Analyze That (2002)
Billy Crystal: Ben Sobel
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Ben Sobel : I thought you were in prison?
Jelly : It would appear not.
Dr. Ben Sobel : Well, well, how'd you get out?
Jelly : I had a new trial. It turns out that the evidence in the first trial was, uh, you know, tainted.
Dr. Ben Sobel : Oh, I see.
Jelly : Anyway, two of the witnesses decided not to testify, uh, and the third guy, well, he commited suicide.
Dr. Ben Sobel : Oh? How?
Jelly : He stabbed himself in the back four times and threw himself off a bridge... very unfortunate
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Dr. Ben Sobel : Lou the Wrench? Why the Wrench?
Paul Vitti : He twisted some guy's head off.
Dr. Ben Sobel : OFF?
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Dr. Ben Sobel : Ginko biloba. Helps my memory, and I forget what else.
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Dr. Ben Sobel : I am grieving. It's a process.
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Agent Miller : Dr. Sobel, have you been receiving calls from mobster Paul Vitti?
Dr. Ben Sobel : Why would you say I received a call from Paul Vitti?
Agent Miller : Because we record all his calls from Sing Sing.
Dr. Ben Sobel : Then yes, I did.
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Dr. Ben Sobel : [straining] I'm very attached to my balls.
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Dr. Ben Sobel : I thought you might appreciate a nice home-cooked meal after being in prison for so long.
Paul Vitti : Yeah, that's what I've been jerking off to for the last 850 nights in a row, a fuckin' home-cooked meal. "Oh, tuna casserole!"
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[after Paul opens the bedroom door]
Dr. Ben Sobel : I have a 17-year-old son.
Paul Vitti : I'll ask her.
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Dr. Ben Sobel : We don't think it's necessary to wake the neighbors every time we have sex.
Paul Vitti : If you're quiet, you could do it without even waking your wife.
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Dr. Ben Sobel : The girl has got to go.
Paul Vitti : You know, Doc, I think you might be jealous.
Dr. Ben Sobel : Oh and what exactly might I be jealous of?
Paul Vitti : I don't know, I didn't hear nothin' comin' out of your room.
Dr. Ben Sobel : We just don't think it's necessary to wake the neighbors every time we have sex!
Paul Vitti : If you're quiet enough, you can do it without waking your wife.
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Dr. Ben Sobel : [at his father's funeral] It's not easy for me to speak about my father, cause in a sense, I'm talking about two people. One is the public Issac Sobel, the eminent psychotherapist and popular author, known to millions of readers around the world. The second is the private man, my father. Dad. And for those who knew him well, and for those who knew our family well. Well, I don't have to tell you: He was a psychotic mind fucking prick! An arrogant ego inflated son of a bitch! I wish you were alive so I could kill you.
[shouts]
Dr. Ben Sobel : Rot in hell!
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Paul Vitti : [as they drive away from SingSing, Paul is acting psycotic, as soon as SingSing's out of view Paul acts normal] You fuckin' piece of shit! I call to say someone's trying to kill me and you fuckin' hang up on me?
Dr. Ben Sobel : I knew it, I knew it! You lied!
Paul Vitti : What was with you stickin' me with that fuckin' needle?
Dr. Ben Sobel : You lied! You used me to get you out of prison!
Paul Vitti : Took you long enough! I've been singing "West Side Story" songs for three fuckin' days, I'm half a fag already!
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Dr. Ben Sobel : [Paul and Shiela are having sex in another room, Ben and Laura are lying awake listening. As Paul and Shiela quiet down, Paul glances at his watch] Forty minutes.
Laura Sobel : How much longer are they going to go on?
Dr. Ben Sobel : How much longer 'can' they go on? Another ten minutes, I'm going to either break it up or I'll call the Guiness Book of Records.
[They continue lying there. As it gets loud again, they sit up. They can hear Shiela]
Sheila : [Screaming] Oh God! Oh God! OH GOD!
Laura Sobel : Oh, gimmie a break. She's faking!
Dr. Ben Sobel : What?
Laura Sobel : Nobody sounds like that!
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Dr. Ben Sobel : I was at a funeral.
Paul Vitti : What's that got to do with someone trying to kill me in jail? You're my Doctor!
Dr. Ben Sobel : My father died.
Paul Vitti : So. With you it is always me, me, me, me, me, me. He's dead. So get over it.
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Mobster : [after he stops squeezing his testicles] No hard feelings.
Dr. Ben Sobel : [Painfully] No... and probably never again.
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Dr. Ben Sobel : [after falling down hard on gravel and in obvious pain] Oh... oh! What a day for my balls!
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Dr. Ben Sobel : Paul, you know what you said about not flipping out?
Paul Vitti : Yeah.
Dr. Ben Sobel : Sorry.
[freaks out]
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Dr. Ben Sobel : I know what you're doing Paul. You're just upset that I have custody of you, so you passive-aggressively arranged for me to look like a fool.
Paul Vitti : Oh come on. You were great! You were great!
Dr. Ben Sobel : Second take, I thought, was a little better than the first. Jelly wasn't giving me much, honestly. so I j... Screw you, Paul.
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[last lines]
Paul Vitti : Hey, doc.
[singing]
Paul Vitti : There's a place for us.
Dr. Ben Sobel : A time and place for us.
Jelly : Hold my hand and we're halfway there.
Dr. Ben Sobel , Paul Vitti , Jelly : Hold my hand and I'll take you there. Somehow, someday, somewhere!
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[Dr. Ben is being escorted into a room with LoPresti and gang after shopping. DeVol takes his groceries]
Dr. Ben Sobel : Careful, the eggs are on the bottom...
Eddie DeVol : Oh, yeah?
[drops the bags and the eggs smash]
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Dr. Ben Sobel : [Ben Sobel asks Paul to describe a picture of a father walking in saying good night to his wife and son lying in bed] OK, Paul. I want you to take a look at this picture and tell me what is happening.
Paul Vitti : This is a picture of a guy who is a nice hard-working fellow and comes home to find his wife is in bed with a midget who she has been fucking while he has been out of town.
Dr. Ben Sobel : So she has been having intercourse?
Paul Vitti : Yep. With a midget!
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Paul Vitti : Hey doc, what is it with your folks? They tend to over react a little.
Dr. Ben Sobel : I know, I don't get it either, I mean all you did was flash everyone in the dining room.
Paul Vitti : Yeah, I know that. But wouldn't it do them good to get a bit of the old saussiche now and then?
