatever. One early lengthy cartoon vignette was about some crazy monk who was imprisoned for publicizing his idea that the Earth revolved around the sun, but had no scientific reasons behind his thinking. What was the point of this? Anyone can imagine a transporter or a time-travel machine, like Leonardo Da Vinci's drawings of airplanes, submarines, etc., but try to make one that actually works.
Just like this show. Watched every episode, waiting for it to get better, and except for a few sporadic moments, it just didn't work.
Good things were the host, who did his best with what he had, some of the music, and a minority of the material. The Mediterranean sea filled in a year-neat. More stuff like this would have been better. There were simply not enough "oooh-ahh" moments to hold a viewer's interest, like there were in the original series.
Episode 11 was as close as it got to the original's magic, as it was mostly about space, and life's connection to space, as was episode 4. Episode 10 was good too, although 10 was entirely about electricity, not astronomy.
If this show were "good if you like that sort of thing" I would have given it a 4 out of 10. But as a person who does like "that sort of thing" and watched every single episode, wondering if I was missing something fascinating when I didn't, I know it wasn't even that good. Zzzzzzz.
Joan of Arcadia: Something Wicked This Way Comes (2005)
On this day, this series jumped the shark
In this episode, this series jumped the shark, by having the devil appear, complete with the appropriate Rolling Stones song to play out the end of the episode, and the last show of the series. A disappointing ending to a great television show. I guess we have to realize that the show was written be people, not by God, and sometimes people just run out of ideas.
When the devil appears to fight a potentially apocalyptic battle with a 16 year old girl, and no one realizes its the devil, including characters who had previously displayed a good deal of perception and complexity, other than the fact that they don't realize that the 16 year old girl in their midst speaks directly with God-well, it just strains the suspension of disbelief.
That being said, I still miss this show. It was so good, it left me wanting more.
He-Man and the Masters of the Universe: The Dragon's Gift (1983)
God-like dragon gives He-Man difficult moral choice
Almost biblical in scope, He-Man and Teela arrogantly demand aid for Teela's frozen father, Man-At Arms, through threat of force from a creature they don't realize is more powerful than He-Man, a God-like Dragon who dislikes humans for aiding them 1,000 years ago and never receiving thanks or even "a gift" in return. Dragon effortlessly defeats He-Man, then gives him an astonishingly difficult moral decision-kill another living creature to save his friend or be permanently sent to the "realm of demons." He-Man initially agrees, and then breaks his bargain by refusing to kill intelligent tree Dragon wants to watch "burn in my fire pit." Upon magical recall to the Dragon's lair, He-Man tells Dragon of refusal to honor bargain "I will not take a life to save a life," and Dragon accepts this as the gift of-"Wisdom, compassion, and the honoring of a bargain." Dragon gives He-Man and Teela spell to save Man-At-Arms, and tells them to "Never disturb me again."
After a series of ethical mistakes which drive He-Man and Teela deeper and deeper into darkness, they finally make a good but painfully difficult moral choice that most adults would not, and do not make. Only the rarest of persons would take such an awful risk with grave potential consequences by refusing to honor such a Devil's bargain, once made.
Surprisingly advanced morality play for a kids show. Best single episode of the series. Only time I can recall a creature absolutely more powerful than He-Man.
Casino Royale (2006)
Well done, 007 Best Bond in over 25 years
Original novel, good updated plot fast-paced movie never seems to lose steam, even at 2-hours plus. Unique comedy of situation in short "rest" breaks from high-stakes Texas Hold-'Em Tournament, Bond almost gets killed a couple of times, then comes back to the table bloodless with a changed shirt, and his opponents notice! 'Mr. Bond, you've changed your shirt-is the pressure of the game getting to you?' Bond becomes less super-human and more flawed during the progression of the movie, both physically and mentally as Spider-man like stunts in opening action sequence where nothing can harm him turn into anybody can punch him in the face by the second hour. Bond girl's motivations and actions become less credible in final 20 minutes. Flawed ending, but what the heck, its better than 90% of the junk out there, and wins on its own merits. Schindler's List it's not, but still heck of a lot of fun. Should you go see it? Sure!
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
White Trash Wonderland-Like Eating Candy Dropped on the Ground
Humerus exagerashun of Suthurn behavyur. Charming in its characterizations, and what makes America great. NASCAR centered, funny and entertaining, with topical humor and grains of truth, even for a non-fan like me. These guys really are crazy, but who isn't. More than just giggles, but thank goodness, not too much more. Shows it really does take all kinds. If you piled together all of the goofy things people do and what motivates them, above and below the Mason Dixon line, that's this movie. Competitiveness theme in movie shows why America is world's richest, celebrates the shameless Applebee's commercials right in the middle of the movie instead of subtle product placement designed for subliminal effect. What can you say? This is the US of A.
Jackass Number Two (2006)
Dry Heaves in the Back Row--See it in Puke-O-Vision
Good thing I passed on the popcorn and soda, otherwise the couple in front of me would have been wearing a reality show version of their Jackass experience during the "animal act" segment. Truly a filthy lame excuse for entertainment. Classic comedy, its not. Like a dog to its own vomit, this movie just keeps coming back. Still, some pretty funny stuff, but bogs down in the middle with a litany of unimaginative stunts and gags. It's rare that I laugh out loud at a movie, but I did at this one a few times. Not as creative or imaginative as the first one, but still causes enough of a physical reaction to pass muster. I agree with the cast of this waste of digital projection technology that there should never be a Jackass Number Three. I wonder if the CIA will try to use some of these techniques to interrogate detainees, instead of doing it just for kicks, like these idiots.
Jericho (2006)
An apocalyptic disappointment
Gamma World written by Madison Avenue. Factually and scientifically inaccurate melodrama mawkishness. Why couldn't the writers pick up a copy of the Planet of the Apes Movies or the Gamma World Role Playing Game and go from there? I have always dined at the table of a longed for good nuclear apocalypse show and have always gone away from the table hungry. This show develops too slowly, and why are all the girls still so pretty with their hair done so nice with their make up and collagen lips and plastic hips after a nuclear holocaust? How come the former St. Louis cop hyper-competently instructs the yokels how to duct tape their houses but yet decides to keep his Morse code short-wave radio knowledge of the extent of the national destruction a secret for only the viewers to melodramatically know at the end of episode 2? Why can you survive by putting plastic on your windows during the radiation rain, but half the town has to be buried in an explosion in a salt mine deep beneath the earth? Why don't they just put dinosaurs in F-16's? Unlike Jericho's depicted apocalypse, I predict this show will die an early death with a whimper.
Jackass: The Movie (2002)
A festering pustule on the butt of mankind
Like a festering pustule on the butt of mankind, this open running sore of a movie is an immature, pathetic, filthy, socially irresponsible piece of rotting tripe. If it had a smell, it would smell like a rotten egg dipped in sewage heated to a slow boil over a fire. And Steve-O would probably eat it, or at least snort some up his nose. I hope not too many people were injured trying to repeat the mindless stunts performed in this film. That being said, this movie was so funny I laughed so hard as to burst that proverbial pustule and lighten up a bit. Since these idiots actually did all of this stupid stuff, then I don't have to or wonder what might happen if I did. There are more reckless and direct ways to toy with death, I'm sure, but I would be hard pressed to find any as entertaining as the ones these jackasses came up with for this movie. If you rent the DVD, some of the outtakes and extra materials are funnier than the ones in the main body of the film.
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
Fluffless fluff so good it makes me want to convert to Mormonism
All that we wish were contained within us is contained within the major characters of this movie. The developed characters are all good, and shows that good guys can be interesting too, especially when they fight with other good guys. Bad guys are sketchy at best and lack depth and development, and represent problems to be overcome, just like the real ones.
Celebrates any awkward time in life in which strong characters like Napoleon, Rico, Kip, and Deb stumble forward, sometimes limp, and help each other along the way, but even those who limp do not go backward.
Interesting that some conflicts between the characters are overcome instead of resolved. Chock full of captivating and meaningful vignettes about teenage (and adult) life, with accompaniment from appropriate 80's songs. There is something different in here for everyone to get, for ages 6 to 16 to 36 to 66. Positive portrayals of racial minorities seamlessly blended by context into the plot. Apparent unification of opposites in that a movie containing what some may say is nothing but humorous fluff is in the end fluff-less. "I caught you a delicious Bass." Best movie of 2004. Donny Osmond, Harry Reid, open up the Mormon Tabernacle, here I come.
The Twilight Zone: On Thursday We Leave for Home (1963)
Best of the One-Hour Twilight Zone Episodes
When a good guy becomes a megalomaniac, the results lead to his destruction, but not to the destruction of his followers. Capain Benteen is a leader who has saved his followers from the elements and from each other, but could not save himself from his own inner shortcomings, and left himself marooned both physically and spiritually. Kind of like Moses who could save his people but never enter the promised land, or John Wayne in "The Searchers," a man needed to win the West, but once the West was won, a man who needed to be left behind. Clearly the best of the one hour long Twilight Zones, this episode had character and complexity. The setting could easily have been Antarctica or an Earthly desert as opposed to an alien one, and shows that people have the same feelings, needs, emotions, and failings both now and a hundred years from now.
The Matrix (1999)
Overrated pop pseudo-psychology drone wars
OK I didn't get it, but then again I don't live in a modern day $250,000 honeycomb like most people in northern Virginia condominiums who are more like the drones in this movie than they would like to believe. This is a movie for people who think they are important because they talk on cell-phones, make $100,000 a year selling snow to the Eskimos, and have nervous breakdowns on the weekends. If you like Applebees, happy hours, and live in a high priced housing development, then you'll like this movie. For me it was incomprehensible middle class mayhem. This movie seems to pander to the idea that machines are the problem instead of belief in machines. Unfortunately, in an attempt to recognize the worth of humans, this movie cuts out the humanity and leaves its target audience feeling even more isolated than before. For nonsensical science fiction psychobabble, though, it's actually a well done, entertaining piece of fluff.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
Lame, boring, derivative, how did it make so much money?
So how is this film the number 6 all-time USA box office champ? I have a clue. Its silliness caters to the short attention span public. Anyone who bothered to see Disney's 20,000 Leauges Under the Sea in the early 1960's or on video or late night TV will realize that this is an amalgam of that movie along with a bunch of other Disney and other action adventure movies. The action sequences are nothing new, the comedy is of the two peanuts were walking down the street and one of them was assaulted variety, and really, if you're going to have a big giant squid sea monster like the Kraken, spend enough on special effects to give us a nice shot of it, instead of more millions to Johnny Depp and Kiera Knightly's bank accounts. Saw that squid before in 20,000 Leauges Under the sea, anyways. Paper-thin plot, empty characterizations, Captain Jack Sparrow is an Attack of the C- Han Solo Clone. It is a sad, sad state of affairs. Pathetic. But for moneymaking ability, this movie has the pathogenic characteristics of an Ebola virus.
Superman Returns (2006)
Best Movie of Summer 2006
Actually a movie with a plot instead of just rock-em, sock-em action scenes interspersed with throwaway lines and shallow romantic interludes based on the physical attractiveness of the actors. Has a beginning, middle, and end. Somewhat surprised the movie ends with drama scene instead of action, differently from almost every other modern superhero, sci-fi, fantasy movie with the exception of the Star Wars series. Characters are well developed, and doesn't need to re-invent the legend, or ignore the earlier Superman movies. Even uses the same music. No taint on this cape, the so-called disappointing $200 million domestic box office total is more a comment on the short attention span of today's fans than the quality of this fine film. Before even seeing it, critics complained that the Superman legend was worn out, and the subsequent Luke-warm reviews for this film to do it a Luke-warm injustice. The critics are wrong. The Superman legend remains strong.
Joan of Arcadia (2003)
Emotionally powerful show left me wanting more
Accidentally began watching this silly "God Show" at 2 A.M. one Friday night in February 2005 when regular CBS 8 P.M. broadcast was preempted by sports event. Was more than pleasantly surprised by the depth and character of this show that focused on teenagers, and centered on emotions. Kind of like a cross between MASH and Twilight Zone, with U2 lyrics peppered in between; this show was meant for everyone. Most episodes pack some kind of emotional wallop. Disappointed when only a few weeks after I began watching, the show was canceled. I later purchased the first season DVDs. Shockingly well-written, episode 12 "Jump" is one of the 10 best episodes of television ever broadcast.