1 star. Shim Hyung-Rae has some kind of ego. He takes money from fellow Korean investors, goes to the Paramount lot in Hollywood, and shoots this self-indulgent and unwatchable "film." Harvey Keitel, Michael Rispoli, and Jason Mewes, am...ong others, try in absolute vain to save this wreck and bring some form of realism to the proceedings. Maybe they shouldn't have bothered. It's like Shim saw a couple mob films and wanted to recreate them without any knowledge of the genre. Worst of all, his Younggu character comes across as being the worst Asian stereotype to grace the screen in a long time...with his broken accent, combed over hair, stumbling, and bad teeth. It's impossible to even watch this thing. He even tries to throw in a "magical" musical number that is his montage to the Hollywood greats but just seems random. There were maybe 7 people in the auditorium....5 walked out before the end. Maybe I should've as well, I was just too curious to see how this monstrosity would end.
Reviews
17 Reviews
Mars Needs Moms
(2011)
Will become a cult classic in time....
16 March 2011
MARS NEEDS MOMS was a nice surprise. It certainly is not the "kids" film that they marketed....I'd say it's target aud is prob. a slightly older one. It's really a sci-fi adventure that's about alien abduction an...d enslavement, a pretty dark ...theme for a movie. Also some the dialogue is pretty wacky, references to botox and street art. One of the characters is an alien that learned English through a "Partridge Family" type show so they call her a hippie alien. The landscapes are quite awe-inspiring and the usage of 3D here makes absolute sense. The climax of the film was jaw dropping too, I was really surprised that they would try and go there....would be pretty disturbing for young kids. The end credits feature some action motion capture footage and it's pretty amazing what physicality the actors go through for the process.
Disaster Movie
(2008)
Unfairly maligned
15 September 2008
Now I'm not a fan of the filmmakers and their last effort, MEET THE SPARTANS, was horrendously unfunny. So I was dreading DISASTER MOVIE but am surprised to admit that it actually had some solid laughs. The film is essentially a free form blender of pop culture references in scene after scene with a threadbare plot to connect them. However, the interesting thing about the satire here is how dark and cynical it is. The film rightly points out the cynicism and hypocrisy of teen entertainment (ex. the shallow consumerism and robotic nature of HANNAH MONTANA, the mindless songs and false chasteness of HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL, the overwritten, annoying banter of JUNO, et al.). Even family films are deservedly skewered (the heroine of ENCHANTED turned into a drugged out, homeless hooker, KUNG FU PANDA literally a guy in a costume brawling it out and best of all, the savage ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS sequence that turns them into CRITTERS style, metal loving evil puppets). And how true it is that the summer blockbusters consist of one comic book film after another being churned into the marketplace for our consumption (the film correctly portrays the "superheroes" in this fashion, with a cow splattering each of them one by one). Add to that a musical number that ties all of these references together in a seamless fashion. Friedberg and Seltzer still have an amateurish quality to their film-making and several sequences are allowed to drag on a bit to kill time. But overall this is definitely worth a look and maybe you'll be surprised.
Meet Dave
(2008)
A cult classic in the making
14 July 2008
I haven't written many film reviews lately but I felt compelled to talk about this one since it has been beat up so much in the press. And it imploded at the box office, where people are seeing the mediocre WANTED instead. It will be very unfortunate that people will miss out as this film was an absolute surprise to me. Based on the trailer, I was expecting the worst. The film, especially in the first half, is a spot on spoof of normal human behavior. The film has a lot to say about consumer culture, the homogenization of people, racism, etc. All done via elements that owe a lot to INNERSPACE, STAR TREK, even CRIMSON TIDE. Eddie gives a fantastic performance and certain elements of his turn as the Large Dave actually were an homage to Steve Martin, Buster Keaton, and other slapstick comedians. One particular sequence will make you never hear the employee greeting, "Welcome to Old Navy" the same way ever again. Things do get watered down in the last third, which is a real shame. I still think it's worth checking out though....all the adults were laughing the hardest so it totally doesn't appeal to the target audience. I think that's what will make this more of a cult classic over time as people discover it....anytime you make a film that is judgmental about modern society and its values, people seem to ignore it, a la IDIOCRACY. Be the one to discover this picture before other people eventually catch on when it hits disc.
Thr3e
(2006)
Absolutely hilarious
8 January 2007
I have to rate this based on entertainment value, not in terms of quality. What can I say about this film except that it is pure bad movie goodness! While unfortunately not on the level of "Troll 2," it comes awfully close, even outdoing Uwe Boll's "Bloodrayne" in that department. The film has some of the most ridiculous plotting and direction that I've seen lately....even most DTV films exhibit some kind of professionalism. Not here. The director has a real tin ear for dialogue and the wooden line-readings and terrible timing btwn. actors is a real treat. The film proceeds to rip off everything from "Saw," "Die Hard 3," "Speed," and a lot of other films. It's ultimately about a psychotic threatening some guy to ask for forgiveness based on a childhood incident (rendered in horrible flashbacks). There was plenty to guffaw at in this film, from the constant bomb timer explosions (that happen like clockwork every 15 min.). The best thing about the film was the guy's childhood family...a bunch of crazed nutcases including Priscilla Barnes and Tom Bower (the airport buddy from "Die Hard 2"). They REALLY chew up the scenery in this film. There are so many tonal shifts, nonsensical character choices, and an absolutely ridiculous finale that you really owe it to yourself to check it out. I had a great time.
Don
(I) (2006)
"Don" is slick and quite entertaining
23 October 2006
I saw Don yesterday and I have to say that I was quite impressed with the film. While still being a bit on the lengthy side, I felt that especially after just seeing the original for the first time (which is a deserved classic), that the filmmakers made a very good attempt at updating the plotting for modern audiences. Good scenery, well-filmed sequences (the skydiving and some of the fights were nicely done), and Shahrukh was quite convincing as a villain (this is probably the closest we'll ever see him attempt something like Pacino in "Scarface.") The musical score and numbers were well put together (love the trance/techno updating with the highlight being the betel nut dance number). The twist finale is also very satisfying and just solidifies my thoughts about the film (and how Shahrukh's dual roles play into it). Solid and worth a watch.
Unwatchable claptrap with Salman and Akshay
23 October 2006
I saw Jaanemann on opening night and I have to say that out of all the Bwood films I've seen in the last year, this one has to easily be the worst one. The first half plays like the worst film that Terry Gilliam has never directed: full of incongruous editing, poor SFX (including some obvious wirework that the computers didn't remove), bizarre scene transitions, and depth of field. The Salman Khan glass shattering freakout scene as well as the over-reliance on little people for humor also led me to think that the director might've been on some kind of hallucinogen. Then after the film shifts into NY, it becomes a very annoying and slow-moving piece revolving around a baby (with the horrible sound effects making me cringe at every point). Plus they really really overused the same NY locations (how many shots of Times Square are we going to have?). Worst of all, Preity Zinta totally seems wasted in such a role (Salman also looks like he's embarrassed to be playing along with such hackneyed claptrap, but goes along with it anyway). Ugh.
Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna
(2006)
Johar does it again....
14 August 2006
So I caught KANK last night and we were not disappointed. The film really was worth the long wait since K3G. Granted of course, the cheese factor was really high but it was really a lot of fun. Also the subject matter itself, in dealing with infidelity and marriage was already a pretty bold move for Johar. The musical numbers were absolutely phenomenal....very reminiscent of K3G in terms of its scope and execution. I will single out the Big B and Rani for their performances in this. Shahrukh wasn't at his best but he at least went for a very unlikable character, which is different for him. The film, location-wise, stretched out beyond just NYC...they also shot in Philly and CT so the geography was pretty much all over the map (like if the character is in Philly but can go to an NYC train terminal in 15 min.....). All the cities ended up blending into one big "East Coast" city so that was unique. All in all, I'm shocked at all the negativity thrown at this movie. Karan Johar is a genius and remains the king at delivering Bollywood fantasy, while this time grounding it in reality...and there's nothing wrong with that.
Boom
(I) (2003)
Quite groundbreaking by Bollywood standards
24 September 2003
I just saw this movie last night and really enjoyed it. While I was with some people who disliked it, I felt that the film was provocative and a really gutsy move at being anti-Bollywood. I'm not Indian and I saw the film in NYC without subtitles (it was a mix of Hindi and English). While the film wasn't perfect (and the last third of the movie really sank it downhill), there were some unique moments (the song-and-dance number, a lot of the wide-lens cinematography, Big B and Jackie Shroff's disturbing and brazen performances). And I really felt that I didn't know what was going to happen next from scene to scene. Heck, during much of it, I felt like this guy was reinventing the crime genre black comedy much like Quentin Tarantino did with "Reservoir Dogs." I do wish that the director was a little more disciplined but I guess if he was, he wouldn't be crazy enough to launch what seems like drug-addled, adrenaline-fueled imagery. A definite must-see in my book and one that even a Western audience may appreciate in spots.
Ang Lee's first disappointment...
8 December 2000
"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" is one of those movies that come to our shores with much pre-release hype. After all, this has been playing the festival circuit to much praise as well as trophy acquisition. The hype surrounding this flick has been unavoidable and would serve to show that this film should indeed be the masterpiece that it's been cranked up to be.
Unfortunately, "Crouching" ends up being a passable film that is quite disappointing on a lot of levels. While the basic storyline seems to invoke some fun melodrama, diehard martial arts fans will be saddened to see that the fighting scenes are poorly rendered and made unrealistic beyond recognition. Character development is rather limited and the audience can pretty much determine things from their basic understandings of movies. This is really not the film that it should've been.
Basically the story breaks like this. Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun-Fat) has to return a famous sword called the "Green Destiny" to his master. He has his friend and secret crush, Yu Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh) take care of this for him. There's also a young woman, Jen (Zhang Ziyi) who is engaged in an arranged marriage and ends up having an affair with an outlaw, Lo (Chang Chen). Since the sword obviously gets stolen, all these characters end up entwined in some way.
The thing that has caught many critics' attentions with this film are the action sequences. I'm saddened to report that for martial arts fans, this will be a major sore spot. The filmmakers elected to overuse "wires" to lift the actors around and have also blended in some digital effects from the "Romeo Must Die" school of filmmaking. I love wire stuff as much as the next fella (check out Jet Li's classic, "Once Upon A Time In China" for great usage of this), but this is ridiculous. All suspension of disbelief is gone once you see these actors fly over the rooftops for long periods of time with minimal effort. This is not just leaping (which would've made more sense). Actual lift-off. Plus, much of the editing distracts from the hand-to-hand combat scenes and this makes it even more obvious to an audience that it never really is that intricate and exciting. With the minimal impact that these characters have when fighting, it looks more like an art exhibition than a true martial arts film. This is the film's biggest debit.
Next up is something that not many people will notice: the widely varying accents of the actors speaking Mandarin. Yeoh and Chang seem to have the worst ones and this automatically disqualifies us from believing that the film is set in the early 19th century. True, this shouldn't be a big deal, but it really becomes distracting as 2/3 of all dialogue seems to have been relooped in post-production, sometimes mid-sentence! I admire the actors' attempts to get their Mandarin in check (as it certainly isn't easy), esp. Chow Yun-Fat's proper diction (even though just about all his lines are redubbed). Again, this doesn't affect the majority of viewers. For those who will notice, this REALLY diverts from their appreciation of the film.
So, what really works in "Crouching"? Peter Pau's sumptuous cinematography captures the atmosphere of the setting quite well and it's also fun to see Beijing rendered digitally a la "Phantom Menace." The ripe melodrama between the couples is also well-established. Their situations are rendered in an overwrought fashion that leads to some unintentional laughter. All that level, the film does succeed and we do see the actors giving what they can to their performances (even with the dialect problem).
It's a shame here that the director is Ang Lee, esp. since the guy is a master at films in different genres and settings ("Wedding Banquet," "Sense & Sensibility," "Ice Storm"). He is truly a brilliant filmmaker, but I think we've found his weakness. He understands the importance of cultural differences and generation gaps (as well as showing scenes of people eating, something greatly lacking in this film!). With "Crouching," most of those elements aren't necessary b/c of its sole location. He has, on the other hand, correctly rendered the feeling of the pulp novels on which this is based in a grand fashion. Maybe "Crouching" would've been better if there were no martial arts at all. However, the tone of the film keeps shifting. What style is he trying to accomplish here? One second it's an arty Mainland Chinese epic (in the Zhang Yimou vein of "Raise The Red Lantern"), the next second an HK B-movie actioner, then a modern Taiwanese soap opera? These elements are too diverse to try and combine successfully in one narrative.
So "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" may become the arthouse hit that it's destined to be due to curiosity and hype. My hope is that those piqued viewers interested in seeing better martial arts epics will come away from this experience in a renting mood. Go out and try locating the classic 70's Taiwanese martial arts flicks by the underappreciated auteur, King Hu. Or even any old Jet Li/Jackie Chan/Sammo Hung/Yuen Biao flick will do the trick. Those martial arts films indeed have the sheer visceral thrills that "Crouching" seems to have forgotten completely to accomplish.
Unfortunately, "Crouching" ends up being a passable film that is quite disappointing on a lot of levels. While the basic storyline seems to invoke some fun melodrama, diehard martial arts fans will be saddened to see that the fighting scenes are poorly rendered and made unrealistic beyond recognition. Character development is rather limited and the audience can pretty much determine things from their basic understandings of movies. This is really not the film that it should've been.
Basically the story breaks like this. Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun-Fat) has to return a famous sword called the "Green Destiny" to his master. He has his friend and secret crush, Yu Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh) take care of this for him. There's also a young woman, Jen (Zhang Ziyi) who is engaged in an arranged marriage and ends up having an affair with an outlaw, Lo (Chang Chen). Since the sword obviously gets stolen, all these characters end up entwined in some way.
The thing that has caught many critics' attentions with this film are the action sequences. I'm saddened to report that for martial arts fans, this will be a major sore spot. The filmmakers elected to overuse "wires" to lift the actors around and have also blended in some digital effects from the "Romeo Must Die" school of filmmaking. I love wire stuff as much as the next fella (check out Jet Li's classic, "Once Upon A Time In China" for great usage of this), but this is ridiculous. All suspension of disbelief is gone once you see these actors fly over the rooftops for long periods of time with minimal effort. This is not just leaping (which would've made more sense). Actual lift-off. Plus, much of the editing distracts from the hand-to-hand combat scenes and this makes it even more obvious to an audience that it never really is that intricate and exciting. With the minimal impact that these characters have when fighting, it looks more like an art exhibition than a true martial arts film. This is the film's biggest debit.
Next up is something that not many people will notice: the widely varying accents of the actors speaking Mandarin. Yeoh and Chang seem to have the worst ones and this automatically disqualifies us from believing that the film is set in the early 19th century. True, this shouldn't be a big deal, but it really becomes distracting as 2/3 of all dialogue seems to have been relooped in post-production, sometimes mid-sentence! I admire the actors' attempts to get their Mandarin in check (as it certainly isn't easy), esp. Chow Yun-Fat's proper diction (even though just about all his lines are redubbed). Again, this doesn't affect the majority of viewers. For those who will notice, this REALLY diverts from their appreciation of the film.
So, what really works in "Crouching"? Peter Pau's sumptuous cinematography captures the atmosphere of the setting quite well and it's also fun to see Beijing rendered digitally a la "Phantom Menace." The ripe melodrama between the couples is also well-established. Their situations are rendered in an overwrought fashion that leads to some unintentional laughter. All that level, the film does succeed and we do see the actors giving what they can to their performances (even with the dialect problem).
It's a shame here that the director is Ang Lee, esp. since the guy is a master at films in different genres and settings ("Wedding Banquet," "Sense & Sensibility," "Ice Storm"). He is truly a brilliant filmmaker, but I think we've found his weakness. He understands the importance of cultural differences and generation gaps (as well as showing scenes of people eating, something greatly lacking in this film!). With "Crouching," most of those elements aren't necessary b/c of its sole location. He has, on the other hand, correctly rendered the feeling of the pulp novels on which this is based in a grand fashion. Maybe "Crouching" would've been better if there were no martial arts at all. However, the tone of the film keeps shifting. What style is he trying to accomplish here? One second it's an arty Mainland Chinese epic (in the Zhang Yimou vein of "Raise The Red Lantern"), the next second an HK B-movie actioner, then a modern Taiwanese soap opera? These elements are too diverse to try and combine successfully in one narrative.
So "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" may become the arthouse hit that it's destined to be due to curiosity and hype. My hope is that those piqued viewers interested in seeing better martial arts epics will come away from this experience in a renting mood. Go out and try locating the classic 70's Taiwanese martial arts flicks by the underappreciated auteur, King Hu. Or even any old Jet Li/Jackie Chan/Sammo Hung/Yuen Biao flick will do the trick. Those martial arts films indeed have the sheer visceral thrills that "Crouching" seems to have forgotten completely to accomplish.
Help!!!
(2000)
Help us all...
18 November 2000
It looks like 2000 isn't turning out to be the year for Johnny To and Milky Way. Following the debacle that is "Needing You...," the company brings us the strange hospital farce, "Help!!!" Again, like "Needing..." it is admirable that To & Wai Ka Fai have elected to tackle another genre. This one is slightly more successful, but it's general premise never quite takes shape amidst a lot of chaotic elements. Ekin Cheng, Jordan Chan, and Cecilia Cheung star as a group of determined doctors who work at a hospital where the employees slack off and do nothing to help their patients. This, of course, leads up to some interesting slapstick, incl. a great sequence where a deceased patient's ghost reappears to haunt the physicians. A parody of the opening title sequence of "ER" is also quite successful as well as a 70's disaster movie climax with an overturned bus & a person caught between bamboo sticks (reminiscent of a certain scene in Spielberg's "The Lost World"). Unfortunately, that's about all that really works here and the game cast is left stranded with a couple of disconnected plot threads. Will Johnny To eventually return to the gangster/cop dramas that are his forte? Stay tuned.
Needing You...
(2000)
Quite disappointing...
18 November 2000
This effort from Johnny To and his Milky Way cronies is unfortunately a huge step back for the company. While it can be admired that To (along with co-director Wai Ka Fai) is attempting a new genre, the romantic comedy, the cheap gags definitely threaten to bog down the entire picture. Andy Lau and Sammi Cheng star as Andy and Kinki, a pair of office drones in a company that somehow deals with computer chips. You can guess what happens next. The only saving grace here is Cheng's neurotic, charming performance. However, with Kinki's constant putdowns and desperate antics, this character makes Ally McBeal look like a model of feminist restraint. Lau takes his role a little too seriously and his temper tantrums threaten to turn this seemingly lightweight effort into something far more serious. A subplot about an Internet millionaire's affections for Kinki (which could've been nicely lampooned is instead squandered) never takes off. This is generally an unwatchable effort, which is hopefully only a temporary detour for Milky Way.
The Mission
(1999)
Starkly enjoyable
20 December 1999
The third Johnnie To film to be released this year (following "Where A Good Man Goes" and "Running Out Of Time), "The Mission" is surprisingly different in a lot of respects. Beautifully photographed but slightly underwhelming, "Mission" features a simple storyline about 5 bodyguards protecting a triad boss in his daily endeavors.
The film is defined by gorgeously stark cinematography and visual framing that utilizes wide angle lenses effectively. Just check out the sequence at a mall where the bodyguards are all focusing on different unseen targets. It all resembles a whacked-out target-shooting video game. There is also some solid performances, esp. by Anthony Wong as Curtis, one of the bodyguards.
Unfortunately, the story is a little underwhelming since we're now accustomed to seeing Milky Way films that feature interweaving tales that deal a lot with fate and consequence. While this one does have a certain element of that, for the most part it's about both the loyalty and monotony that is inherent in the bodyguard profession.
While "The Mission" is slightly lacking in certain respects, it is still a solid Milky Way production and a good capper to To and company's good year.
The film is defined by gorgeously stark cinematography and visual framing that utilizes wide angle lenses effectively. Just check out the sequence at a mall where the bodyguards are all focusing on different unseen targets. It all resembles a whacked-out target-shooting video game. There is also some solid performances, esp. by Anthony Wong as Curtis, one of the bodyguards.
Unfortunately, the story is a little underwhelming since we're now accustomed to seeing Milky Way films that feature interweaving tales that deal a lot with fate and consequence. While this one does have a certain element of that, for the most part it's about both the loyalty and monotony that is inherent in the bodyguard profession.
While "The Mission" is slightly lacking in certain respects, it is still a solid Milky Way production and a good capper to To and company's good year.
Heaven
(1998)
A true sleeper hit
29 November 1999
I had no idea what to expect after seeing Scott Reynolds' "The Ugly," but having heard about this film's limited theatrical run, I thought that it was probably not going to be as ingenious and cool as it turned out to be. Not since "The Limey," or even "Pulp Fiction" has a film so deftly used a flashback/flashforward structure. Thoroughly engrossing and shocking, if with quite a bit of heart, Reynolds should've easily seen his stock rise because of this one. I hope that everyone can go rent this one and see for yourself what all the fuss should be about.
Running Out of Time
(1999)
A smart and satisfying film
5 October 1999
If you're familiar with the work of auteur Johnny To and his band of filmmaking cronies over at Milky Way, you know what to expect with this latest production. All the familiar elements are in place: the strong camaraderie between two characters: usually a cop and a baddie, the coincidences and chances that turn on a dime and pay off handsomely in the end, and the humor that arises even in the most dire of situations.
Andy Lau plays a man who has 72 hours to live and decides to rob an insurance company. Lau Ching-Wan (also brilliant in other Milky Way films like "Longest Nite," "A Hero Never Dies," and "Where A Good Man Goes") portrays a hostage negotiator/cop who is on the robber's tail, even as the robber sets up a series of tricks and clues that he must follow in order to get his man.
Funny, poignant, and cool while being subtle, "Running" is actually one of the most entertaining Milky Way films to date. Don't miss the performances by the two leads, esp. Andy Lau, usually considered an average actor who has rarely been this natural and fun to watch. This film is one to go out of your way to see.
Andy Lau plays a man who has 72 hours to live and decides to rob an insurance company. Lau Ching-Wan (also brilliant in other Milky Way films like "Longest Nite," "A Hero Never Dies," and "Where A Good Man Goes") portrays a hostage negotiator/cop who is on the robber's tail, even as the robber sets up a series of tricks and clues that he must follow in order to get his man.
Funny, poignant, and cool while being subtle, "Running" is actually one of the most entertaining Milky Way films to date. Don't miss the performances by the two leads, esp. Andy Lau, usually considered an average actor who has rarely been this natural and fun to watch. This film is one to go out of your way to see.
Shiri
(1999)
Bruckheimer-style light
2 August 1999
A surprisingly good thriller, "Swiri" follows Hollywood formula down to a science while providing an interesting twist on the increased tensions between North Korea and South Korea. The film resembles a hodge-podge of films, like the Bruckheimer-style flicks ("Con Air," "The Rock") with its slow-mo hero shots with a heavy dose of melodrama thrown into the mix. Ultra-violent and quite bloody (the first five minutes feature a montage sequence showing us dead bodies and identifying marks that point out who the individuals are), "Swiri" is a little weak in the action choreography department (a number of shots substitute jerky camera movement for well-placed actor placement). However, by equating the political tensions to post Cold War Hollywood flicks was a solid move. "Swiri" accomplishes on its $3 million budget what many Hollywood $70 million productions cannot: hold our interest.
Gorgeous
(1999)
Atrociously horrid
9 June 1999
Being a big Jackie Chan fan, I'm disheartened that "Gorgeous" fails to live up to any reasonable level of expectations. The film features ridiculous gay stereotypes, notably embodied by a character played by Tony Leung. After doing such great work in Wong Kar-Wai's "Happy Together," it's even more disappointing to see him hamming it up here. Plus, there's zero chemistry between Jackie and Hsu Chi, who does the umpteenth variation on her cute and naive persona. And the fighting? Aside from a wonderful sequence involving baseball bats, this picture consists mostly of bad, boxing style stuff with no real fluidity or depth to the action. It's such a shame that the filmmakers solely intended to put this one together for a quick buck.
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