The IT Crowd (TV Series)
The Speech (2008)
Richard Ayoade: Maurice Moss
Quotes
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Jen : [Moss has a small plastic box with a flashing light] What is it?
Moss : This, Jen, is the Internet.
Jen : What?
Moss : That's right.
Jen : This is the Internet? The whole Internet?
Moss : Yep. I asked for a loan of it so that you could use it in your speech.
Jen : It's so small.
Moss : That's one of the surprising things about it.
Jen : Hang on, it doesn't have any wires or anything.
Moss : It's wireless.
Jen : Oh, yes, everything's wireless nowadays, isn't it... yeah. So, I can really use it in my speech? What if someone needs it?
Moss : Oh, no, no, people will still be able to go online and everything. It will still work.
Jen : Oh, good, good...
Moss : I tell you, you present this to the shareholders and you will get quite the response.
Jen : Can I touch it? It's so light!
Moss : Of course it is, Jen. The Internet doesn't weigh anything.
Jen : No, of course it doesn't.
[laughs nervously]
Roy : Hey! What is Jen doing with the Internet?
Jen : Moss said I could use it for my speech.
Roy : Are you insane? What if she drops it?
Jen : I won't drop it, I'll look after it.
Roy : No. No, no, no, no, Jen. No, this needs to go straight back to Big Ben.
Jen : Big Ben?
Moss : Yep. It goes on top of Big Ben. That's where you get the best reception.
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Moss : You best put seat belts on your ears, Roy, 'cause I'm going to take them for the ride of their life!
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Moss : Roy, I spoke to the Elders of the Internet not one hour ago. I told them about Jen winning Employee of the Month and they were so impressed that they wanted to do whatever they could to help.
Jen : Wait a minute. The "Elders of the Internet"? The Elders of the Internet know who I am? You've got to let me have it!
Roy : No, Jen, I'm sorry. It's just too risky.
Jen : Oh, please, Roy!
Roy : Well... Moss, has it been completely demagnetised?
Moss : By Stephen Hawking himself. Who sends his congratulations, by the way.
Roy : Well, if it's okay with The Hawk...
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Jen : Roy, let's start with you. When you're upstairs fiddling about with computers, would it hurt to smile? Don't you realise what difference that would make? Come on, let's see a smile now.
[Roy attempts a smile]
Jen : No, more warmth. Warmer. No, you're just showing more teeth. That's not warmth. I would say that's more of a threatening look actually. I'll tell you what, keep at it. That's your homework. Now, Moss.
Moss : So, what's your speech going to be about?
Jen : What speech?
Moss : Every employee of the month has to give a speech on their area of expertise.
Roy : Which for you is computers.
Jen : Where do I have...
Moss : At the monthly shareholders meeting.
Jen : When do I...
Moss : Friday.
Jen : What time...
Moss : Morning.
Roy : [Roy grins and points to his mouth] How's that?