I bought a used DVD for a few pence and had no idea what I was getting. After watching I'm still not much the wiser. It was deeply terrible in the usual ways: no story, nothing made sense, useless camera-work, unconvincing action scenes, and you'll see better acting on a porno webcam. And no effects of any kind. I get that there was no budget. I just don't get what they were trying to do with the little they had.
So an opening spiel (the best part of the film) tells us that evil has arisen, so terrible that 'mankind's very existence is imperilled'. We open with Emma Braveknight (seriously) the chosen hero, retrieving the Sacred Crescent, an object of unimaginable power, to use in 'the ultimate battle against evil'. The fact that she's a willowy, big-haired, big-breasted, blonde and has gone out to dig holes in the woods wearing a diaphanous negligee over a bikini, should have given me a clue. A normally dressed, normal looking man (he turns out just that, a hillbilly type) shows up and starts pawing her. She doesn't seem to be enjoying this much and, though the guy is not exactly imperilling mankind's existence, it's evil of a kind, so I'm not sure why she doesn't use her crescent to 'battle' him. Instead she breaks loose, runs away, hides it again, falls headlong damsel style, and lies at the guy's feet, whimpering, 'I don't have the crescent.' (Hmm, I like my chosen ones a teensy bit tougher than this.) Opening credits follow and we then learn Emma is dead (presumably raped and murdered). Shortly after this we meet the nearest there is to a male lead. Sheriff Henry drags his girlfriend (a regular woman with no super-powers) out of a bar so she won't get too drunk and she promptly beats him senseless, leaving him bloodied and helpless at her feet. (Hmm, I like my sheriffs a bit tougher than this too.) Then the hillbilly guy shows up again and urinates over him.
I just don't get it. With silly nonsense like this I can only imagine it's meant to be some kind of soft-porn comedy. But was any of that meant to be funny? This film never is, and there aren't that many places where it seems to be even trying for humour. There is nudity, but not that much and a couple of sex scenes. No thrills at all though - there's nothing here to imperil anything much, let alone mankind, but you may imperil your patience by watching it.
So an opening spiel (the best part of the film) tells us that evil has arisen, so terrible that 'mankind's very existence is imperilled'. We open with Emma Braveknight (seriously) the chosen hero, retrieving the Sacred Crescent, an object of unimaginable power, to use in 'the ultimate battle against evil'. The fact that she's a willowy, big-haired, big-breasted, blonde and has gone out to dig holes in the woods wearing a diaphanous negligee over a bikini, should have given me a clue. A normally dressed, normal looking man (he turns out just that, a hillbilly type) shows up and starts pawing her. She doesn't seem to be enjoying this much and, though the guy is not exactly imperilling mankind's existence, it's evil of a kind, so I'm not sure why she doesn't use her crescent to 'battle' him. Instead she breaks loose, runs away, hides it again, falls headlong damsel style, and lies at the guy's feet, whimpering, 'I don't have the crescent.' (Hmm, I like my chosen ones a teensy bit tougher than this.) Opening credits follow and we then learn Emma is dead (presumably raped and murdered). Shortly after this we meet the nearest there is to a male lead. Sheriff Henry drags his girlfriend (a regular woman with no super-powers) out of a bar so she won't get too drunk and she promptly beats him senseless, leaving him bloodied and helpless at her feet. (Hmm, I like my sheriffs a bit tougher than this too.) Then the hillbilly guy shows up again and urinates over him.
I just don't get it. With silly nonsense like this I can only imagine it's meant to be some kind of soft-porn comedy. But was any of that meant to be funny? This film never is, and there aren't that many places where it seems to be even trying for humour. There is nudity, but not that much and a couple of sex scenes. No thrills at all though - there's nothing here to imperil anything much, let alone mankind, but you may imperil your patience by watching it.