The Hamiltons (2006)
2/10
The Hamiltons: Insufferably awful
1 December 2023
Plot

Trying to move on with their lives, and keep their family together after the untimely demise of their parents, the four Hamilton siblings are left all alone to fend for themselves. At first glance, the Hamiltons seem like an ordinary family, and they will do everything in their power to adjust to their new neighbourhood; however, troubled Francis' video camera reveals that there is more to the grieving newcomers than meets the eye. After all, is it normal to keep people captive in your basement

Cast

Nobody I was familiar with.

Verdict

I made a booboo, I watched The Thompsons first, I didn't realize it was a sequel! That I quite enjoyed so upon booting The Hamiltons up I was fairly excited, whoops that was another booboo.

The Hamiltons focuses on this dysfunctional vampire (Of a sort) family. The trouble is the film is cheap, looks cheap, sounds cheap, is cheap and though I watch a lot of indie movies and am generally unphased by this The Hamiltons came across unforgivably so and was very distracting. I wish it had distracted me more then I might not have noticed how terrible the rest of the film is, it's lifeless, it goes nowhere, the characters are wretched and the narration is so tacky it takes you away from what you're watching (But not in the way you'd want).

This isn't a vampire film, this is barely horror.

Rants

Let me be clear, I'm not overly fussed about budgets. A few years ago I remember watching one called Rednecks vs Aliens? I think. It looked like it had been recorded on the oldest VHS recorder imaginable and by someone who was having a seizure from start to finish. But this didn't matter because the film was oddly enjoyable. I don't care about budget but I've always said, keep in line with your budget. If you have a three figure budget, don't make a movie about aliens invading earth.

Breakdown.

Ugly Lifeless Poorly made.
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