Sun, May 6, 2012
Felton enters the Space Saloon, and strikes up conversation with the Barkeep. Felton notices that the Saloon's player piano is playing itself, and the Barkeep replies that since he lost his piano player to the blob infestation the previous week, he bought the new piano, which has a limited AI. Felton then notices that the Saloon Doors have a crush on Croach the Tracker and declares it crazy and impossible. Felton and the Barkeep then sing the song "I Don't Want No Trouble In My Place." Afterwards, Felton leaves to tell the Marshal about the odd spontaneous singing. Felton arrives at the Marshal station and is surprised to see Techs and not Sparks Nevada. Techs tells Felton that he was sent to kill Sparks, but he chose to do it metaphorically by calling his alacrity into question, taking his job and reputation, thus metaphorically killing him first. Felton then tells Techs about the singing, and demonstrates by singing "Haaaalp." Techs says he will look into the singing soon, as he means to do an even better job Marshaling than Sparks did, but as it doesn't seem to be harmful it will have to wait a bit. Los Banditos Mutantes arrive, and Techs deputizes the gang to find Sparks Nevada, running him out of town or bringing him in to jail him, dead or alive. Los Banditos Mutantes sing "Cantinela Peligrosa" to prove their ferocity in finding Sparks Nevada. They say that they don't normally sing, as they are not Los Banditos Cantantes. Techs laments that he has not yet found Sparks Nevada to run him out of town, and he sings the duet "I'm Gonna Kill You Someday" with Sparks, wherein they each vow to kill the other. After the duet, Rebecca Rose Rushmore questions Sparks as to why he was singing one half of a song, and Sparks doesn't know why, calling it weird. Rebecca and Sparks then bicker when Rebecca calls Sparks the former Marshal on Mars. Rebecca says this is their chance to ride off into the sunset together, as Space Marshals so rarely do in reality. Sparks is unsure of this ending. Elsewhere, Cactoid Jim and The Red Plains Rider are off riding the plains of Mars together, giddy in love. Cactoid Jim then proposes to Red, and she accepts. They then sing the duet "Written in the Stars" together. Back at the Space Saloon, the Saloon Doors are still moping over her crush on Croach, despite the Barkeep's pleadings for her to cheer up. Croach then enters, lamenting that he is very close to completing his onus to Sparks Nevada, but with Sparks Nevada in hiding, he can not complete it, nor can he track Sparks Nevada without accruing even more onus. In an attempt to cheer Croach up, the Barkeep gives Croach his first beer, which Croach enjoys. Croach, the Barkeep and The Saloon Doors sing "Poor Me (Pour Me Another)," and Croach grows even more despondent that he utilized melody and metaphor, as, if anyone in his tribe found out, he would be shamed, exiled and possibly executed. As they finish the song, Los Banditos Mutantes enter the saloon, and decide to take everyone in the saloon hostage until Sparks Nevada comes to rescue them. They sing "Cantinela Peligrosa Numero Dos" to enforce how serious they are. In the distraction, the Saloon Doors sneaks Croach out so he can go track Sparks Nevada. Back at Rebecca Rose Rushmore's, Sparks and Rebecca are having a spat about the seriousness of their relationship. They sing "Getting Nowhere Fast," where Sparks insists they take the relationship slow and Rebecca insists they take it much faster. Despite Sparks enjoying their relationship, it's clear Rebecca wants more than he's prepared to give at the moment. Near the end of the song, Croach enters and informs Sparks he's needed at the Saloon. Croach also informs Sparks that if they dispatch the Mutantes, he will fulfill his onus to Sparks and leave. Croach suspects Sparks is afraid of the Mutantes, where Rebecca insists he's afraid of commitment. Croach, Sparks and Rebecca head towards town. They ride through a wedding, which turns out to be Red and Jim's wedding, which Felton is attending and Techs is officiating. The entire cast sings the "Broadway Style Medley Reprise," also called the Wedding Melody. Cactoid Jim and The Red Plains Rider are married by Techs, Sparks keeps wondering why Rebecca is pushing the relationship and keeps threatening to kill Techs, Rebecca continues to push Sparks, the Barkeep continues to insist he don't want no trouble in his place, the Saloon continues to mope over Croach, while Croach both sings to Sparks and laments his use of metaphor, Felton panics, and the Mutantes continue to threaten Sparks. Sparks, Croach and Rebecca arrive at the Space Saloon and confront Los Banditos Mutantes. Sparks and Croach shoot and kill all of the Mutantes while they are still threatening to kill them during "Cantinela Peligrosa Numero Tres." Once the Mutantes are dead, Croach announces his onus is complete, and he is returning to his tribe to live out his days in serenity. Sparks tries to talk Croach into staying, saying he can be committed to his tribe while still having adventures, while also talking about himself and his relationship with Rebecca Rose Rushmore. Croach attempts to leave, but before he can go, the piano begins playing on its own again, and transforms into a walking and talking piano. The Piano declares that love is not a malfunction, and the Saloon Doors says it feels like one to her. Croach asks who she's in love with and everyone tells Croach it's him. Croach is shocked. The piano then confesses he has been in love with the Saloon Doors since he arrived, but kept it a secret as she's in love with Croach. The Piano had been dispelling the radiation that had been causing everyone to sing in hope that everyone would realize the love inside of them. As Croach hurt the Saloon Doors unknowingly and his plan didn't work, the Piano declares that love is not the malfunction, humanity is, and they must be eradicated. Croach will also be eradicated, for more personal reasons. Sparks shoots the piano for threatening to kill everyone. The Piano then sings his part in "Poor Me (Pour Me Another) Reprise" and dies. The Saloon, realizing what true love is and that she missed her chance, sings her part in the Reprise, then grows arms and legs. All of the humans and Croach run outside, and the Space Saloon walks away. In the end, Croach leaves Sparks. Rebecca, realizing her level of affection will never be returned, also leaves Sparks. With his last two good friends newly married, and still not having his Marshal badge, Sparks and the Barkeep decide to take up adventuring together, since he doesn't have a place to barkeep anymore.
Sun, Jun 3, 2012
Without a badge, a girlfriend or a faithful Martian companion, Sparks joins forces with the Barkeep as a companion. Sparks and the Barkeep have taken a job escorting the Cartwrights and their hypercattle on a cattle drive. The Barkeep admits that in his younger days, he did a good bit of adventuring and he sometimes misses it. Sparks declares that he can still do good on Mars without a badge, like Red and Jim. Pembroke Cartwright, their greenhorn employer, asks Sparks not to call him Cookie, but Sparks insists as he is the cook on the cattle drive. Cookie was once a famous quantum gastronomy chef on Earth, where he still runs several restaurants. He then says he has settled on his cowboy name "The Earth Kid", which Sparks dislikes, as being from Earth is his thing. Pembroke also mentions that Rebecca Rose Rushmore's novel about Sparks Nevada has come out and he's been reading it to his daughter. Pembroke then introduces Sparks to his daughter, Alex, who is very excited to meet him. Sparks allows Alex to try his robot fists on, and to hold his laser six shooters. She accidentally almost shoots the Barkeep, who gets pumped up with adrenaline. Cookie then tries on the robot fists and six shooters, and he nearly shoots the barkeep several more times. The Barkeep and Cookie get into a small fight. Alex asks Sparks Nevada to be her dad, since she's embarrassed by her real dad, and Sparks is a hero. He turns her down just as Highwayman Dan shows up to rob them with his knife, Stabby LaRoux Deux. Dan stabs Sparks' guns, breaking them, and then stabs the Barkeep non-fatally. Sparks encourages Pembroke to punch Dan, as he still has the robot fists on and powered up. Pembroke is reluctant to engage in violence. Sparks, instead, bluffs Highwayman Dan, telling Dan how Pembroke is the Earth Kid and is really very tough. Pembroke resists, but when Alex laments that her dad is a chef, not a hero, Pembroke finds the heroism in himself and punches Dan out, then declares his new Cowboy name to be The Dad Kid.
Sun, Jul 1, 2012
Having caught Highwayman Dan, Sparks and the Barkeep continue on the hypercattle drive. Alex writes in her diary about the day, how Dan stabbed the Barkeep and her dad saved everyone. The Barkeep is still grumpy about getting stabbed, but Sparks insists they all sing. Sparks, Barkeep, Pembroke, Alex and even Dan join in on singing "Riding the Galactic Trail". Sparks complains to Pembroke about having way too much foam for food, and asks for more actual food. Pembroke, on the other hand, is upset that Highwayman Dan is sleeping so close to the group. Sparks says he'll take Dan to jail in the morning and not to worry about it. Everyone heads to sleep while Sparks insists on taking the watch. In the morning, they awake to see Sparks had been knocked out in the night and the hypercattle, Dan and the Barkeep are all missing. A note, attached to a nearby tree with Stabby LaRoux is found. In it, NiceMan Dan apologizes and admits to stealing the cattle, rescuing his son and taking the Barkeep hostage. Pembroke is outraged, but Sparks easily tracks the hypercattle. There, NiceMan apologizes for knocking Sparks Nevada out. They see the hypercattle floating in the air a ways off. NiceMan Dan says that he's prepared a well-planned scheme so he and his boy can get away cleanly, to show his boy the benefit of planning ahead. NiceMan Dan has tied the Barkeep to a nearby tree, and the cattle about a mile away. He tells Sparks he can save the Barkeep, but he is taking the cows. Sparks says no deal, so NiceMan Dan has Highwayman Dan untie the Barkeep. NiceMan Dan then removes the gravity in the area, so everyone starts to float away. Both father and son have jetpacks, so they soon leave to finish rustling the hypercattle. Sparks, Alex, Pembroke and the Barkeep lasso themselves together, but keep floating away into the atmosphere as Sparks can't lasso on to anything else as they've floated away too much. The Barkeep then realizes Pembroke has several cans of foams in his cooking satchel, and they use the pressure in the foam cans to propel themselves back to the ground.
Sun, Aug 5, 2012
After the Hypercattle rustle, Sparks Nevada and the Barkeep headed back into town. Sometime later, with the Barkeep's saloon still not returned after running off, Sparks goes to the only saloon let in town, O'Toole's. Sparks says he is planning on showing down with Techs that day, as well. Sparks is greeted by O'Toole himself, who points out that Sparks is on wanted posters around town and there's a bounty on his head. Sparks challenges anyone in the bar to try to collect it, or to start a brawl. Despite O'Toole's having a reputation for being a place for hosting brawling over the smallest of things, no one takes Sparks up on it. Sparks soon learns that Techs has turned really cleaned up Mars but turned it into something of a totalitarian state, no brawling is allowed in town anymore except by officially sanctioned bounty hunters, under penalty of getting shot to death. Croach then reveals himself, sitting at the bar, drinking heavily. He invites Sparks to have a drink on his tab, and tells him that he has been drinking heavily at O'Tooles for several months. It's suggested (but never stated) that Croach never did return to his tribe after the events of The Piano has Been Thinking, but has basically been at O'Tooles drinking and finding ways to pay off his tabulation ever since. Sparks says Croach does not look good. Croach, insulted and very drunk, insults Sparks, and calls him a Buttmilk. The Barkeep enters, Croach is happy to see him, and buys him a drink in thanks for giving him his first beer. O'Toole calls the Barkeep "Jiminy", and the Barkeep reveals that his full name is Mordecai Benmont Jiminy. The Barkeep also mentions that Croach does not look good. He tells Sparks about the bounty, and has words with O'Toole. When the Barkeep suggests a brawl with O'Toole, O'Toole becomes panicked and suggests everyone look at a picture of an adorable puppy to calm down. Croach says that he is a large reason why brawling is outlawed under Techs. The Red Plains Rider enters, and also tells Croach he does not look good. Red is also looking for a brawl, tired of behaving all the time since Cactoid Jim was elected the mayor of Mars. She mentions Jim is at a mayor's retreat on the other side of Mars. She says she doesn't want to behave anymore, and wants to make sure she's still tough. The Barkeep is also itching for a brawl with O'Toole, as his wife is away on business a lot. O'Toole tries desperately to keep everyone from fighting. Mercy Laredo then enters O'Toole's. Mercy, Sparks' ex-girlfriend from USSA Space Academy, is now a licensed bounty hunter, here to collect the bounty on Sparks' head. Sparks says that Mercy was the toughest of everyone in the Academy. Mercy is clearly personally mad at Sparks, and Red gets her to confess that Sparks broke up with her by mail. Croach points out that before Mercy arrived, she got all cleaned up in anticipation of seeing Sparks again. Everyone encourages Sparks to make peace with Mercy to save his life. Sparks shows Mercy he still has the bow tie she gave him, and she softens a little. However, she is still determined to shoot Sparks, but soon realizes that he has a posse with Red, the Barkeep and Croach at his back. The four of them escape O'Tooles together. Red threatens to kill Mercy right then, but Mercy reminds Red that Jim would be finished politically, and Red admits he'd be disappointed in her, too. Mercy threatens to keep hunting them down.
Thu, Apr 12, 2012
Cactoid Jim has organized a Mayor's retreat for several mayors in the solar system to better their mayoring through the open exchange of ideas. He speaks with mayor Derp of Mars ' smaller moon, Deimos and A41397X442, the mayor of robots and a diplomacy robot, then thanks them both for their help. A41397X442 alerts Jim and Derp that a rocket ship is incoming. A very old ship appears in the sky out of nowhere. It opens, and Jim's old friends from the 25th century, Mitch Snow and Ray Bogle appear. Jim tells A41397X442 and Derp how he used to live in the 25th century, but he flew his ship through a time disturbance and ended up in the 30th century. Mitch and Ray call Jim "Jimmy" and reveal his name is actually James Lyons. Snow and Lyons were his best friends. Ray Bogle in particular is taken with A41397X442. Snow and Bogle soon reveal that all of Earth took the loss of Jim pretty hard when he flew through the time disturbance, and all of humanity banded together to figure out how to find and retrieve Jim. A general armistice was called and after five years and ten inventions, Snow and Bogle were sent to the thirty first century to bring Jim back. Jim, however, insists he is not going back to the 25th century, which very much upsets Bogle and Snow. He claims that he is home now, and if he went back, and humanity would stop striving to be better since their goal was reached with Jim returned. Jim claims he did as much good as he could back then, and he has too much good to do in the thirty-first century. Snow asks what will happen with Cynthia, the woman Jim was married to. They also had a child, Owen. Jim blesses a relationship between Cynthia and Mitch Snow, saying he's already done as much good as he could for all of them, as now Snow will have someone when he didn't before. A41397X442 announces another time disturbance. Harry Deacon from the Twenty First century, Jim's first Astronaut partner, also comes through a small fissure in the hole in time Bogle and Snow made. The Twenty-Sixth century time hole that scientists in Snow and Bogle's time is an open sore, which allowed Deacon to appear in the thirty first century at the same time as Snow and Bogle. Jim reveals that he is actually an Astronaut from the twenty-first century. There was a hiccup in Jim's cryo-sleep, and he slept for five hundred years before becoming a twenty-fifth century astronaut. Deacon wants Jim to go back with him to the 21st Century, where Jim has a wife named Elizabeth and a son named Jimmy Jr. Jim declines, instead asks Harry to have Todd Cooper take care of Elizabeth and Jimmy Jr. in his absence, and his fissure fades. Jim encourages Bogle to go back to his time and find himself. Derp and A41397X442 realize that Ray Bogle was the inventor of sentient robots. A41397X442 tells Bogle this just before Bogle and Snow go back to the twenty-sixth century. Snow did not forgive Jim for not returning to the twenty-sixth century with him, calling him a snake in the grass. Afterwards, A41397X442, Derp and Jim all head back to the retreat together.
Sun, Sep 2, 2012
After fleeing from Mercy Laredo in One Night at O'Tooles with Red, Croach and the Barkeep, Sparks sends the Barkeep home, as he doesn't need to be in this danger. Sparks is itching to showdown with Techs and get his badge back, but Croach tells him he is slow and fat now, after not showing down with anyone for months. Croach, still very drunk, is belligerent. Red suggests asking Jim to do some mayoring and repeal the bounty. Sparks says if they go see Jim at the Mayors' Retreat, it might hurt his reputation and Red admits that's true, but they go anyway. Arriving at the location of the mayor's retreat, it is deserted except for two beings, Derp, the Mayor of Mars' moon Deimos and A41397X442, the mayor of robots. Derp tells them that Jim is gone to save Earth from an attack from MurderMen. A41397X442 tells the humans he was so inspired by Jim's speech that he wishes he could become human himself, and immediately comes down with a case of Pinocchiosis. Seconds later, he explodes, having been shot by Mercy Laredo, who then enters. Mercy reveals she got herself a gang, too. Orna Peganu appears and envelops Sparks, Derp, Red, and Croach in a stasis field, so they cannot move, except for their mouths. Orna prefers to disintegrate her bounties, despite the fact that it's cost prohibitive. An argument begins about whether or not to disintegrate Sparks Nevada, with Mercy arguing not to. The Space Saloon arrives. She still has her arms and legs, is now going by the name "La Diabla" and possess her bounty hunters license. She wants to kill Croach as well as collect the bounty on Sparks with Mercy and Orna. Croach thanks the Saloon for being the building where he first imbibed alcohol, but still does not return her affections. Orna, Mercy, and the saloon argue over the bounty for a bit, and while distracted, Red tells the others she has a button on her watch which will call Cactoid Jim to her to come save them. Croach is able to shed his exoskin and can move long enough to press the button. The Saloon insists that she gets to disintegrate Croach, as by the rules of authorized bounty hunting she gets 3 collateral damages for free, and she chooses Croach. Croach admits a feeling for her and is intoxicated enough to express it. He is fond of her as he experienced true inebriation inside of her for the first time. This does not make her happy. Just as the Saloon is about to shoot Croach, The Troubleshooter arrives. Sparks declares that the Troubleshooter is his hero and is very happy to see her, though Red insists Jim will be there any minute to save them, anyway. The Troubleshooter forces the Saloon's AI to hard reboot. The Saloon realizes that trying to kill Croach wasn't the right way to deal with her feelings, and says Croach is the best man she's known. The Troubleshooter wipes all the Saloon's memories, and shuts her down, seemingly forever. The Troubleshooter declines to help the others with Orna or Mercy, as it's out of her jurisdiction, and leaves. With Jim still not there, Sparks and Red lament no one is going to save the day. Just then, Mercy turns on Orna and shoots her. After more posturing, Mercy finishes shooting and killing Orna and the stasis field evaporates. Red, crushed that Jim didn't come to save them, accepts a ride with Derp to Deimos to find a ride to Earth to go confront Jim. Croach places himself under onus to Mercy for saving his life, and offers to ride with her. Sparks says he's also under onus, and likewise decides to ride with Mercy.
Thu, Oct 11, 2012
Mercy and Sparks have decided to get Sparks his bounty hunter's license, so they head into town. They make Croach wait outside with the horses. Croach is happy to do so, as he's really tired of Mercy and Sparks' inside jokes about Space Academy. Croach is still very drunk and continues to be belligerent to Sparks, reminding Sparks he's under onus to Mercy and not Sparks. Sparks and Mercy enter the Bounty Hunters guild, which is quite bureaucratic, pleasant, and tame. Sparks presents La Diabla's (The Space Saloon's) credentials, saying he needs to update the license since he's not a female building anymore. The bureaucrat, Fromwell Orth, says that Sparks will still need to take the physical exam. As the bounty hunters guild has a strict policy against non-violence, Sparks is forced to check his shooters and his robot fists. While waiting for his turn in line, Mercy relates the story of how she's to credit for his robot fists. When Sparks tanked his final exam at the Academy, (he fired his crew in a no-win scenario, and he's really good at winning them), his father, Captain Caiaphas Nevada, was ready to let him flunk out of Academy. Mercy yelled at Caiaphas, telling him he only has himself to blame for how stubborn Sparks is because of how stubborn he is. Then she punched him in the nose, and told him if he didn't pass Sparks, she'd punch him in the nose every day. Sparks' mother, Commander Stacy Kerns-Nevada, said she would make sure Caiaphas would let Sparks graduate. Caiaphas got Sparks the robot fists to show Mercy how little he wanted to get punched in the nose again, and he would have gotten some for her but she didn't need them. Sparks' number is called, and Fromwell Orth brings Sparks into a room where he's given a block of wood to simulate a gun for the obstacle course. The course is very easy and short. Sparks accidentally shoots a civilian, but it's okay because he gets up to three collateral kills. He can kill even more Martians, and Murdermen, and as many Robots as he wants. Sparks passes the test and heads back to the lobby. Pemily Stallwark enters the lobby with a knife. She collects everyone's weapons and Sparks' robot fists, and demands her bounty hunter's license. She starts shooting people when she isn't given her license immediately, as she had to wait in line last time and got frustrated and started stabbing people then, too. She has now killed too many innocent people to be eligible for bounty hunting. Pemily once again goes on a rampage, killing several people. Sparks realizes this another no-win situation, which he's great at winning. He throws his block of wood at Pemily's head, and knocks her out. Sparks successfully collects his first bounty.
Sun, Oct 14, 2012
Captain Gene Peeples makes a journal entry. He, his daughter Erica and his wife (Erica's stepmother) Linda are fighting the MurderMen on the starcraft Olivia. The Olivia has been bordered, most of the crew has already been ManMurdered, though some have been MurderManned. Gene is stranded on the other side of the ship from Erica and Linda, who are waiting for him in an escape pod. They can speak via sound travelling through the vents. Gene says that Ensign Bambrill has gotten off of the ship safely. Erica tells Gene that Linda has made a run for more weapons, but they are currently safe. Gene reports that he was saved by Cactoid Jim, who, after leading a cavalry of mayors against the MurderMen, teleported onto the Olivia. Jim promises that they'll make it through this, but he is asked to make the statement again by his new campaign manager, Chicky Sullivan. Chicky is a cyborg who once almost elected President of Earth but the Earth was not ready for a cyborg president. Jim attempts to figure out a way to get Gene, Chicky, and himself to the escape pod where Linda and Erica are. Gene laments that he had to kill his nephew Sal today, who was also his first mate and godson. Using some of Chicky's cyborg technology, they are able to start making their way towards Linda and Erica. They encounter some MurderMen and are almost overrun before they are saved by The Red Plains Rider, who is extremely mad at Jim for not rescuing her, Croach the Tracker and Sparks Nevada during Mutiny on the Bounty Hunter. He kisses Red in apology and her anger subsides, but when she realizes he's running for President of Earth in 3012, she's mad again. They keep moving, Red shooting MurderMen along the way. Red explains her anger is because she doesn't really belong among humans or martians, she just belongs on Mars. This is the first time she's ever been off Mars, and she really can't imagine living on Earth. After consideration, Jim decides to stop running for President to stay with Red on Mars. Red, so touched that Jim would do that for her, realizes that her home is wherever Jim is, so she agrees that he should run for president and she'll stay with him. MurderMen then converge on their position, but are killed by the auto-turrets in the vents. More head their way through the plumbing system. The four heroes run, and make it to the escape pod with Erica. Unfortunately, Linda had been MurderManned on her way to get more weapons, and Erica was forced to kill her. Even more unfortunately, Erica was also bitten by Linda before blasting her. Realizing that Erica is also going to turn into a MurderMan, Gene thinks will have to kill his own daughter after already blasting his nephew that day. Jim offers to kill Erica instead, but Chicky won't let him as he's broadcasting live to all of Earth while also trying to launch the escape pod and blow up the Olivia. Chicky won't be able to shut off the feed in time to not show Jim killing a teenage girl, which would finish his chances for election. Erica calls Linda, her step-mother, "mom" for the first time, and Gene is touched. In order to save all their lives and Jim's chances at winning the election, The Red Plains Rider kills Erica, while still on live TV. Since Erica still wasn't fully MurderManned, Red is now a wanted criminal. Chicky is then able to cut the broadcast feed. Gene thanks Red, and offers to put her into a coffin that will be jettisoned into space and will land on Mars so she can escape prosecution. Jim and Red declare their love for each other, and Red tells Jim to win the election before getting in the coffin and going back to Mars as a fugitive.
Sun, Nov 4, 2012
Sparks, Mercy, and Croach have been hunting bounties for a month now, and have collected 99 bounties. Bounty hunting has been made easier by Croach doing most of the work tracking the outlaws. Sparks and Mercy's relationship is going well. Sparks teases Croach and takes credit for his work. They get the notice for their 100th bounty, and Sparks and Croach are dismayed to learn that it's The Red Plains Rider. Mercy warns Sparks not to let the line between bounty and hunter to get blurred, and Sparks insists that they bring Red in alive. Croach tracks Red to a desolate location on top of a plateau, and Sparks suggests that Croach's tracking has gone bad because he's been drinking so heavily lately. Croach agrees that maybe he's becoming "unbuckled." They walk forward, and ahead of them is the hidden, golden Martian city, the Secreted City of Rococoo. Dale Treamain, the second Marshal of Mars, finds them. He is now the sovereign of Rococoo, and tells Sparks, Croach, and Mercy that it's up to him whether they live or die. Croach announces that they're surrounded by gray-skinned martians. Dale also confuses Croach with cool metaphors as threats. Dale decides to kill them, but they are saved by Red appearing and telling Dale to stop the martians. Red explains that she stumbled onto the city as a teenager when Rococoo was being attacked by giant macrobes after an air whale died above it and decomposed, the macrobes descended as a plague on the city. Dale helped Red discover she had a tendency for doing good, and Red stayed at Rococoo for awhile. Mercy decides she's still bringing Red in for the bounty and reaches for her guns. Mercy warns Dale not to interfere as he'll have the bounty hunters guild come down on him. Dale says the invisible city will protect him. Red and Mercy trade words, until Sparks attempts to diffuse the situation, which angers Red and Mercy threatens her, which causes Dale to threaten her in return. Sparks continues to try to talk Mercy down, but Mercy accuses Sparks of regressing over Red due to his feelings for her. Red tells Sparks to turn the tables, and suddenly Sparks and Mercy are showing down. Mercy accuses Sparks of still loving Red, and Sparks denies it. They tell each other to stand down, but neither does. Sparks says this isn't how their relationship is supposed to go, and Mercy says "Then I guess this is it." Sparks believes Mercy is about to fire on him, so he shoots. Croach, who is still under onus to Mercy, throws himself in front of the bullets. He falls to the ground, moaning in pain. Mercy explains that she was just breaking up with Sparks, not that that she was going to draw. He tries to smooth things over, but it doesn't go well. Croach mentions that he was hurt, but Sparks dismisses him, as Croach's nanotech (Nah Nohtek) should heal him. Croach is pleased, however, because although this is the fourth worst pain he's ever experienced, his onus to Mercy is complete. Mercy transports away with her horse, despite Dale attempting to stop her. He is annoyed that they're going to have to move the location of the city. Croach declares that he feels "worst ever", and Sparks realizes Croach isn't healing. Instead, Croach's condition worsens. Dale asks if Croach has been drinking, because alcohol bonds with martian nanotech and will stay in their system until they die. Alcohol renders nanotech inert and useless. When Sparks says that Croach has been drinking, Dale tells Sparks the only thing they can do for Croach is to start digging his grave. Croach tells Sparks that it has been an onus to ride by his side, and tells Red he still harbors a secret emotion for her. Croach says he is unbuckled, and then dies, gasping for Sparks with his last breath.
Sun, Jan 6, 2013
Sparks wakes up on a beautiful morning, talking to himself about how great the last month has been. Croach enters, and says he's under onus to Sparks for bringing him back to life in this "clearly superior body." Sparks and Croach talk about the crazy adventures the previous month, healing Croach, getting his badge back, Red back on the right side of the law and back with Cactoid Jim. Croach has prepared a breakfast of eggs for Sparks, but as Sparks eats the eggs, he says they taste weird, and gets Croach to admit they are eggs he himself made, like from... his... body. Croach then insists that since Sparks tasted of him, he is under tongue onus to taste Sparks as well, and starts to eat Sparks' guts out. Sparks is insulted that his guts are only the third most delicious thing Croach has ever tasted. Shortly thereafter, Sparks wakes up from his nightmare. He's in bed with Red, who is still an outlaw. Sparks still doesn't have his badge, and Croach really is dead. Croach eating Sparks' guts out is a recurring nightmare Sparks has almost every night. Red admits she misses Croach too, and Sparks admits to feeling guilty for sleeping with Red while she's still not completely divorced from Jim, though Jim declared her an outlaw. Sparks worries about what Croach would think, especially since they haven't adventured in two months, just hiding in Rococoo, grieving Croach's death and "carrying on." He thinks Croach would want him to go get his badge back, and to investigate Jim's "wavering morals". Red and Sparks head into town, but find it changed. It's very robot-y now. Sparks attempts to call Techs out, but instead, Techs left another robot, Robart, his badge while he ran off to do whatever he needed to do. Robart says that the last human he showed down with had so many holes in him that he's now being used as a screen door. Sparks challenges Robart, but Robart sold the badge to Steve 3PO, so Sparks calls Steve out. Steve, a protocol droid, says that he does not have the badge anymore either, he lost it in a poker game five minutes after he got it, to Error Message Jane. Red says that Error Message Jane shoots really fast, maybe the fastest she's ever seen, and warns Sparks, but he calls her out anyway. Jane is clearly insane. Jane tries shooting Sparks before the duel, so Red draws on her. Robart comes by and gives Jane her missing boots. Sparks convinces Jane the actual planet of Mars is coming to get her, and Jane gives Sparks his badge back, leaving with Robart. Steve gives Sparks and Red his business cards and leaves. Sparks, now restored to Marshal, pins the badge back on, but realizes it doesn't feel as good as he thought it would with Croach still dead, Red still an outlaw, and a town to clean up.