Columbus Day (2008)
2/10
Almost 'So Bad It's Good'
19 December 2019
This is a very boring drama melded with a few very brief action segments. The action scenes were filmed after the fact and are abysmal. The main plot is less interesting than the behind-the-scenes stuff going on during production. There is a stand-in for Val Kilmer because he apparantly refused the reshoots. I wanted to laugh at the stilted dialog and cheesy soap opera phone call scenes, but it ended up far more boring than funny.

The actual movie is a meandering tale filled with thin characters, overly flashly camera work, bizarre choices in editing and framing, pointless scenes and lame conversations that go nowhere. There were a couple scenes where characters look directly into the camera when they aren't supposed to (the kid from Role Models), and I began to wonder if they really gave a **** about this movie or just slapped it together in two days. A money laundering scheme? Or just incompetent to the point of near hilarity?

The cast is OK, kid from Role Models is good but underutilized, the russian girl is horrendous, Fez from That 70s Show is terrible: smoking a cigar, looking like he stepped straight out of an R. Kelly movie. Val is entertainingly bad (and surprisingly good at times) but gives more effort than he did in Spartan. This is a 'Val Kilmer Production', afterall. After 90 minutes of that spinning camera and those soap opera phonecalls I wanted a stand-in for Val Kilmer to rush in and shoot *me* in the head.
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