Hogfather (2006 TV Movie)

Michelle Dockery: Susan, Death of Rats

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Quotes 

• Susan : Now... tell me...

  Death : What would have happened if you hadn't saved him?

  Susan : Yes.

  Death : The sun would not have risen.

  Susan : Then what would have happened?

  Death : A mere ball of flaming gas would have illuminated the world.

  Susan : All right, I'm not stupid. You're saying that humans need fantasies to make life bearable.

  Death : No. Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.

  Susan : With tooth fairies? Hogfathers?

  Death : Yes. As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies.

  Susan : So we can believe the big ones?

  Death : Yes. Justice, mercy, duty. That sort of thing.

  Susan : They're not the same at all!

  Death : You think so? Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and THEN show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet... you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the world. As if there is some... some rightness in the universe by which it may be judged.

  Susan : But people have got to believe that, or what's the point?

  Death : You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?

  [they both watch the sun rise] 

• Susan : Grandad?

  Death : Yes?

  Susan : Why? I mean, why did you do all this?

  Death : Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom? Life is such.

• [Susan is reading the fairy tale "Jack and the Beanstalk" to the children] 

  Susan : And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy any more. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done. Which proves that you can be excused just about anything if you're a hero, because no-one asks inconvenient questions.

• Death : I have made this for you.

  [hands Susan a damp cardboard square] 

  Susan : Oh, thank you. What is it?

  Death : Albert said there ought to be snow on it, but it appears to have melted. It is, of course, a Hogswatch card.

  Susan : Oh.

  Death : There should have been a robin on it as well, but I had considerable difficulty in getting it to stay on.

  Susan : Ah.

  Death : It was not at all cooperative.

  Susan : Really?

  Death : It did not seem to get into the Hogswatch spirit at all.

• Susan : You were the kind of little boy who looked up doll's dresses.

  Teatime : ...I didn't...!

• Susan : I don't remember them asking for anything that makes a noise.

  Death : Oh, there has to be something in the stocking that makes a noise. Otherwise, what is 4:30AM for?

• Susan : Would you be any good in a fight?

  Bilious : Yes, I could be sick on people.

• Susan : [hits Teatime]  Hello inner child, I'm the inner babysitter!

• Susan : His name's Bilious. He's the "Oh God" of hangovers. Something nasty's happening tonight. I'm hoping he can tell me what it is, but he's got to be able to think straight first.

  Mustrum Ridcully : And you brought him here?

• Susan : [to Teatime]  You were the kind of kid who couldn't see the difference between throwing rocks at a cat and setting it on fire.

• Susan : Grandad? Happy Hogswatch.

  Death : Happy Hogswatch. And good night, children... everywhere.

• [Twyla hears a bogeyman under her bed. Susan bashes it with a poker and hauls it out from under the bed] 

  Twyla : Do The Voice on it.

  Slimazel the Bogeyman : No! Not The Voice.

  Twyla : Hit it on the head with a poker.

  Slimazel the Bogeyman : Not the poker.

  Susan : This is a friendly warning. Understand? Because it's Hogswatch.

  Slimazel the Bogeyman : What are you? A witch or something?

  Susan : I'm just... something. Now you won't be around here again, will you? Or we'll put your head under the blanket. It's got fluffy bunnies on it.

  Slimazel the Bogeyman : Fluffy bunnies. No!

  Susan : [sternly]  Go away and stop bothering me.

  Twyla : That wasn't as much fun as the one last month. You know, the one when you kicked him in the trousers.