This stinker from the untalented team of director Scotty Fox and screenwriter Cash Markman is easy to criticize -it's poor in all respects. Other than an enjoyable lesbian scene by leads Dyanna Lauren and Nicole London, it's unwatchable.
Markman, who in his day job as Marc Cushman is an award-winning authority on "Star Trek" phenomenon, chooses to mock the classic "Forbidden Planet" here. But the embarrassing pre-credits crawl and voice-over narration establish how unfunny the comedy will be: setting the movie in 2025 with Earth beset by overpopulation so dire that NYC and Los Angeles have merged into a single metropolis (defying geography apparently) renamed Graffiti Town. Howard Stern is the U. S. President (not so farfetched after all) and has abolished all sexual relations except for lesbian sex to lower the birthrate.
Four-person crew of a mission to Anal Planet, where supposedly a colony was attempted 21 years before includes as captain Brad Armstrong, and Jonathan Morgan, oddly the two most successful directors responsible for Wicked Pictures' greatest hits over the next two decades. This time around they're working for the late, not so great Coast to Coast label.
Unlike WIcked, Coast to Coast spent close to zero on budgets, so the space ship consists merely of a bare room containing some machines as pretend-bridge of a nonexistent space ship. Nicole London and Micky Ray round out the crew.
Movie crew member (credited as gaffer and boom operator on video's skeleton crew) J. B. is cast in the Walter Pidgeon role, saving some money by not hiring an actor, and he's terrible. He headed up the colonizing mission, with Dyanna Lauren in the Anne Francis role of his daughter. But instead of copying Anne's famous beauty mark, Lauren is styled to resemble Barbara Eden's iconic TV character Jeannie.
Early on, there's a glaring continuity error implying this incompetent set of filmmakers couldn't do even the simplest thing right: in her first shot beautiful Lauren is running around barefoot, yet seconds later she's wearing sneakers. Oops!
Endless jokes fall flat, and even the simplest dialogue is putrid: at one point Micky Ray is about to enter a cave in search of the captain (Brad) and he declares: "I hope it's not dark in there". Later J. B. the professor alone on the planet with his daughter tells Brad: "We don't get many visitors here". And Cushman teaches a college course in screenwriting!
Planet's original race, the Analites, is long extinct, but according to the professor their spirits still control the planet. He has an artifact named the Transponder Ejaculator, a cheap headset prop that Micky tries out and conjures up beauties to have sex with. Morgan achieves the same effect without donning the headset.
Even the sex scenes are ridiculously poor: Brad manages to present Lauren with a facial after, you guessed it, anal sex with her, but both of Morgan's ejaculations are invisible (not even faked properly), while Micky's has the girl (French star Barbara Doll) merely dribbling liquid from her mouth in "let's pretend" form of a cumshot.
Of course, the industry's corrupt AVN nominated Markman for an award -check out any list of their award noms and you'll find utter garbage.
Markman, who in his day job as Marc Cushman is an award-winning authority on "Star Trek" phenomenon, chooses to mock the classic "Forbidden Planet" here. But the embarrassing pre-credits crawl and voice-over narration establish how unfunny the comedy will be: setting the movie in 2025 with Earth beset by overpopulation so dire that NYC and Los Angeles have merged into a single metropolis (defying geography apparently) renamed Graffiti Town. Howard Stern is the U. S. President (not so farfetched after all) and has abolished all sexual relations except for lesbian sex to lower the birthrate.
Four-person crew of a mission to Anal Planet, where supposedly a colony was attempted 21 years before includes as captain Brad Armstrong, and Jonathan Morgan, oddly the two most successful directors responsible for Wicked Pictures' greatest hits over the next two decades. This time around they're working for the late, not so great Coast to Coast label.
Unlike WIcked, Coast to Coast spent close to zero on budgets, so the space ship consists merely of a bare room containing some machines as pretend-bridge of a nonexistent space ship. Nicole London and Micky Ray round out the crew.
Movie crew member (credited as gaffer and boom operator on video's skeleton crew) J. B. is cast in the Walter Pidgeon role, saving some money by not hiring an actor, and he's terrible. He headed up the colonizing mission, with Dyanna Lauren in the Anne Francis role of his daughter. But instead of copying Anne's famous beauty mark, Lauren is styled to resemble Barbara Eden's iconic TV character Jeannie.
Early on, there's a glaring continuity error implying this incompetent set of filmmakers couldn't do even the simplest thing right: in her first shot beautiful Lauren is running around barefoot, yet seconds later she's wearing sneakers. Oops!
Endless jokes fall flat, and even the simplest dialogue is putrid: at one point Micky Ray is about to enter a cave in search of the captain (Brad) and he declares: "I hope it's not dark in there". Later J. B. the professor alone on the planet with his daughter tells Brad: "We don't get many visitors here". And Cushman teaches a college course in screenwriting!
Planet's original race, the Analites, is long extinct, but according to the professor their spirits still control the planet. He has an artifact named the Transponder Ejaculator, a cheap headset prop that Micky tries out and conjures up beauties to have sex with. Morgan achieves the same effect without donning the headset.
Even the sex scenes are ridiculously poor: Brad manages to present Lauren with a facial after, you guessed it, anal sex with her, but both of Morgan's ejaculations are invisible (not even faked properly), while Micky's has the girl (French star Barbara Doll) merely dribbling liquid from her mouth in "let's pretend" form of a cumshot.
Of course, the industry's corrupt AVN nominated Markman for an award -check out any list of their award noms and you'll find utter garbage.