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cpbeau
Reviews
The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
A sub-par film made worse by insulting the name of the original
I know that Willie Nelson needed the money and can forgive him, but Burt Reynolds sold out.
Before I get into the problems of this movie, let me say that if I was watching this film and had never seen the Dukes of Hazard, it might have been something that wasn't great but was mildly entertaining.
But the fact is, this wasn't a film that stood on its own. Bo, Luke, Daisy, Uncle Jessie, Roscoe, Cooter and Boss Hogg were all established characters. It would have been one thing to modernize these people, as long as the essence of who they were wasn't changed.
Bo and Luke were not buffoons in the original show. Both seemed to be a cross between Stiffler and Jethro Bodine in this version. Bo in particular seemed to have an unhealthy fixation on his car. Daisy seemed to lose her intellect as well. Jessica Simpson was nothing more than eye candy in the film, whereas Catherine Bach played a much deeper character.
I enjoy listing to Willie Nelson's music. His Uncle Jesse fit the perception I had of him (as a funny Ole guy who was carefree and smoked a bit). It was funny, but that wasn't who Uncle Jesse was in the series.
James Best's Roscoe P Coaltrain was more comically inept in the series, whereas in the film they tried to make him more intimidating.
Reynold's Boss Hogg was nowhere close. He just didn't get it and should be ashamed of himself. As I have seen others say, Danny Devito probably would have hit that mark.
Enis was pretty close, but don't get me started on Cooter or the armadillo helmet guy they added.
The director and writers of this film were not true to the original. Instead, they tried to make a cross between American Pie Southern Edition, Super Troopers and a Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler film. I enjoy some movies in that style, but that's just not what the Dukes of Hazard was about.
There was little, if any, witty dialog. Most of the humor was based on profanity, sophomoric stupidity and sexual references. Even the gags seemed forced.
It certainly wasn't the family show that the original was.
It WASN'T the Dukes of Hazard, even in an updated form.
Mr. 3000 (2004)
Entertaining, but left me wanting...
The premise of this movie was pretty good, and Bernie Mac playing a typical character was enough to get me to want to watch it.
It didn't disappoint, but it also didn't surprise.
Mac came across as pompous but likable, especially as you could see that the events of the movie matured him.
As a baseball fan, I usually disdain sports movies where too much reality is suspended. In this age of statistics, it's hard to believe that an error could have occurred but the explanation was reasonable. His comeback at age 47, for a losing club during September call ups, also was not too much of a stretch, nor was the 'publicity' angle.
This movie had one HUGE gaffe....why was Dick Enberg the team's announcer when Bob Uecker was such an obvious choice, even if he wasn't "playing" himself? I thought that the 'love interest' plot line was a little contrived. Personally, I think it would have been better in a baseball sense to explore the relationship between he and his former coach turned manager and see him become even more of a mentor to the younger players.
Overally though, it was entertaining. More good than bad. I'd put it somewhere between Major League II (better) and Maror League III (worse). About equal to Mr. Baseball with Tom Selleck.
If you're already paying for movie channels, worth watching, if not, catch it on regular cable in a years.
Smokey and the Bandit (1977)
Deserves to be in the Pantheon of American Film - Great Entertainment
The story is simple. There is only one major thing that could be described as a plot 'twist'. The characters aren't intended to have any great depth.
So why is this a great film? Because it entertains and endures.
The Bandit is cocky, can be a jerk and a loser...but he is so likable. Little Enos says that a "Legend and an out of work bum" look a lot alike...yet the fact is Bandit's legend is apparently known throughout the South.
The Snowman is the perfect compliment to Bandit...he doesn't get the glory, but often carries the load. He doesn't mug for the camera like the Bandit, but has a dry wit that makes you laugh.
What more can be said about Buford T. Justice. He steals every scene he is in. His delivery is terrific. There's no doubt that he is a commanding presence as a law enforcement official, yet he seems utterly clueless when dealing with his personal life, including the can't do anything right Junior.
Forget saying "summabit". It's phrases like, Nice Lady, Let me have a diablo sandwich or "Too Bad your head wasn't in it" and "When I get home, I'm gonna slap your mama, cause there is no way you came from my loins" that make Buford T memorable. Even the "you sounded much taller on the radio" comment makes you laugh at, disdain and feel sorry for Buford T all at once.
Sally Field is perfect as Frog. Big and Little Enis have great chemistry. Junior, what can you say.
The story, as I said is simple. "They've got a long way to go, and a short time to get there". Frog jumping in the car, and the subsequent pursuit by Justice makes it that much more difficult and entertaining.
Yes, its one great big car chase.
Yes, the youth of today have little to no idea of the CB culture. You can get Coors beer everywhere, and its nothing special. The car stunts aren't that special considering what may be in movies today. Chuck Heston in a chariot wouldn't be anything special anymore either.
As it has aged though, it is better to think of it a providing a glimpse of the past rather than merely being 'dated'.
This is a movie you can watch over and over and just enjoy. That's what makes it a GREAT film.
Major Payne (1995)
One of the most underrated films out there, a true classic
This is a great film that you can sit back with your children and watch again and again.
The story is taken from an old Chuck Heston film called Major Benson's Private War that took a serious "military man" and put him in charge of a group of children in an ROTC unit.
Major Payne takes that story and inserts Payne as the 1990s caricature of a Rambo-esq "killing machine" - with an over the top slant to make his character comical in nature.
There are some tried and true story lines here. Payne's 'tough love' motivates the children and helps them to grow...but he also grows as a person through his concern for the children as well as a love interest. The children at first despise Payne for his tough methods, but they learn to respect him. Payne sees emotion and caring as weaknesses early in the film, but he learns to value those. We see that the kids can have discipline yet still be kids, and the adults can be strong role models and be sensitive.
Wayans's voice and high strung nature may turn some off, but they truly accentuate his character.
The film has a happy ending where all has turned out for the best.
This is a film you can watch over and over. Very few of the jokes get old, and you find yourself repeating many of the lines back. A fun movie that has appeal for both young and old.
Gothika (2003)
Good premise spoiled by hole filled plot
The movie starts off with a pretty good plot. Halle Barry is married to Roc (OK, the couple seems mismatched, but I went with it).
She works in a creepy mental hospital complete with bad lighting and thunderstorms...I kept thinking, maybe if the place wasn't so dark and creepy, the folks there would feel better.
Anyway, back to the summary of the movie, Halle drives home from work in a rain storm one night, gets diverted by a closed road, so she takes another way home and runs off the road when she sees a girl standing in the middle of it. She exits her car, walks up to the girl who burst into flames....
Halle wakes up and finds herself in the institution as a patient. We learn its three days later and she has apparently "skint up" ole Roc.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE, STOP READING HERE cause I spoil it.
At this point, I was mildly entertained, wondering what kind of twist and turns they had in store for me...here's the psychologist turned into the psycho (no offense made). I was almost expecting something like The Cabinate of Dr. Caligari where I'd wonder what was real, and what was imagined.
Instead, I got a wanna be ghost story that was filled with plot holes, lacked suspense and in many cases just didn't make sense.
Much like I figured that Halle's swim (during the thunderstorm, no less) earlier in the movie would come in handy it was very obvious that Halle really wasn't THAT crazy, something else was going on that justified the murder of Roc and that the sheriff was just plain creepy.
They tried to distract us with the subplot involving Robert Downey, Jr. (who was much better in his role in "Back to School" for my money) and make him appear to be somehow involved. The biggest problem I had with him is his creepy and feeble attempts to flirt with Halle early in the movie, and then a 180-degree turn to being ultra professional (even though Halle wanted to have another doctor).
Once we figured out what made Roc a bad dude (it wasn't a shock...more like, OK, it had to be something) there was no suspense left. And at the very moment that Roc's torture chamber was discovered, unless you were asleep, the sheriff's involvement was obvious.
The attempts to make it a 'something's going to jump out at you' horror flick were weak, and just made the film more cheesy. Making it a 'ghost story' instead of a psychological thriller was a big mistake as well.
I could get over the ending, where Halle Barry apparently has avoided any jail time without explanation, if they didn't throw the whole story line with the other crazy girl who really wasn't and was not fine again. OK...while I am complaining, unless I missed something, Halle found out her husband was a rapist/murderer, went nuts (or was possessed) and killed him, only to walk away.
The Man (2005)
Entertaining light fare
This was by no means the best film I had ever seen. It wasn't a particularly original premise or story, nor were the jokes and gags that great...and it will by no means end up in the pantheon of the great buddy dramas...
but this movie was entertaining! And isn't that the point? The movie had some language that might offend some, and a lot of the humor was crude. The base of this movie however was Sam Jackson in a familiar "Sam Jackson" character and Eugene Levy in typical Eugene Levy role.
It only lasted 80 minutes or so, and there were not big plot 'twists'. Just a quick story with a few laughs. Not something that I would want to watch over and over, but worth renting or watching on cable.
Team America: World Police (2004)
Turned it off five minutes in...
There are those that might like the style of 'comedy' or 'humor' in this film, but I am not among them.
Two minutes into the movie, my wife and I looked at each other and said 'what the heck is this crap'? I said, lets give it five more minutes. Well, three minutes later we'd had enough.
My advice would be, if you are not a fan of South Park or similar shows, then be aware this likely will not appeal to you.
Ha! I went to submit the comment above, and they said that it didn't have enough lines of text. So now I have spent more time commenting on the movie that watching it. Of course, I will add that my disdain for what I saw was strong enough that I did feel compelled to warn others.
Nothing wrong with folks who like this kind of show, but it is something that you definitely have to have a taste for.
Closer (2004)
two hours of my life that i won't get back
In reading the other comments about this film, I see a lot of clichés being tossed about like 'adult', 'mature', 'riviting', 'provacative', 'real' and so on.
The subject matter and frankness about that subject matter was certainly not something you would want a child to see...but that does not necessarily translate into a 'mature' picture. In my estimation, it dealt with four morally flawed characters who acted like a bunch of over dramatic middle schoolers switching boyfriends/girlfriends, only with a lot of sex talk thrown in.
Perhaps the worst thing about this movie was the presentation of the story was very disjointed. It's one thing when subtle clues are added to accentuate the story, but having to 'guess' or realize "oh, it's a year later" detracts from telling the story. Don't get me wrong, I don't need a musical montage with characters frolicking in the park, flying news papers or a crossed off calendar to tell me time has passed, but just flipping the scene and five minutes into it dropping its a year later doesn't do it either.
Even with 'subtle clues', if not for looking at the IMDb before the movie I would not have realized the character was lying about her name! And quite frankly, I would not have cared.
Had the movie been made better, I can say that I might have at least been entertained while watching it. But between trying to figure out what was going on in the story and trying to discern what the two guys were saying it was painful.
Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
offensive! and nothing special
Offensive. Just plain offensive.
I can handle the characterization of the people of Alabama as poor backwards hicks that live in trailers, take our infants to bars and reenact the war again' northern oppression. I can handle the 'Hollywood Sud-thren' accents too.
No, what offends me is that the folks who put this watered down chick flick on us had Jewel wrap it up by singing "Sweet Home Alabama". Why not just throw in Rosanne's rendition of the Star Spangled Banner too! Or have Michael Bolton sing anything.
The movie itself was entertaining for the most part, but had the 'cookie cutter hey, lets come up with a good premise, throw a recognizable name in it, come up with a catchy title, drag it out for an hour and a half with a boatload of clichés and have a happy ending' feel to it.
My other big complaint was that I never really got a good feel why she liked the New York fiancé so much to start with, or what made her change to want to stay with the Alabama husband. It almost seemed like she decided to go back to the Alabama husband because he 'had finally made a success of himself'. Maybe if the movie was tweaked a bit to where the guy was overweight, balding, lived in a double wide and was on disability after strainin' his back while the night watchman for the Van Atkin's pickle factory
then it would have been believable that she was choosing him cause she loved him.
Mona Lisa Smile (2003)
'chick flick' version of dead poets society....
This could contain spoilers.
My summary of "Chick Flick" version of Dead Poets Society pretty much sums it up.
This movie combined a few elements of other films. There is the new teacher who comes to town and enlightens the students, the conflict between the conservative values of the school (and of the students themseleves and their society), and then there is the 'woman coming to a new town' angle.
As typical of most 'chick flicks' every single male character is either a bad person or incompetent.
While 'chick flicks' are not necessarily my favorite genre and I am offended by the way men are cast, there are some that I have watched with my wife that I find tolerable and dare I say enjoyable.
This was not one.
Frankly, the story was very slow to develop if it even did. The characters were not very likeable, and were so charactured that they were almost cartoonish.
The side story of Julia Roberts love life (first with the ex from the west coast, then with the other professor) just seemed thrown in.
In regard to the Italian professor who lied about his army record, I thought that this was rather lame. Excuse me, but Julia didn't think he was such a scum when he slept with his students....but since he lied to her about going to Italy???
Anyway, I was disappointed with this film and did not enjoy it because the story was slow to develop and the characters were not likeable.
The Net (1995)
mildly entertaining....
note: some spoilers may be contained.
the basic premise of this movie is that sandy bullock comes across some information she is not supposed to have, and spends two hours running from the bad guys.
course, ole sandy has her demons...father ran off, mother suffering from memory loss...and pretty much keeps to herself. so that bad guys (who have the power to break in to all these computers) just steal her identity.
i read a comment that this was not a chick flick, but it VERY MUCH is. the most all common element that draws it in are that all of the males in the film are either the bad guys OR are of no real help to the protagonist. in my opinion, dennis miller has a pretty good role as her former lover/therapist who is the only person who can identify her, but he quickly gets offed.
while it was mildly entertaining, the movie somewhat drug on and was just too predictable.
Law & Order (1990)
still entertaining after all these years....
I first got into the show while in college by watching reruns on A&E. Got away for a few years but picked the show back up a few years ago. Love the format of the first half being a detective show and the second half being a courtroom drama.
Think that their 'borrowing' of real life events is a great way to come up with interesting plots.
Sure, sometimes it goes a little bit overboard and the device of the technicality knocking out the key piece of evidence gets overused, but overall this is an entertaining show that doesn't seem to get stale.
Punch-Drunk Love (2002)
90 minutes of my life that i won't get back....
if its possible for a movie to both suck and blow, this one did it.
i am only glad for the fact a friend rented it with a free gift card he won at a christmas party so neither of us had to pay for it.
the main plot of the movie was weak. the main character was more annoying than interesting as were most of the supporting characters. the saving grace of the story was the phone sex/extortion plot and the pudding scam.
but what really KILLED this movie was the film making. i am not sure if the director was attempting to create a state of confusion or was just trying to do something 'artsy' but it really started the movie off bad. instead of using his 'directorial skills' to enhance the telling of the story, it seemed instead that the story was secondary to 'look at this abnormal camera angle' or 'wow a car just came rolling by..how radical'. the dialog was also a little bit too 'edgy'.
my wife got up 15 minutes into it and went to read a book. i said 'give it a few more minutes'. she watched ten more and gave it up for good.
i wish i had done the same but decided to stick it out. bad decision.
A Perfect Murder (1998)
fair movie that loses points as remake....
i liked the original movie, and i sat down to watch this one with my girlfriend (who had not seen it) figuring i could discuss a few of the things that were in the original film.
therein lies the problem of this film. instead of trying to be a stand alone film that used the same basic plot and characters, it tries to reconcile too many things with the original. the worst part of this was with the role of the police detective.
of course, that may just be for 'pc' reasons, as grace kelly was more of a victim until she was saved, yet our spanish speaking ms. paltrow does all the case solving by herself. the whole language thing reminded me of a cheesy action show where we know 'that is going to come in handy later'.
michael douglas was briefly a suspect, but given the circumstances i think the police would have investigated more.
SPOILER WARNING
i somewhat disliked the ending of this. while douglas was certainly no good for trying to kill his wife, she is made to be almost heroic for offing him. maybe it was because things were less graphic when the original was made, but i always felt like grace kelly was not having an ongoing affair in that film like paltrow. from the way the film looked, douglass was happy to have his wife back and it could have had a creepy they are together but she'll never know ending. instead, she kills him. was her homocide at the end really justifiable? yet she is painted in a sympathetic light.
entertaining, but not a great movie.
Scooby-Doo (2002)
entertaining but too many non kid things and getting away from the series...
this may contain some spoilers.
to start things off, i enjoyed the movie. it was entertaining. a good, average movie that has the allure of being tied to something i already know.
now, as for the non-kid things, the jokes about drug use were just plane wrong for 'a kids movie'. the producers may have put them in to appeal to teenagers and young adults who wanted to see the movie for nostalgia purposes, and we all have heard rumors about what shaggy 'really is' or whats in scooby snacks. but the fact that this is a real life version of a kids cartoon makes their actions deplorable.
i am not a jerry fallwell or anything here, but it does bother me the 'crass' nature of many of these movies and how despite what we as parents try to teach them, they think certain words and behaviors are ok because they see it so frequently in the movies and on television.
and while it personally didn't bother me, i thought velma and her post- 'transformation' chest was a bit much for kids as well. (not that i minded though)
the fighting between the group was something that was not in the series, but i guess needed to make it into a 90 minute movie. i personally didn't like the fact that, unlike the cartoons, there was a 'real' supernatural element to the villian. of course, we still got to hear- "and it would have worked too, if not for the meddling kids..."
as for the characters, shaggy was right on. velma seemed pretty good as well, except for the overblown idea of wanting to be liked by the 'cool kids.' fred deviated from the series quite a bit with his egotism. i wasn't that impressed by him. i thought he and daphne were cast more for their name recognition.
one thing i will defend the film on, and that is that movies of old tv series often do things to pay homage to the series...sometimes that is in parody. a lot of people HATED scrappy and that could be responsible for his role in the film. heck, the brady bunch movies were did more to make fun of the original show than anything, and they were hillarious.
a good movie, and if you just like going to the movies worth seeing. if not, its worth a rent. fans of the series should enjoy it.
The Perfect Storm (2000)
the storm wasn't the only thing that blew about the movie
(i don't think i am giving away a secret, but just in case, i am warning you that i talk about what happens at the end)
this may have not been the worst movie i have ever seen, but the fact that i had to think about if it was or not speaks volumes.
with all the hype on tv about the film, i knew in advance that they guys went out and never came back, meaning that this movie wasn't much of a thriller. ok, i said, it will have good special effects and some interesting plot lines.
while some of the special effect were good, others just looked too fake. most of the plot lines seemed contrived: there was the outcast who fought with one of the guys but then saves his life, the young guy in love, the 'mysterious' captain, the greedy fish seller, the couple who really were in love but couldn't stay together because he was gone. it made me almost want to puke. throw in all the "we're glosterman" mess and it was just horrible. all this time i was thinking "what a bunch of stupid yankees!" by the end of the film, you were almost thinking that the characters would be better off dead. my final criticism is that the movie was extremely loud and about 30 minutes too long.
as for the good parts, i will comment the movie on its second plot line with the coast guard rescue crew. of course, even that used the contrived plot line of a hard headed man getting his two female companions into peril.
i would not recommend anyone wasting good money to see this film.