Carmilla (2019)
1/10
If you're looking for a faithful adaptation, keep looking
29 December 2022
If like myself you are a fan of Joseph Sheridan often forgotten or misrepresented Carmilla novel and character, and saw this thinking that at last you had found a movie that understands that Carmilla is not Elizabeth Bathory, or some crazed blood thirsty nymphomaniac who kills constantly and acts like a petulant child. But instead remembers and seeks to bring forth her complex and more tragic personality as she struggles with the need to kill in order to sustain her life, her caring and loving obsession with Laura even as she slowly turns her into a vampire like herself and builds upon the novella to expand her character, her backstory and her relationship with Laura in a well made movie. Keep looking my friends because this will do nothing but aggravate you at every turn. From simple things like changing Laura's name to lara, to much larger things like changing the reason behind Carmilla's very name. Even Carmilla's vampiric nature is dubious at best in this slog of a film. This movie has no respect for the Joseph Sheridan's novel or its characters.

Even as a film this in mind numbing, with frequent long drawn out scenes of nothing that can go on anywhere from 20 seconds to an entire minute. The characters are uninteresting and given no time to develop personalities, nothing is set up about the family or why we should care. The idea that Carmilla is a vampire is only introduced in the last five or so minutes and is never even truly confirmed. This film is so slow it could be used as a sleep aid. More time is spent reciting poetry or looking at rotting fruit than establishing anything about these characters save for the religious fanatic antagonist who feels out of place.

As a romance it fails with absolutely no chemistry or development between Lara and Carmilla in favor of insentient "eroticisms", the two have almost no interactions that don't involve making out. Most of the time instead of being spent building up our leads is instead spent with some obnoxious religious zealot antagonist made for the movie. Lara and Carmilla have no time to become a couple, the months spanned in the book is condensed into less than a week within the film and the two almost never sit and talk, nor interact in any of the ways they did in the book. As a result we end up with two bland chunks of wood making out. If you are desperate for some lesbian action, I suggest you just go watch porn. It will be shorter, get to the part you want faster and will no doubt be both better written and acted.

As a horror, I don't even think this could be called a horror. There is nothing scary about this movie. All the slow creeping unease of the novel is replaced with lesbian kissing and the annoying antagonist. There are no moments of the slow "plague" spreading slowly through the nearby town as Carmilla sates her hunger. No nightmare of Carmilla and Laura's first meeting. No moments of Carmilla vanishing from a locked room for a day. Instead we get two out of nowhere nightmares more interested in sub par gore and lesbian kissing than on horror or character development. As a vampire movie it isn't. The fact that it's entirely possible that Carmilla in this is not a vampire and Laura just happened to get sick on her own is infuriating for any who go into this expecting a horror or vampire movie.

And as an adaptation of an underrated book that could and should be adapted quite easily with interesting characters and a twisted sense of love with the lesbian nature being subtext. The Karnstein family is never mentioned. The significance of Carmilla's name is tossed aside in favor of it just being given to her randomly. Everything that made the book so good is absent or insulted by this film.

For those who have never read the book, I highly suggest it. I assure you it is much shorter and far better than this boring movie.
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