Because of my tremendous admiration for legendary Charles Bronson, and my unhealthy obsession to track down literally every movie he ever appeared in, I stumbled upon this obscure and largely forgotten buddy action/adventure movie "You Can't Win 'Em All". Obscure and largely forgotten for a very good reason, mind you. When a boisterous and relatively large-budgeted epos stars two major contemporary stars (Bronson, but also Tony Curtis), and the director was the same man who helmed the big & successful caper-hit "The Italian Job" one year earlier (Peter Collinson), but yet nobody seems to ever mention it, then you can rest assured it's not worth watching. I can't be sure, of course, but looking at his overall career path, I also seriously doubt if Charlie Bronson himself felt very comfortable in this role. Bronson usually portrays strong and robust, but also very silent and introvert characters, but here he's a jolly and talkative fella. Can't say it suits him well.
The first glance we get to see of Charles Bronson is a terrible one. He's sitting on a ship and plays a Jew's harp. Is the script so shameless to bluntly imitate his immortal Harmonica character from "Once upon a Time in the West"? Luckily, he doesn't use the annoying instrument anymore after the intro, although this also gives you an idea of how good the continuity is. The title is meaningless and has nothing to do with the actual plot. Speaking of which, the historically inaccurate plot introduces Bronson and Curtis as two continuously bickering mercenaries in Turkey, in the early 20s, hired to escort a bunch of things (jewels, documents, royal daughters...) by train, by land and by sea.
Nobody wants you to care about the plot, in fact. The sole gimmick of the film is the desperately wannabe comical chemistry and dialogues between Bronson and Curtis. Perhaps the writer, Leo Gordon, secretly hoped the pairing of these two would be the start a successful film series, similar to Abbott and Costello, but alas. You won't hear me say that all of Adam and Josh's disputes and double-crossing attempts are worthless, but the genuine chuckles and inventive moments are too scarce. Also, with so much focus going to the two leads, the excellent supportive cast (including Michèle Mercier, Patrick Magee) as well as the authentic Turkey locations and landscapes, are sadly wasted. I suspect it might have worked as a simple, thirteen-in-a-dozen vehicle for Terence Hill and Bud Spencer, but not like this.
The first glance we get to see of Charles Bronson is a terrible one. He's sitting on a ship and plays a Jew's harp. Is the script so shameless to bluntly imitate his immortal Harmonica character from "Once upon a Time in the West"? Luckily, he doesn't use the annoying instrument anymore after the intro, although this also gives you an idea of how good the continuity is. The title is meaningless and has nothing to do with the actual plot. Speaking of which, the historically inaccurate plot introduces Bronson and Curtis as two continuously bickering mercenaries in Turkey, in the early 20s, hired to escort a bunch of things (jewels, documents, royal daughters...) by train, by land and by sea.
Nobody wants you to care about the plot, in fact. The sole gimmick of the film is the desperately wannabe comical chemistry and dialogues between Bronson and Curtis. Perhaps the writer, Leo Gordon, secretly hoped the pairing of these two would be the start a successful film series, similar to Abbott and Costello, but alas. You won't hear me say that all of Adam and Josh's disputes and double-crossing attempts are worthless, but the genuine chuckles and inventive moments are too scarce. Also, with so much focus going to the two leads, the excellent supportive cast (including Michèle Mercier, Patrick Magee) as well as the authentic Turkey locations and landscapes, are sadly wasted. I suspect it might have worked as a simple, thirteen-in-a-dozen vehicle for Terence Hill and Bud Spencer, but not like this.