1/10
One for the kids... and only the kids.
25 October 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Watched this while I was staying at my brother's with my 5 year old nephews, and it's definitely a movie kids will enjoy. For anyone over the age of 13, there's not much here, outside of some strangely tone-deaf attempts at humor.

This is basically Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, but worse. In this universe, Santa isn't a secret and people from around the world train new reindeer to join his team when the old ones retire. Enter Elliot, a miniature horse with big aspirations to join Santa's team, who sneaks in to the reindeer competition in the hopes of proving himself and saving his farm from bankruptcy. You can probably fill in the blanks from there.

Like a lot of bad Christmas movies, the problem here is cynicism. The elves are grouchy and tired of working so much, and the reindeer are all ego-driven jocks. Santa himself is barely in the movie and looks more like a weightlifter than a jolly old elf. It just doesn't evoke the holiday spirit and feels more like a sports movie, given the reindeer competition is framed like the Olympic games.

Things get even weirder when it's revealed that the only reason the reindeer can fly is because they eat Mrs. Claus' magic cookies. The movie treats these sort of like marijuana edibles - a goat character eats too many of these "magic" cookies and begins tripping out, having hallucinations as she finds she can no longer control herself. Other parts of the movie treats these cookies like steroids, as it's discovered some of the reindeer are cheating by eating extra cookies to give them an advantage in the competition. What better way to spend the holidays than teaching the kids about substance abuse, eh?

The ending is complete garbage; after ignoring the main plot thread for most of the movie, Elliot rushes home to save his farm only to find out the farm saved itself, off camera, and there was never anything to worry about to begin with, with no reason to go on the adventure.

Merry Christmas, I guess?
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