3/10
Significant weaknesses weigh heavily against the value it could have offered
4 December 2023
Nutcracker figures are right up there with clowns in terms of being creepy and off-putting, so the concept is ripe for genre treatment even without special variations like what we get here - the design and realization of which does look pretty good. This flick has that going for it, and a cast that generally seems capable and who give earnest performances; not to specifically discount others, but Beatrice Fletcher stands out most as protagonist Clara, and is duly charming. I'll even say that there are some swell ideas here in twisting a classic tale to horror ends. Unfortunately, beyond these factors, things start to break down. I don't doubt the sincerity of anyone involved, and to that end this surely can at least claim to stand taller than the majority of output from The Asylum or especially Uncork'd Entertainment. Between the writing and direction, however, 'Nutcracker massacre' simply doesn't cut it.

From the very start the tone and pacing are both readily described as "astonishingly soft" if not also "slothful." This pertains even to death scenes, and the acting is absolutely impacted in turn. If filmmaker Becca Hirani, or writers Jeff Miller or Joe Knetter, had intended the picture to be, if you will, "anti-horror," then this might make sense. Yet there is no humor by which this might succeed as a horror-comedy; there is no subtlety or nuance to the proceedings with which this might succeed as a more underhanded variety of genre piece (nevermind that the concept kind of throws that possibility out the window in the first place). The dialogue, scene writing, and characterizations are mostly empty and hapless, and almost inspire mocking laughter for how ill-considered they are. The narrative in and of itself is okay, but it feels cluttered and imbalanced: on the one hand toying with an early nineteenth century story, though this element is somewhat deemphasized; on the other hand, heavily driving at the premise of "murderous nutcracker doll," with all other facets further distinctly dragging things down. Even the basic orchestration of shots and scenes, and the cinematography, sometimes raise a quizzical eyebrow. Meanwhile, to the same extent that some cast members (not least Patrick Bergin) really do try to overcome the major deficiencies of writing and direction (with greatly varying degrees of success), some come off notably worse than others - sorry, Andy Dixon, better luck next time.

There were fine possibilities here, but the feature as it exists is bizarrely, woefully lax, lackluster, humdrum, gentle, restrained, muted, subdued - consult your nearest thesaurus for more adjectives. Some aspects are half decent, but the whole is inescapably weak and unconvincing. The root tale and subsequent screenplay direly needed to be revised and tightened to zero in on and boost the best ideas; the screenplay, and the direction, desperately needed a substantial infusion of vitality to allow any of these eighty-five minutes to have anything approaching the desired impact. I see the value that the film has to offer, and maybe more to the point, the value that it could have offered. As it presents, however, 'Nutcracker massacre' is just too meager to really count for anything, and it's hard to give a recommendation. I suppose if you're open to all the wide possibilities of cinema, and are super keen on the idea of 'The nutcracker' being warped as such then one may have fair reason to watch; otherwise, it's tough to conjure a reason. Check it out if you like, and I wish nothing but the best for all involved, but I think your time is best spent elsewhere.
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