oscaralbert Review of The Young Messiah

The Young Messiah (2016)

Comcast's THE YOUNG MESSIAH is far more dangerous to Fundamentalist Believers . . .

[6/10 · 14 March 2016]

. . . than either THE LIFE OF BRIAN or THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHR!ST. Based upon a book by infamous Satanist Anne Rice, MESSIAH portrays The Virgin Mary as of blue-eyed chick of Estonian descent (something anyone familiar with Basic Biology knows). At this point, a True Fundamentalist is forced to choose between being arrested for Disturbing the Peace when they stand up and yell "Blasphemy! You lie!" at the Big Screen, or they must admit to themselves that they're "lukewarm whited sepulchers" with no True Belief in the Holy Bible that they've been beating everyone over the head with prior to attending MESSIAH. Fundamentalists supposedly believe that the Bible is Correct in every word, and Complete, as Dictated by God Himself. But the Book of Anne Rice contradicts The Bible 98% of the time. If Fundamentalists haven't spent ALL their church time watching NFL and NASCAR on their cell phones, they KNOW that Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at the Canaan wedding reception. But Anne Rice has a seven-year-old Jesus raising dead animals and people left and right, healing everyone in sight, but somehow totally lacking a Divine Omniscience! Comcast and Ms. Rice do a good job of promoting Jesus' camel happy meal toys, but they rewrite all the Holy Gospels, reordering historic events and the lives of historic people by 25 years Willy Nilly, and popping Satan Himself onto the screen whenever they feel that their blasphemous tale is starting to drag. If Comcast's Satanist Department is given continued free reign, they'll muddy the formerly crystal clear waters of the Gospels beyond recognition!