Review of Cyclops

Cyclops (2008 TV Movie)
2/10
Shockingly incompetent.
28 January 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Ingenuity can often salvage these shoestring budget Sci-Fi Channel-esque numbers, and the inclusion of Corman in the production should have given Cyclops more of a chance, but perhaps it was little more than a tacked-on selling point, as this is a monumental misstep that looks like it belongs eight to ten years before when it was released, and that's not even enough of a handicap to salvage these effects.

The 2008 release date is shocking, as the CGI has that clear mid '90s quality to it, with the namesake creature featuring a rubbery, gelatinous physique that changes in size drastically to fit the scene. The cyclops clashes with the environment he is dropped into, feeling so artificial that you can't suspend your disbelief to even accept that he is interacting with the rest of the actors (despite the incessant use of cutaways and other camera tricks to obfuscate). The endless roaring and groaning makes the creature a bigger annoyance than a threat, and that is saying something, as he racks up a ridiculous body count, oftentimes due to the solders' propensity to take one swing at the monster, then stand there and wait for he cue from the director to react to the movements of the CGI.

The gore is excessive and tasteless, much like the first Bloodrayne film. It doesn't fit the tone of the picture, and serves to only lower the bar, as it isn't even entertaining in a visceral way, being over-reliant on CGI as opposed to corporeal fare. Save for Eric Roberts phoning it in, most of the bigger roles are capable at the absolute best. The cheapness of the production is felt all around, like the glaringly obvious ADR jobs, usually followed by the character's mouth moving afterward (speaking the line that was originally there). A particularly cheap moment comes when the Cyclops is wheeled in on a cart, hidden under a tarp. A few children come up to peek inside, and the fact that they are being directed by someone standing inside the cart is impossible to hide as they emote stiffly, like "Should I scream now?" The lack of competent acting ability is almost laughable, to say nothing of the anachronistic nature of the flick. This is so pervasive that it isn't worth singling out individual moments, but safe to say "Barbara" was not a common woman's name during the time period in Rome. The film also tries to piggyback on Gladiator, with the typical three-way struggle between the emperor, a high ranking officer and a weasely adviser type (who serves the dual role of Quintus here). But to me, the most infuriating thing about Cyclops was the sheer incompetence of the supposedly trained professional soldiers. They are quick to fire arrows at their own comrades, stand and wait to be killed, and make otherwise insane decisions. Cyclops simply follows no line of logical reasoning, and feels exactly like what it is: A quick re-purposing of sets and costumes from a different production, with a script slapped together to contain as many clichés as possible, replete with an awful CGI abomination shoehorned in. A disgrace.
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