I was really excited for this one. Heard a lot about this movie and thought that the basic premise and setting were pure genius. It seemed like a sure-fire recipe to make a really wild and entertaining twist on the whole zombie genre with maybe some subtle social commentary on the education system, how we treat/view children, etc.
But then the movie started and everything about it was just so flat and terrible. In a movie like this, you don't need a ton of back story or character development, but you do want just enough to relate to the main characters, understand them, and ultimately come to care about what happens to them. This movie completely fails to establish any of this on any level. You learn that the Elijah Wood character is a struggling novelist--and that's it. The other faculty members are introduced as cartoony and poorly realized bad-sitcom stereotypes and try though you might, you can't make yourself care about what happens to any of them--not even a little.
The story unfolds in the most bland and predictable way imaginable. There are no interesting reveals, plot twists, character revelations--nothing. There's no build-up of suspense, sense of urgency, or mounting anticipation. The middle of the movie is just a series of meaningless and completely unentertaining story beats that drag on and start to make you wonder if this might have worked better as a short film or Saturday Night Live sketch.
But all of those faults might have easily been forgiven if the movie had succeeded at being laugh-out-loud funny. Unfortunately, the comedy is where this movie completely and totally strikes out. The attempts at humor are all totally obvious, tired, and lame. Rainn Wilson does a decent job but even he's wasted here. There is absolutely no sense of comedic timing or chemistry between the cast and their jokes and interactions all fall completely flat. With the exception of Rainn Wilson, this is clearly a group of actors and filmmakers who have absolutely no experience with comedic material and it shows. Worst of all, the comedy has no real edge or bite to it at all.
So to sum it up--"Cooties" is a movie with a great premise and setting, but tedious storytelling, unmemorable characters, and, most disappointing of all, attempts at humor and comedy that miss the mark so badly, you come to fear the next joke more than the next zombie attack.
But then the movie started and everything about it was just so flat and terrible. In a movie like this, you don't need a ton of back story or character development, but you do want just enough to relate to the main characters, understand them, and ultimately come to care about what happens to them. This movie completely fails to establish any of this on any level. You learn that the Elijah Wood character is a struggling novelist--and that's it. The other faculty members are introduced as cartoony and poorly realized bad-sitcom stereotypes and try though you might, you can't make yourself care about what happens to any of them--not even a little.
The story unfolds in the most bland and predictable way imaginable. There are no interesting reveals, plot twists, character revelations--nothing. There's no build-up of suspense, sense of urgency, or mounting anticipation. The middle of the movie is just a series of meaningless and completely unentertaining story beats that drag on and start to make you wonder if this might have worked better as a short film or Saturday Night Live sketch.
But all of those faults might have easily been forgiven if the movie had succeeded at being laugh-out-loud funny. Unfortunately, the comedy is where this movie completely and totally strikes out. The attempts at humor are all totally obvious, tired, and lame. Rainn Wilson does a decent job but even he's wasted here. There is absolutely no sense of comedic timing or chemistry between the cast and their jokes and interactions all fall completely flat. With the exception of Rainn Wilson, this is clearly a group of actors and filmmakers who have absolutely no experience with comedic material and it shows. Worst of all, the comedy has no real edge or bite to it at all.
So to sum it up--"Cooties" is a movie with a great premise and setting, but tedious storytelling, unmemorable characters, and, most disappointing of all, attempts at humor and comedy that miss the mark so badly, you come to fear the next joke more than the next zombie attack.