yehma Review of Ma compagne de nuit

Ma compagne de nuit (2011)

A beautiful movie on terminal cancer and end of life care.

[9/10 · 6 May 2020]

I was diagnosed with cancer myself several years ago, when I was not yet in my 40s, I spent a lot of time researching death and dying issues (I recommend Sherwin B. Nutland's book, as well as Barbara Ehrenreich's book Natural Causes, as well as YouTube channels and articles featuring death doulas), asking questions to people (several of them medical professionnals, who therefore steered well clear of ICUs and resuscitation at all cost, and went for palliative care instead) who had lost someone to cancer and who had been involved in their care until the end, and discussing my own preferences for my end of life care with the doctors I selected, especially my GP of now 20 years, who I nominated as my medical proxy. I made a will and specified my wishes for my funeral, and I also made a living will, a quite detailed one at that. This movie shows very well what the end of life of a cancer patient is like: the cachexia and the absence of appetite, the weakness and the falls, the difficulty to focus on anything and the sleepiness, and the pain. I really liked the character of the GP. Family doctors like that do exist, my own GP is pretty much like that and has accompanied quite a few terminally ill patients. He's the kind of GP who makes the time to go to some of his patients' funeral. I found it really helpful to discuss with him what dying is like, as he's seen it happen numerous times : the worst thing is not knowing, or knowing very little, the more you know what to expect, what it's going to be like, and the less afraid you are. At the end, your body is busy shutting down, so you are no longer really there, you are withdrawn in yourself, uncommunicative, and, unfortunately, often in pain... and it takes a really strong and courageous person to stay there and hold you in their arms, or sit at your side, until the end. I also liked the character of Marine very much. Like her, I am quite a foodie and like cooking, and if I'd been lucky to have a partner and a few kids, I would have cooked for them a lot... same thing if I'd had a dog or a cat. There is an association in the UK which pairs up young(ish) people in need of a cheap place to live and older people who have a nice house or flat with a spare bedroom but are not in the best of health (cancer, Alzheimer's, stroke, MS... or just the frailty of old age) and would like someone to live with them, do the housework, do the grocery shopping, prepare meals, run errands... in exchange for a low rent (it's not full time caring so the tenants still need to have a source of income). I'm considering doing that but I'm not chunky (I look more like Emmanuelle Beart's character than like Hafsia Herzi's) so I'd be unable to help a patient with activities of daily living, and I have cancer myself... and if I'd been working throughout the Covid-19 crisis I would have brought the virus home to the fragile person I would have been living with... What wasn't very realistic in the movie was the age of Julia: cancer patients tend to be much older, usually in their 60s. Also she really wasn't thin enough, and she should have been jaundiced but I guess hiring an actress who really had cancer (or anorexia, if they really wanted a young woman to play the part) wouldn't have been possible. Last of all, most families really don't care when one of them has cancer, final reconciliations etc. only exist in movies... and even if people really do love one another, if life has separated them, it's often not going to be possible to reconcile before a death by cancer: lack of time, and, most of all, lack of energy, and unability to think clearly when your brain is addled by very strong painkillers, as well as chemotherapy before that. Most cancer patients get very, very, very little done during the last months of their life, so do not procrastinate and postpone that reconciliation, or it will never take place, and the survivor is left with regrets and a deep sorrow 'If only I'd insisted... if only I'd told him/her... if only I hadn't listened to X's advice... if only I'd understood earlier what he/she meant/wanted... if only...'