That '70s Show (TV Series)

Heartbreaker (2002)

Ashton Kutcher: Michael Kelso

Photos 

Quotes 

• Michael Kelso : [laughs]  Why is Hyde kissing Jackie?

  [He looks back at Donna, who's running her hand through her hair] 

  Michael Kelso : What the hell? He's dead!

  [He slams the beer can on the kitchen counter and starts pulling on the sliding door, unable to open it] 

  Donna Pinciotti : Kelso...

  Michael Kelso : They're getting away! What is wrong with this thing?

  Eric Forman : It's against my better judgment, but...

  [flips the latch] 

  Michael Kelso : Thank you. Now, Hyde's really dead!

  Michael Kelso : [Kelso walks into the screen door]  Well, that's invisible!

• Eric Forman : Okay, Donna, we need to stabilize him. We're gonna need pudding, and lots of it.

  Michael Kelso : [getting up]  Who chooses a chick over a friend?

  Eric Forman : What? Come on, Kelso, remember when you made me walk home in a blizzard because you wanted ten extra minutes with Pam Macy?

  Michael Kelso : I didn't steal Pam Macy from you, and you could've played in the snow until we were done.

  Donna Pinciotti : Jackie wanted to get married and you bailed. Now, she *doesn't* want to marry you. That solves your problem, albeit with a disturbing twist ending.

  Michael Kelso : I'm kicking Hyde's ass!

  Eric Forman : Kelso, you couldn't open my kitchen door.

• Michael Kelso : [Kelso's wearing goggles]  Get my eye now!

  [Hyde kicks Kelso in the shin, then pins him to the couch] 

  Michael Kelso : Get off me!

  Steven Hyde : Not until you calm down!

  Fez : [after giving Kelso a "Wet Willy"]  Ah, a wet one!

  Michael Kelso : Fez, I'm going to get free eventually and then I'm going to kick your ass!

  Steven Hyde : We need to settle this.

  Michael Kelso : I don't want to settle this! I don't want to talk about it! All I want to do is pound you until you feel as bad as I do!

  Steven Hyde : [getting up]  Fine. Hit me. Free shot.

  Michael Kelso : [getting up]  Are you gonna hit me back?

  Steven Hyde : No, man. That's why they call it a "free shot".

  Michael Kelso : [in a stance]  Here it comes. It's coming, get ready!

  Fez : We're ready, fool, do it!

  Michael Kelso : Forget it. It's not going to change anything. Just, forget it.

  [Kelso sits down on the couch] 

  Steven Hyde : Look, man. I didn't plan this thing with me and Jackie. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

  Donna Pinciotti : [same time as Fez]  Awwww!

  Fez : [same time as Donna]  Awwww!

  Steven Hyde : Get bent!

  Michael Kelso : What are we going to do now?

  Donna Pinciotti : [getting up]  I'll tell you what you're going to do! You're going to shake, and you're going to get over it!

  Michael Kelso : No!

  Donna Pinciotti : Shake!

  Michael Kelso : I don't want to!

  Donna Pinciotti : *Shake*!

  [Kelso and Hyde shake hands]