Cardassian Reviews

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Great entertainment for die hard fans!

[7/10 · 15 March 2005]

I suspect that hardcore fans of Alien and Predator movies will lap this up. I did.

Paul Anderson delivers an action-packed film that has a game feel (just like Resident Evil did). OK so the acting is not the best and the plot is sacrificed for fighting but I really enjoyed it! Anderson is faithful to Predator and Alien folklore and he has respected that his audience will be mainly gamers or fans.

Anderson has received a lot of stick for his films but they are always watchable and I will watch AVP again just for the cool fighting and salutory references to previous Alien and Predator films. No Alien/Predator collection would be complete without this.

The Ring (2002)

Nightmarish

[19 April 2003]

Quite frankly, this scared the life out of me!! I went to the cinema not expecting too much and then had nightmares for 3 nights!! The Ring is a really enjoyable and horrifying film with all the ingredients to make you feel as uncomfortable as hell. I do feel that the big screen is the only place to appreciate how scary it is as there is no escape from the imagery. Without giving anything away the Television scene near the end is so long and excruciatingly creepy I felt myself being forced to look at the fire exit sign in the theatre for relief!

A cult classic in the making.

Heat (1995)

Great stuff, a worthy remake

[9 July 2001]

I am a great fan of Michael Mann's style of film making, he always manages to put you in the script and you can really feel the locations as they probably appear. Heat is off course a scene by scene remake of "LA Takedown" but it is more like a mature version.

Great script, cast, crew and locations. I didn't realise how good until I went to LA myself !

Snatch (2000)

Watch it before "ze Germans" come !

[8 May 2001]

Damned good quality stuff from the now legendary Guy Ritchie. This guy is me in a different life ! Public schoolboy turned film director marries Madonna (b*****d)

Sorry, onto the film ! The script is fast and tight, not a second is wasted and the dialogue is sharper than a mosquito's mouthparts. No good comparing it to Lock Stock, they are two different films - Snatch is far cooler and funnier.

Vinnie Jones shows what he can do with a good script and top direction - unlike the dismal "Gone in Sixty Seconds". Brad Pitt blends in like a natural and stamps his trademark all over the celluloid with a character not dissimilar to Tyler Durden in Fight Club. There is so much talent in this cast and they all pull it off to a tee.

There are too many "best bits" to quote but I loved Brick Top's speech about "Nemesis", not unlike Samuel L in Pulp Fiction.

This showed me a lot of things but one thing sticks in my mind - Brad Pitt does humour very well - his character is so damned hilarious.

Best film I've seen in ages, since Fight CLub.

Brokedown Palace (1999)

Lightweight and unoriginal

[8 May 2001]

I'm not sure why this film exsists really. As previous reviewers have commented "Return to Paradise" was far better and the best of all being "Midnight Express". This was more like a lightweight version for a younger audience (rated 12 in the UK). Unfortunately it fails to get it's message across - simply not powerful enough.

You can't mix sugar-coated teen angst film with this subject matter, it just doesn't and shouldn't work.

Along Came a Spider (2001)

Along came a formula

[5 May 2001]

Yet another formula film with no intelligent plot at all. This was obviously an attempt by the film company to cash in on one major A-lister (Freeman) complimented by a relatively unknown supporting cast. The trouble is, none of the characters are likeable or believable. Not quite as bad as the "bone collector" but on the way there !

@@@@@@@ SPOILER WARNING @@@@@@

I find it hard to believe that the USSS could not tell the teacher was wearing prosthetics after 2 years of being with him (I did after 2 seconds). Also they never bothered to check out his background as evidence - duh !

Gone in 60 Seconds (2000)

It's ok I suppose

[15 March 2001]

Typical Bruckheimer fare and cheesy too! Poor old Nick Cage is wasted on this one as the unlikeable Memphis but Angelina makes any film watchable. Don't expect to be cerebrally challenged !!

The boosting sequences are quite cool.

Pitch Black (2000)

Low budget feel with high end special effects

[15 March 2001]

This film has all the feel of a low budget sci-fi flick but with great sfx trimmings. I enjoyed the experience and found the characters interesting and well developed given the woolly plot. Vin Diesel is very good as the moody psychopath and makes the whole film worthy of reasonable consideration.

The only unfortunate part is the shameless Alien series rip-offs, could this not have been avoided?

Rent it, watch it, enjoy it but not one to buy.

Goodfellas (1990)

The best film ever made

[15 March 2001]

It is strange but I don't own my two favourite films ever on video or DVD (the other is Shawshank) because it is always a pleasure to see them on the TV and enjoy them all over again. Goodfellas has it all; top notch acting, novel screenplay, masterful direction (from the master himself) and unobtrusive narrative. I love everything about this film - period.

I'm sure I am preaching to the converted but if you haven't seen Goodfellas then you are either insane or from Jupiter.

JFK (1991)

Solid Oliver Stone fare

[7 January 2001]

Well you can expect quality from Oliver Stone and you get bundles of it here. The film is long but I think it needs to be and it never gets boring. Unfortunately I am not a fan of Kevin Costner and he is as wooden as ever in this particular role (even more so than in the Untouchables). But this film is a must see for history buffs and Stone fans alike.

X-Men (2000)

Didn't get along with this at all!

[6 January 2001]

What on earth are Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian MacKellern doing in this daft film ? Mind you, at least they have some on-screen chemistry together. Which is more than can be said for anyone else. Hugh Jackman is another Russell Crowe-type moody Australian but without the charisma(!)

Can't say the plot meant anything as it was the most rediculous load of monkey nuts I've ever heard.

Bryan Singer really needs a proper film to work on so he can reproduce the magic that was "The Usual Suspects".

I didn't hate it but was more bored really - guess you have to be a fan of the X-blokes (even though a few are women).

The Green Mile (1999)

A definate must see

[6 January 2001]

Yet another brilliant King/Darabont collaboration in the same genre as The Shawshank Redemption. There is plenty for the outstanding but small cast to get their teeth into here and the screenplay is executed to perfection. The casting is spot on with Michael Clark Duncan and Sam Rockwell in particular putting on World-class performances. Hanks was good too, as expected but I particularly enjoyed Mr Jingles' performance !

Great stuff, not a dry eye in the house.

Blown Away (1994)

Stuff and nonsense

[6 January 2001]

I was really surprised to read a few other comments on this film praising Tommy Lee Jones' Irish accent - you have got to be kidding !! The whole film stinks and is as bad if not worse than Patriot Games. What is this obsession with deranged IRA killers?? It may come as a shock to some people but all IRA killers are deranged. As are the Boston Police department for allowing one to work for them without checking - maybe they have a few mass murderers in their ranks too. The Bridges family are useless in this film, I think Lloyd was asleep in his scenes, and Jeff has simply made another bad filming decision !! Jones is ok (apart from the accent) and Forrest Whitaker loses his way.

Stuff and nonsense.

Platoon (1986)

Forget Private Ryan, this is how it's done

[6 January 2001]

I was dismayed to see that Saving Private Ryan is way up on the IMDB top 250 films list. Platoon is in a different league and belongs way above that piece of schmaltz. There are 3 awesome Vietnam films in my opinion - Platoon, The Killing Fields and The Deer Hunter. All show different aspects of that terrible conflict.

Platoon puts across what it must have been like to be an American GI, living one day at a time, not knowing what on earth you are fighting for. Berenger, Sheen and Dafoe make very effective leading players and Oliver Stone directs with an expert hand.

Brilliant.

Independence Day (1996)

A rollercoaster ride of cheese !

[30 December 2000]

Well ! This film is full of American-style cheesy scenes ! Brilliant special effects aside, we were subjected to a plot from hell and a tirade of patriotic rubbish ! Yes folks, they have saved the day - AGAIN.

Seriously though I defy any American not to be upstanding during the president's speech near the end of the film, gripping their cigars between square chiselled jaws. Conversely I defy any non-American (yes we DO exist) not to be overcome with nausea at the same scene !

Sorry guys - no offence!

I'm surprised that Jeff Goldblum got embroiled in this, what does he think he is doing? However, cheese aside, Will Smith was hilarious and Randy Quaid out acted even the aliens. Nice appearance by Harry Connick jnr.

I will sleep soundly at night now that George Bush jnr is president, after all he was a fighter pilot too - maybe that's why he was elected (eventually!)

You have to see this film, but definately after a session in the pub !

Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Burton comes up trumps again with this period romp

[28 October 2000]

I really enjoyed this film ! Johnny Depp and Chris Ricci are both magnificent under the expert hand of Tim Burton, the most original director of his time. I love all the gothic imagery and eerie cinematography. Although it is not as good as Edward Scissorhands, it certainly comes close!

Applause also to Ray Park for his great fighting scenes as the headless horseman.

All in all, a corker.

Léon: The Professional (1994)

There is simply nothing wrong with this film!!

[28 October 2000]

Ok, I'm biased ! I love Luc Besson's films and Gary Oldman is the leading light of British cinema but none the less this is an awesome film. It has it all, action, subtext, and rollercoaster plot.

Reno is perfect (well he should be, the part was written for him!) and never fails to entertain. Portman is engaging as the young orphan and Oldman is typically insane. Every member of the cast IS their character.

Tightly directed with a rousing soundtrack, I have watched Leon over and over.

Three Kings (1999)

As dire as expected

[22 October 2000]

Utter rubbish sums this film up nicely. It really shows what the Americans really think about people in the middle east - they don't care.

The plot was childish and totally pointless. I really wanted to stop it half way through and take it back to the video library for a refund.

American Beauty (1999)

Kevin Spacey saves this film

[15 October 2000]

If it wasn't for Kevin Spacey this film would be fit for the rubbish heap. Dull, transparent and poor plot with a predictable outcome from the outset. I had heard such wonderful things about this movie and reasoned that its sweep of Oscars merited a look.

Shockingly over-rated.

The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)

Beautiful film..finely crafted

[15 October 2000]

A woderous film, greatly under-rated by the Hollywood pundits. Damon and Law are magnificent and the plot flows smoothly with the final conclusion as apt as it is unpredictable. Perfect cinematography and locations to die for.

Outstanding

In the Name of the Father (1993)

Rivetting but biased...

[15 August 2000]

Ok, this is a good film in as much as it is well acted and directed from the outset. Unfortunately it is marred by glaring pro-Irish bias and historical inconsistencies. The British are, yet again, portrayed as "the bad guys" which happens all to often these days as our "once were colony" film distributors try and alter the truth to suit. I feel that if our transatlantic cousins had had as much blood shed on their soil through terrorism as we have over the years they maybe more hesitant when making films like this.

Day-Lewis is a fine actor but he is outshone by veteran Postlethwaite in every scene they do together.

The Patriot (2000)

Evil brits !

[7 August 2000]

I'm English, I make no appology for that - so ultimately this film was bound to...no designed to piss me off. German director, Australian leading man - don't the yanks have any patriots of their own ?? Apart from the obvious crap historical rendition and Mel's "Little House on the Prairie" character which just made me hoot with laughter - this film is the worst I've seen for years. Even worse that Saving Private Ryan - uh oh upset the yanks again.

Scum (1991 TV Movie)

...Got ya tool?

[5 July 2000]

Scum is a fabulously gritty borstal drama revolving around troublemaker Carlin (Winstone) and his campaign to do his time quietly. The menacing staff and inmates of the Borstal (young offenders prison) are frighteningly realistic and the whole film has the feel of a fly-on-the-wall documentary. Sporadic violence comes with no warning and the rape scene in the greenhouse is one of the most harrowing I have seen on film (may be cut in some versions). Full marks to Alan Clarke and Ray Minton for this beauty.

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

NOT the greatest war film ever made

[30 June 2000]

I was dismayed when this film was hailed as the greatest war film ever made. Apart from the first scenes on the beaches it was just another serving up of American tripe. For real gritty realism see "Das Boot" or "The Cruel Sea". Steven Spielberg wasted an excellent opportunity and the film loses its way after the first 30 minutes. The ending is, quite honestly, rubbish ! 9/10 for the first 30 minutes, 2/10 for the rest.