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heffmeister
Reviews
The Planet (2006)
I really hate to say this but .............
I really did not want to write a harsh review of this movie because I genuinely appreciate how hard it is to make any kind of movie on an incredibly low budget, let alone attempt something as ambitious as a sci-fi.
However this movie is truly awful. The acting is among some of the worst I have ever had to endure and as a fan of low budget movies that is a pretty serious accusation to make. There are plenty of aspiring actors out there who would work on a deferred payment scheme if they believed in the movie and what the director was trying to achieve. I'm sure the actors did their best as did everybody else involved in this production, but it simply was not good enough to pull off something of this magnitude.
Then there is the dialogue. Very poor indeed. There is no excuse for that. I got the impression the script was hastily written on the back of a beer mat after some epic boozing session. I hesitate to use the word 'laughable' but that's exactly what the script is. I had no empathy with any of the characters. Indeed they grated on me with the result that on more than one occasion I wanted to thump a couple of them Mr Stirton has overstretched himself by taking on too many roles. Clint Eastwood he is not. Again, there are talented people out there willing to work on deferment if they believe in the project.
Much has been made of the special effects in this movie. For the money, they are exceptional, if somewhat overused. It is like someone said "I have after effects and boy am I gonna use it". Whoever did the CG work was among the most talented of this crew.
Quite simply the money was not available to make as ambitious a movie as this attempts to be. Kudos for attempting it, but unfortunately it fails to reach its heady goals in far too many ways.
I salute everyone involved with its production, I really do, but for their next effort they either need to get a better producer or lower their sights to something more manageable.
In conclusion I cannot recommend this effort to anyone other than the most enthusiastic of film students or habitual insomniacs. If you want to watch a true masterpiece of low budget sci-fi films try the student made "Dark Star" by a certain Mr John Carpenter.
Blood Trails (2006)
Genuinely disturbing
I'm not quite sure what I just watched? If it was the film makers intentions to leave me bewildered then this gets top marks.
It's not so much that I couldn't figure out what was going on, I just couldn't figure out why anyone would wish to tell such a gruesome tale.
The first half was so slow it warranted a police escort.
Those of you who enjoy a bit of dialogue are in for a surprise. None of the characters have very much to say for themselves, preferring instead to wag a finger, nod the head or carry on regardless as if nothing had been said - which was usually the case anyway.
However, if you winced or twitched at the infamous 'ear cutting' scene in Reservoir Dogs this will positively make you convulse! The torture sequence is prolonged and brutal in it's conception. The last film that made me 'tighten up' like that was Billy Tang's insane - Red to Kill. (Although this isn't as gruesome as that - quite!)
Very few films get that kind of a reaction from me, so top marks for achieving that, but was it entertaining or believable? The killer is suitably sick enough to live in todays society of stalkers and fantasist's. The 'disposable'characters were certainly that and in typical horror genre style they were so dumb that when their time came you could only wish them bon voyage.
Blood Trails lives up to its name. I haven't watched a horror in a fair while and once this livened up it did get my full attention :D This will do to women what Lethal Attraction did to men - make you think twice about a spot of infidelity.
Taxi (2004)
OMG! What a disaster!
How bad is this movie? Well, it was bad enough for me to register here and plead with my fellow film buffs to give it a miss.
It was bad enough for me to walk out half way through, so I don't know if it got any better, but I strongly doubt it.
I was unfamiliar with Jimmy Fallon's work before this monstrosity and I will make a point of avoiding anything associated with him again. What possessed the man to take this role in the first place? The character he plays is the most annoying, stupid, lame ..... I'm raging at just how ridiculous "Wasburn" is. Robert Ben Garant the screenwriter should be made to apologise - I'm serious - THAT's how bad this bunch of tripe is.
Normally I like to find something good to say so I can balance any reviews I write but I genuinely cannot find anything good to say about this film. Is this really what passes for humour these days?
I could go on for ages about Luc Besson's version because it is quite simply in a different league, but alas this effort is so appallingly bad that any comparisons would be an insult.
Oh wait!! I can say something good about this movie.
My wife thought it wasn't too bad!? I'm sooooo incensed at the cheek of the film makers to insult me with this bunch of B**locks that I couldn't even be bothered to argue with her.
I'm sorry how negative my views are on this, but I am truly insulted.