2/10
Truly awful
2 August 2016
Warning: Spoilers
I was quite looking forward to seeing this, especially with Toyah Wilcox playing the main character. Unfortunately the script, the acting and the directing were all terrible.

There wasn't, I think, a single actor who was anything other than incredibly wooden throughout the movie. There was no depth or passion behind the delivery and it all felt very stilted and awkward - like the lines were being read from an auto cue. There was no chemistry between the three female leads, no emotion betrayed in their facial expressions or actions - and everything felt fake and "half-hearted". In fact, if you removed the dialogue, you'd have no idea whether the actress in the scene was happy, sad or angry.

But the acting wasn't helped any by the script and story line, which were cheesy and clichéd at best. Some of it was downright awful. The scene where the "three Fs" (financial backers for Toyah's character's movie) dressed like Bugsy Malone gangsters, steal three mobility scooters to get to the film set was, I suppose, meant to be amusing, but just ended up looking so amateurish, it was cringe worthy. I also found myself physically wincing at some of the lines being uttered. I continued watching only because I had already wasted so much time on the film already.

Apart from being completely unable to extract a more natural performance from any of those involved, the director presented us with some really sloppy filming; actors darting in front of the camera, some expressing their lines with their back to the camera; whilst others uttered their lines off-screen.

Whilst it was pretty clear the whole movie was shot on an extremely tight budget, this is not a good enough reason to excuse the rest of the film. In fact, I think a tight budget is an opportunity for the director to show off their creative chops by focusing on engaging story lines, realistic dialogue and great acting; "cutting their cloth" accordingly when it comes to shooting scenes involving sets. But this director clearly didn't think so.

Impervious to the fact that she only had £5.50 left in her filming budget, the director decided to shoot a red carpet premiere scene, which was just ridiculous. The building that Toyah and her gal pals exited after their movie had been show-cased looked like the back street exit of a local high-street cinema, and the "red carpet" seemed to end at the pavement six steps away. I watched as the camera panned over to display a movie poster on the wall next to the venue supposedly promoting the fictional film, and even this looked like someone had printed it off a photocopier that morning. In fact, the poster promoted the film as "starring Dame Margaret" - clearly there wasn't even enough change left in the kitty to give the fictional movie star a last name!

Honestly one of the worst movies I have seen recently. I'll have to re-watch Quadrophenia to remind myself that Toyah could actually act at some point.
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