This has to be one of the worst movies I've ever seen all of 2021 and I watched every Steven Seagal movie so that is saying something.
This movie starts off with this sleazy Tom Jones song that goes on and on like make of the tired jokes that I guarantee no one in this movie that should have been direct to VHS was laughing. Thankfully this turd bombed. How anyone had careers after this is beyond me.
The "Star" studded cast is.
Dan Aykroyd who is not the least bit funny on this, like 99.9% of skits on SNL I'm sorry he couldn't act in this movie AT ALL. Maybe two times in the movie I believed his silly character.
Kim Basinger who made a lot of bad life decisions like marrying Alec Baldwin
Seth Green which it's good to see he hasn't grown an inch since 1988. He is about as short as some of the toys he plays with on his brain dead series Robot Chicken which I'm surprised is still on tv
and Jon Lovitz which as some of you in your 30s may know is the film critic guy in the simpsons and that tv show that bombed.
The special effects are atrocious in this movie. Yes this was 1988 and the budget was shoe string at best but if you can't do something don't do it.
It's pretty bad when Ron (Jon Lovitz) is the most likable character in this show with his extremely one dimensional personality. All he wants to do is sleep with women and has that Rolls Royce besides that he just breathes and berates everyone. He would give the adult movie star Ron Jeremy a run for his money who can out sleaze each other so good for him for playing such a role.
The main character Steve is an M. I. T. Graduate and as some of you know is one of the best schools in the world. Yet he works in some dingy lab for $25,000 salary which is about as big as his brothers dick, inflation can't have raised that much in 33 years give or take. His brother the sleazy one Ron lives in a much better house, dresses way better and boasts his very expensive car. Yet Steve lives in some average house and has a daughter. Something isn't adding up. Steve comes off as INCREDIBLY naive as does everyone in this movie. It's almost like 90 day fiance when that desperate man flies to Ukraine like 3 times before finally meeting Lana I think her name was. I'll say this once and I'll say it many more times Dan cannot act. Stick to selling overpriced vodka bottles. With enough of them I'll believe your character. Dan is fired for blowing up what I imagine is 100s of thousands if not more dollars worth of gear trying to communicate with aliens and all the machines that can prove he did blew up before he can prove himself. The dad is single, he has been for a while, he can't cook so they microwave everything which sounds like a slightly older version of my brother.
The daughter Jess is unrealistic in many ways. She can't act but at least she isn't some super model or something. She's "real" if that makes sense.
This film is so poorly cast. One idea I would have done if this came out today is to put. Bryan Cranston (Hal From Malcolm In The Middle) in this movie instead. Even though he would have been roughly 32 when this would have came out. He is much more likable and would have pulled off the role so much better. The dialogue is so poorly written and the films score is atrociously awful. 80s "comedy" or not this movie would not even be dollar store good. Though it doesn't get boring enough for me to want to turn it down like many movies I've seen with much higher budgets there is some pretty good pacing.
Celeste is so out of place and it works, out dated references about the monkeys, richard nixon who most kids would not know today. It adds character but it's amazing how many can make people act this level of idiots. That awkward kiss scene went on FAR too long and I love how she smokes hot dogs and eats cigarettes. This just shows us that if you're hot which Kim really isn't in my opinion in this movie you can get away with pretty much murder, then again having to kiss Dan Aykroyd who can blame half of Hollywood for saying no to this role from much prettier actresses. I forgot Kim was in 8 Mile with Eminem. I think a huge reason I watched this movie was because of the borderline hentai purse. It gives her all sorts of super powers most people would love to have these days The aliens are surprised how quickly humans are advancing and they look just like us for some reason. I was legitimately looking forward to showing this movie to my friend just for the sci fi purse.
It takes an absolute talent to make a kiss that awkward in the movie. You would need drugs to take you out of this solar system to laugh at any of the jokes in this movie up to this point I feel. Maybe Jim Belushi read this script one day, got so high to make it funny that he just dies from it. Was this some rich kids passion project he wrote for his billionaire dad and his dad made it to shut him up? I mean seriously the tiny glimmer of star power or not this movie wouldn't get green light in a million years by any other studio. The only thing the script is any good for is toilet paper.
Dan can't act, he can't deliver a SINGLE line. Wow SNL you lost a treasure when he made this movie!
Why is there such a romanticization of Jimmy Durante (The ah-cha-cha-cha) guy. At least in the first Home Alone movie there was the black and white movie Angels With Filthy Souls but it was mentioned very little. But no, this is almost the back bone of this atrocity. I'd rather there be more Debby Goes To Dallas or other references to this movie especially during that "sex" scene where even Tommy Wiseau (The Room, 2003) looked more realistic and was a far superior scene. I get it though the aliens don't have sex any more. How would we do if we found out about it 3 minutes ago.
Kim marries Dan way too quickly. How he got a room full of people to watch him get married and all is beyond me. I mean you don't see Dan with that many friends, it's like a fever dream. Are we sure Dan didn't get brain damage in the explosion in the lab? I mean you'd have to be to wear that ugly powder blue suit but we get it Dan is not into style he's a scientist who works for peanuts. Which makes no sense like 95% of this movie.
Why is the daughter so naive and supportive does she have a mental disability? I mean I should be questioning the writer(s) but they aren't in front of the camera.
I seriously wonder in this movie if second takes were in the budget.
I love how Kim can make stuff perfectly just by touching menus, goes home and can perfectly cook everything at some dive diner. If Dan ate all that food he would have been perfect to be in The Flintstones as Fred Flintstone, if he ate two tables worth he could have been Betty when Rosie O'Donnel was Betty in that movie.
The daughter finally notices something is wrong when she watches Kim drink battery acid and eat batteries. I wonder if the writers of this movie did any acid. The daughter tries to tell Dan about the mom being an alien but Dan being under the spell of the prettiest woman he'll ever sleep with doesn't care. He won't listen to reason. I love how he doesn't run after her because he's too fat. Even when the Lisa Robin Kelly scare crow looking woman hits the daughter with her car. So many overdose jokes ok I might stop!
Kim blows her cover. When Dan asks Kim about her being an alien he looks like a really bad cosplay of the angry video game nerd. However I admire that they address the issue what happens if they don't do what they need to do to help her planet.
The hentai purse wants to kill the earth when Kim doesn't.
Steven Seagal was funnier than ANYTHING they said on this movie in SNL, ah ha, see that's why I mentioned him!
How did this movie not win every single razzi available. Cat Woman Haley Barry was in is miles ahead of this.
Someone should try to replace every line of this movie with The room quotes and it would make as much sense.
This has to have one of the laziest, most awful endings I've seen all year. I am ashamed to say I watched this train wreck to the end but holy crap it was awful.
This movie starts off with this sleazy Tom Jones song that goes on and on like make of the tired jokes that I guarantee no one in this movie that should have been direct to VHS was laughing. Thankfully this turd bombed. How anyone had careers after this is beyond me.
The "Star" studded cast is.
Dan Aykroyd who is not the least bit funny on this, like 99.9% of skits on SNL I'm sorry he couldn't act in this movie AT ALL. Maybe two times in the movie I believed his silly character.
Kim Basinger who made a lot of bad life decisions like marrying Alec Baldwin
Seth Green which it's good to see he hasn't grown an inch since 1988. He is about as short as some of the toys he plays with on his brain dead series Robot Chicken which I'm surprised is still on tv
and Jon Lovitz which as some of you in your 30s may know is the film critic guy in the simpsons and that tv show that bombed.
The special effects are atrocious in this movie. Yes this was 1988 and the budget was shoe string at best but if you can't do something don't do it.
It's pretty bad when Ron (Jon Lovitz) is the most likable character in this show with his extremely one dimensional personality. All he wants to do is sleep with women and has that Rolls Royce besides that he just breathes and berates everyone. He would give the adult movie star Ron Jeremy a run for his money who can out sleaze each other so good for him for playing such a role.
The main character Steve is an M. I. T. Graduate and as some of you know is one of the best schools in the world. Yet he works in some dingy lab for $25,000 salary which is about as big as his brothers dick, inflation can't have raised that much in 33 years give or take. His brother the sleazy one Ron lives in a much better house, dresses way better and boasts his very expensive car. Yet Steve lives in some average house and has a daughter. Something isn't adding up. Steve comes off as INCREDIBLY naive as does everyone in this movie. It's almost like 90 day fiance when that desperate man flies to Ukraine like 3 times before finally meeting Lana I think her name was. I'll say this once and I'll say it many more times Dan cannot act. Stick to selling overpriced vodka bottles. With enough of them I'll believe your character. Dan is fired for blowing up what I imagine is 100s of thousands if not more dollars worth of gear trying to communicate with aliens and all the machines that can prove he did blew up before he can prove himself. The dad is single, he has been for a while, he can't cook so they microwave everything which sounds like a slightly older version of my brother.
The daughter Jess is unrealistic in many ways. She can't act but at least she isn't some super model or something. She's "real" if that makes sense.
This film is so poorly cast. One idea I would have done if this came out today is to put. Bryan Cranston (Hal From Malcolm In The Middle) in this movie instead. Even though he would have been roughly 32 when this would have came out. He is much more likable and would have pulled off the role so much better. The dialogue is so poorly written and the films score is atrociously awful. 80s "comedy" or not this movie would not even be dollar store good. Though it doesn't get boring enough for me to want to turn it down like many movies I've seen with much higher budgets there is some pretty good pacing.
Celeste is so out of place and it works, out dated references about the monkeys, richard nixon who most kids would not know today. It adds character but it's amazing how many can make people act this level of idiots. That awkward kiss scene went on FAR too long and I love how she smokes hot dogs and eats cigarettes. This just shows us that if you're hot which Kim really isn't in my opinion in this movie you can get away with pretty much murder, then again having to kiss Dan Aykroyd who can blame half of Hollywood for saying no to this role from much prettier actresses. I forgot Kim was in 8 Mile with Eminem. I think a huge reason I watched this movie was because of the borderline hentai purse. It gives her all sorts of super powers most people would love to have these days The aliens are surprised how quickly humans are advancing and they look just like us for some reason. I was legitimately looking forward to showing this movie to my friend just for the sci fi purse.
It takes an absolute talent to make a kiss that awkward in the movie. You would need drugs to take you out of this solar system to laugh at any of the jokes in this movie up to this point I feel. Maybe Jim Belushi read this script one day, got so high to make it funny that he just dies from it. Was this some rich kids passion project he wrote for his billionaire dad and his dad made it to shut him up? I mean seriously the tiny glimmer of star power or not this movie wouldn't get green light in a million years by any other studio. The only thing the script is any good for is toilet paper.
Dan can't act, he can't deliver a SINGLE line. Wow SNL you lost a treasure when he made this movie!
Why is there such a romanticization of Jimmy Durante (The ah-cha-cha-cha) guy. At least in the first Home Alone movie there was the black and white movie Angels With Filthy Souls but it was mentioned very little. But no, this is almost the back bone of this atrocity. I'd rather there be more Debby Goes To Dallas or other references to this movie especially during that "sex" scene where even Tommy Wiseau (The Room, 2003) looked more realistic and was a far superior scene. I get it though the aliens don't have sex any more. How would we do if we found out about it 3 minutes ago.
Kim marries Dan way too quickly. How he got a room full of people to watch him get married and all is beyond me. I mean you don't see Dan with that many friends, it's like a fever dream. Are we sure Dan didn't get brain damage in the explosion in the lab? I mean you'd have to be to wear that ugly powder blue suit but we get it Dan is not into style he's a scientist who works for peanuts. Which makes no sense like 95% of this movie.
Why is the daughter so naive and supportive does she have a mental disability? I mean I should be questioning the writer(s) but they aren't in front of the camera.
I seriously wonder in this movie if second takes were in the budget.
I love how Kim can make stuff perfectly just by touching menus, goes home and can perfectly cook everything at some dive diner. If Dan ate all that food he would have been perfect to be in The Flintstones as Fred Flintstone, if he ate two tables worth he could have been Betty when Rosie O'Donnel was Betty in that movie.
The daughter finally notices something is wrong when she watches Kim drink battery acid and eat batteries. I wonder if the writers of this movie did any acid. The daughter tries to tell Dan about the mom being an alien but Dan being under the spell of the prettiest woman he'll ever sleep with doesn't care. He won't listen to reason. I love how he doesn't run after her because he's too fat. Even when the Lisa Robin Kelly scare crow looking woman hits the daughter with her car. So many overdose jokes ok I might stop!
Kim blows her cover. When Dan asks Kim about her being an alien he looks like a really bad cosplay of the angry video game nerd. However I admire that they address the issue what happens if they don't do what they need to do to help her planet.
The hentai purse wants to kill the earth when Kim doesn't.
Steven Seagal was funnier than ANYTHING they said on this movie in SNL, ah ha, see that's why I mentioned him!
How did this movie not win every single razzi available. Cat Woman Haley Barry was in is miles ahead of this.
Someone should try to replace every line of this movie with The room quotes and it would make as much sense.
This has to have one of the laziest, most awful endings I've seen all year. I am ashamed to say I watched this train wreck to the end but holy crap it was awful.