Don't you just hate it when people in jeopardy behave like morons just to prolong suspense? Take 'Blood Trails', for instance. This film has some of the most stupid behaviour of any potential murder victim I've seen in my life, but first lets concentrate on that title. You'd never guess, but the majority of the action takes places on a biking trail near a mountain, and lots of people get killed on it. Blood. Trails. It has a double meaning. DO. YOU. SEE?? Alas, this is the same level of intelligence the director and writer display throughout, as people make unfathomable decisions and end up inevitably as lifeless corpses. You have allow for a certain amount of leeway in slashers but come on, check out this bunch of howlers:
1. If you get the opportunity to escape in a car, take it. Don't try to reverse and run over the psycho, and certainly don't assume that just because you can't see him any longer, he's dead. Or you might just end up with an axe in your fuel tank.
2. If confronted with said psycho, do not throw only weapon you have at him because if you miss, you'll be defenceless and prone to attack.
3. If the psycho turns his back to you and you happen to find a sharp knife to ambush him with, its usually a good idea not to make a lot of noise as you approach him, for he may just hear you and smack you in the gob, putting you on the floor and halting your worthy effort.
4. If you somehow find yourself in possession of a cellphone in the wilderness and you reach a high enough peak in the wilderness to get reception to call 911, you should listen to the advice of the operator to STAY WHERE YOU ARE so they can find you with a helicopter within a few minutes. DO NOT run a mile from your present location just because you see a horrible sight. No, not Sharon Osborne, but your dead boyfriend crucified on a cross with his blood dribbling on you.
5. If a strange girl covered in blood enters your vehicle and asks for help rescuing her boyfriend (who has any sane person could work out is brown bread by now) either contact the authorities or drop her off at the hospital. The guy in this film looks like he's going to be sensible and do the latter, but without much convincing from our lass in peril he backtracks, then takes his gun and advances on said psycho asking him for his credentials. I think you can guess what happens next..
6. ..Which brings me neatly to 6, where I must tell you that no fewer than three people in this movie have their guns trained on the psycho at any one time, but somehow he is able to disarm and kill them all with just a lil wee knife. Is he some kind of army Marine? Nope, just a deranged cop who is the victim of a stupid screenplay.
7. You're a lumberjack and you're OK. You sleep all night and you work all day. You also never warn people when you're felling trees, you throw around people's bikes when you're in a bad mood, and if your mate gets slaughtered by a psycho you rush over there unarmed like a lemming over a cliff to impale yourself on a sharp object. At least according to this script you do. If you have a union, I think you should sue. Get all copies of this removed from the shelves for misrepresentation. I don't have an ulterior motive, honest..
8. Finally, after psycho abducts you, dresses your wounds, feeds you dinner, ties you up, cuts your legs open (you know, the usual) you're maybe wanna going to take some revenge. But this being a E-list horror film, being impaled through the head isn't going to be enough for him, is it? No, only when you've got a shard of glass and stabbed him through the throat with it, then you can relax. And the film ends LITERALLY THAT SECOND. Yay.
So, in essence this is a badly directed (Check out all the pointless sped up and black and white scenes) badly acted ( Ben Price's performance as the monosyllabic psycho is laughably unconvincing) badly written (see above) and well, just all round bad really. I wouldn't be surprised if the catering on set was bad, too. Any cast members wanna PM me with complaints about their grub to confirm my suspicions? I hear lots of copies of Robbie Williams's flop Rudebox CD album were buried in a desert landfill somewhere because they wouldn't sell. How's about we fly out every DVD of Blood Trails too and dispose of them the same way? They can keep each other company! Come on now, What d'ya say?????? 1/10
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