3/10
Good For a Slow Night When You're Looking to Kill Some Brain Cells
28 August 2022
OMGosh... where do I start? The whole "Hansel and Gretel" shtick has been played out to death. I'm not giving away anything to say that you can see that coming a mile away. But the stories...

For starters, the filming is amateurish. The camera is obviously handheld - you can see it shaking and bobbing all over the place and it's worse in some scenes than others. Then, of course, there is the lighting. Like always today in hollywood, they light scenes with 4 watt night light bulbs that they try to pass off as 100 watt bulbs - i.e. Lamps and ceiling lights only cast a very faint glow over the entire scene. But them, in other scenes - especially outdoor scenes - the shots are completely blown out! They can't even be consistent. Finally, the audio changes from scene to scene - hissing and popping one minute and crystal clear the next... Complete amateur hour.

Then there are the stories themselves!

"Flicker" is alright as far as stories, go, but it really doesn't make sense. A guy gets a job as a video editor for a funeral service, but starts seeing things in the film that wasn't really there. I guess had it been fleshed out longer, it could have made for an interesting episode on TV.

"Petrified Boy" is just ridiculous. A circus performer has a "petrified boy" who comes to life and starts killing if exposed to light. :rolling_eyes: This one is told as a story within a story within a story.

"Crystal Ball" is about the only one that's even worth watching. My only question is what kind of a person steals a crystal ball from a fortune teller thinking that that will fix her crumbling marriage? But over looking that, meh.. it's ok.

"Either/Or" is just offensive. In this one, mental patients claim to hear the Voice of God. The doctor has got to be one of the most smartarsed, patronizing excuses for a doctor I've ever seen. How this is supposed to be a "horror" story, I have no clue. Doesn't even fit the overall tapestry that they are trying to weave here.

"Blood Red" is about two artists who are broke and a chick who knows how to make them rich. Trying not to give anything away here, but I want to know how someone who is tied to a cross can commit murder AND suicide!?

Finally we have "Krampus versus Elf." This one is a short stop-motion claymation disaster. No plot, no story, no talent.

Honestly, don't waste your time...
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