Stacy Keach: Ken Titus

Quotes 

• Christopher Titus : Bad news has never been broken gently in my family. Because, breaking it gently takes a few extra seconds. And who's got that kinda time? Hey, we maybe failures, but we are very busy.

  [flashback] 

  Ken Titus : I got a little story I wanna tell you. Once upon a time, your dog got hit by a truck this morning!

• Ken Titus : You know, I liked you better when you had hope.

  Christopher Titus : No you didn't.

• 5 - Year Old Titus : Look Dad, I'm gonna be an astronaut.

  Ken Titus : Oh yeah? Good. 'Cause my beer is weightless. Why don't you launch over to planet refrigerator and get me another one.

• Ken Titus : All of this crap is going to work out! You've just got to quit being a wussy!

• Christopher Titus : PLEASE! It's just a loan. I'll pay you back, I'm an adult.

  Ken Titus : An adult on his knees, in front of his daddy?

  Christopher Titus : You were right along. I mean... I mean, I should've known this would never work out. I shouldv'e known it was gonna fail, man. I am such a big, fat loser...

  [pause] 

  Ken Titus : Finish your thoughts.

  Christopher Titus : [groans]  Oh!

  [neutral space] 

  Christopher Titus : That's damn good crow! A little heavy on the humiliation, but still damn good! Mmmm, crow!

  [live story] 

  Christopher Titus : I'll do anything! Anything, Dad. No restrictions, I'll be your lapdog. just don't do this to Erin, and Tommy, and poor little Dave! Huh? Don't help me, help them.

  Ken Titus : I got a little story I wanna tell you. Once upon a time... NO! If I help you now, you'll never learn to help yourself!

  [leaves] 

  Christopher Titus : But, I'm too old to learn! GIMME SOME MONEY YOU BASTARD!

  Dave Scouvel : How'd it go?

• Christopher Titus : [neutral space]  I've learned that when life is in the dumper, you can run to dad. But only if you can't run to Mexico.

  [flashback] 

  Judge : Eight hundred dollars in parking tickets and driving on a suspended license? Mr. Titus, do you realize how much trouble you're in?

  Christopher Titus : Pfft, err. I mean, pfft, err, Your Honor.

  Ken Titus : [entering]  Your Honor, I'll take care of the fines, and you can remit him to my custody.

  [Christopher looks at Ken, then turns back to the judge] 

  Christopher Titus : [pleadingly]  Prison, please!

  [Ken slaps Christopher's head]