"Alone in the Dark" (2005), I heard the rumors about this "movie" before I watched it for the first time. All I have to say is, this "film" isn't as bad as everyone says. It's ten times worse! I'm not joking, this "movie" is beyond bad. It's so horrible, that it almost made it onto my top ten worst films of all-time list! "Alone in the Dark" has an unbearably boring and laughably predictable story, abysmal acting, boring sets/locations, cheap special effects and a dull soundtrack to attempt to hold this worthless diarrhea stain together. The plot is, a detective who specializes in paranormal activity uncovers mysterious events that could have deadly consequences. No really, that's the whole storyline in a nut shell. Could it be any more vague and minuscule? Look, I'm all for movies with a lack of story, just as long as it has good character development, as well as action and comedy to make up for the lack of plot. A perfect example of a film with very little story, is "Every Which Way but Loose" (1978). That movie hardly has any plot. But, the film makers worked hard and put substantial effort into it to make it as entertaining as possible! Plus, a good cast of characters can help make up for a lack of story. Unfortunately, "Alone in the Dark" is nothing like that. Fun fact, this "movie" is based off a video game, just like the majority of the other films directed by the mistaken for talented Uwe Boll. A lot of his movies are based off of video games, which justifies his lack of creativity. Now granted, I have never played the game that this "film" is based off of. But, if this "movie" is any indication, then it must be a dull game! Although, it couldn't be that much worse than this "film"! Here's a good word to describe how bad this "movie" is, shocking. For the majority of the time, nothing happens. Another glaring issue it has, is that most of it is shot very dark and you can hardly see anything! Look, I get that it was supposed to be a horror film. That being said, dark scenes have to be handled with care, or else they turn out to be terrible! Maybe they were just trying to hide the cheap special effects? We'll get to those in a minute. Bottom line, is that it's nothing but a long drawn out monster hunt with this barely established group of characters. It may only be 96 minutes long, but to tell you the truth, you could've fooled me. Seriously, it feels ten times longer than that! As for the acting, it's just as terrible as the story. Nobody in the entire cast even looked like they were trying at all. Not even Christian Slater or Tara Reid could save it, and those two are pretty decent actors! What happened to them here? Those two, along with the rest of the cast, just waddle around like confused morons for the whole duration of the "movie" and then it ends. This "film" has some of the worst acting I've ever seen! For example, a female character dies and right after the rest of the characters pay their respects and walk away, her head lifts up right before the camera cuts. When I first saw that, I thought to myself: "what? Did that really just happen?" I rewound the "movie", played it in slow motion and sure enough, she does move her head in the last second of the shot. Did she not go to acting school? All you had to do was lay down and play dead! At the very least, you just have to wait for the director to say, "cut!" I'm surprised that the editor didn't catch that. But, we'll go into more details with the editing and special effects in just a moment. Overall, the acting is beyond embarrassing. The sad thing is, we're actually supposed to be taking them seriously! But no, I was just sitting there laughing with how bad their performances were. As far as the sets/locations go, all of them are boring. Like I said, most of it was shot with minimal lighting. Plus, the color filter they used somehow made it look even worse! As far as special effects go, some of them are okay. But, most of them are cheap garbage. Especially the monsters! However that's just scratching the surface. There's a scene where a gun is fired, and the woman is supposed to be hit by the bullet. But, if you look closely, the bullet doesn't hit the character. It doesn't even touch her at all! On top of that, you can clearly tell that the bullet is fake. There are many cheap special effects in this "film", but that one is easily the standout. I've seen movies made back in the 1950's with better effects, and this "film" was released in 2005! Finally, the soundtrack composed by Reinhard Besser, Oliver Lieb, Bernd Wendlandt and Peter Zweier is nothing short of a cliched mess. Yeah, somehow four people collaborating on the film score couldn't make it sound good. How is that possible?! "Alone in the Dark" is easily, one of the worst films I have ever seen in my life. Just thinking about it is enough to make me sick! Yep, that's how much I hate this waste of cinema. I'm struggling to give this "movie" 0 out of 5 stars on my scale. If I could rate it 0 stars I would, but 1 is as low as I can go on IMDB. Ignore the 1 star rating, my true rating is 0 stars. Do I really have to tell you to avoid this "film"? No, I think it's more than obvious enough. All it does is take 96 minutes of your time, and leaves you in the dark.