This move does the unimaginable: It magically teleports a man, a man who'd normally be named "guy you'd see dressed in all cameo doing karate moves in a forest with a bunch of his friends in a no budget movie" guy, it teleports him into a mediocre horror movie that is mostly made of filler shots. Every time our hero talks to anyone, it reminds of Tommy Wiseau's The Room with its awkwardness. Every action the guy performs to advance the story seems to plod along at a nearly infinitely slow pace because of the sheer mundanity of the tasks. Even the task of asking someone if they want a drink is enough to put you instantly to sleep. Strangely, when he's not in the shots, which is actually a pretty reasonable amount of time considering, the movie actually chugs along reasonably well. The other actors have some tinge of personality and range, and the camera-work is good, so it just skips along merrily. Until the moment our hero arrives to do the equivalent of throwing the emergency brakes on a train. The evil guys are convincing, though some of the mystery is lost when half of our hero's moves resemble what a 12 year old would learn in karate class, with its silly forms and such. It's as if the movie was made in spite of the guy, but more likely, a magical thing occurred, it's a fish out of water story, forest kung fu dork guy forced to act in real movie. The music in this movie is very odd too, during non-dangerous scenes there's sometime this repeating diddy of doom going on threatening something which never comes. The hero kicking ass sometimes gets these weird scores which sound like they're from a very patriotic anime. Just when you think you can't handle the hero anymore, the movie actually grabs you back in and keeps you wondering what's coming. Are the bad guys cannibals? Are they mutants? What are they going to do with the girl? While we know how it's all going to get resolved, quite stupidly obviously, we kind of want to know WHAT'S getting resolved. At one point after a fight some guy yells "that was like something out of a video game!" which makes sense because our hero looks like he learned everything he knows from playing too much FarCry on his Playstation 4. The kills are good, so I give it a 3.
