When Money Train was first released to poor reviews and low box office in winter of 1995 it caused quite a controversy as a pointless, tasteless, and tacked-on subplot in which a weirdo lights subway cashiers on fire came true in real life. The authorities denounced the film and demanded it be banned in some form. Columbia refused to bow to their demands and bad word of mouth spread. It finally came out here in the UK in May of 1996 (essentially summer, for a Xmas/New Year- themed movie) and was slapped with an utterly ridiculous and unjustifiable 18-rating.
Wesley and Woody play brothers (don't ask) John and Charlie, apparently without last names, who are New York transit cops. Their sole duty, it would seem, is to play drunk and entrap would-be muggers on the subway platforms. Charlie is a loser and a gambler and is in debt to scary Mr. Brown (Scott Sowers, in his second train-themed action movie of that year) for $15k. John loans Charlie the money but he is soon pick- pocketed by an old woman on the train (oh, the irony). Meanwhile (kinda) Chris Cooper (looking like Bill Maher) plays Torch, a pyromaniac terrorizing the subways.
Don't expect any of these threads to kick in right away. Money Train spends AGES AND AGES AND AGES building up to...not much. Jennifer Lopez shows up as Grace Santiago a character who does...nothing. I'm not kidding, Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film and serves absolutely zero purpose other than to have Wesley extremely unerotically hump her in a ridiculous, unnecessary, and anatomically-incorrect sex scene.
Then, after what seems like a freaking aeon, Woody finally decides to rob the money train, an apparently heavily guarded single car train filled with millions of dollars in daily subway revenue. He does this with great ease, without even breaking a sweat. None of the above plots connect. Nothing seems like part of a chronology or timeline. It's all just random, haphazard drivel.
Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film.
Money Train really should have been a heist movie. It should have been 30 minutes of set-up and 70 minutes of action with a runaway train and ever-escalating chaos. Instead the money train is an afterthought with the majority of the movie circling emptiness and dwelling on nothing.
Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film.
It cannot even be enjoyed on a no-brainer level as there is barely any action to speak of. The subplot of Torch goes nowhere and is forgotten about as soon as it abruptly ends. Money Train feels like an entire movie of subplots with nothing at its core. If Jennifer Lopez was eliminated from the movie it would have been tighter.
Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film.
Where's the excitement? The only highlight in the movie is Robert Blake as the deliriously over-the-top transit boss Donald Patterson. He's the only person having fun in this drek. Mark Mancina, fresh off his breakout success with Speed, churns out a completely generic and forgettable score that never gets the chance to pick up literal speed since the movie goes nowhere. Director Joseph Ruben, the man who wrought no excitement out of misaligned bath towels in Sleeping with the Enemy or a sweary Macauley Culkin in The Good Son apparently rewrote much of Doug Richardson's script, I believe for the worse. There was a lot of potential here, but as I have said several times already this is a train that goes nowhere.
Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film.
Is it worth watching? Sure, but there's very, very little to bring you back unless you're a train movie junkie.
Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film.
Wesley and Woody play brothers (don't ask) John and Charlie, apparently without last names, who are New York transit cops. Their sole duty, it would seem, is to play drunk and entrap would-be muggers on the subway platforms. Charlie is a loser and a gambler and is in debt to scary Mr. Brown (Scott Sowers, in his second train-themed action movie of that year) for $15k. John loans Charlie the money but he is soon pick- pocketed by an old woman on the train (oh, the irony). Meanwhile (kinda) Chris Cooper (looking like Bill Maher) plays Torch, a pyromaniac terrorizing the subways.
Don't expect any of these threads to kick in right away. Money Train spends AGES AND AGES AND AGES building up to...not much. Jennifer Lopez shows up as Grace Santiago a character who does...nothing. I'm not kidding, Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film and serves absolutely zero purpose other than to have Wesley extremely unerotically hump her in a ridiculous, unnecessary, and anatomically-incorrect sex scene.
Then, after what seems like a freaking aeon, Woody finally decides to rob the money train, an apparently heavily guarded single car train filled with millions of dollars in daily subway revenue. He does this with great ease, without even breaking a sweat. None of the above plots connect. Nothing seems like part of a chronology or timeline. It's all just random, haphazard drivel.
Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film.
Money Train really should have been a heist movie. It should have been 30 minutes of set-up and 70 minutes of action with a runaway train and ever-escalating chaos. Instead the money train is an afterthought with the majority of the movie circling emptiness and dwelling on nothing.
Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film.
It cannot even be enjoyed on a no-brainer level as there is barely any action to speak of. The subplot of Torch goes nowhere and is forgotten about as soon as it abruptly ends. Money Train feels like an entire movie of subplots with nothing at its core. If Jennifer Lopez was eliminated from the movie it would have been tighter.
Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film.
Where's the excitement? The only highlight in the movie is Robert Blake as the deliriously over-the-top transit boss Donald Patterson. He's the only person having fun in this drek. Mark Mancina, fresh off his breakout success with Speed, churns out a completely generic and forgettable score that never gets the chance to pick up literal speed since the movie goes nowhere. Director Joseph Ruben, the man who wrought no excitement out of misaligned bath towels in Sleeping with the Enemy or a sweary Macauley Culkin in The Good Son apparently rewrote much of Doug Richardson's script, I believe for the worse. There was a lot of potential here, but as I have said several times already this is a train that goes nowhere.
Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film.
Is it worth watching? Sure, but there's very, very little to bring you back unless you're a train movie junkie.
Jennifer Lopez does nothing in this film.