Hogfather (2006 TV Movie)

Peter Holdway: Auditor 1

Quotes 

• [Death confronts the Auditors, who have taken the shape of dogs to get to Susan and the Hogfather] 

  Death : You couldn't resist it in the end? A mistake, I fancy. It gets under your skin, life. Speaking metaphorically, of course. And you see, the more you struggle for every moment, the more alive you stay... which is where I come in, as a matter of fact.

  Auditor 1 : [changes to its original shape]  You can't do this, there are rules!

  [gets turned back into a dog] 

  Death : Yes. There are rules. But you broke them. How dare you? HOW DARE YOU? And now there remains only one final question. Have you been naughty... or nice?

  [the dogs plunge down a cliff] 

  Death : Ho. Ho. Ho.

• [the Auditors have just commissioned Lord Downey, Master of the Guild of Assassins, to "inhume" the Hogfather] 

  Lord Downey : He would be difficult to find.

  Auditor 1 : You will find persons on any street who can tell you his approximate address.

  Lord Downey : Yes, of course, but as you say, they can hardly give a map reference. Even then, how would the... Fat Man be inhumed? A glass of poisoned sherry, perhaps?

  Auditor 1 : You misunderstand the nature of employment.

  Lord Downey : How do I misunderstand you exactly?

  Auditor 1 : We pay. You find the ways and means.

  Lord Downey : How can I contact you?

  Auditor 1 : [ominously]  We will contact you. We know where you are. We know where *everyone* is.

• Auditor 1 : We have no sense of humor.