Remember those filler episodes of Star Trek TNG where the crew would beam down to some strange planet inhabited with a closed-minded, ignorant human or human-type society (see TNG Episode "Angel One") that all dressed in lame "futuristic" clothing that was nothing more than basic geometrical cloth gowns and the men were clueless peons ruled by some power hungry, often female dork? Or there would be a society of people living under ridiculous rules and were like ignorant children who didn't know any better (see TNG episode "Justice')? Enter 'Moonhaven'.
The Pilot....is about a Pilot. I am only reviewing the pilot episode because that's all I can stand.
We open to a flyover of a cliché CGI city that I suspect is supposed to tug at the strings of Blade Runner fans, but the buildings are so dark and muddy that the entire scene looks like something a 5th grader made for a school project. We also get a voice explaining how the humans have messed up the Earth and destroyed the climate and so on and so forth. I had to check to make sure I didn't lean on the remote and change the TV to MSNBC.
The story itself starts off with a clearly bitter, lonely, 'independent wo-man' character that could basically be switched out for nearly any character ever played by Michelle Rodriguez. She is an ex war pilot now moon taxi driver (and smuggler) who is tasked with transporting the closest looking to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez actress the casting director could find (seriously, search 'Amara Karan' and tell me I'm wrong) to the moon, because she is another strong, independent wo-man whom the future of humanity is depending on to survive. Her task is to go up to the moon, (where some AI has managed to terraform the land into a livable habitat for humans in a ridiculous short amount of time), and inform yet another strong, independent wo-man who is currently in charge of the 'council' that controls this new moon society, which is basically a commune of clueless numnuts who take a pill every time something makes them feel sad which will literally erase the sad feeling from their brain, because of course they would. They are the 3rd generation of people to be born on the moon, "Mooners", and yet they have zero idea how human society functions or how to actually solve problems using their brains. They are all implanted with a tracking device at the base of their spine so that Google....sorry...the "A I" (stupidly named IO, which is actually a moon of Jupiter). And the 'police' that live in this moon commune aren't actually police, but instead are just idiots in pajamas who show up at someone's house when something hurts their feelings and they, I sheet you not, do a dance to help them feel better then offer them a pill to erase the pain of the memory. And if you were wondering if the annoying hobbit cop was romantically involved with a male of a different race, then remember that this is a woke show.
Like Star Trek, the writers throw in a lot of "futuristic" tech that I assume is supposed to impress the viewer, but unlike Star Trek, what I've seen so far in Moonhaven is rather senseless and lame. First off, on their trip up to the moon, the AOC looking woman and her bodyguard have to go into this sort of deep cryosleep, when even with 20th century technology it only takes about 3 days to get to the moon from Earth. Why? And when dollar store Michelle Rodriguez is landing the ship, she pulls out these two metal rings, like those you could buy in a magic shop, attached to absolutely nothing, and awkwardly moves them around to guide the bad CGI ship into some water. Why? It was like a child sitting on his front step with his hands in the air pretending to fly a fighter jet. The actress did the best she could with the scene, but there's only so much the cast can do with this horribly bland and laughably ignorant dialogue. I imagine she was thinking 'man, I hope my friends don't see this show'.
I won't 'spoil' anything else because some things are so bad they have to be seen to be believed. If a bunch of Greenpeace hippies who nobody has ever swiped right got together and decided to barely mask their agenda under the dim guise of senseless science fiction and gathered up a bunch of diverse B-grade actors and the most annoying hobbit to act it out, they would create Moonhaven, and create Moonhaven they did. It's interesting how the man who produced the 'interesting' 90's sitcom 'Dinosaurs', which sees it's final episode with the dinosaurs talking about how they ruined the climate before all dying because of it, has found his way here, 30 years later, producing this nonsense.
You'll see that a lot of people are giving this show a 10, but I can promise you that they are doing so for all the wrong reasons, and we really have reached a sad point in entertainment. They will praise a show simply based on the diversity of it's cast and disregard the rest. I imagine that many of those people have already said my review was not helpful just because it was not a 7 or higher and didn't even bother to read it. We have hit a point in time where any show or movie that has poor acting, poor writing, poor musical score, poor anything, and even poor everything, is apparently not allowed to be disliked If the majority of the cast is not white. It is quite pathetic. To all of the wokesters out there, the entire cast of this show could be switched out with 200 albinos that have spent the past 20 years living underground and the show would still be weak. If this thing were made 30 years ago, Mystery Science Theater would have riffed on, but in 2022 it's regarded as amazing by an entire generation that is just as ignorant and purposely-kept-stupid as the "Mooners" on this show. It's perfectly alright to dislike a bad film or TV show just for thinking it is a bad film or TV show. It's called an opinion and it's time people be allowed to have them again.
The Pilot....is about a Pilot. I am only reviewing the pilot episode because that's all I can stand.
We open to a flyover of a cliché CGI city that I suspect is supposed to tug at the strings of Blade Runner fans, but the buildings are so dark and muddy that the entire scene looks like something a 5th grader made for a school project. We also get a voice explaining how the humans have messed up the Earth and destroyed the climate and so on and so forth. I had to check to make sure I didn't lean on the remote and change the TV to MSNBC.
The story itself starts off with a clearly bitter, lonely, 'independent wo-man' character that could basically be switched out for nearly any character ever played by Michelle Rodriguez. She is an ex war pilot now moon taxi driver (and smuggler) who is tasked with transporting the closest looking to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez actress the casting director could find (seriously, search 'Amara Karan' and tell me I'm wrong) to the moon, because she is another strong, independent wo-man whom the future of humanity is depending on to survive. Her task is to go up to the moon, (where some AI has managed to terraform the land into a livable habitat for humans in a ridiculous short amount of time), and inform yet another strong, independent wo-man who is currently in charge of the 'council' that controls this new moon society, which is basically a commune of clueless numnuts who take a pill every time something makes them feel sad which will literally erase the sad feeling from their brain, because of course they would. They are the 3rd generation of people to be born on the moon, "Mooners", and yet they have zero idea how human society functions or how to actually solve problems using their brains. They are all implanted with a tracking device at the base of their spine so that Google....sorry...the "A I" (stupidly named IO, which is actually a moon of Jupiter). And the 'police' that live in this moon commune aren't actually police, but instead are just idiots in pajamas who show up at someone's house when something hurts their feelings and they, I sheet you not, do a dance to help them feel better then offer them a pill to erase the pain of the memory. And if you were wondering if the annoying hobbit cop was romantically involved with a male of a different race, then remember that this is a woke show.
Like Star Trek, the writers throw in a lot of "futuristic" tech that I assume is supposed to impress the viewer, but unlike Star Trek, what I've seen so far in Moonhaven is rather senseless and lame. First off, on their trip up to the moon, the AOC looking woman and her bodyguard have to go into this sort of deep cryosleep, when even with 20th century technology it only takes about 3 days to get to the moon from Earth. Why? And when dollar store Michelle Rodriguez is landing the ship, she pulls out these two metal rings, like those you could buy in a magic shop, attached to absolutely nothing, and awkwardly moves them around to guide the bad CGI ship into some water. Why? It was like a child sitting on his front step with his hands in the air pretending to fly a fighter jet. The actress did the best she could with the scene, but there's only so much the cast can do with this horribly bland and laughably ignorant dialogue. I imagine she was thinking 'man, I hope my friends don't see this show'.
I won't 'spoil' anything else because some things are so bad they have to be seen to be believed. If a bunch of Greenpeace hippies who nobody has ever swiped right got together and decided to barely mask their agenda under the dim guise of senseless science fiction and gathered up a bunch of diverse B-grade actors and the most annoying hobbit to act it out, they would create Moonhaven, and create Moonhaven they did. It's interesting how the man who produced the 'interesting' 90's sitcom 'Dinosaurs', which sees it's final episode with the dinosaurs talking about how they ruined the climate before all dying because of it, has found his way here, 30 years later, producing this nonsense.
You'll see that a lot of people are giving this show a 10, but I can promise you that they are doing so for all the wrong reasons, and we really have reached a sad point in entertainment. They will praise a show simply based on the diversity of it's cast and disregard the rest. I imagine that many of those people have already said my review was not helpful just because it was not a 7 or higher and didn't even bother to read it. We have hit a point in time where any show or movie that has poor acting, poor writing, poor musical score, poor anything, and even poor everything, is apparently not allowed to be disliked If the majority of the cast is not white. It is quite pathetic. To all of the wokesters out there, the entire cast of this show could be switched out with 200 albinos that have spent the past 20 years living underground and the show would still be weak. If this thing were made 30 years ago, Mystery Science Theater would have riffed on, but in 2022 it's regarded as amazing by an entire generation that is just as ignorant and purposely-kept-stupid as the "Mooners" on this show. It's perfectly alright to dislike a bad film or TV show just for thinking it is a bad film or TV show. It's called an opinion and it's time people be allowed to have them again.