Bewitched (2005)
Will Ferrell: Jack Wyatt, Darrin
Photos
Quotes
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Jack Wyatt : How would you like to be on a television show?
Isabel Bigelow : An actress?
Jack Wyatt : Yeah, if *I* can act, *you* can act.
Book Soup Cafe Waitress : Amen.
Jack Wyatt : [to girl] You know what? I think those people over there just finished their plate of *hummus*.
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Uncle Arthur : Do you want the long version or the short version? Keep in mind, the long version is in Aramaic.
Jack Wyatt : The short version.
Uncle Arthur : You got involved with a witch, and when you do that... weird stuff happens.
Jack Wyatt : That's it?
Uncle Arthur : Do I have to explain everything to you? Okay, here's the deal. I'm not real. Iris is a witch.
Jack Wyatt : Iris is a witch?
Uncle Arthur : Don't dwell. And in my opinion, that manager of yours, Richie...
Jack Wyatt : What?
Uncle Arthur : ...isn't even human!
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Jack Wyatt : [takes a drink of something Uncle Arthur has just made in the blender] This tastes awful!
Uncle Arthur : I know. I just like to blend.
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Jack Wyatt : [upon discovering Isabel is a witch] Am I gonna get pregnant? Because I cannot get pregnant right now!
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[last lines]
Gladys Kravitz : [Standing at their window] Abner, come look! The new neighbors are movin' in!
Abner Kravitz : [Reading the newspaper] Not now, Gladys, I'm busy.
Isabel Bigelow : [Outside, in front of their new house, Jack lifts Isabel] Aaaah
Jack Wyatt : Ah, yes, now I'm going to... carry you across the threshold
[they enter]
Isabel Bigelow : Don't you think the front yard looks a little bare?
Jack Wyatt : No, I don't.
Isabel Bigelow : But I think it could use a little something.
Jack Wyatt : I-I-It's fine the way it is, honey.
[Nose wiggling sound, followed by cherry tree growing and blooming in the front yard]
Gladys Kravitz : Abner! A tree just appeard in the front yard!
[She faints]
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Jack Wyatt : Umm... This is terrible!
Uncle Arthur : I know! I just... love to blend!
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[from trailer]
Isabel Bigelow : Guess what? I'm a witch!
Jack Wyatt : Guess what? I'm a Clippers fan!
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Jack Wyatt : So, were your parents in the witch business?
Isabel Bigelow : Both of them. My mother fixed the 1986 World Series.
Stu Robison : Someone make a note of that.
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Valet : [to Isabel, who is trying to convince Jack that she is actually a witch] Miss, could you direct me to your car.
Jack Wyatt : [sarcastically] Oh, she doesn't need a car, she has a broomstick.
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Isabel Bigelow : [after quitting/being fired] I can't just walk back in there now.
Jack Wyatt : Once you show up in a golf cart, believe me, all is forgiven. I've done it a lot of times.
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Jack Wyatt : Watch the road!
Uncle Arthur : Hey, is it Porsche, or Porsha?
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Isabel Bigelow : Oh, we're going to kiss aren't we?
Jack Wyatt : I thought so. But, thanks for ruining the moment Miss Narrator.
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Jack Wyatt : Let's make love in a hot-air balloon - let's make love in a candy factory - let's make love in a petting zoo...
Isabel Bigelow : I have to undo this...
Jack Wyatt : Let's make love at Sea World on the back of a killer whale!
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Jack Wyatt : I'm going to be killed by a fictional character!
Uncle Arthur : Yes, you are.
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Jack Wyatt : [under Isabel's spell] Where art thou dog? Thy canine lover? / Where is thy hot breath on the nape of my neck? / We shall form a bond, man and beast. / You will lick my face and I shall lick your snout.
[spell breaks]
Jack Wyatt : Er guys, I swear I'm not doing this on purpose.
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Jack Wyatt : Where is my dog? I will die if I do not have him back! Do you understand me? I WILL DIE IF I DO NOT HAVE HIM BACK!
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Ritchie : Will you stop it? You're being the mayor of Pussytown!
Jack Wyatt : I don't want to be the mayor of Pussytown!
Ritchie : I want you to get out there and be the sheriff of Ballsville!
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Jack Wyatt : Your home... is with me.
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Isabel Bigelow : But everyone loves duck...
Jack Wyatt : No, they don't!
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Jack Wyatt : [from teaser trailer] I'm hanging on to your broom. Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
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Isabel Bigelow : I just want to be normal.
Jack Wyatt : Acting is BETTER than normal. You get to PRETEND to be normal.
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Jack Wyatt : Endora, you rancid fruit bag, get out of my room.
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Jack Wyatt : [reading a comment on his performance] I'm a tool?
Ritchie : Yeah, but a good tool. Like a jack-saw!
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Jack Wyatt : Party at my house!
