nik963 Reviews

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008)

tedious.

[2/10 · 4 May 2009]

OK, first of all, high school musical 3 isn't really a movie. It's more a jumble of well choreographed dancing and tedious singing than a kids version of fame. All you have to do is look at director Kenny Ortega's filmography and you will find the first two HSM movies in the franchise, a ludicrous remake of footloose and several other dance-related films, all of which hardly desire killer scripts, and if you want one, I'd look away now.

senior year is basically the story of troy (zac efron) and Gabrielle (vanessa hudgens) who struggle with the idea of being separated with college looming ahead. along with the rest of the wildcats, they stage a spring musical to address their experiences, hopes and fears about their future. Meanwhile, Sharpay, the school's shallow and spoilt rich girl, plots to go all out planning the school's final musical show with the idea to add music to her piece. While She takes an annoying British exchange student under her wing, her camp twin brother, Ryan, has his sights set on something different after school. In addition, Troy's best friend and basketball teammate Chad( Corbin bleu), and Garbiella's best friend Taylor (Monique Coleman), all have their sights set on their plans after high school and come to terms with the reality of the real world. exciting, huh?! far from it. the movie feels like it is made up of so little proper dialogue that it barely finds any room for anything close to a story-line. the screen play is awful, feeling lazy and boring with not even an attempt at humour. furthermore,the film is way too long, and after the 100th dance/song, you'll want to strangle one of the actors. Not to say though, that the dancing is bad; there are some exceptionally choreographed sequences, but there's way too much of it and although I appreciate that this is a musical, you can't deny the fact that it has less of a plot than Mamma Mia and should have stayed nothing more than TV/DVD movie.

So, you'll either love it or you'll hate it. If you love it you're probably a nine-year old who believes that the worst thing that can happen in high school is detention, either that or you get a thrill out of spotting continuity mistakes.

Runaway (2009– )

absolutely awful.

[1/10 · 19 March 2009]

I have to say, I am beginning to get really sick of the children's television on the BBC. It started with grange hill which was changed from a show dealing with bullying, sex and even suicide, to poorly acted unfunny rubbish. So, after months of awful TV productions like 'the legend of Dick and Dom', they finally bring out a TV series that deals with a serious issue and sounds a bit more adult I was delighted but still doubtful. Don't hold your breath. The show follows Sean (a mediocre William miller) who for some reason decides that his life at home with his mum who is occasionally snappy (which I found understandable, considering the death of her husband) and Gary (her stereotypically horrible boyfriend) is unbearable and leaves home. much light attempts to portray street life, poor dialogue, baffling decisions and simply terrible acting (I mean, where's our Dakota fanning?!) follow and we are left thinking: 'what happened to the good old days when we had Byker Grove, Grange hill and an outstanding show portraying the London bombings through children's eyes?' All these programmes managed to be not too adult but display big issues to children from about 10 years up. now, I doubt a three-year-old would feel distressed at this nonsense.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)

a bit overrated but still good.

[7/10 · 4 March 2009]

After countless misfires, Woody Allen has finally got his act together with Vicky Cristina Barcelona following, aptly, Vicky (Rebecca Hall) and Cristina (scarlett johansson) on their trip to Barcelona. Vicky is engaged and lives a slightly unexciting life while Cristina is more courageous and is still looking for a man to sweep her of her feet. One night, while out at a restaurant, they meet Juan Antonio, a Spanish painter beautifully portrayed by Javier bardem. He offers them a weekend at his home town promising sightseeing, good food and making love. Cristina accepts and persuades Vicky to come along. Juan Antonio seduces them both but when Vicky precedes to marry her husband, Cristina begins a long term relationship with him. Everything is going smoothly until the artist receives a phone call revealing that his ex-wife Maria Elena (a stunning Penelope cruz) has attempted to commit suicide. Juan Antonio allows her to come and live with them for a couple of months and eventually the three all indulge in a relationship together. However, neither of the very different affairs last and the movie has a lot to say about the strange, briefness and unpredictability of love. Rebecca Hall manages to hold her own as the insecure Vicky, who's simple and dull life is turned upside down when she meets Juan Antonio and ends up falling for him. Meanwhile, Scarlett Johansson is beautiful but outclassed by the two Spaniards. the movie is far from perfect however, with annoying narration throughout telling us a lot more than we need to know and feeling lazy and pointless. It almost signifies that the actors could not portray the emotion required, which is entirely untrue, considering the calibre of acting which is very high. Moreover, after watching Match Point the movie feels slightly clichéd. However, the two Oscar-winning Spaniards and the films authenticity hold it together and build up to a classic Woody Allen unsatisfying climax.

summary Those expecting a rom-com will be disappointed. The movie is a lot darker than predicted. Packed with great performances and brilliant elements, its enough for you to forgive it's flaws.

Woody's back. No, really...

Doctor Who (2005–2022)

overrated junk

[1/10 · 9 February 2009]

I have seen a couple of episodes from doctor who and the only one which I didn't switch of half way through was the supposedly "best episode" which was the Christmas one. OK, so I admit the idea is pretty good - a futuristic space titanic - but seriously it was such a disappointment. David Tennant was average as the doctor and Kylie Minogue was very mediocre. the script was poor the special effects weren't great and all in all it was very dull.

I remain baffled at the great reviews and the laughable 8.8 rating on IMDb. Regarding the TV series, personally I find it all overrated junk. The CGI is atrocious and Catherine Tate is horrendous. I haven't seen the old TV series but surely it must be better than this...

The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Decent

[7/10 · 3 August 2008]

I am not an avid viewer of The Simpsons and have only seen a few episodes, which were fine but didn't set the world alight. I approached this movie with anticipation as the hype surrounding it was mammoth.

The hype was over the top but it was a good comedy with a message that is important. However quotes from the press like "best comedy of the decade- News of the World" and "laugh a minute" from reviewers on IMDb are far fetched. This movie has extreme high points but it misses regularly. Scenes like Bart's skateboarding naked and the regular gay jokes are brilliant. As are the scene with Mr Burns' suicide quip and 'Grand Theft Walrus'. There's also beautifully animated scenes including Homer's broken snow heart but there are also the low points; Homer and Bart on the roof is yawnsome and a terrible final scene as is Tom Hanks unfunny cameo.

It feels in the film as if the makers were torn between commercial success and making the best movie they could. At times the adult themed jokes and innuendo is great but then scenes of Homer or Bart getting injured are put in for kids to laugh at. And is it so impossible for kids to enjoy a scene without action or dialogue; Homer's broken snow heart and the touching Carpenter's classic song deserved longer on screen.

Schwarzenegger as president was really good but the underuse of certain characters like Maggie, Mr Burns and Krusty meant Homer, Bart and Marge got to take up most of the screen time with their insanely annoying voices (clear your throats and Bart stop laughing).

As for the story, it is good and the Alaskan animation is lovely. Unfortunately Homer is hard to like and the father-son relationship is inconsequential as both Homer and Bart are irritating and to be honest have very few redeeming features.

My favourite show on TV is Family Guy and even though Peter Griffin is sexist and stupid he is ridiculous in his attempts to do good and bad, which lead to hilariously compromising situations. And at the end of the day he always cares about his family. Homer to me just feels hollow and is hard to like. His epiphany (very funny) feels unreal and I can't say I was rooting for him and Bart to survive.

In all The Simpsons survives the hype but it could have been so much better with a more adult rating. Now excuse me I'm going off to watch Family Guy. No annoying voices, great belly laughs and a baby who wants world domination and his mother dead. Watch and you will not be disappointed.

Batman Forever (1995)

No No No No No!

[1/10 · 30 July 2008]

No wonder Batman did not resurface for 8 years. Batman Forever and Batman and Robin are so bad it's laughable.

The worst thing about Forever is that Tim Burton was producing. Batman and Returns are fine films with good acting, action and real story that connect with the audience. As for this rubbish there is nothing. Joel Schumacher directed tight and tense movies like Falling Down and Phonebooth so where did it go wrong? Lets begin...

For starters Val Kilmer. Why? Terrible feminine jaw and lips, no mystery or darkness whatsoever. Michael Keaton and Christian Bale wipe the floor with him. He has no charisma and is totally miscast. As for Michael Gough (Alfred) lets just say Michael Caine is preferable. It gets worse though, Jim Carrey is okay at first as the Riddler but then descends into OTT syndrome. As does Tommy Lee Jones as Two Face. Both become laughable and moronic as they try to out-do each other in overacting. They fall into caricatures after awhile and the strange homoerotic tension between them only adds to the farce.

I assume they are meant to strike fear into the viewer but they just irritate. Plus Two Face is just one face as he seems to lack any sort of good in him. Keep an eye out for the comical altercation which caused his facial disfigurement. Oh and the costumes are just awful, tight green lycra covered in question marks? Wrong, wrong wrong!

Nicole Kidman sexes things up a little (surprisingly). She sizzles and is the only thing good about this movie. Drew Barrymore embarrasses herself by playing a pointless role.

The real reason for the 1 rating though, is...Robin...yes...Robin! Why? Chris O'Donnell will be hated forever and well he deserves it for agreeing to bring back the worst character in Batman. The Dark Knight works alone not with some acrobatic moron. And to add to the mess they give Robin a suit and symbol similar to Batman.

What's more is the terrible depiction of Gotham. Batman and Returns have Gotham as a city like any other but more Gothic and darker. Joel Schumacher decided to create a freakish city full of clowns, fluorescent colours juxtaposed with Wayne manor in the lovely countryside yet is close to the city. Nothing is realistic. Batman Forever destroys the previous two Burton films by creating a comic book horror show without any sort of danger, mystery or intrigue.

The plot is pretty dull and predictable, villains team up and fight Batman and Loser Robin in an overlong and poorly done action finale. Jim Carrey is unwatchable and Lee Jones must weep when he replays this disaster.

Well that sums it up, a horrible mess which nearly destroyed a legend. Well Shumacher did that in the sequel. Thank god for Christopher Nolan!

One more thing. I challenge you to watch Kidman and Kilmer in one scene and not laugh (it's in the bedroom and Kilmer does the most cringe inducing smile ever seen on camera!).

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

Great Entertainment

[10/10 · 20 February 2008]

The average rating and cynical reviews on this film are just courtesy of people who can't enjoy an action movie. They have to analyse it's realism and mistakes. For those who say this movie is unrealistic and preposterous, well you are right but that's the point.

John Rambo is unbeatable and some of the situations he gets out of are rather unrealistic, but to be perfectly honest, who cares?! This is an action picture, great fight scenes, tension and an incredible muscle bound hero who speaks little but does a lot.

Stallone portrays the character well, Rambo has a sadness within him and the politics and repercussions of the Vietnam war are well documented within him and the movie. It doesn't wrap itself in the politics though. It just pans out as a brilliant action movie. It is hard to find a better 90 minutes of film to match the excitement of Rambo First Blood Part 2.

In Part 1 it is more of a survivalist story whereas in Part 2 it is more action packed. The enemy is the Vietnamese and Russians while Rambo is a one man army. There are excellent chase scenes and the helicopter finale is outstanding.

What I love about Rambo is he is not just a guy with a gun shooting anywhere, he is a proper hero. His use of arrows and his legendary knife plus his supreme strength and will power separate him from other action heroes.

Definitely watch this film. You will not be disappointed.

Hostel (2005)

Very Impressive

[8/10 · 23 January 2008]

This is an excellent example of the new 'torture porn' horror. Whereas Captivity and Saw are poor movies with little plot or subtexts, this film explores the American view of Europe being a strange place with strange people. It also displays three guys and their three hobbies, sex, drugs and being abusive.

Eli Roth portrays Amsterdam and Slovakia as drug infused, violent places but they are perfect for this movie. The tension is intense, I was hooked from the beginning. It's a bit different, for the first half an hour it's like a Eurotrip with sex, drugs and idiotic behaviour from the three main characters.

The remainder is very clever. We have a wide variety of nationalities and the interesting treatment of the American's. the insidiousness of the set-up and intelligent use of ordinary looking men being so evil is brilliant. The real villain was not who I expected.

Jay Hernandez (Paxton) was impressive and you really were behind him beating these sick people!

What I really liked was the constant uneasiness throughout the movie. Every scene has a sense of shadow, darkness and that the character is going to find himself in trouble.

Roth's Cabin Fever was good but this is better. I was mistaken before I saw this in thinking it is 'torture porn' and consistent violence but it manages to combine a real story-line and gives depth to the characters, rare in horror movies. And when the violence did come it was not gratuitous but real and grim. I particularly liked the setting. The factory like building had a real sense of unease. and the close attention to detail with the tools and grotty walls accentuated the premise.

If you like horror you will love this but even if you don't you will enjoy it. Hostel manages to crossover, a rarity in horror.

Good Luck Chuck (2007)

Horrifically Bad

[1/10 · 23 January 2008]

I approached this film with an open mind. The reviews had been bad but I films of this genre generally do. Besides any movie with Jessica Alba is worth a try in my opinion!

The concept is good enough and should form a strong comedic element but I laughed about once throughout the movie. I don't know if it's just me but I found the opening kind of wrong and uncomfortable. The kids looked about 10 or 11 and the goth girl asks Charlie to show her his penis! She then forces herself onto him and curses him thus setting up the movie. I just found it unlikely that an 11 year old girl would act or talk in that way.

Despite this weird opening I was still confident it could be a decent movie. I was wrong. Problem? Dane Cook. I saw Employee of the Month (pretty poor but not as bas as this) and Dan In Real Life (good apart from Cook) and found Cook to be intensely irritating. If you think Ben Stiller is annoying with his constant 'I'm a good guy who's unlucky in love' then you should see Dane Cook. He can't act, he isn't funny and his gormless expression which is intended to show emotion just grates after awhile.

So basically every girl who is with him then goes onto meet Mr Right after they split up with him. Predictability ensues and his thoroughly unlikable friend makes the film drag with few jokes capable of raising a laugh. The shame here is that Alba is sweet and the scenes around the penguins are amusing with her brother and her clumsiness raising this film to acceptable. Also the scenes with Alba and Cook before they date are funny with Alba's incredible bad luck with accidents.

This is where the film peaks however, it then steadily declines into absolute trash. It is impossible to care for the relationship. All I was thinking was that Alba should get a new agent because this is atrocious. Cook takes the movie to absurd levels with an over the top display of love in which he seems to become more of a stalker than admirer.

I doubt that many of you will last long through this movie. Believe me the ending isn't worth waiting for. And a warning to you all is do not stay for the credits. I was greeted by the most disgusting and distasteful image that you'll see.

Good Luck Chuck is basically a rom-com with a nastiness to it. It's like the makers were trying to make a trashy sex comedy with a heart. They failed. This movie would have been far more successful had it cut out all the lewdness and Dane Cook!

I don't mind a sex comedy which has outright lewdness and isn't trying to give it any heart. American Pie presents Beta House for instance is pointless but fun because it is meant to disgust and amuse in equal measure. It doesn't have a story and you don't care about the characters, but at least it's not trying. With Good Luck Chuck you feel as though they were trying and this is the biggest tragedy of all.

American Pie Presents: Beta House (2007 Video)

Surprisingly Good

[8/10 · 13 January 2008]

Now I love American Pie 1 and 2 while 3 was great just for Seann William Scott's performance as Stifler but after that the quality has dropped. Band Camp kept the standard reasonably high with characters you actually cared about but Naked Mile was the same joke and plot- lines recycled (Erik Stifler's sex problem is like Jim's). It had some amusing moments like the Football game against the midgets and the 'punishment' of Coozeman but on the whole it lacked originality and the 'Mile' was just stupid and moronic. Not to mention the irritating girlfriend who doesn't want to have sex.

Anyway enough about the Naked Mile. I watched Beta House with apprehension as I thought it could take the series to a new low but I was pleasantly surprised. To be honest there is no real plot but it's filled with hot girls (Ashley is incredible) and sex jokes aplenty. Yes it is formulaic and the jokes are old but Dwight Stifler (Steve Talley) raises the bar with an exuberant performance. The Greek Olympiad is entertaining especially the penultimate and final events while Christopher McDonald's cameo is hilarious. There are weak points though. Coozeman is as irritating as he was in the first, I'm still baffled to as how he ever got a part.

While Coozeman is bad Erik Stifler is worse. John White made Naked Mile a pain to watch but in Beta House he takes his performance to a whole new low. First and foremost he lacks charisma, a Stifler prerequisite. You really can't care less about him. The only reason I was bothered about his relationship was so Ashley could be on screen! She shines above him as does the rest of the cast. Seriously John White is the ultimate in bad acting and has about as much charisma as a dead fish.

Saying that the film does entertain and Coozeman's fear that his girl is not exactly a girl is brilliantly funny.

Overall this film is worth renting, get a few of your mates in and have a laugh at the vomit-fest event and vent your anger at Erik 'loser' Stifler.

Gossip Girl (2007–2012)

Excellent!

[10/10 · 12 January 2008]

I've read some degrading comments on this programme and am not surprised, just disappointed at people's cynicism. Yes it's simple and it's like The OC in Manhattan but who cares?! The OC was well acted, funny, sad and kept me hooked right to the last episode in Season 4. I can't say whether Gossip Girl will match that but so far I've been impressed, the acting is solid and the girls are hot so that's a definite plus. You've also got the underdog loner who is easy to like and relate to and the plot simmers along nicely mixing humour, drama and lavish locations which in all honesty are pretty cool. And you do care about the characters which sets it apart from many other TV programmes. I don't think it will ever match the roller-coaster ride that The OC provided but as that's gone I'm perfectly content with Josh Schwartz's new effort.

Final Destination 3 (2006)

Really good and inventive

[8/10 · 9 January 2008]

I thought this was an impressive conclusion to an excellent trilogy. It manages to have an underlying tension throughout which combines well with the horrific but funny in a black humour kind of way deaths. The worst death for me has to be solarium deaths for the two girls. The sequence of events that lead up to it are clever and the slow blackening of the skin and horror at their predicament was vintage horror. The main character was pretty irritating but the brilliantly entertaining deaths offset any weaknesses. The roller-coaster and the weights-room deaths were pretty brutal but all are original and have a freshness which can often be absent from horror movies nowadays. The ending is very good and concludes this trilogy with a bang.

Babe: Pig in the City (1998)

Horrendous

[1/10 · 19 November 2006]

Lets be honest, this film is appalling. This was the first film my brother and sister ever watched and to be frank, what an awful introduction to cinema. The film goes along without you feeling any empathy with the characters and boredom at the lack of anything exciting happening. I know it is a children's movie but please instead of including a darker element lets have some entertainment and fun. It just didn't work, it would have been better as just an animation but unfortunately the director wanted to make it a 'grown-up' kids film, not a great idea. Next time just make something funny, entertaining and without an annoying pig which no-one really cares about. Instead of this go and buy something like Lion King or Beauty and the Beast which CAN incorporate excitement and emotive sequences.